Face the Music (14 page)

“Why don’t you tell them what’s going on, Chloe?”

Well, you could’ve heard a pin drop in our room, and that’s with thick plush carpeting. So,
knowing she was right, since she’d told me that it was going to take all of us working together in honesty to prevent something like this from happening again, I told them about Jeremy and me.

When I was finished, they all looked stunned. Well, except for Caitlin. But I think Beanie’s mouth was actually hanging open.

“Now, you guys have to keep this confidential,” said Caitlin. “And the reason I encouraged Chloe to share this was so that we could all support her in her commitment not to let this happen again.”

“You won’t, will you?” said Laura. “I mean, it could really mess things up for both our bands. Jeremy is a grown man and you’re still a teenager.”

Okay, that irritated me. “But it would be okay if Jeremy liked you,” I said. “Since you’re eighteen.”

Laura smiled. “Well, I wouldn’t want to make you jealous.”

I threw my sandal at her.

“It does seem funny, doesn’t it?” said Beanie. “That this is such a problem because of your ages.”

“There’s more to it than that,” said Caitlin. “Both bands are constantly in the public eye to maintain the high standards that they represent in their music ministry. It’s only fair that they live up to them in their personal lives.”

“But what if they’re really in love?” said Allie. “What if God wants Jeremy and Chloe to get married?”

“Maybe He does,” said Caitlin. “But God still has a perfect timing for these things, and I suspect Chloe’s parents wouldn’t agree to it, at least not before she turns eighteen and graduates from high school.”

“I know something like this would freak my mom out,” said Laura.

“And do you think it would do anyone any good if Jeremy and Chloe started getting serious, like dating and kissing and getting more involved?”

“Maybe if Chloe were eighteen,” said Allie. “It wouldn’t matter so much then, would it?”

Caitlin smiled and we all knew this was her cue to begin her little speech. I knew that, because of me, we would all be forced to listen like a captive audience (the kind who are actually bound and gagged). But in the end it wasn’t really so bad.

“I’ve taught this to a number of girls’ groups,” she said. “And under the circumstances, it seems appropriate to share it again.”

“Did you know we used to call her Preacher?” whispered Beanie, and the three of us laughed.

“Make fun if you want,” she said. “But truth has a way of standing up to abuse.”

Then she began talking about herself and how
she’d been in situations where what started out as a simple kiss quickly moved to a groping session that ended up with her feeling pressured to have sex. “Everyone else is doing it,” she said. “That’s one of the most common excuses you’ll hear. That and ‘you’ll do this if you love me.’ But think about it, do either of those make sense? First of all, everyone else is NOT doing it. Oh, sure, lots of kids are. But there are a lot who are keeping their heads, having a healthy life, serving God, getting ready for their futures, and not having sex. But it’s the second one that always gets me—you’ll do it if you love them. Well, how selfish is that?” She turned to Beanie. “You want to contribute anything here?”

And to everyone’s surprise, Beanie stole the show. She told us how she’d gotten involved with a guy during her junior year of high school, fallen head over heels in love, and been talked into having sex.

“It wasn’t even that fun,” she admitted. “But I thought it would make us closer. I thought it would show him I loved him. We were both Christians, and I honestly believed it was God’s will for us to be together forever. Having sex just seemed to seal it.”

“And did it?” asked Caitlin, but in a tender voice.

Beanie shook her head. “If anything, it drove
us apart. It ruined our relationship completely and even caused him to fall away from the Lord.” Her eyes actually filled with tears now.

“Why?” asked Allie.

“Well, for one thing, I got pregnant.”

The room got even quieter.

Beanie took a deep breath. “Zach was a senior and had been offered a full athletic scholarship for track, and the last thing he wanted was a pregnant wife dragging him down. He dumped me faster than a worn-out pair of Nikes.”

“Oh, man,” said Laura.

“Yeah. I got so depressed that I even considered suicide. It just felt like my whole life was over. Like I’d lost everything and had nothing left to live for.”

