Expectant Father (18 page)

“Hell, no. Our paths have crossed, that’s all.” Spider shifted, uncomfortable on the wooden seat. “I’ll admit, sometimes I think my dad has changed, but Roadhouse has always been a slick talker. And really, why would my old man start to care now?”

Becca continued to inspect him as she took a bit of vanilla ice cream. “I don’t think he ever stopped loving you.”

“You met him once.” Spider barely resisted laughing outright. “Don’t be fooled. He wants money. It’s not unusual for him to appear on my doorstep and want cash.”

“Maybe it’s different this time. You didn’t hear him talk about you. Maybe—”

“You can’t change my mind about him, Becca. I know he’s good with the ladies. He just admitted this past year that I have a half sister and a half brother conceived while he was married to my mother.”

Her eyes had widened at his tirade, but she seemed about to defend Roadhouse again, so he cut her off.

“He’s got three kids by three different women—one he married, one was married to someone else at the time he got her pregnant, and one dumped him. I saw him maybe two, maybe three days a year. He could have come home during the off-season, but he didn’t. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Don’t believe a word he says,” Spider said.

“Are you always so harsh with people? Don’t you believe in second chances?” She fell silent.

Spider scowled and managed to say, “I’m not harsh with you.”

“You treat Victoria like crap.” The way Becca said it, Spider could feel her disappointment as clearly as if she’d kicked him in the shins.

All this talk about his people skills was starting to get on his nerves. Was there a point to this discussion? There couldn’t be. And…yet… “You think I’d treat our kid the same way I treat my dad or Victoria?”

She arched a brow—a subtle attack. His hopes sank. How could he believe in his parenting potential if Becca didn’t?

“Victoria needs to be pushed,” he reiterated, firmly hanging onto his temper. “And I have history with my dad that you obviously can’t begin to understand. Why can’t you put a little faith in me?”

She didn’t answer him. Despite the frigid air-conditioning, her ice cream was melting. Becca put a drippy scoop in her mouth, some of which got caught on the corner of her lips. Unable to resist this time, Spider swiped at the chocolate with his finger and then sucked his finger clean.

In Becca’s haste to put space between them, she bumped back against the wooden bench. Her reaction eased his anger, replacing it with a pleasant sensual awareness. He couldn’t resist giving her a slow smile.

“Stop that,” she warned him, keeping her back against the wall, but her eyes were locked with his.

“You can’t pretend there’s nothing between us, Bec.”

“Hypothetical question. Your sixteen-year-old son starts rebelling. He stays out late at night. You don’t like the friends he’s hanging out with. And his girlfriend turns up pregnant. What are you going to do?” she asked.

“Besides blame you for raising him without me?” He tried to make a joke of it.

She frowned, clearly not amused.

Spider set his milk shake down. He wanted to be a part of his child’s life, damn it, and a part of hers. “You think I’m going to treat my kid like dirt after the way my father was?”

“Maybe because I don’t know you,” she said slowly. “Do you really know what it is you want? It’s not as if you have a job that will make it easy for you to be involved…once you have a child. Your whole life will change.”

Her words cut deeper than he wanted them to.

They’d shared something real, created what he was com
ing to consider a life-changing miracle, and Becca was now pretending none of it involved him.

“And you? Why is it so important that you raise this baby on your own?”

“None of your—”

“I answered your questions.” He cut her off. “Even the personal ones.”

She closed her mouth on any arguments she might have voiced, so he answered for her. “You spend so much time watching out for others that life has passed you by, didn’t it? And now you're going to do things your way, no compromises.”

At her shocked expression, Spider couldn’t keep from cursing. “Why is it that you don’t think I pay attention when you speak? I absorb everything about you like a sponge—your sweet smell, the careful way you carry that baby, the way you try and make everyone come together through peaceful negotiation, and the way you keep everyone at arm’s length.” He blew out a breath. “You know, back in Vegas, you let me into more than just your body. You let me see a side of the real you, the one you keep trying to hide.”

He locked his gaze with hers. “I know all the arguments you’re going to make about our difference in age and that it’s too soon, but I love you, and I want a whole lot more than court-sanctioned visitation. I want a church-sanctioned marriage.”

He hadn’t meant to say that. He couldn’t believe he’d said that.

