Falling to Pieces (6 page)

“God, no.” My eyes burned. “How can you ask that?” I squeezed her hand in my despair. “Do you even know how much I love you?”

“You know, you were right.” She sat back in her chair. “You’re very obviously two different men. Joe McAllister—my Joe—and Joe Simmons—the man you’ve fought so hard not to be. You’re turning back into him.”

Her words stung, and I couldn’t hide my bitterness. “You’re the one who told me there was only one me.”

She took a deep breath. “So you plan on using the story of our entrepreneurial spirit in the campaign?”

“If you agree.”

“What else do you want me to do?”

Was she really open to this? “You’ll need to distance yourself from characters like Bruce Wayne and David for a while.”

“And what about Neely Kate?”

I snuck a glance at her. She sounded surprising emotionless at the suggestion. “I’m not sure yet.”

“So I need to cut the few friends I have out of my life. Mason too?”

I couldn’t answer her. I was asking her to give up everything. For
me
. I sure as hell didn’t deserve it, and she didn’t deserve the misery it would put her through.

“I guess I can work at the nursery since it will help your campaign.”

Was she really considering it? “For a while anyway, until we get married. We can’t live in Henryetta since it’s not in the same jurisdiction.” I squeezed her hand so hard I had to have cut off her circulation. “I guess we’ll live in El Dorado when we’re not in Little Rock.”

“Okay.”

I stared at her in disbelief. She was going to do it. While part of me was ecstatic, the rest of me was horrified. “Okay?” I dropped her hand and stood in front of the sink, grabbing hold of the counter. “Are you
even listening
to what I’m asking you to do?” I spun around to face her. “Are you seriously considering
doing
it?”

Her mouth gaped open in confusion.

“I’m sitting here listening to the words coming out of my mouth and even
I
can’t believe I’m asking this of you.” I shook my head in self-disgust. “I can’t believe I tried to make this work. I was so stupid. But I couldn’t face losing you.”

She stood in front of me, fear widening her eyes. “Don’t do this, Joe. I
know
you. You don’t want to do this.”

“I’m not strong enough to fight them, Rose.” I shook my head, trying to hold back my tears. I needed to get myself together and end this. My parents were too powerful and I couldn’t risk hurting Rose any more than I already had. “You’re the strong one. Not me.”

“What are you talking about?” She grasped my hands, her nails digging into my skin. “That’s not true, Joe. I’ve spent four months with you. I
know
you.”

“No. You knew the me I so desperately wanted to be. A man free to live his life without family obligations. Free to love you.”

“They’re holding something over your head,” she whispered. “That’s why it took you so long last night. You were telling them
no thank you
, and they threw something bad at you to make sure you did what they said.” Her eyes lit up with understanding. “It’s about me.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want her to know the danger she was in. I was supposed to protect her, not put her in the position to be hurt. I’d failed her last night and I was failing her again.

“No more secrets, Joe. We can’t make this work if we have secrets.”

“You don’t want to know,” I pleaded with her. “Just let it go. Let
me
go.”

“Let you go? No! We can fight this together.”

“Rose, my parents are terrible people.” Defeated, I rested my head in my hands. “It’s not just about you and none of it’s true. But the media doesn’t care. They’ll run with it, and no one pays any attention to retractions.”

“What is it?”

“They’ve concocted some nonsense about Mike bribing county officials for his construction business.”

Her face paled. “Oh, that’s bad.”

“They have photos of Violet with Brody McIntosh coming out of a motel. They plan to say they had an affair and left their spouses for each other.”

“Oh, God.” She looked like she was about to be sick. “What about me?”

“It’s not true.”

“I know. What is it?”

My head pounded. “My father has set up an account in your name, and he had someone postdate the opening for last May.”

“Why would they do that?”

“He also postdated a money transfer for last May.”

“I don’t understand.” Her voice rose in alarm.

“Rose, they transferred the money into one of Daniel Crocker’s bank accounts. They set it up to make it look like you hired Crocker to kill your mother.”

