Face the Music (18 page)

And so it was that we found ourselves performing on our first day back home. Even though we were tired, we didn’t mind. First we played a song that Tiffany had always told me was her favorite. Then we played “The Heaven Song.”

The church was packed full. I was surprised to see so many kids from school there, but I overheard Bethany Crandall in the bathroom, saying that the school had given the rest of the day off to any kids attending. And since the funeral was over by two o’clock, they must’ve figured that earned them about an hour’s worth of free time. Although I’d like to believe that some of the kids were actually there for Tiffany’s sake. I know that I was. So were Allie and Laura and Jake and Cesar and
Marty and a bunch of other Christian kids.

Caitlin and Beanie had even considered coming, although they didn’t know Tiffany, but then decided they’d better head off to school. It was a wet and sloppy farewell last night. But in some ways, I think we were all ready to see the summer end and get back to a life that feels a little more normal, although I’m wondering if I even know what normal really is.

After we sang “The Heaven Song,” Tiffany’s mom asked me if I would say a few words about Tiffany. This was pretty much out of the blue, and at first I was uncertain about it, but now I’m glad I had the opportunity.

“Tiffany and I didn’t exactly start out as friends,” I began, and I could see some eyes lighting up as if they suddenly remembered our “little” problems during the beginning of our freshman year. “But we both grew up some, and during the past year we mended our fences. Tiffany proved to me that she could be a very loyal friend. Unfortunately, my life with the band and the concert tour didn’t give me much time to return the friendship. And I guess I feel pretty bad about that now. You see, she’d sent me a bunch of e-mails while I was on tour, but I never had time to read them—not until she died, that is. But as I read them I realized how she needed me to be her friend.”

I paused now and looked out over the crowd of mostly young faces. Okay, I’ll admit it. I did want to make them feel uncomfortable today. I wanted them to experience a tiny bit of the guilt that I’d been buried under when I first heard of her death. Why did I want to do this? Not to torture or torment anyone, but just to remind them of what’s important.

“Doesn’t EVERYONE need a friend?” I asked. “I mean, whether a person is obnoxious or introverted or obese or anorexic or paranoid or self-centered or preppy or grungy or freaky or geeky or just plain average, don’t we ALL need a friend?” I saw some heads nodding, and even some moist eyes. “And I realized, as Tiffany opened up even more to me in her e-mails and told me a little about her life, that it hadn’t been so easy for her, and that she was pretty lonely. It was pretty obvious that she really needed a friend. And then I felt even worse. But then I continued to read until I came to some of her most recent e-mails, and that’s when I discovered that she had found the perfect friend. Like Pastor Fitzgerald said, Tiffany had given her heart to Jesus. And I could tell by the way she wrote in her e-mails that it was for real. I could tell that Tiffany was a changed person. I really liked the person she was becoming, and if she hadn’t died in that motorcycle wreck last weekend, I feel certain that she and I would’ve become really good friends this year.”

I felt tears going down my cheeks now, but I just let them run. “Even though I know Tiffany is in heaven now—and believe me, I have no doubts about that—I feel sad that I won’t get to see our friendship grow down here on earth. It’s like we’d been through all the hard stuff together, and it was just about to get good, but now she’s gone.” I took a breath. “And I am really going to miss her.”

Then I looked at the crowd again, pausing to scan the familiar faces, some now blotchy and streaked with tears. “But at least I know I’m going to see her again when we meet up in heaven. And let me tell you, there’s going to be an outrageous celebration going on up there on that homecoming day. I just hope that everyone here today will be there too. And I have a feeling Tiffany would agree with me on that. I have a feeling she’s up there right now saying, ‘Hey, you guys, wake up and smell the coffee. Figure out who God really is and what your life is all about. Get it together before it’s too late.’” I paused again, unsure of how to end my little mini sermon. “Well, I guess that’s all I have to say.”

The pastor smiled at me as he returned to the pulpit. And picking up where I’d left off, he gave an invitation to everyone in the church to surrender their lives to Jesus. I kept my head down as he invited people to raise their hands. I prayed that God would nudge their hearts and
that they would respond, and according to Jake (who admitted he’d peeked), that happened.

Allie and Laura and I stayed and visited briefly, but I think we were all pretty wiped out. Allie had a doctor’s appointment since she seems to have some sort of bug, so we slipped out the back door while people were still visiting.

I plan to visit Tiffany’s gravesite later on. Right now all I want to do is sleep until Christmas.

Well, guess I didn’t really need to sleep until Christmas after all. But I did sleep for a couple of days. It turns out that Allie has mono. That’s why she was dragging so much at the end of the tour. So now she’s supposed to get a lot of rest and consequently hasn’t even been to school yet. She told me that the doctor said she may not be able to go to school for FOUR whole weeks.

“How’d you get mono anyway?” I asked when I went to visit her last weekend. “Isn’t it supposed to be from kissing or something?”

She didn’t say anything.

“Allie? Did you and Brett kiss during the tour?”

She still didn’t say anything.

“Allie.”

She made a face at me and turned to look out the window of her new bedroom. Oh yeah, I should mention that Allie gave Elise enough money to put a down payment on a house, which Elise and Davie moved into shortly before our tour ended. It’s in a new development at the edge of town, and although it wasn’t an expensive house, it’s a whole lot nicer and bigger than their old apartment. I guess they plan to live there even after Elise and Willy get married in December, since Willy’s place is pretty small.

“Did you come here just to make me more miserable?” demanded Allie.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. But I am curious. Did you and Brett ever kiss?”

She made a face. “Only a couple of times.”

“Do you think—?”

“Oh, I don’t know what to think, Chloe. Are you going to suggest that Brett gave me mono, that he goes around kissing every girl in sight and picked up some bug and …?”

