Fated (20 page)

I
pressed my trembling lips together when he gently raised my head with a finger
under my chin. His face was clouded with concern and confusion as he wiped away
tears that I hadn’t realized were streaming down my face.

“What
happened?” he asked gently.

“I’ll
tell you what happened!” Joseph screamed behind me. “She’s a fucking psycho!
She attacked me for no reason!”

Caden
glanced behind me, his face hardening. His voice brooked no argument. “Shut
up.”

His
face gentled when he turned back to me, but I just shook my head. I couldn’t
speak. I couldn’t explain that Joseph had manhandled me, and that instead of
simply putting him in his place or slapping him for his offense, I had acted
like a madwoman intent on hurting him.

Caden
sighed when I wouldn’t answer him. He looked back at Joseph, his jaw tensing.
“What happened?” His voice hardened. “And don’t even think about lying.”

Joseph’s
voice was trembling in anger, but I heard a hint of fear. “Nothing happened, I
swear! I came here looking for you, and she told me she didn’t know where you
were. When I told her I didn’t believe her, she went crazy and attacked me! I
would insist on calling the police, but we don’t need the scandal.”

I
closed my eyes and shook my head against his lies, but I didn’t say a word.
There was an extended silence and then Caden’s arm around my waist tightened as
he raised his other hand, gently guiding my head against his neck. My arms
automatically wrapped around his waist as I buried my face in the crook of his
neck, wanting to disappear yet stay in his arms forever.

“Leave,”
he said to his agent in a low voice. “We’ll talk about this later.”

Joseph
must have thought better about arguing because I heard him leave, letting the
door slam behind him.

The
minutes seemed to stretch out forever as Caden seemed content to just hold me.
Embarrassment finally got the better of me as I pulled away, but he didn’t let
me break the embrace.

I
expected him to ask me again what happened, but he just studied me for a few
moments.

“Let’s
go upstairs.”

I
let him lead me upstairs wordlessly and watched him walk into the kitchen after
he settled me onto the living room couch. He was holding two glasses with an
amber liquid when he returned and handed one to me.

“Scotch,”
he said before I could ask. “I think we both need a drink.”

I
took the glass without comment and took a large sip, coughing when the liquid
burned a path down my throat.

“Easy,”
Caden said soothingly as he sat down next to me, rubbing my back. “Take small
sips.”

I
obliged until the glass was empty, feeling considerably more relaxed but no
less embarrassed. Caden took my glass and set both of them down on the coffee
table.

“Are
you going to tell me what happened now?”

I
shook my head. “It’s stupid,” I finally said, my voice husky. “I overreacted.”

He
leaned back into the couch. “Why don’t you tell me anyway?”

I
took a deep breath before speaking. “Joseph came by looking for you and he got
upset when I told him I didn’t know where you were. He didn’t believe me and
alluded to the fact that I was probably more than just your assistant. Then he
grabbed my breast and I went crazy.”

Caden
shot up from the couch, his jaw clenched so tight that a muscle twitched. I
barely had time to register his movement toward the door, but I jumped up and
grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Where
are you going?”

He
shook my hand off his arm. “The motherfucker can’t have gotten far. I’m going to
kill him.”

A
warmth filled me at the thought of Caden wanting to protect me. It was an
unfamiliar feeling. At the same time, the last thing I wanted was for him to
get into a physical altercation with Joseph. I had no doubt who would win on
physical strength, but I didn’t want Caden to waste his efforts and potentially
have news of a fight hit the media, or worse, for him to get arrested.

“Caden,
stop!” I grabbed his arm again, although I dropped it when he wheeled around.
His eyes were ablaze with fury and his fists were clenched. His anger should
have scared me. He looked like he was capable of really hurting someone, but I
had no doubt that he would never turn that aggression on me. I stepped forward
and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing against his body that was taut
with rage.

“He’s
not worth it,” I whispered. I tipped my head back to look at him. “Please.
Don’t do anything that’s going to make me feel worse.”

The
fire in his eyes calmed to a simmering anger, and I felt his body slowly relaxing.
He dropped his head, resting his forehead against mine as his eyes closed. “He
can’t get away with this.”

I
tilted my head until my mouth brushed against his, wanting to blot out the
ugliness of what had happened. Caden groaned as he drew me against him, kissing
me until I was breathless. He was gentle in his caresses, almost reverent as if
he was afraid he would break me. I reveled in his gentleness, loving it as much
as when he took me urgently.

I
felt worshipped when he carried me to the bedroom and tenderly took my clothes
off, kissing every inch of my body. But then my need became too great and I
urged him to go faster, harder, and I cried out in pleasure when he obliged.

We
didn’t speak afterwards as Caden held me. I felt safe cradled in his arms, but
with the feeling of safety came a rush of fear. I felt too dependent on Caden.
Too willing to relinquish my control to him. I needed to get my feet on firmer
ground and remind myself to not make myself vulnerable.

“I
should go home,” I said softly, although the last thing I wanted to do was
leave Caden’s arms. His arm around my waist tightened.

“Just
stay the night.”

I
was silent as I had an internal debate about the wisdom of staying over.
Spending the night seemed to cross an invisible barrier, and I wasn’t sure if
it was a smart move. Nevertheless, I wasn’t surprised by my words. “Okay, I’ll
stay.”

Caden
gently kissed my neck before speaking again. “What that bastard did was
unforgivable. I promise I’ll never let it happen again.” He paused before
continuing. “Was that the only thing that made you so angry today?”

His
question made me tense. “What do you mean?”

“You
had every right to be angry, to fight back. But when I came into the office
today, you were in a fury, like there was a lot more to your anger than what
Joseph did to you.”

