Falling to Pieces (2 page)

She looked back at my parents’ house, and I knew what she was thinking. I lifted her chin and brought her gaze back to me. “There’s only you and me. To hell with my parents. I’ve let them rule my life for too long. I’m going to go inside and tell them I’m done.” I wanted to believe my own words, to find the strength this woman possessed. I had to believe I could stand up to them once and for all and have the life I so desperately wanted with Rose.

“What did your father say to you when he dragged you from the room?”

Reality hit me. I wasn’t free to just walk in there and tell them no. My father had spent most of my lifetime building a case to use against me. And I’d done my best to provide him with the damning evidence, even if inadvertently. “He told me this was the payment for the scrapes he’s gotten me out of. That I owed him.”

Her eyes turned glassy. “Joe…I’m not asking you to choose.”

I wanted to cry at the irony. The one person I’d gladly give up my free will to, didn’t even want it. “I know. That’s what makes you even more amazing. You’re not the one who’s insisting I choose. They are. And this time they’ve gone too far.”

“Can you really tell him no?”

My shoulders stiffened. She voiced my own fear. “He can’t force me to run for the senate.”

Sadness filled her eyes and I reached for her face, desperate to prove to her that I wanted her. That I chose her. I wanted Rose more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. “Why don’t you go home, and I’ll tell my parents off once and for all. I’ll come home, and then tomorrow we’ll start our life together.”

Several emotions flickered in her eyes before she softly said, “Okay.”

I kissed her, reluctant to let her leave. I wanted to get in the truck with her and drive to Henryetta, but that was the chicken-shit way out. I needed to confront my parents once and for all. “I love you, Rose. Go home, and I’ll be there soon.”

Rose got in the truck, but I could see the doubt in her eyes. She didn’t think I was coming home to her.

I forced myself to walk into my parents’ house even though everything in me screamed to run. Run after Rose. The only person who had ever seen me as the person I wanted to be, instead of the miserable excuse of a human being I really was.

Their party was in full swing when I returned to the living room. I went directly to my father and grabbed his arm. “Dad, I need to speak to you. Now.”

He stopped talking to his long-time friend George White, and he turned to me, his cold eyes landing on my own. “Joe, we’re talking campaign strategy. You should be part of this.”

The longer I let this go on, the harder it would be to back out of it. My stomach tightened. “No, Dad.
Now
.”

His eyebrows rose, and his gaze turned deadly. I’d stared into the eyes of stone-cold killers and down the barrels of guns, but nothing had ever struck fear in me like my father’s glare. Still, my back stiffened.

“J.R.,” George said, patting my dad on the shoulder. “It’s a big night. I’ll let you have a moment with your son.”

Dad’s jaw locked before he swung his now smiling face back to George. “Don’t be ridiculous. Joe knows whatever he has to say can wait.”

“No, it can’t.” My voice held firm. “I’m not going to do it.”

Dad’s eyes widened in disbelief, and he turned his mouth toward my ear, lowering his voice so no one else could overhear. “This is neither the time nor place, Joseph. You claim you love that little tramp you trotted in her earlier tonight. If you do, you will keep your mouth shut and perform the duties expected of you. And if you don’t,
you
will be the one responsible for ruining her life.”

The blood rushed from my head. “What have you done?” I whispered.

His smile was as cold as his stare. “I’ve insured your cooperation. You know I never do anything half-ass.”

My heart pounded in my ears as the men discussed campaign tactics. No, my father never did
anything
half-ass. The question was what had he done and could I undo it?

Hilary grabbed my arm and pulled me to the garden door. “You look like you need some fresh air.”

Stunned, I let her lead me outside. I didn’t realize where we were going until she stopped in front of the rose garden.

“Joe, I know this has all taken you by surprise tonight. Just take a moment to let it all soak in.” Her voice was surprisingly soothing.

I sucked in several deep breaths.

