Fallen Angel (18 page)

It’s not long before we’re parking again, or pulling over is more like it. There really isn’t much of anything here, except dirt and trees.

“Now what?” I’m trying really hard not to sound disappointed.

He smirks, like he knows something I don’t. “Wait until you get out.”

Curious, I swing the door open.

“What are you doing?” he scolds. “I had a whole thing going here. Opening doors. Being a gentleman and shit. Why are you trying to screw up my date etiquette?”

“Oops.” I can’t even take that argument seriously enough to respond in real words. Instead, I just climb out of the car and make my statement via the gesture.

Shaking his head at me, he comes around the hood of the car to meet me. “Stubborn ass.”

“You really expect me to let you get every door for me everywhere we go, forever? I’m not patient enough for that shit. Besides, you don’t have to try and impress me, Angel.”

He comes up close and exhales loudly. He’s frustrated. I’m frustrating him. “I’m not trying to impress you with some empty gestures. I’m trying to start over. Do it right. Do it the way I should have from the start.”

I avert my eyes. Mostly because I’m a coward and the intense sincerity in his gaze is overwhelming me. “I thought the way we went about things was basically the norm for you.”

“And you thinking that is exactly the reason you should let me get the Goddamned door for you. The norm for me is casual interaction. Casual sex. No feelings. Just fun.” His hand trails along my neck up to my chin, lifting my face to meet his again. “Is that what you think happened between us? Something casual? Without feelings? Because that’s sure as hell not what it was like for me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe before I kissed you, that’s how badly I needed you. How much I was feeling. And believe me when I say, that none of that was normal for me.” His lips graze the tip of my nose softly. “Now. Turn around.”

I don’t exactly have a response to any of what he just laid on me anyway, so, still speechless, I let him guide me by my shoulders as he slowly spins me around toward the back of the car.

“It’s the ocean.” And it’s stunning. I didn’t realize we’d traveled so far up, but we managed a pretty solid climb in a short time and are overlooking a view you could fill one of those ocean sunset calendars with. Some greenery before the rocky ledges and then the steep drop leading out to the vast waters below.

While I stand there frozen in place, Angel reaches into the car to retrieve our dinner. Then with his hand once again finding that secret spot in the small of my back, he moves me onward until we reach the trunk. I’m still in awe of everything I’m seeing when his hands grab me firmly around the waist and he gracefully hoists me up onto the trunk of his car as if I weigh no more than a shoe box filled with feathers.

“Thanks,” I mumble, this time refraining from pointing out that I could have done that myself, while he jumps up and takes the spot beside me.

“You’re welcome.” He’s got a smile like he knows I was thinking it anyway. He pops the lids from the to-go containers and hands me my dinner along with a small plastic fork and water bottle. “Pretty great view, right? I’ve been coming up here since I first learned to drive. Found it by accident one evening getting lost running an errand for Memomma. Never did find that nursery she sent me out looking for. Had to pick up the plants she wanted for her garden at the Home Depot in town the next day. She wasn’t happy with me.”

I don’t say anything. Just take one small bite after the next, staring out over the ocean. Only one question burns on the tip of my tongue, but I won’t ask it. Not after everything he just said to me. I shouldn’t even be thinking it. But I’m an insecure twat and I can’t help it. And I really don’t like myself for it.

I can feel him watching me out of the corner of my eye. And just in case I wasn’t already feeling like he had access to my innermost thoughts by doing so, he proves it.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever brought up here, Bam Bam.” He bumps my shoulder playfully with his. “You can relax. I promise.” His deep voice drops another octave. “I’m not going to screw this up, okay?”

I turn my head toward him, holding steady on his stare. “Okay.” I stab a cluster of macaroni and hold it out toward him. “Want to try?”

He scrunches up his nose. “You got the broccoli one? No thanks. You want some of mine?” He points a bacon encrusted bite in my direction.

“Yeah, no. I’m good. You enjoy that though.” We both continue eating our own meals. Sharing might not have worked out, but I can’t help but notice that our arms have been touching ever since he bumped into me. I like it. The closeness. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time. Like it’s natural for us to be in each other’s space and yet, I’m anxious to explore more of it.

