Face the Music (19 page)

I sat on the ground next to her grave and asked God to tell Tiffany “hey” for me and that I’d gotten her e-mails and was happy that she’d finally figured it all out. And then to my surprise I began to cry. At first I wasn’t sure why I was crying. I mean, I’d assumed I’d gotten this all over with and out of my system weeks ago. But there I was sitting next to Tiffany Knight’s grave and just sobbing like a fool.

“I’m so sorry, Tiffany,” I said in a choked-up voice. “I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you while you were alive on earth. I’m sorry I judged you, even when I knew that Jesus said not to judge.” I went on and on, telling Tiffany how bad I felt and asking her to forgive me. And finally I stopped crying and just sat there with the sun beating down on my head.

Now honestly, I don’t know if Tiffany could really hear me or if she even cares about earthly things anymore since I’m sure the glories of heaven are distraction enough. But I guess I just needed to say these things, maybe for my own sake. Besides, I believe that anything’s possible
with God, and He could send her a message for me if He wanted to. Then, for the second or third time, I asked God to forgive me and help me move on. And then I did something I’ve never done before, and may never do again. I asked Him to give me some kind of a sign, some sort of assurance, that everything was really okay between me and Tiffany and Him.

Okay, I don’t know if this was a real sign from God or not, but it felt like it to me. I opened my eyes and looked up just in time to see a small brown sparrow land right on the bouquet of roses by Tiffany’s headstone. The little sparrow just sat there for what must’ve been a full minute, looking at me, and then it flew away. Just like that.

Well, I thanked God and stood up relieved, thinking how forgiveness is like that. It arrives on the wings of a fragile bird, touches your life, and then moves on. But you feel better because you are made clean and whole and whiter than the roses I got for Tiffany today.

I prayed for Tiffany’s dad as I rode my bike home. He’s still in the hospital but is expected to make a fairly full recovery. Physically anyway. I’m sure that he’s really hurting on the inside. Everyone in our church has been praying for this poor man. And Willy’s even gone over to visit him a couple of times. Willy used to be a Harley guy
too, and I’m guessing that gives them some common ground. I’ve been praying for Willy too, that God will use him to reach Tiffany’s dad. And I believe it will happen.

Here’s weird. For the past two weeks I’ve been going to school every single day, but Allie and Laura aren’t there. It’s like after months of eating, sleeping, and hanging together 24/7, they’ve been sucked right out of my life. I think I’ve actually been experiencing something akin to culture shock (that’s when you move to a completely different place, like from New York to Nepal).

But I’m trying to make the best of it, and I’m trying to reach out to the kids around me. And I’ve had some really amazing talks with Kim Peterson. It seems that she’s really questioning some things since Tiffany Knight died.

“I know it sounds weird to be so affected by this,” she told me today, “especially since I basically couldn’t stand the girl.” She sighed and shook her head sadly. “And I feel pretty bad saying that, but it’s the truth. But ever since Tiffany’s death I can’t help but wonder what happens after we die. And it’s really driving me nuts. I have a hard time sleeping and everything. Do you think I’m going crazy, Chloe?”

“Not at all. I think God is just trying to get your attention. And it’s a good question, Kim. What DOES happen after we die?”

She just shook her head. “Usually I’m the one with all the answers. I mean, I’m even supposed to be writing this col—” Then she stopped herself suddenly. “Well, anyway, I’m coming up completely blank on this particular question.”

So I tried to share with her what I believe as well as what the Bible says about the afterlife, but I can tell she’s going to have to mull these things over herself. Even so, I feel hopeful for her. She has one of the most honest and searching hearts I’ve ever seen, and I am positive that God isn’t going to let her hang out to dry for too long. But I am curious about what mysterious thing she is writing that has to do with questions and God. Maybe someday she’ll tell me. In the meantime, I’m glad that we’re friends. But even so, I miss Allie and Laura.

I still see them, of course, but it’s not the same—and we’re not doing music. It’s like my life is turned upside down or inside out or maybe just sideways. At first I thought I was having an identity crisis, like I’m so hooked into being a “celebrity” that I’m unable to adjust to normal life. However, I don’t think that’s really the case. And even though Laura and Allie are definitely missing from my daily experience, I still enjoy
my other friends, and it’s been great hooking back up with them again.

However, as much as I love the kids here at school, and I do have a lot of very good friends, I’m seriously worried that I may have outgrown the whole high school experience. Now this isn’t something I would go around and announce to the general public, and certainly not to my friends at Harrison High because I’m sure they wouldn’t get it at all. I don’t even quite get it myself. And it actually bothers me a lot since I’m sure it could appear snooty to some.

But the idea of graduating early is becoming more and more appealing to me, and that’s why I met with Mrs. King to discuss this possibility today.

“I hate to say it, Chloe, but it just makes sense for you to move on,” she told me. “As much as I’d love to see you around here, I can understand how you must feel after all the incredible life experiences you’ve had during the last year.”

“At first I thought it was great being back here in school. And I was so glad to see my old friends. But after being on tour and, well, everything, I almost feel like I’m going backwards now.”

“And you’re probably not being terribly challenged academically.”

“Maybe in math.”

She smiled.

And so it’s settled. The paperwork is signed, and I’ll be taking some tests and whatnot and we’ll see how it goes. But according to Mrs. King, it should be a fairly simple and painless procedure and I’ll even be able to march with the graduating class in the spring if I want. Right now, I’m not even sure that I care, but I might by then so I guess I’ll keep my options open.

Naturally, Allie was not overly thrilled when I told her my latest news on the phone tonight.