“It’s pretty hard to argue when you’ve already laid out my objections,” Becca said in a weak voice. Her gaze kept darting between him and her ice cream.

“Can I take your silence to mean you’ll think about it?” Spider willed her to say yes.

Becca leaned back in the booth, pushing her arms behind the small of her back. “We’d just be complicating everything—our lives, our careers, the baby’s life. I went into this thinking it would just be me and the baby.”

“So now that you’ve been blessed with this kid, you figure why bother with a man? Even if it means you’re missing out on loving somebody?”

Becca wouldn’t look at him, but her gaze bounced around the room. He’d shaken her up. He just couldn’t tell if it was in a good or a bad way.

She pushed her banana split into the middle of the table as if melted ice cream and a pool of whipped cream and fudge would stop him from coming near her or their baby. “I need to get back.”

Becca wanted him, yet she couldn’t put herself in what she perceived to be a vulnerable position. Spider wanted to punch something. “Fine. It’s too cold in here anyway.”

“Y
OU CAN SLEEP IF YOU WANT TO
,” Aiden offered as they started the drive back from the ice-cream parlor.

Becca stared out the window, wondering how she’d ever sleep again. Aiden wanted more than a role in her baby’s life. He wanted to marry her! That was just too crazy. Forget that he made her feel sexier than a pregnant woman had a right to feel, or that she loved him. They were so wrong for each other. He was young and impetuous. She was seasoned—okay, older—and cautious. He was a playboy, full of energy, barely able to sit still. She was a homebody, content to relax in front of the TV after a long day at work. Together, they made no sense.

But he wanted to marry her…

An amazing calm threatened to settle over her, as if marriage were the answer to all her problems.

She had to snap out of it. When reality sank in after the baby was born, Aiden would quickly become bored with her, while she’d go through the agony of watching him pull away. She’d be left to pick up the pieces that he’d made of her life, plus have to deal with the legalities of divorce and custody agreements. He’d have a permanent say in her life and she’d be left with a broken heart, no credibility with NIFC and no job in Boise.

They passed pine trees with mesmerizing speed. The baby wiggled around in her belly, combining with the kaleidoscope of trees to make her feel dizzy. The air conditioner caressed her skin, sticky from a day of sitting in the stifling tent. Becca closed her eyes against it all—the baby, the exhaustion and Aiden. As she drifted off, she wished she could just follow her heart and let Aiden into her life.

In her dream, Aiden was supportive, he held her hand gently in his own and feathered kisses down the side of her face. He promised to be there forever and support her despite…

“…so scared and stubborn. It doesn’t have to be this hard, Becca.” Aiden’s warm breath tickled down her cheek. Something firm yet comfortable pressed around her hand.

Becca’s eyes flew open and met Aiden’s.

“Oh.” The word came out on a breathy sigh as Becca realized that Aiden held her hand, that Aiden had kissed her cheek, that she was too tired to fight him.

That she didn’t want to fight him.

“I’m going to kiss you, Bec.”

She stared at him, unable to move, unable to stop him because she wanted his touch. She wanted the feel of his body pressed against hers. She wanted what she shouldn’t want— Aiden in her life.

His lips descended to hers with a soft touch. For a few moments she lost herself in this physical reunion. Reaching up,
she pulled him closer, enjoying the feel of his solid chest against her own.

“Oh, Bec, I know we can work this out,” Aiden whispered against the side of her mouth. Then he was kissing her again and Becca sank into a warm cocoon of desire: everything seemed destined for a happy ending.

“Woo-hoo! Take a look at this, Darrell. Somebody’s going at it in that SUV.” The crude male voice just outside her window sent Becca into rigid horror.

Hands that had been pulling Aiden closer now shoved him away.

Only he wouldn’t move.

“Get back on your side,” she whispered fiercely.

“Not until they’re gone. If I move now, they’ll see your face.”

Becca ceased all efforts to push him away from her. He was still too close. She looked up into his eyes, mere inches from hers, demanding things she couldn’t give. Then the reality of the situation hit and she shut her eyes, grateful the darkness would hide the blush that was heating her cheeks. How could she have kissed him? How could she want to kiss him again?