***

I
can’t keep my damn mouth from smiling. Not that I’ve ever been one of those people who scowls all the time. Generally speaking, I’m a pretty happy guy. I smile. A lot even. But shit. This is getting ridiculous. I want to not smile for at least a minute or two. Just long enough to acknowledge that my constant smiling is wrong and that Ava and Blaise, and pretty much everyone we know, would not be smiling if they knew what I’m doing here. With Her. Tonight.

Not that eating mac-n cheese is a major problem under normal circumstances. But this isn’t normal. I’m sitting here with Bam Bam. Alone. Watching the sun set. And touching her. Not inappropriately. Yet.
Damn
. See, I’m planning on touching her inappropriately. I need to stop fucking smiling about that.

“What?” She looks at me, her brow raised and I panic wondering which one of my thoughts actually made it out of my mouth without my noticing.

“Huh?” Because ignorance is my best defense.

She grins and something wicked flashes in her brown eyes, a complete contradiction to the sweet and innocent face she has. “You just said something about touching inappropriately?”

“I did?” Denial. That’s what you use when ignorance is stripped right out from under you.

“You did.” She nods, still smirking and searching her take out container for any last bits of macaroni. “So, when will this inappropriate touching take place?” She looks up and catches my gaze again. “I’m assuming I’m the one you’ll be touching inappropriately, right?”

Well, she’s definitely not sweet and innocent anymore. “Uh,” I clear my throat repeatedly. What is happening to me? How in the hell is she doing this? She’s Bam Bam, for fuck’s sake. Ava’s goofy little sister with the sweet smile and sad eyes. Only that’s not who I see when I look at her now. “Did you want to be touched inappropriately?”

She shrugs. “Do you?”

I cough. I feel like a jackass. It’s not cool. I’m supposed to be calm about this shit. Not act like a fucking pansy ass who can barely put together a sentence just because she smiles at me. I’m not fucking Royce.

“Shit.” I drop my fork in my empty box.

“What?” She’s frowning, no sign of that sexy as hell smirk left to be found. Which should make this easier. But it doesn’t. Because I remember. I remember the last time I saw a person acting the way I’m acting over Bam Bam. And if what happened to him, is happening to me...shit just got real.

“Um, I just remembered. The band. The one I wanted to take you to go see. They start playing in less than half an hour. This time of day, with traffic, I don’t think we’ll make it in time.” I slide down from the trunk of my car, purposely keeping my face turned away from her. I have an odd sense she could see straight through me if our eyes met for even a second.

“Huh.” I hear a soft thud behind me as her feet hit the ground as well. Then I feel her arm wrap around my stomach, her body pressing against my back. “I don’t really feel like sitting in traffic,” she says quietly, her head resting right below my shoulder.

The sensation of suffocating starts to settle in my chest again. I don’t get why it keeps happening. And I don’t like it. If my body continues to equate her touch with oxygen one of us is bound to get hurt...or worse.

“If we don’t get in the car within the next three minutes and get back on the road,” I pause, straining to fill my lungs with air, “we’re not going to make the show on time.”

“Angel?” Her body slinks around me until we’re standing face to face. “Are you really thinking about a bunch of British guys and their instruments right now?”

That smirk is back. And I’m completely fucked.

“Hell no.” I take in a ragged breath. “I’m thinking we’ve got a real problem here though.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t think I can call you Bam Bam anymore,” I mutter, thinking how there’s no chance in hell this smartass, sexy woman will ever again conjure up the same innocent brotherly thoughts that little girl did once upon a time.

Her usual smirk breaks into a smile. “There’s always Addy.”

I shake my head. “No good. Everyone calls you that.”

“What do you want to call me?”

Mine. But I don’t say that out loud. “Something no one else does. Something just for me.”

“Easy. Call me Addison. You can be the first person to ever talk to me like I’m an adult.”

“I like that.
Addison
.” Then I’m breathing her in. Inhaling her with a kiss so intense I’m losing track of where I end and she begins. Her hands. My hands. Her body. My body. They move together in a way I’ve never felt before with any other woman. It’s like I finally get why people compare themselves to pieces of a puzzle. Because sometimes you find yourself with someone who just...fits.

