Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (39 page)

Tyler hurries to walk after them, muttering, "You're a bloody idiot mate," as he passes me. He doesn't get far before he stops, turns around and glares at me, much like Olivia did. "If you only knew..." he shakes his head, "Well, that would have gone a lot differently." I don't get the chance to ask him what he means before he heads after them, dropping an arm across each of their shoulders and handing the bags he was holding to Olivia.

Jeremy

L
ooking down at our joined hands, she asks, "What was that about?" I start to answer, but then she murmurs, "That was weird, they're hiding something."

"What do you mean?" I ask, her earlier question forgotten.

She sighs, "Have you ever known SarahBeth to back down so easily? Something's going on."

"How do you know?" I didn't notice anything especially off, not really. This whole situation is fucking off, but there wasn't anything new.

Mel looks up at me, studying my face before continuing, "You forget Jer, I was there when you were both trying to hide how you felt, when you were both
denying
how you felt. She had the same look just now as she did then...she's definitely hiding something."

I look down at her in shock; surprised she would even bring up any of that right now. I don't get a chance to ask her for clarification because she keeps talking. "Just like I know
you
are hiding something from
her
. I don't know what it is, but I'd advise you to talk to someone Jeremy. You still love that girl...hell, you told me less than an hour ago that you do, and if you continue to keep secrets, the two of you won't be able to come back from this." It's a sobering thought, never being able to get back to what we had after all of this, but it doesn't change anything now. Melanie smacks me on the chest suddenly, bringing me out of my melancholy quickly, "Hey! Are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

"Yes," I say, exasperated with the direction this conversation is taking.

She smacks me in the chest before putting her hands on her hips, "Why did you do that, Jer? Why act like we're a couple? Are you
trying
to break her heart? That's not the Jeremy I knew, the one who tried to let me down gently, even when we both knew it was over. The one who was hurt himself at the thought of hurting me." Her eyes are full of emotion when she begs, "Please, please tell me what's going on."

"I can't right now, Mel," I pull out my phone to look at the time, "I need to get back to work." 

I'm avoiding her and we both know it, but she lets it go for now. She looks down at her watch, "Alright. This conversation isn't over though. I need to go meet Peter anyway." At the mention of her fiancé, her face brightens. "I'd really like you to meet him. Maybe we can meet for dinner sometime? You can come over to the house and we can talk...really talk, about what's going on, yeah?"

Unable to help myself I smile at her happiness and her concern for my own now defunct relationship; I agree before bending to kiss her cheek. "Sure, call me tomorrow and we'll set it up." Hoping she'll forget, I watch her hurry off to meet Peter, and find myself hoping he'll be the man for her I wasn't able to be. I turn and head back to the office. Work is the only place I can concentrate on anything other than the shit my life has turned into, at least until I'm summoned back to my aunt's house for a "family meeting".

This house is the absolute last place I want to walk into. The last time I was here, my Nonna was teaching SarahBeth how to make her lasagna, my favorite meal. Seeing the empty room now, I'm reminded once again how much I miss that girl, how much I wish I wasn't being forced to make these choices. Her standing beside my grandmother, their heads bent together while she explained to SarahBeth how to make homemade pasta and "cook with love" is one of only a few happy memories I have of this house. Thanks to my selfish mother, I won't be making any more memories with her.

Loud voices are coming from the living room at the front of the house, reminding me of exactly why I've come through the back. My mother and my Aunt Constance are standing toe to toe while my Uncle Henry watches from his seat on the couch and my grandmother wrings her hands as she tries to talk over them. Welcome Home to me...right.

When she sees me, Nonna rushes over to me, prompting me to bend down so she can put a hand on my cheek, kissing the other before saying, "Ciao nipote, thank you for coming right over. I don't know what to do about your mother."

"I'll handle it Nonna, What is it this time?" I'm pretty sure I already know, but I don't want to clue her in if this is something different.

My grandmother sighs, "She came to ask for money. Money that your aunt and uncle don't have to lend." 

Lend. Nonna knows better. With Teresa Meloni, you aren't lending her money; you're basically throwing it away because it's never going to be repaid. Not unless I pay it back. The look on my grandmother's face makes me feel guilty as shit because I
know
that if I'd given my mother what she wanted when she came to my office two weeks ago, we wouldn't be here right now. She would have taken the money and run, only returning when she needed more. Unfortunately for my mother, I'm tired of giving her money; I'm so goddamn tired of cleaning up her mistakes. She's cost me the one good thing in my life and the sight of her disgusts me.

Noticing I'm in the room, my aunt and my mother both look over to me, thankfully this temporarily stops the shouts and insults being thrown back and forth. "Jeremy!" my mother simpers, acting happy that I've come over. She probably is, thinking that by coming here and stirring up trouble I'll end up paying for her latest screw up just to keep the peace, but she's wrong. "Sweetie, you're here! I've missed you," she continues, trying to wrap her arms around me in a hug.