“That’s not fair,” she said in typical Allie fashion, which in itself is encouraging because I can tell she really must be feeling better.

“Why not?”

“You and Laura are both leaving me behind.”

“We’re not leaving you anywhere, silly. It just simplifies things for me to be done with high school so that—”

“So that you can run off and marry Jeremy Baxter?” she said in a taunting voice.

I laughed. “Oh yeah, Allie. Like I’m going to get married at seventeen. Give me a break. No, so that I can focus my attention on music and song—writing and maybe even take some college level correspondence courses while we’re on the road.”

“You really think we’ll get to tour again?” she asked in a meek voice.

“Of course. As soon as you’re well, that is. And
don’t worry, there’s no hurry anyway. I’ll have a lot to get done in the next month or two, taking tests and stuff.”

“And I guess I can keep doing my school work while we’re on the road.”

“Yeah. And who knows, maybe you could graduate early too, if you worked a little harder.”

“Really?”

“You could talk to Mrs. King about it.”

“Cool.”

“You know it’s partly your fault that I decided to do this.”

“How’s that, Chloe?”

“Well, being at school without you and Laura around has been kind of weird.”

“Ya miss me?”

“What d’ya think?”

“I think ya miss me.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

“So, keep taking it easy, Al, so you can come back to school sooner.”

After I hung up the phone I went out to the practice room and jammed loud and hard for a couple of hours. Man, did that ever feel good. Then I settled down and began to work on a new song that I’d written recently. And it might just be me, but I think it’s pretty good too. I think I might be evolving both as a musician and a songwriter—maybe as a person too. Somehow being
back at school with high school-aged kids makes me realize that I have grown up some.

Willy and Elise got married today. As planned, Allie was the maid of honor and Laura and I were bridesmaids. And although I’m sure some of the older people wondered about this, I was personally honored, especially since I’ve never been in a wedding before. Okay, once, for my second cousin, back when I was about four. I was a flower girl who managed to eat more rose petals than I actually dropped. Fortunately I didn’t consume my bridesmaid bouquet of chrysanthemums today.

Laura, Allie, and I wore vintage-style dresses designed by none other than the soon-to-be-famous Beanie Jacobs. The dresses were a combination of lace and beads and were really
fun to wear. Allie’s was this beautiful golden color that looked great with her blond hair. Mine was sort of a pumpkin color, and Laura’s was a deep russet. Elise was quite pleased and said we looked like three beautiful autumn leaves. We liked the dresses so well that we plan to use them in a concert sometime.

Speaking of concerts, Allie is much better now, back in school, and we are once again practicing regularly. We even played a few of our more mellow songs for the wedding reception today. Let me tell you, it felt totally awesome to be together again. I think we sounded pretty good too.

After the wedding, Willy and Elise left Davie with Allie’s grandmother so they could go on their honeymoon to the Bahamas. And Allie is staying with me, but only after Elise gave me strict orders to make sure she eats right and goes to bed on time. Believe me, I will comply. I want Allie to recover completely so we can go back on the road soon. Hopefully in time for the holiday tour that Omega is planning for Iron Cross and us.

Willy said that we’ll only be doing six concerts for this tour, and Allie’s doctor is pretty sure that Allie should be ready. It’s reassuring to know that we’ll be flying to the concert locations this time, instead of going by bus. I’m sure this will be much less exhausting for Allie—and
everyone else, for that matter. Also, now that Elise and Willy are officially hitched, Elise can come along as our chaperone again. Of course, we’ll miss Caitlin a lot, but we understand that she needs to continue her education. And we’re already discussing the possibility of her coming with us again next summer.

After we played for the wedding reception today, Laura told me that she’s ready to pick up and go tour whenever.

“I really miss it,” she said. “My classes at the community college are okay and everything, but I wouldn’t care if I had to just drop them, if that meant we could hit the road again.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said. “I’m itching to get out there too.” I glanced over to where Allie was getting her picture taken with Elise and Willy and Davie. “But we’ve got to make sure Allie is completely well first.”

Laura nodded. “I know. And I know how she feels too. I remember how I felt so bad, like it was totally my fault when our tour was jeopardized because of my problems last year. So, believe me, I’m not putting any pressure on the girl.”

“Good. I guess this is just another one of those things where we have to trust God’s perfect timing again.” I waved over to where my brother was standing and visiting with some of his old friends, including Caitlin, who’d made a special
trip home to come to the wedding.

“How does Josh like his new job?” asked Laura.

“He seems to love it. And the kids seem to love him too.”

“Is it weird for you, I mean having your brother leading the youth group in your own church?”

“I think it’s pretty cool.”

And I really do. I was more excited than anyone when I heard that Pastor Tony had offered Josh the position after Greg took a job as the head pastor in a small church in a nearby town. The agreement is that Josh will work for a year, and then he may return to college for his master’s degree. But as he keeps reminding everyone, his heart is really in the mission field. “It’s not that I don’t love you guys,” he assured the youth group recently. “But there are so many needs out there in the rest of the world. I mean, compared to most countries, we Americans are a little spoiled.”

So already the youth group is starting to plan another Mexico trip for next summer. And Redemption is planning to show up for another benefit concert too, hopefully when it’s not so hot down there, although Josh said not to count on it.

“Did you know that Caitlin was one of the people who first got this whole Mexico thing going?” Josh said to me the other day.

“Huh?”

“Well, Clay Berringer had originally planned the first trip, but then he was killed in the shooting. After that Caitlin helped with some fund-raising and got people interested in Mexico, and partly because of her early involvement, it’s just continued over the years.” He smiled. “Isn’t it amazing how one single life can make that much difference?”