Fallen (9 page)

Al of the thinking was giving me a headache. I had been suffering from headaches for days and had been popping Aleeve like mints.

Work started tomorrow and Kai had been gone for the past three hours. I wasn’t sure where he had gone but I didn’t bother him about it either. We were stil adjusting to this new lifestyle and I knew he would have some unfinished business to tend to. Al I cared about was the text message I had sent him twenty minutes before, about bringing me some pain medicine that he failed to respond too. That was something that bothered me about this new texting era; in my eyes those messages were a means to cop out. They made it way too easy for a person to say they never received the message or to not respond until they were ready. I had to learn a lot of new things if I planned on dealing with Kai. When Jay and I got together people didn’t even have cel phones. Things had changed a lot. I didn’t worry about Jay the way that I worry about Kai, I felt totaly secure with him. I knew I was taking a risk and playing a fool but most females want to be blind to the reality to have that dream they’ve been hoping for.

My head was stil booming, and my patience with Kai was quickly dissolving. I like what I like when it comes to medicine but at this point I was wiling to settle. Barely being able to stand up I made it to my feet reaching for his dresser draw. My head was throbbing like the bass in a hip hop concert beating against the speaker. I squinted my eyes due to the pain. I tried to keep them open enough to make out the labels on the scattered bottles on his dresser. Nothing abnormal, I gently placed the bottles back into their proper position. His top draw was filed with boxers and porn, and the second filed with socks and dutchs. I was in search of pain medicine but I began shuffling through the draws just for the sake of doing it. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for but I wanted to find something that told me more about Kai, maybe a picture or letters from an ex- girlfriend. But al I found were traces of a 22 year old bachelor. A smart man, he probably covered his tracks as any person should. Hel, I wouldn’t be leaving anyone in my house either with evidence that may cause problems. But then again a lot of people don’t think that far ahead.

I hadn’t spoken to Porscha in a of couple days. I had no intentions on teling her about Jay and I until I was completely sure about what was going on. Yea things looked bad from the outside, things looked bad from the inside, but you never knew what could happen. But I guess Jay had his mind made up enough to tel Ty our situation who surely decided to tel Porscha. My phone rang and rang for two days before I finaly decided to answer. Rants of cuss words came through the phone for leaving my best friend out of my life and for her being the last to know about al the recent events.

“Ty Ramae? I had to hear from Ty about you fucking some young bol and him puling out a gun on Jason!” She blabbed on for about twenty minutes without me saying a word before she finaly invited herself over to talk.

The downstairs of the house had been completed so I felt comfortable alowing the ultimate critic over to Kai’s house. I just made sure it would be a time that Kai wasn’t home.

Wel as expected, as soon as she came through the door Porscha took a look around, screwed up her face, sat down and said, “So when are you getting back with your husband?”

“It’s not that simple Porscha.” I said.

“Why ain’t it?”

“He won’t even let me in the house.”

“So get the cops involved, just get back in your house.”

“Okay Porscha.”

“I’m serious Ramae, go back home. Don’t you stil love him?

“Of couse I do.”

“So what is the problem?” Porscha crossed her arms and starred at me.

“Ugh” I sighed.

“Ugh, nothing.”

“You’re acting like I planned this.”

“You’re acting like you don’t want your family back.”

“You know I do.”

“So why are you here? What you want some sympathy? I don’t know that bitch, sorry.”

“No, I know I messed up.” I said.

“I don’t think you do.”

“You’re making up excuses Ramae! Jay didn’t just put you out you put yourself out! You decided to sleep with your son’s friend, are you crazy? You should be begging that man and your children to take you back, but instead you ’re lounging around his house feeling sorry for yourself? What happened to the responsible girl I knew? I mean woman, because right now you’re acting like a girl. Ramae if I didn’t love you I wouldn’t be teling you this, but I don’t care about what this boy has in his pants, it wil never replace Jay. I have watched y’al grow as a family over the years and I wouldn’t trade those memories in for anything so how could you? You think it’s easy out here. That boy isn’t who you think he is. He’s just a boy stil trying to figure out who he is. Get your shit and let’s go! You can’t get your family back by staying in Kai’s house. You’re coming to stay with me until Jay is ready for
his
wife to come back home.”