I nodded, swallowing the lump that was steadily growing in my throat. I’d never known any of this about Beanie and felt honored that she was sharing so much with us now.

Caitlin had taken Beanie’s hand. “But God was there for you, right, Beanie?”

She smiled. “God and Caitlin and a couple of other good friends.”

“What happened to the baby?” asked Allie.

“I lost it.”

“She lost it,” continued Caitlin, “when she got hit by a car in order to protect my little nephew.”

“Oliver?” said Allie. “You saved Oliver?”

Beanie nodded.

“Wow.” Laura shook her head in amazement.

I think all three of us were pretty moved by Beanie’s story. So much so that Caitlin let us off easy. “The main thing is,” she said, “I really believe God wants us to respect ourselves and our bodies. He wants us to keep ourselves pure for our wedding day, not to punish us, but so that we can enjoy a marriage relationship completely unhindered. When you’ve slept with other people, you end up dragging a bunch of emotional crud into your marriage—old hurts, insecurity, inability to trust. And from what I’ve heard, it can really mess with your sex life too. I mean, think about it—if you really love your husband, do you want for him or you to haul all your ex-lovers into the bedroom with you?”

We laughed about that. But I think I understand what she means. I know that when I get married (and okay, I hope and pray it will be with Jeremy), I don’t want either of us to have old “stuff” to deal with. Most of all, I’d rather we do things God’s way and as a result enjoy a really good relationship with each other. And I know that means
waiting
. In our case, due to our music and ministry, there really are no options. I understand this. And I have decided, once again, that waiting may not
feel
good, but it’s way better than messing everything up.

Jeremy and I met for lunch today. Caitlin said it was okay because we were meeting in a public place. Besides, we needed to talk and get everything squared away. I can’t believe how nervous I was. You’d think I was getting engaged or something. Which I know is perfectly ridiculous. Caitlin has really been coaching me about how it’s important for Jeremy and me to remain good friends. But
only
friends.

“Any lasting relationship, especially marriage, is built on a good solid friendship,” she told me a couple of days ago. “If you’re not best friends with a guy, and if you don’t really know him and LIKE him—I mean
like
just hanging with him, talking with him, listening to him, having similar interests and goals as him—well, you shouldn’t even
think
about marriage.” Then she laughed. “Not that you should be thinking about marriage anyway.”

To further drive home her point, she told me about Anna, an African-American girl I remember vaguely, but I knew she’d been good friends with
Caitlin and Beanie and Jenny during their senior year.

“Anna fell in love during her senior year in high school. I mean, we’re talking IN LOVE. She was absolutely nuts over this guy named Joel. And she and Joel continued dating into college. But it wasn’t long before Anna was obsessed with the idea of them getting married. She says now that it may have been due to the fact she never had a dad, and this could be true. Anyway, even though Joel loved her, he still really wanted them to finish college first. They were both really smart with bright futures ahead. But Anna kept pressuring him, even to the point of introducing sex into their relationship.”

Caitlin paused. “The only reason I’m telling you this is because I think Anna would agree that there’s a powerful lesson here. Anyway, Joel finally gave in to getting married. Anna said it was mostly because he felt guilty that, as Christians, they were having sex outside of marriage. So they got married last year, and Anna had to quit school to help support them. She’s working at a Wal-Mart right now. And the last time I talked to her, she was so bummed. She said that she hardly ever sees Joel, and when they’re together they fight most of the time. She’s seriously worried their marriage might not survive.”

“That’s sad.”

Caitlin nodded. “That’s what I thought too. I encouraged Anna to get her life back on track—I mean with God—and I suggested they get some kind of counseling, but Anna said they don’t have time and can’t afford it. Anyway, I’m really praying for them. You can too, if you think about it.”

“Yeah. I will. Maybe I can remember to pray for Anna and Joel the next time I get caught up in thinking about how wonderful it would be to marry Jeremy.”

“That’s a good idea. Because I would strongly warn you about controlling your thoughts when it comes to Jeremy, Chloe. I think that’s how Anna got so obsessed about Joel. It’s like she thought about him night and day. She didn’t put her energy into school and friends and, well, look where it got her.”