She looked like she was about to pass out so I sat in a chair and pulled her onto my lap. Anything to be close to her before I was forced to leave her. “I was gone so long because I begged and pleaded for them to not do this, not to take you away from me.” I searched her face, tears burning my eyes. “You’re the only good thing I’ve ever had in my life.
I want you
. You have no idea how much I
need
you.” I paused, the pain of what I had to do nearly consuming me. “But I can’t destroy you.” I groaned and pressed my lips against hers. “Oh, God. I can’t believe I even considered it.” I pulled her against my chest, burying my face into her shoulder as I started to cry. “If I love you, I’ll let you go.”

Her head shook and she panicked. “No! I don’t want you to let me go.”

“If I don’t, they’ll destroy you. They’ve agreed for me to have a test engagement to see how the voters respond to you, but the things they expect you to do and not do will make you miserable. You’ll end up resenting me for it. The life they expect me to live isn’t you.”

She grabbed my face. “But it’s not you, either. Can you tell me that you’ll be happy?”

“Rose, it doesn’t matter if I’m happy. My parents don’t care.”

“But I care. I can’t let you do this, Joe. I can’t let you throw us away.”

“Don’t you see?” I pleaded. “If I don’t run for this senate seat, my parents will ruin you. There won’t be any us because you’ll be in prison. Not to mention what they plan on doing to Violet and Mike.”

She clung to my arms. “Then I’ll do what I have to do to be with you. I’ll follow their rules.”

I smiled, but my heart wasn’t in it. “You think you can pretend you don’t know Neely Kate and live with it? You can ignore someone who needs help? It will eat you up inside. Why do you think I was so messed up before I met you?”

“Joe, there has to be a way!”

I leaned my forehead against hers, searching for the strength I needed. For once in my miserable life I had to think about someone else. I owed this to Rose. I couldn’t protect her before, but I could do it now. Even if it meant sacrificing the only thing that I’d ever wanted. “I wish there was.” I gave her a soft kiss. “This is the only thing I can do to protect you, and for once I’m man enough to do it. The irony is that I’m losing you in the process.”

She waved her left hand at me, showing me her ring. “You asked me to marry you. That means something, Joe.”

“Of course it means something. Losing you is like losing a part of myself.” My voice cracked and I kissed her, knowing this was the last time I’d hold her and touch her. How did I go back to my empty life and live without her?

Rose was becoming more upset, and I knew I had to stop prolonging this torture. “No.” I slid her off my lap and stood. “I’m just making this harder for both of us.”

I went into her room and pulled a bag from the closet and began to stuff my clothes into it, trying to ignore her pathetic cries. Everything in me screamed to comfort her, but I couldn’t.

Last week I was planning to move to Henryetta to live with her. Now I was leaving her. How could this be happening?

Rose stood in the doorway, but moved toward me. “Joe,
please
.” She reached for my hand to stop me, but I shook it off. I could barely make myself do this as it was. I forced myself to focus on what needed to be done and moved around her.

She stepped in front of me. “Joe, stop!
Please
. We can figure something out. We’ll go somewhere together. We’ll run away, go somewhere your parents will never find us.”

Could we? Could we find somewhere that my parents could never find us? We could live in peace and raise a family, and I’d wake up every morning with her next to me and go to bed every night with her in my arms.

Rose held onto my neck and pressed herself against me. “We can go anywhere. How about we live on a beach where we can live in our swimsuits? Me half-naked all the time. You’d like that.” She gave me her shy sexy smile, the one she flashed when she was trying to be sexy but worried she was making a fool of herself. Why hadn’t I ever told her she didn’t have a thing to be worried about?

My body reacted to hers, ignoring the orders from my brain, I closed my eyes, soaking her in.

She kissed me softly and instinct and despair kicked in. I wrapped my arms around her back, and pulled her closer, kissing her with pent-up frustration. I reached for the back of her neck, tilting her head back so I could deepen the kiss.

Her hands slid up, under my shirt, trailing up my back, and I held her tighter. I needed her closer. I couldn’t let her go.