Her words hit me hard, too hard. I became angry with her for being my friend. I didn’t want to hear any of those things, I liked being with Kai, but inside I knew she was right. As bad as I told myself that I wanted my family back, I was lying to myself at the same time. My life had been al about my family up until this point. Cooking for them cleaning for them everything I did was for
them
. I didn’t get to experience the things that she did as we advanced through our adult lives so it was easy for her to criticize. If she was me she would want some freedom from the life I lived also. Not saying that my life was terrible, but it could have been different, more interesting. For the first time in 21 years I was being selfish and I loved it.

“I’m going back, but right now I’m doing me.”

“Doing you?” She raised to her feet. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“I’m enjoying my life right now. They kids are grown and so is Jay. I messed up, but I might as wel enjoy it while it last. What am I supposed to do run back into his arms? He doesn’t work like that.”

“So what, you think you love that boy?”

“This ain’t even about Kai, it’s about me.”

“You sound real damn selfish Ramae.” She grabbed her pocketbook.

“As much as I want my family, if I’m going to get them back, it wil have to be when my mind is completely ready. Mentaly and emotionaly I am not the same Ramae that I’ve been for the past 21 years.”

“Yea, then what are you?” She placed her hands on her hips.

“I’m on vacation. I’m no gone for good, just gone for now.” I said. Porscha flew out the door and slammed it shut.

I hadn’t spoken to Porscha since that day but I knew she just needed a couple of days to understand that I was doing me right now. Good thing that I had digested that pil because that flashback of Porscha ranting would’ve charged my headache even more. I stretched across the bed for a second feeling extremely light. My headache was headed out but I felt realy thirsty, extremely thirsty. I chugged down a bottle of water and drifted off into a zone. Things weren’t so bad I realized I just needed to relax. If I could just relax and clear my mind like I was doing right now I would be okay from here on out. I took down another bottle of water which I kept a stash of next to my bed, and fel back into my zone. Relax Ramae relax. After some time had passed Kai entered the room with a pharmacy bag.

“Babe you’re finaly back.”

“Yea sorry, I got your medicine.” He said and kissed my cheek.

“Don’t even worry about it,” I flagged him off. “I took something already.”

Kai nodded his head in silence and smiled a joker’s grin. He tried to tel me about where he had been for the past couple of hours but I didn’t care enough to listen. I was happy to see him and happy that he made it home safe.

“You don’t have to explain, just give me a kiss.” Once again those uncontrolable feelings of lust formed in my body like two teenagers trying to rush in sex before their parents got home. I felt free and erotic just by looking at my sexy man and I craved to have him on top of me. He turned me on as he walked around the bedroom and undressed himself. Everything about him screamed orgasm in my eyes and he delivered every time.

“You okay?”

“Yup?”

“I can tel.” He said and smiled.

“You’re so beautiful Mae.” He said. As he talked to me complimenting me on my body and my curves his deep voice tickled the inside of my ears. I laid on my back relaxed, watching him crawl on top of me never letting go of my hungry eyes. I didn’t have to tel him what I wanted because it was already understood, sex Lots of sex my body craved it. Kai gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

“How does that feel Mae?”

I responded, “Like heaven”, and his eyes lit up with a devilish grin.

Then he caressed my arm and asked me how it felt. I just bit my lip and shook like a cold chil overcame my body, Kai smiled bigger and brighter than before. I loved that smile more than anything about him. It gave him that boyish look that melted away my heart. The curve his eyes made when he smiled that made his face glow always spoke to me in silence. I begged for him to keep touching me. He aided my request slowly and softly. I never felt touches like this before.

Next Kai began taking my clothes off one piece at a time until I was naked and at his wil. I didn’t move. I wanted him to have ful control over me. I wanted to be as submissive as possible. Kai wasn’t as rough as he usualy had been. No, he gave it to me slow. Long deep strokes, deeper and deeper, he was digging for something new. He put my knees up to my ears, something I didn’t even know I could stil do, and continued to plunge deep. I could barely take him inside of me. Al I could do was scream and scream louder and louder.