He chuckled, the low sound racing through her blood, fueling the almost unstoppable desire being near him sparked.

“Don’t touch me,” she warned, keeping her eyes shut tight and balling her fists to keep from touching him.

“I think we can safely say we like touching each other.” His voice was soft and strained. “In fact, I’d like to talk about this baby while I’m laying…in bed with you.”

She sensed he held back from saying something even more exciting, more intimate. Part of her longed to agree. And that’s what scared her into launching herself from her seat and clumsily out of the SUV.

If she wasn’t careful, she was going to let Aiden make a shambles of both their lives.

“Y
OU’RE GOING TO RUIN
everything,” Becca accused as she slammed the door of the Forerunner. She pointed her feet in the direction of her tent, praying that the people who’d seen them necking were gone and that no one else would spot them out here.

But Aiden wasn’t far behind her. “What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You think getting married will solve everything, when in fact, it just makes everything worse,” she said over her shoulder, trembling, unable to stop. “I’m nothing like your father. If you say jump, I won’t say how high.”

“This isn’t about my father, damn it. I don’t want you to have anything more to do with him.”

Becca could tell by his heavy footfalls that Aiden was almost upon her. She turned to face him. “See? You’re trying to control me already.”

“As if you don’t try to control me?” He raised his voice. They were still in the parking lot, but Becca shushed him anyway. He ignored her. “You don’t want anyone to see us together. You don’t want anyone to know about Vegas. So now I’m the one not allowed to set any ground rules?”

“You only need ground rules in a relationship and we’re not in one of those.” She twisted the loose ends of her hair behind her ears with unsteady fingers.

“No, I’m just a good lay, is that it?”

That hurt. Becca couldn’t blink back the tears fast enough. She brushed one away. It didn’t matter that she wanted everything he had to offer. She doubted he realized what he was doing or what he wanted. He kept on attribut
ing to her these golden qualities when she was incredibly flawed. She had to try and knock some sense into him by being heartless. Once he knew the truth, he’d never forgive her. It wasn’t in his nature.

Struggling to keep her tears at bay, Becca pointed to her belly. “You don’t want this. Not any of it. Not really. And I’m not asking anything of you.” Her breath came in shallow gasps. There was only one way to get through to him. The truth.

“Do you want to know why I went to Vegas?” Becca forced herself to look at him. “I went to Vegas to get pregnant. You don’t know how many guys I slept with to get this way. It could be your baby or a dozen other guys.”

He was momentarily speechless.

“That’s right. I went to Sin City and got laid. Again and again.” She crossed her arms over her belly and dared him to contradict her lie.

It took him a moment, but he did. “You are so full of it. That would have worked on me a week ago, Becca, but I know you better now.”

And she knew him better, too. Even in the dim light, she could see the hurt in his eyes, so she pressed on. “You’re right. I woke up one morning and realized that life had passed me by. My work had become my life, but it was no longer enough.”

With a shake of his head, Aiden reached for her. “Why can’t you take a chance and let me in? I was serious about getting married. I lo—”

“Don’t.” Becca cut her hand between them. “There’s more. I cruised the casinos and scoped out bars looking for someone to give me a baby. Someone alone. Someone a bit drunk.” She swallowed back her tears.

“You’re serious.” He stepped back, clenching his fists. “No, I can’t believe it. Not of you.” He’d closed his eyes, but now they were open, and full of resolve. “You found me and we created something wonderful.”

“Don’t romanticize it. Can’t you see? You live a nomadic life as a Hot Shot. We’re a novelty now, but come spring, you’ll be tired of diapers. You’ll go off to a fire and wonder what you ever saw in me. Then on some hot summer day, a pretty girl will smile at you, and you’ll do something you’ll regret.”

“You’re rejecting me for my own good? I won’t accept that.” He looked away.

Becca crossed her arms over her belly. It wasn’t just for his good, it was for her protection, too. “Think about it.”

“I have thought about it. I want what’s best for this little guy. I won’t screw up his life like my dad did to me. I want him—or her—to know I love them, not guess or dream.” He stepped toward her. “I’d want what’s best for the mother of my kid, too. Besides, you’re the last person on earth that would bore me. I won’t repeat my father’s mistakes.” His expression hardened. “I won’t cheat.”