I step away just as my aunt laughs mirthlessly and says, "Give it up Teresa, we all know you couldn't care less about your only child." The words aren't as painful now as they were when I was a child. Constance made sure to let me know every chance she got that I was an unwanted child who caused trouble for the family.

"Shut up and let me see my boy," my mother snaps, her hands on her hips as she and my aunt glare at each other. Eager to spare my grandmother from the conversation I'm sure we're going to have, I grab my mother by the arm and drag her into the kitchen, shutting the door so no one interrupts us.

Spinning around, I glare down at my mother who isn't much taller than SarahBeth, watching her as she wilts the longer I wait to speak. "I'm sure you showed up here tonight to try and force me to pay off your dealer, but I'm still not doing it. I told you no when you came to my office and I mean it just as much now as I did then."

"But honey," she whines, gripping my hand tightly in hers as she speaks. "I have to pay these men or they'll come after my family. That means they will come after you, and probably that little girl and her brother. You don't want that do you?" She's not fooling anyone, especially me. She only uses endearments when I'm her last option, which means she's already gone to her boss, providing she hasn't been fired, and her latest man. Her bringing up SarahBeth again has my attention though. The whole reason I let Sarah go was because I didn't want her mixed up in my mother's mess, but now I have to worry that Teresa already told him all about her. If she did, she's already in danger anyway, which means this was all for nothing.

My mother gets mixed up with the most dangerous people, and the thought that SarahBeth's name has been given to one of them has my heart pounding and my throat closing. My voice is low and hoarse when I say, "I hope, for your sake, you didn't tell anyone her name. If
anything
happens to that girl because of you, I'll come after you myself. You think what your dealer will do to you is bad? It's
nothing
compared to what I'll do if someone hurts SarahBeth."

"You would choose that girl over your own mother?" my mother tries to sound heartbroken, but she's easy to see through.

Leaning in so we're almost nose-to-nose, I say, "I'd choose a
stranger
over you any fucking day of the week. Stay the fuck away from me and don't you ever breathe her name to anyone, you got me,
mama
." Her mouth drops open, but I'm at the point where I just don't give a shit. Gripping her upper arm, I pull her out of the kitchen, back through the living room where my aunt, uncle and grandmother simply watch us, I don't stop until I've opened the door and shoved her out onto the porch. "You aren't welcome here, my office, where I live or David and SarahBeth's. Stay the
fuck
out of my life." I practically scream that last part at her.

When I shut the door and turn to face the rest of my family, they are staring wide-eyed back at me. "I told her to stay away. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have shit I need to do." Without waiting for a response, I head back through the house. I need to figure out how to protect SarahBeth, but first I need to beg for her forgiveness. I've been so fucking stupid. I thought I could protect her from my bitch of a mother, when really, the damage was already done. Now I'm left hoping she'll forgive me, and wondering what I'll do if she doesn't. I also have to figure out who the fuck my mother's latest dealer is so I can make sure SarahBeth stays safe, even if it means paying her debts once more. It's the last thing I want to do, but Sarah's more important than anything else.

SarahBeth

"He's such a freaking
asshole
," Livvie fumes as we walk through the mall, trying to get as far away from Jeremy as possible. Now that her arm isn't around my shoulders, her hands are clenched at her sides and her face is mottled with her fury... "I swear to God, I want to punch him right in the junk! He's lucky there were too many people around, but," she screams a little in frustration, "let me get him alone and I'll put that particular part of him out of commission for a good long time!" She continues to threaten parts of Jeremy's anatomy as we walk through the mall, but I tune her out, stuck in my own misery and anger over seeing him with
Melanie
of all people.

Tyler tries to talk Livvie down, promising that she can come over to his apartment and take out her frustrations on Jeremy as soon as he gets home, but she's still ranting when we leave the mall. Walking us to the car, Tyler opens the trunk to put the bags inside before giving me a quick hug and saying, "If the two of you would just sit down and talk..." but I cut him off.

"There's nothing for us to talk about anymore. I'm sorry, I know he's your friend and you're trying to do what you think is best, but I have bigger things to worry about." I don't linger in his embrace because having a friend of Jeremy's hug me is uncomfortable, especially since it's the guy he's been staying with since he moved out of our house.

Sighing, Tyler nods, letting me go before he leans over, placing a hand on my still flat stomach, "You can't keep this a secret from him. No matter what he's done and what he's still doing, he deserves to know. I'll give you some time to get used to it all, but if you don't tell him, I will, and trust me..." he trails off to take a deep breath before standing straight. Without removing his hand and narrowing his eyes at me he says, "If you're not the one who tells him, he may never forgive you. Think about that love. Are you prepared for that possible fallout? For your relationship with the father of your child to change for the worse because of your duplicity?"