“I don’t want to lose you, Joe.”

I stopped, staring at her in horror. I was supposed to be leaving her, not making love to her. My hands dropped and I tried to back up out of her hold, but she refused to let go.

“You keep saying I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you. If that’s true, then why aren’t you fighting for me?”

My heart exploded, agony soaking into every cell in my body. She didn’t know what was at stake. My own soul was already poisoned by my family. I couldn’t let the same thing happen to her. “Don’t you see that I am? I’m fighting so you don’t lose
you
. If I let you become the person my mother wants you to be, not only will you resent me for it, but you will no longer be the woman I love.” I tried to smile, to show her how much I loved her. “I don’t
want
you to change.” I gently pulled her arms from my back. “One day you’ll thank me for this.”

I turned around and grabbed my bag. I needed to leave now, before my resolve broke.

“What do you want from me, Joe?” she begged.

I stopped in front of her, the pain on her face nearly my undoing. She was the one person I’d give my life to protect and to keep from feeling even an ounce of pain, and here I was, not only stabbing her but twisting the knife even deeper.

I knew her. She’d hope this was a mistake. She’d hope that I’d come to my senses and come back to her. I had to make sure she really let me go. “I want you to move on with your life. I want you to be happy.”

“
Happy
? How can you expect me to be happy without you?”

I knew that her happiness meant she’d be with another man. The thought nearly killed me, but for once I needed to think about someone else’s well-being before my own. Especially Rose’s. “Promise me you’ll try.”

She didn’t answer, defiance flickering in her eyes before she reached for her ring, tugging it over her knuckle.

I put my hand over hers. “No. I don’t want it back. I bought it for you, Rose. It’s yours.” I lifted her chin. “I want to look at you one last time.”

“I’m bruised and swollen. I don’t even have on makeup.
This
is how you want to remember me?”

She didn’t even know how beautiful and special she was. I hoped to God when she found someone else he loved her as much as I did. But the thought of her loving someone else broke me, nearly making my knees buckle. I fought to keep from crying. “You’re beautiful. Yes, this is how I want to remember you, just like this. Brave and strong and willing to stand up for what you believe in. Don’t ever let anyone change you to be what they need. Me included, Rose.” I kissed her gently, her soft lips against mine. Then I lifted my head and walked to the door.

“So that’s it?” She followed me into the living room and she looked so broken it took everything within me not to go to her and hold her. “It’s over, just like that?”

I opened the front door and stopped. I didn’t think I could do this. If I really loved her, I’d do anything to protect her. Even if that meant setting her free. My damned parents had made sure of that. I was too stupid to see that they’d kill any chance at happiness that fell outside of their plan. “It was over from the beginning. I’ve just been waiting for my past to catch up to me.”
Just one step out the door, Joe. If you love this woman, you will let her go
. Still I hesitated. Once I left it was over. “Goodbye, Rose.”

I shut the door behind me as my world crashed around me. I was on autopilot as I opened the car door and tossed my bag into the back and got inside. I was halfway down the street before I realized I’d actually started the car and was driving. If I was this big of a mess, how was Rose handling it?

She was experiencing the biggest trauma of her life, and I wasn’t there to comfort her. I couldn’t stand the thought of her being alone and almost turned around to go back to her.

No
.

Instead, I pulled out my cell phone and called Neely Kate.

“Joe, is Rose okay?” she sounded worried.

“No.” I knew she was asking about her injuries from the night before, but I couldn’t bring myself to clarify. My voice broke with my tears. I only needed to hold it together to get through this phone call. “She needs you, Neely Kate.”

“I can get off at lunch.”

Rose couldn’t be alone that long. “No! She needs you
now
.”

“Okay.” She sounded scared, not that I blamed her. “I’ll go now. Where is she?”

“She’s home.” I choked out. “Thank you.” I ended the call before she could ask any more questions and held it together until I passed over the Fenton County line. Then I pulled the car over to the side of the road and leaned over the steering wheel and sobbed.

My heart irrevocably broken