I even put a pilow over my face to help me get through the intense pressure but it barely muffled my sounds.

My legs shook as he gave me the best sex I ever had in my life! I felt every sensation as it took over my body. Electrifying tingles consumed my skin, and sweat poured from his body to mine, the sex was just that good. He made me feel so smal against him and I was so zoned out that I lay hypnotized by the ceiling fan and his dick. I think he noticed. Kai took charge with ease as I cried moans for more.

Not sure if I was faling in love but everything Kai did felt right. I didn’t want to eat I didn’t want to sleep, just water and sex was on the menu for the night.

I went to sleep at ten o’clock and woke up at 5 am feeling drained. He must’ve felt me squirming around in bed but never opened his eyes to see what was wrong.

“Go back to sleep Mae, the E wore off.” Kai roled over.

“
E?”

“Yea,” He cradled his arms around me. “lay back down.”

“You mean
ecstasy?”
He kissed the back of my next and confirmed.

I starred at the ceiling not knowing whether to be mad at Kai or mad at myself for taking a pil without asking him first. More than anything I was confused about why he had a bottle of E pils sitting out on top of his dresser. Now the old Ramae would’ve knocked him out of the bed and demanded answers and an apology. But this Ramae was homeless and didn’t want to cause a fight in a home she had no ties to. Besides I needed a clear mind before starting the work week, no need to start the day on a bad note. Sleep was not about to happen. So I prepared myself for the work day and headed out not saying a word to Kai.

Getting through the first couple days of work wasn’t as bad as I expected. No one knew about my personal issues so it became the ultimate outlet of stress. I plunged into my work producing better results than ever before on projects. Tori probed me on and off about why I was out of work, and what was with my mood change, but I just persisted with teling her I didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t give up easily but after a few days and me being a bit more up tempo, she let the issue go.

Friday came and went and so did a few more weeks. Things were changing between Kai and I, especialy the sex. I tried taking the pils a few more times since it enhanced the feelings even more and he loved me on them. Apparently he had been seling them at the parties he and Jason were throwing together, which bothered me but not enough to make it an issue.

A part of me was enticed by the lifestyle. He was an undercover bad boy and it made me feel secure in his presence. We would stay up late talking about his different experiences with women, parties, and the streets. No he wasn’t a dope boy, but he did sel pils to those who he trusted and knew. Wel I guess he was a dope boy, but growing up in Phily it’s almost impossible for a man not to dabble in that work in some way so I understood. Plus he was taking in money from the properties that his grandmother left him, so overal he was a business man.

Jay had taken al the money out of our joint account and I couldn’t tap into my savings because I knew Jamir and Jalal would be needing things for school soon. Jamir had been texting me and met me for lunch one day, but Jalal and Jason stil had no words for me. I didn’t apply pressure to them to talk to me because I stil felt guilty for living in Kai’s house. Since I didn’t have to pay any bils I had two paychecks saved to get an apartment, but Kai told me I didn’t have to rush to leave so I didn’t.

The dynamics of our relationship had changed greatly. When we started I loved the power I felt over Kai. That older woman appeal was fading as I became more dependent on him. Living off him, cooking and cleaning for him, he abused the situation. Staying out until 4 am sometimes, I never dealt with those issues from Jay. Then there was the issue with the cel phone. He kept his phone locked and on vibrate at al times, which I hated! Yet, I couldn’t bring up the issue because I wasn’t supposed to be in his phone. Stil things were good between us. The more time we spent together the more I learned about him as a person. Kai had a romantic side and loved fashion. He would surprise me with sexy LAMB or Marc Jacobs shoes that always excited me and resulted in spicy sex on ecstasy! His taste was younger than mine but I couldn’t turn down a good shoe. I thought I was too old for long weaves but he loved them on me. Jay would have a fit if he saw me with a weave in, but the long hair made me feel sexy and young. Kai had been getting some girl Tiffany to do my hair and she was pretty good at it. Al she wanted in return was a few pils which was nothing for him to pay.