“We’ve always known this day was coming. We’ve known it since you were ten years old. Remember? Our families were all together at dinner and your dad announced he was sending you to that summer camp for young leaders. I was upset because you were going to be gone for weeks and I couldn’t bear the thought of you being gone that long. When I asked your daddy why you had to go, do you remember what he said?”

I shook my head in disgust and jerked my arm from her grasp. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“He said,” her voice lowered, “‘Hilary, my dear. You are looking at a future president.’”

I turned my back to her. I had no desire to relive childhood memories with the woman who did her best to screw up every good thing I’d ever had in my life. “Just shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”

She moved next to me and grabbed my arm. “You may not want to hear it, but it’s your reality. You’re almost thirty years old, Joe. It’s time to grow up and accept your family responsibilities.”

“This isn’t what I want, Hilary, and you damn well know it.”

She looked into my face with her saccharine smile. “Joe, when have our parents ever asked us what we wanted? You’re lucky they let you join the state police and stay there as long as you have. Politicians are lawyers—”

I gritted my teeth. “I did my stint in law school.”

She shook her head. “But you’ve never practiced.” She spun toward the roses. “God, how many times do we have to have this conversation?”

“None!” I shouted. “I’m not having
any
conversation with you.”

A scowl wrinkled her brow. “Don’t be so dramatic Joe. You and I both know you’re stuck with me one way or the other.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Why the hell do you even want to be with me?”

“We’re meant to be together.” She pivoted to watch me, moving into an alluring pose. She looked like a model and she knew it, perfectly angling her body to maximize the display of her cleavage. All it did was disgust me.

I ignored her statement about our relationship. I’d already beat that dead horse to a bloody pulp more times than I could count during the last six months. “I’m not running for the state senate. I’m telling my father off once and for all then I’m moving to Henryetta and marrying Rose.”

Hilary giggled, covering her mouth and then her abdomen. “Marry Rose? Have you gone completely mental?”

My temper flared, but I kept my voice down. “This is none of your business.”

“Weren’t you in that dinner tonight? Did you see how awkward it was for her?”

I clenched my fists. “No thanks to you. What the hell were you doing trying to embarrass her like that?”

Hilary tilted her head with a condescending smile. “By asking her where she went to
college
? That was a
normal
question. Is your little homegrown girlfriend too fragile for a grownup conversation?”

“You and I both know that you were trying to humiliate her. She’s a better person than you could ever hope to be.” My body tensed with anger. “You’re vile and ugly and—”

“Fine.” She waved to the house. “You want to go marry that piece of white trash, march on out of this house and do it. What are you waiting for?” She shoved my chest and I stumbled backward. “Go marry her, Joe. What are you doing in the garden with me then?”

My fury burned away, fear sweeping into its place. “He has something on her.”

Hilary snorted. Leave it to her to make it sound refined. “What could he possibly have on that little goody-two shoes?”

I ran a hand through my hair, nausea churning what little food I’d eaten at dinner. “I don’t know.” That’s what scared me.

She waved her hand. “Then you have nothing to worry about.”

I wasn’t so sure. My father didn’t make empty threats.

“You have to run in this race, Joe.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“Why are you always so damn stubborn?”

“Why don’t you just leave me the hell alone?”

“Because I care about you, Joe. I love you. Despite everything, I love you.” She moved in front of me, her fingers wrapping around my wrists. “Do I like that you take a break from me every few months and sleep with other women?
No
.” A fire burned in her eyes. “But we’re not the first couple to go through this, and we won’t be the last. We can withstand anything.”

I backed up out of her reach. “You and I are not together.”

“Joe, you’ve had a rough night, and you’re emotional. We’ll discuss us later.”

“There is no
us
, Hilary.”

She moved toward me and stood on her tiptoes, kissing my cheek. “Get some rest, Joe. You have a busy month ahead of you.”

I kept my gaze on the roses as the click of her heels faded.

The lights from the living room lit up the garden. The world I grew up with was in that room. The future they expected from me was in that room.