In
the intimate darkness of Caden’s bedroom, it seemed almost appropriate to share
confidences. It helped that I couldn’t see his face because my back was to him.

“After
my parents died, there was no one to take care of me,” I started haltingly. “We
didn’t have much of an extended family and no one was willing to take custody
of me. Despite being loving, my parents were terrible with finances and they
were deep in debt when they died. The little insurance money they had barely
covered the debts and funeral. So I was put into the foster care system.”

I
felt Caden tense behind me, but he didn’t say anything so I continued. “I
didn’t take my parents’ death well. I mean, what kid would? But I acted out. I
was out of control and the family that they placed me with couldn’t handle me.
So I went to a group home.” I took a deep, shuddering breath. “It was there
that I realized I had been lucky. My parents were not only loving before they
died, but the foster home I had initially been placed in had been nice. But it
was too late. I was already marked as a problem child, and I thought I would
never get placed with a family again.”

I
stopped as memories flooded through me. I could almost smell the stench of that
first group home.

“Then
what happened?” Caden asked me gently, breaking the silence.

“I
was wrong. I was placed with a family. But I soon realized that not everyone
fosters children out of the goodness of their heart. Sometimes it’s for the
money. And sometimes it’s for something else.” My heart was thudding against my
ribcage and I tried to calm myself before continuing. “The first time it
happened, I thought that if I told the wife, she would report it to my case
worker.” My mouth twisted as I remembered her reaction. “She just called me a
liar and said she would make life miserable for me if I ever reported
anything.”

Caden
made a sound deep in his throat behind me, but I continued. “I ended up
breaking his nose so I was shipped to a group home because they said they couldn’t
handle me.”

“How
old were you?” Caden’s voice was thick with anger.

“Eleven.
The rest of the years until I turned eighteen were more of the same. I was
shipped from foster home to group home until I aged out of the system.” I
didn’t mention that I could still remember every single incident as if it
happened yesterday. The grunts and the cries still echoed in my ears, the
pathetically futile struggles to escape as large men imposed their will on me.
But I had been luckier than others. Some never made it out. “With a grant for
kids specifically in my situation and a lot of loans, I was able to put myself
through college.”

“Christ.”
His voice was shaking as he pulled me closer, as if he was trying to meld our
bodies together, to absorb my pain into him. “How many times? How many men hurt
you?” His body shuddered as he bit out his next words. “How many men raped
you?”

“It
didn’t happen at every foster home. Mostly I was just ignored. I don’t really
remember how many times it happened because I try to block it out.” It was a
lie. I would never forget a single moment, but I didn’t want to relive the
past. I had worked long and hard to compartmentalize all the horrific things
that had happened to me and store it in a dark place that I rarely accessed. It
has been necessary for survival. I was shocked that I had told Caden anything
about it. It was something that I never revealed. Even Macie, my closest
friend, knew nothing about my violent past. Wallowing in it wouldn’t change
anything. The past was over, and I had to face the present, although I was
acutely aware that my past still affected my life today.

“I’m
so sorry,” he whispered, burying his face against my neck. “I’m so fucking
sorry.”

“It’s
a part of my life that’s over. I don’t like talking about it, but I guess I
wanted to explain why I went so crazy when Joseph touched me. I tend to have a
hair trigger when it comes to men putting their hands on me.”

He
exhaled harshly, but I was surprised by his next question. “Do you remember
their names?”

“No.
It was a long time ago. I want to forget it.”

His
body tensed but he didn’t say anything else. I was relieved that he wasn’t
pushing for more details. I had reached my limit on sharing intimacies, and I
would break if I was pushed further.

We
didn’t bother with more conversations that night. Instead, Caden healed me with
his hands and mouth, and I pushed everything out except the pleasure he gave
me, grateful for the reprieve for my damaged soul.

Chapter Fifteen

It was
disorienting waking up in Caden’s bed. It was even more disorienting waking up
in his arms, as if we were lovers with more invested than a physical
relationship. I could hear the regular cadence of his breathing, and I
carefully untangled my limbs from his.

I
sat up, looking down at him. He looked so much younger when he was asleep.
Peaceful and unencumbered by the stresses and demands of his life. My hand
itched to smooth his hair back from his forehead, but I forced myself to get up
and change into my clothes.

I
tried to be as quiet as possible, but Caden’s eyes fluttered open just as I was
finished dressing.

“Good
morning,” I said with a slight smile, flushing a little since I had been caught
in the act of fleeing.

His
eyes studied me as he sat up, an eyebrow raising. “Leaving?”

I
nodded quickly. “Yes. I have a lot of things to get done today.”

“Like
what?” I didn’t like the challenging gleam in his eyes. It not only unnerved
me, but it got my hackles up.

“I
didn’t realize I had to provide an itemized list of my activities during my
personal time.” I tried to keep my voice light, as if I were joking, but I
doubted he missed the edge in it.

Caden
rose out of bed, and I expected more of an interrogation, so I was surprised
when he just shrugged on the t-shirt and shorts he had discarded the night
before. “I’ll walk you out.”

I’m
not sure if I was disappointed or relieved by his acceptance of my departure. I
didn’t expect him to beg me to stay, but at the same time I couldn’t help
feeling a little bothered that he didn’t seem to care much.

I
thought he was going to walk me to the entrance of his apartment, but he made a
move to follow me down the stairs. “It’s okay. I’m just going to grab a cab.”

He
pressed his lips together but just nodded instead of arguing. I was aware of
him watching me as I went down the stairs, but I forced myself not to look back
up.