Falling Stars (33 page)

There
was a knock at my door. Turning, Una stood with Christopher's doctor.

"Hey,"
I half smiled.

"You
all ready for Cleveland?" Una entered with the doctor close to her side. I
nodded.

"What's
up?"

"Good
morning Mia, I'm Doctor J. We briefly met the other night." He stuck his
hand out. I shook it. "I would like to speak with you for a minute if that's
okay."

"Um...sure,
I'm about done here so just –"

"Xander
will finish it up for you Mia." Una smiled and Xander came in quickly. I
smiled to him.

"Okay…well,
where would you like to talk?"

"Here's
fine," he motioned around the hotel room. Nodding slowly, I sat down on
the bed.

Xander
and some of the crew grabbed my bags, closing the door behind them.

"So
Mia?" he began.

"Yeah?"
I chewed on my lip.

"I've
been trying to work on getting Christopher to talk about that night, among
other things."

I
nodded in understanding.

"What
I would like to do is have you there during one of his sessions. Do you –"

"Whoa…wait
a minute. Aren't those supposed to be private or something?"

"I
think that private between you and Christopher passed some time ago" He
smiled at me and lightly chuckled.

"Good
point." Warmth crept over my neck, chin, and cheeks.

"Christopher
has already agreed to having you there, but only if you're willing of course."
He paused. "Are you willing?"

"Do
I have to do anything?" I asked nervously.

"Just
whatever it is you do now," he smiled. "Listen, at first we're just
going to have you close by and if necessary then we'll have you join the
session. Obviously, you seem to calm him, so I'm hoping it's enough to get him
to open up a little. I believe this will be the first big step for him, if it
works."

Silently,
I sat thinking about it.

How
did I get into this? Oh, I know…the asshole carried me, sleeping, into this. I'm
going to kill him. Taking a deep breath, I hoped would clear some of the
nervousness and tension from my body. I'll just feel like shit if I don't agree
and even if they attempt this without me I'm sure I'll just have another
frantic visit to diffuse.

 "Okay."
My voice was just above a whisper.

"Wonderful."
he stood. "Thank you Mia, I think this will be good for him."

Hesitantly
nodding again, I half smiled.

"Mia,
can I ask something without you being terribly angry?" Looking up at him,
I furrowed my brow.

"Sure."
I answered reluctantly.

"Do
you care about Christopher?"

My
mouth fell open. How…why…would he think…? Maybe because you sleep with
Christopher every night even after all his crap, maybe because you step into crazy
situations to help him.

 "That's
what I thought," he smiled without me answering.

"I
didn't say –"

"It's
okay you don't have to say anything. You do realize that it's okay to care
about him?"

I
stayed silent. He chuckled.

"You
two are definitely an unusual pair. Well, just so you know, there seems to be
some sort of connection with you two regardless of the other stuff." He
smiled "I'll probably have his next session in Cleveland, so I'll try to
work something out with both your schedules while we're there, okay?"

I
nodded and he left. Throwing myself back on the bed, I released a large puff of
air.

*
* * * *

Waking
up in the compromising position was slightly shocking, but mostly pleasing. My
head screamed to let go of her, she was clearly trying to pull away. My body on
the other hand locked up and screamed to roll her over and claim her in the
name of Christopher Mason.

My
body was close to winning the internal battle until Serena caused a completely
different effect. We both jumped and the friction was almost too much. If she
hadn't scrambled to the edge of the bed so quickly, I would have definitely
followed my body's demand for her.

Being
around her would've been even more awkward after that so I basically ran from
the room once I heard the shower. Even if my body wanted to bust down the
bathroom door and press her against the tiled wall. I received some confused
looks from Kat and Laney when I exited shirtless.

We
were halfway to Cleveland when the doctor called me.

"Hello?"

"Hey,"
he responded. "I wanted to let you know that we'll be scheduling a session
together in Cleveland and Mia will be joining us, okay?"

I
was silent for a moment. "She agreed?"

"Of
course she did, I told you already."

"Okay,
thanks." We said our goodbyes and hung up.

She
really agreed to this too.
How much more before she's had enough. What would
happen when she knew it all, when she knew exactly what I was?

We
ended up meeting the day after we'd gotten to the hotel in Cleveland. Arriving
to the room first, Doctor J ushered me in. I took a seat.

"How
are you feeling today?"

"Is
it always about feelings with you?" Slouching back into the soft couch
cushions, I grew more nervous about this.

He
laughed.

I
tried to get comfortable, but knew this was going to be hard, really hard. In
fact, I wasn't sure if I could do it. Then the door opened and the doc greeted
Mia. He motioned her in. She was chewing on her lip again. Sighing, I forced a
smile when she glanced in my direction. Her nervous smile brought guilt into
the fucked up mess of my emotions. The doctor showed her into the other room
and then settled down in a chair across from me.

"Okay,
this is going to be hard and I realize that, but I think it'll be good."
He nodded slightly and smiled to me. "Let's start off slowly though. Tell
me about your mother."

"Her
name was Margaret and I look a lot like her." I shrugged

"Go
on," he pushed. I shrugged again.

"Christopher,
you have to try here. Tell me about the relationship with your mother. What do
you remember from your childhood?"

"I
remember her laugh," I spoke quietly. "She was very funny and always
happy." Swallowing the tears back down.