Hilary was right. What could my father have on Rose? I could walk back in the house, grab my keys, drive away, and never look back. I didn’t need my parents. I didn’t want them. I could walk out right now and go to the woman I loved and have the life I wanted and never see them again.

But I couldn’t go.

What if he destroyed her?

My mother found me soon after, sitting on a concrete bench and staring at the roses.

“Joe, are you seriously still out here pouting?”

I cringed. “I’m waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“For everyone to leave.”

She sat down beside me. “You really have been stuck in that god-awful town too long if you can’t even sit in a room and carry on a civil conversation. You need to move home as quickly as possible.”

I groaned and shifted on the seat. “This is
not
my home, Mom.”

Her eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Of course this is your home.”

“My home is with Rose.”

Mom crossed her legs, the slit of her dress exposing her shin. Her middle finger lightly tapped her thigh. “I know you think you love that girl, but she’s much too simple for you, Joe.”

I shook my head, my anger flaring again.

“You’re young, and you’ve been with Hilary since the two of you were in diapers. I understand wanting something…not familiar.” She shifted, her shoulders tensing. “Your father…” She cleared her throat and lifted her chin. “Let’s just say I understand your
need
.” She turned to me. “You’re lucky that Hilary was raised in a family like ours so she’s more understanding than most women. Still, there’s a limit to what someone can take, Joe.”

I gritted my teeth. “I don’t give a
damn
about Hilary. We’re over.”

Her hand rested on my knee, her voice softening. “I know you blame Hilary for the unfortunate incident last spring.”

My stomach twisted. “The
unfortunate incident
you refer to has a name, mother. Her name was Savannah.”

Her fingers gently patted my leg. “Yes, of course dear. I know.”

I felt like I was going to be sick. “She deserves more respect than that.”

“Joe, dredging up those dreadful memories doesn’t do anyone any good. What’s done is done. We can only move on.”

“Savannah can’t move on.”

“No, she can’t, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t.” She sighed and leaned closer. “I understand Rose’s appeal. I really do. She’s a simple girl, and she asks little of you, am I right? You can be with her and act like you’re on an undercover assignment, pretending to be someone else. But you’re fooling yourself, Joe. You are
not
some redneck good ol’ boy who can live in rural Arkansas as a sheriff’s deputy.” She shook her head. “A sheriff’s deputy in Fenton County?
Really
, Joe?”

She tsked, and I felt the uncertainty that had plagued me my entire life, making me question every choice I’d ever made that wasn’t sanctioned by my parents. “She’s a good person, Mom. She loves me for me.”

“Of course she does, Joe. I bet she’d be happy with you being a deputy and getting married and raising a house full of kids. But you were destined for bigger things. She’s easy for you to be with because she expects so little of you. You needed that after your recent… trauma. You needed someone to let you heal, and I admit, what little I know of the girl and your relationship, she’s been a wonderful distraction.”

“She is not a distraction.”

“Joseph, we need someone who challenges us to become a better person.”

My voice broke. “She
does
make me want to be a better person.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. You were born to inherit great power and it comes with a price. With great responsibility comes great sacrifice.”

“I never asked for any of this.”

“No, you didn’t, but you were born into it anyway. Did King Louis XVI ask to be born into a family that predestined him to be king?”

“Are you
seriously
comparing me to a king of France?”

She grabbed my arm. “Joseph, you have your place in this world and Henryetta, Arkansas isn’t it.”

She was good. As always, she twisted my words and made me question everything. But there was one thing my mother couldn’t make me doubt. “I love her.”

“I’m sure that you think you do.”

I turned to her, my emotion flowing to the surface. “I
love
her. I’ve never loved
anyone
like I love her.”

She studied me then a soft smile covered her face, reminding me of the woman who loved me when I was a small boy. Before she jumped onto my father’s train to be make me the next great American politician. “Yes, I think you really do.” She turned back to the house. “I need to say goodbye to our remaining guests then we’ll discuss this with your father.”