I
’m a big girl. Or, at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I can handle this. Whatever this turns out to be. I mean, he’s saying all the right things, and I have to believe that considering who my sister is, Angel wouldn’t bullshit me. Not to get in my pants. Again. Although, if I’m being honest, he hasn’t actually tried to get there. Again.

We kissed. A lot. A lot, a lot. And it was better than any make out session I remember ever having. Maybe because making out hasn’t been a thing for me in recent years. Seems once sex is on the table, make out sessions are cut short and used only as a means to an end. An intro to sex. That’s not what this was. It was just kissing to be kissing. Never once did his hand wander or his mouth travel below my collar bone. And I didn’t even notice. Until now. Because it was hot. Holy shit. Angel can kiss better than most men can fuck. And as a result I’m feeling fulfilled and satisfied as I sit here, my fingers stroking his arm while he drives down the now cleared out streets that will lead us back home.

“Sorry we missed the concert,” he says, a dirty smile flashing over his face.

“I’m not.” I love music and all, but I daresay, there are things I enjoy even more. Now.

He stops at the intersection which will lead us back to Ava and Blaise’s place. Then, with no concern for traffic since we’re the only ones on the road, he leans over and kisses me again. Within seconds, I’m wrapped up in the intensity of his mouth on mine and our tongues encircling each other in their own perfectly choreographed dance. His hand is steady, spread out from my jawline down my neck, holding me in a way that makes me feel both safe and completely in his control. Like he’s not letting go until he’s good and ready. I hope he never lets go.

A moan escapes my lips when his free hand slides down my arm, brushing the side of my breast in the process. For a moment I can sense an urgency rapidly growing between us, but then, out of nowhere, he stops.

“I should get you home.” He gently nips at the side of my jaw, then places one last kiss on the corner of my mouth before he retreats to his side of the car again.

“Or, you could take me to your place.” It’s forward. And it’s not usually my style. But, hell, nothing about what I’ve done with Angel since I’ve been back has been anything remotely close to ‘my style’.

A nauseating weight hits my gut when I see him shake his head. Rejection is even harder to swallow after you’ve been un-stylistically forward.

“Oh. Okay.” I shift into a forward facing position again and try to will the car to move faster as it travels the last stretch of street back to our driveway.

His hand reaches into my lap, searching for my hand. He finds it, and takes a hold of it, tightly.

“No. It’s not okay. Believe me. I want nothing more than to take you home with me tonight. I just can’t.” He exhales loudly. “Derek’s back to staying with me. He’s at the house as we speak.” Angel’s expression is pained. Derek is like a brother to him. They all are. Brothers. What one feels, they all feel. And instantly my heart breaks for all of them. Even Royce and Blaise who don’t even know it’s happening yet. And Eda. Shit. She will not do well when she hears the news.

“Do we know why they’re splitting? I mean, I’m sure it can’t be easy...you guys being gone so long so much –“

He snorts loudly, cutting me off. “Guess not. Certainly seemed to be too much for Sammy. Turns out she’s been screwing one of the ER docs she works with for the last year.”

“No!” But he’s Derek Sills. Rock God extraordinaire. Who in their right mind would cheat on a Finding Nolan boy?

“I know!” Angel seems just as exasperated by this as I am. “And after all the times he turned down some fine piece of ass for her. And let me tell you, there is no shortage of beautiful women lining up when we’re on the road, ready to do and fuck just about anything and anyone.”

Not the answer I was expecting. “Hm. Well, I feel really good about things now.”

Angel’s previous rant expression cracks into a big grin. “Sorry. That sounded horrible.”

“Probably true though,” I answer dryly. I’m no idiot. I know it’s true. Still, I would have preferred being in complete denial over it. Or better yet, lying to myself and claiming he was completely unaware of the other women. Clearly he hasn’t ever been in the past. But maybe now that he’s had some Addy lovin’ they’ll all just magically evaporate from his cock radar. That’s a solid lie. It’s a ridiculous one, but I would have liked it.

He pulls up just outside of the gate and stops.

“Look at me.”

I do. But I also do my best to coat my entire face in a nice layer of healthy skepticism. “Yeah?”