I hugged Caitlin then. “I am so glad you’re our chaperone, Caitlin. I’m so thankful that God sent you to tour with us right when He knew I would need you the most.”

“God’s pretty amazing.”

So today it was lunch with Jeremy. Okay, I must confess I dressed with more than my usual care, going through about eight outfits before I settled for a denim skirt and a peasant top (not my normal hanging-out uniform of cargo pants and T-shirt). I tried to do this so that no one else noticed, but just as I was going out of the hotel
room, Allie glanced up from the book she was reading.

“Looking good, Chloe.” Then she winked at me. “Now, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I frowned at her. “Like what’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed. “I don’t know. I just thought it sounded good. But really, I’ll be praying for you.”

“Thanks.” And I meant it.

Jeremy was waiting for me in the lobby. “We can eat in the hotel restaurant, if you’d prefer, or there’s a little sushi bar down the street. Do you even like sushi?”

“Actually I do. It took a couple times before I developed the taste for it, but now I like it.”

He smiled. “Somehow I thought you would.”

As we walked out of the hotel, I confessed to him how nervous I was.

“I know it’s stupid,” I told him. “But this all just feels so, well, surreal to me.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”

But after we were seated and drinking some green tea, I began to relax. I told myself this was no different than all the other times I’d hung with Jeremy. Okay, it was a little different.

“Sorry we haven’t been able to talk sooner.” He pointed to the wristband I was still wearing. “But when I saw you wearing that last Saturday, well, I figured we were basically okay. Basically.”

I ran my finger over the letters on the band. “I’ve been wearing it ever since you gave it to me.” I looked up at him. “Do you want it back now?”

“No. I want you to keep it.”

“Thanks.” I allowed myself one brief look into his eyes, then almost regretted it. A girl could get lost in those dark pools.

“I considered e-mailing you during the week,” he continued. “But I thought I’d rather talk to you in person, and I knew we’d be meeting up here in Cincinnati for the concert tonight.”

“No problem. It was kind of nice having a week to process things. And Caitlin has been like my personal counselor. She’s so wise.”

“Yeah, she’s a cool girl. She seems pretty levelheaded.”

I glanced at him nervously, worried that perhaps he found Caitlin more attractive than me. Okay, so I’m pretty insecure.

“In fact, Caitlin reminds me a lot of my old girlfriend.”

I nodded and took a sip of tea. Now where was this going, and why was I suddenly feeling so jealous and territorial?

“Do you mind if I tell you a little bit about Tracy, my old girlfriend?”

“Not at all. I’m actually pretty curious.” Now this was mostly true, yet at the same time I felt
like I was about twelve years old and shrinking steadily.

“Good. I feel like I need to explain this to you, to sort of clean the slate. Or maybe I just want to for my own sake. Anyway, Tracy and I had gone together since high school. I was a serious Christian and not interested in dating anyone who wasn’t. Tracy fit the bill. She’d been raised by fairly conservative Christian parents, not too different from my own. She was committed to God and basically just a really nice girl. Not unlike Caitlin.”

“A rock.”

He smiled. “Yeah, you got it. Tracy is a rock. And that’s not a bad thing either. I really admire her. But when I met you …” He shook his head as if he still wasn’t too sure about this whole thing, but then he continued. “All I could think was,
wow
. I was so impressed by your energy and spunk. I was amazed by your creativity and felt challenged by your passion for God and life. I loved how you question so many things, how unconventional you are, your innate understanding of music …oh, so many things, Chloe. Am I gushing here or what?”

I laughed. “Hey, it’s okay with me. I could listen to this for decades.”

“Like I told you, the age difference really blew my mind. I knew it would never work—I mean,
I didn’t even intend for it to work. I know how people, like Omega or reviewers or even some fans, would have a fit.” He looked down at his little cup of tea and shook his head. “Did you know that Eric Green had actually given me this speech before we met you girls? He told me to keep an eye on the younger guys in my band, in case they decided to put the move on any of you girls.”