"Continue,"
he pushed again.

"She
used to chase me around and tickle me, used to have me help her bake, and she
always ran her fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head for no
reason." Pausing, I tried to avoid the tears threatening to push passed my
lids. Taking a deep breath, I continued to talk about how much of a great
mother she was, how much I loved her, and how much love radiated from her.

"Good.
She sounds like she was a wonderful mother and woman Christopher. You are very
lucky." His words angered me. Fire burned in my chest.

"Lucky?
I'm lucky? She's fucking dead!"

"Yes,
but you had her in your life, you got to experience her greatness and keep it
alive in you."

Still
disgusted with his comment, I diverted my eyes to the wall behind him.

"Tell
me about Collin, before it got bad. Was he always a difficult man?"

"No,"
was all my anger would allow me to say.

"I
know you hate him now Christopher, but please think back to when you didn't.
Trust me it will be okay." He tried to be reassuring, but I knew talking
about him was never a good thing.

"Fine,"
I spat. "He was, at one point, the ideal father; baseball, football, and
the entire father son crap."

"Okay,
when did it change?"

"I
was around seven, I guess."

"What
changed?"

"Look
he knew I wasn't his biological son. I didn't know until I was around six. That's
when they had an argument and I overheard what he was saying." I took a
deep breath. "My mother was pregnant."

"Your
mother had another child?"

"Yes,
but it died at birth or something. I didn't exactly get told the details."
I shrugged again.

"So
what happened?"

"They
grieved."

"How
did they grieve Christopher?"

"Collin
became angry and my mother and I got closer."

"Explain
the anger, please?"

"He
started drinking a lot and they argued more, but it wasn't too bad. Then he
lost his job at the bank because of his drinking and things got worse. He
started to verbally abuse my mother; calling her a whore, calling me a bastard,
telling her she caused the death of the baby, stuff like that." I clenched
my fists and swallowed another sob.

"When
did it turn physical?"

"My
mother got a job, until Collin found another. After he found a job, it wasn't
enough so she stayed working, but only part time. He didn't like it and kept
trying to force her to quit. She wouldn't." My nose flared while deeply
inhaling and exhaling in an attempt to calm the anger.

"I
was about nine years old when I saw her bruised for the first time. She tried
to say she hurt herself by accident, but eventually I realized he was doing it
to her."

My
body started shaking with anger and Doctor J could see it too, because he
stopped questioning me. Sitting quietly he waited for me to get myself under
control. Shaking my leg, my knuckles were bone white.

He
finally broke the silence and pulled me from the images starting to seep into
my head.

"Christopher,
do you want to stop?"

I
couldn't answer.

"Christopher?"

Shaking
my head no, my body started to go into the frenzy of feelings. I could see her.
My mother was lying on the floor in her own blood. The rage was coming. I
slammed the palm of my hands onto the table and clenched onto the edge trying
to stop it, but it wouldn't stop. Rocking, the tears roll over my cheek to the
edge of my lips. I brought my hands to my face, my elbows on my knees.

"Fuck!
This is why I don't want to talk about it!"

Screaming
through my hands, my fingernails began to dig into my scalp at my hairline. A
cocoon of comfort wrapped around me and a hand was on my head.

"Shhh,"
she whispered.

As
if she was some sort of magnet, I leaned my head onto her, wrapping my arms
around her.

"It's
okay," she whispered.

The
doctor watched the exchange between us, but I didn't care. She was here and she
helped.

"Can
you continue?" He broke me out of my thoughts.

I
nodded.

"Are
you sure?" she whispered to me.

"Just
don't leave, don't leave me." I said quietly and her embrace tightened.
Sitting upright, she scooted next to me holding my hand.

"Okay,
whenever you're ready to continue," Doctor J spoke softer than before.

"I
started happening almost every night. Her begging him to go to bed or her
screaming because of something he'd done; hit her, scared her, or broke
something." Pausing, Mia leaned against me wrapping an arm around my
shoulders. Her cheek pressed to my shoulder as she laced our fingers. Looking
down at our entwined hands, I continued.

"Then
he became more physical with me, shoving me and smacking in the head. My mother
wouldn't stand for it, but he would just attack her too. If I intervened then
he would toss me into a closet and lock me in until she would come for me."

A
sob broke through. She ran her hand in circles on my back. I looked over at her,
tears running over her cheek.

"Can
you tell me about that night?" He pushed and the image flashed.

My
hands tightened to fists. When Mia flinched away from me, I realized I'd been
squeezing her hand too tightly. Releasing her hand, I pulled her to me, hoping
she wouldn't leave after I hurt her.

She
pulled away. Panic and defeat begin to fill my chest, until she slid behind me
on the couch. Wrapping her legs around my waist, her arms were around my chest.
With her face pressed to my back, I took a deep breath and placed my hand on
top of the one she placed over my heart.

"My
mother and I were watching television together when he'd gotten home. She'd
pulled me closer to her and wrapped her arms around me, kissing my head. We sat
quietly until we heard a crash in the kitchen. I have no idea what set it off,
but he came into the living room furious and screaming." The visuals were
slipping through my mind so clearly, like it was happening again.

Mia's
embrace tightened.

"He
grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from my mother. She screamed for him
to stop, but he shoved her back down onto the couch. He yelled at me first."
His words echoed in my head.