“Well, it could happen. Have you asked him?”

“Nooo.”

“What about our pact, Allie?”

She shrugged. “It didn’t stop you.”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right. But we only did it once, Al. And we were both really sorry, and I’m pretty certain it won’t happen again.”

“At least not while we’re stuck here at home.”

“Huh?”

“Well, the doctor said I might not be ready to go on tour again for months.”

“Months?”

She nodded.

“Months? Seriously.”

“I’m sorry, Chloe.” She looked close to tears now.

“It’s not really your fault, Allie. If anything, I should be the one to get mono. I deserve it.”

She laughed. “No, you don’t. No one deserves it.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“But I’m messing everything up for everyone.”

“No, you’re not.” Suddenly, I remembered what Jeremy had said about trusting God for everything when Tiffany died. “We’re just going to have to trust God with this whole thing. If we’re supposed to go on tour again this year, then you’ll be well enough to go. If not, we’ll wait until you are.”

“Willy already let Omega know. He said they weren’t even that surprised. I guess stuff like this happens a lot in the music circuit. He said that since we did such a great job on tour this summer and both our CDs are still selling well, then maybe we just all need a good-sized break anyway.”

I sighed. “You know what, Allie? I feel kind of relieved. This summer really wiped me out. I mean, I’ve only written a couple of songs since last spring. Maybe we need a hiatus.”

“What’s that?”

“A break, you know.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Have you told Laura yet?”

“No, I thought I should tell you first.”

“Well, she might be relieved too. You know
she’s started her classes at community college this week, but she figured she might have to drop them when we went back on tour.”

“Maybe she won’t.”

“Are you sad that you don’t get to come to school?”

She nodded. “I never thought I’d say it, but I am. I was looking forward to seeing our friends again …to getting back to the old life.”

“Just take care of yourself,” I told her. “Do everything the doctor says and maybe you can come back to school sooner.”

“I hope so.”

“Guess this means no practicing too.”

She nodded glumly. “Sorry.”

“No, Allie, don’t keep saying ‘sorry.’ It’s not your fault. And like I said, God’s in control. We have to trust Him in this. He must want us to have this break for a reason. Life goes on, you know. Whether we’re touring the country or back here at home, life goes on. And it’s going to be okay.”

I think she felt a little better when I left. And I totally meant what I said. I do want to learn to trust God in everything. Whether I’m onstage being encored by an ecstatic crowd, or doing my detested math homework by myself in my room, I want to trust God and just be where He wants me to be—and be happy about it.

Willy and Elise are so cute these days. They’ve been happily planning their wedding, and subsequently their life, but they were so eager to get married that they just decided to hang it all and get married next month. I don’t think I can blame them, really. I mean, if you know you’re going to marry someone and you believe it’s God’s will, well, why not just leap in with both feet and figure out all the details later? Of course, that’s just me, and I could be wrong. What do I know at the ripe old age of seventeen and a half?

But I was pretty touched when Elise invited Laura and me over for dinner last night and asked us if we’d like to be bridesmaids in her wedding.

“Allie is going to be my maid of honor,” she said, smiling at her daughter. “And the truth is, I really don’t have many friends—or much of a life, for that matter. And I had such a great time with you girls on that last road trip. It felt like we were all so close. And, well, do you think it would look too ridiculous for a thirty-five-year-old woman to have teenagers as her bridesmaids?”

“I think it’s cool,” I told her.

“Yeah, me too,” said Laura. “It’s like we’ve been this road sort of family already. Why not keep a good thing going?”

“You don’t need to give me a shower,” said Elise. “Willy and I already have more things than we need.”

But we’ve decided to do something special for Elise. Laura suggested we all pitch in to get them a dining room set since their new dining room is conspicuously empty. And since we can afford it, we might just do that, although I don’t have a clue as to where or how you go about doing such a thing. But I figure my mom will have some ideas.

And so it’s all settled. Allie, Laura, and I will be Elise’s bridesmaids, and hopefully we’ll have it together enough by then to play some music at the reception, though this will be dependent on Allie’s recovery. So far she seems to be steadily improving. But we’ve discovered that just because she feels pretty good one day doesn’t necessarily mean that she’ll feel good the next day. Mostly she just needs to keep resting and taking it easy.

Today was one of those spectacular fall days where the sky is so blue that it almost hurts your
eyes, and the leaves are starting to turn colors—glorious. Anyway, I wanted to get outside and enjoy it, so I rode my bike up to the cemetery this morning, just to hang out for a while. Visit my old friends.

Okay, I know that sounds kind of weird, not to mention slightly morbid, but I still like going up there. I like to visit Katherine Lucinda McCall’s grave. She’s the young woman who died in 1901, and her headstone reads, “May she dance with the angels.” I used to spend a lot of time at her grave back when I was fourteen and fifteen and depressed and dark. But Katherine Lucinda was good company back then, back when I had no friends, no life, no God. It was also back then that I finally came across, quite by accident (God’s accident, that is), Clay Berringer’s grave and was struck by the words of life found there. That’s when I first gave my heart to God.

But today, I wanted to visit Tiffany’s grave. And I must admit that felt a little strange. I mean, Tiffany was someone I actually knew, talked to, spent time with, and even hated at one time, although I try not to think about that now. I’d stopped by the florist’s shop next to the Paradiso and gotten a small bouquet of white roses. I’m not even sure why I picked white roses, but maybe I thought Tiffany would like that. I hadn’t been to her grave before, but Cesar had
told me where it was, not too far from Clay Berringer’s grave, and I found it pretty easily. I put my roses by her headstone, and they actually looked quite nice, kind of sweet and pure. Maybe that’s how Tiffany feels now that she’s with God in heaven.