Everything Changes (13 page)

“Okay…so don’t treat me like that.” Sitting up, I
pulled the covers back and looked out the window to see the sun rising over the
rocks. “Let’s go.”

We went for a hike and ignored what happened last
night with Dusty. I knew enough to know whatever it was between them was still
brewing, but I also knew enough about Parker over the last three weeks that you
didn’t ask questions. If he wanted you to know, he would tell you. If you asked
and he wasn’t ready, he would ignore the question as if you never asked.

At the canyons that afternoon, Parker opened up
to me. “Sometimes, I don’t know how to say what I want to say, so I don’t say
anything at all,” he admitted as we sat by the pool after the hike.

I knew the feeling.

“I always end up saying the opposite when I get
angry.” I was trying to sympathize with him, but I also completely understood
where he was coming from. When I was in the second grade, there was this little
boy who constantly pulled my hair and kicked me. I got to the point where I was
so flustered with the kid, I intended to yell at him at ended up shouting, ‘I
want to kiss you!’ as opposed to ‘I want to kick you!’”

The entire class laughed at me too.

I told Parker the story as we sat there with our
legs in the water watching the ripples.
 
He laughed and then told me about the time he peed his pants in
kindergarten because he was afraid of public bathrooms.

“Are you still afraid of public bathrooms?” I
couldn’t help but let a giggle slip.

Parker found no amusement in my giggles and
glared. “Maybe.”

I felt increasingly comfortable around Parker,
and that day wasn’t any different. Our relationship was moving fast, but it was
also exactly what I wanted. My life felt boring before, but now I was living in
the fast lane whether it was intended or not.

CHAPTER 7

Rowan Jensen

Podium

This is a three-tiered
platform where the top three finishers celebrate their performances after the
race. The winner is placed centrally and higher than the second and third place
riders.

July 4,
1997

The sun filtering in through the curtains woke
me. Though I didn’t want to get up, I did despite my lackluster motivation. I
could hear voices coming from downstairs, so I assumed the clan had arrived.
The clan being the guys from Anaheim Justin couldn’t stop talking about last
night.

On the morning of the Fourth of July, a few of
Justin’s and Parker’s buddies from Anaheim arrived for the party they were
throwing that night. This was their tradition since they usually left after the
fourth. We were informed this was a
rager
of a party
as well, resulting in the police being called
every
year. Part of me was
looking forward to it. Other than a few parties back home, I had never been
into the whole social scene, but I wasn’t opposed to it. It actually sounded
fun to me.

Parker wasn’t in the room when I woke up, but I
could hear the faint scream of a two-stroke in the distance. I assumed he was
outside. That gave me time to shower before the condo would be crowded with
people I didn’t know, or didn’t want to know.

While I was in the shower,
Addy
came in as if there was nothing wrong with walking in on someone in the shower.

“Hey, sugar snap,” she said, sitting on the
counter. “What’s up with your boy?”

“I’m naked you know.”

“So what? I’ve seen you before.” She giggled, her
eyes amused as she peeked through the curtain. “At least you have boobs now. I
was a little worried they’d never arrive.”

“
Addy
?”

“Yes?”

“Stop talking about my boobs.” I sighed, rinsing
the shampoo from my hair, the water streaming down the side of my neck. “What
do you want?”

“Oh right, so a bunch of guys just arrived and
Parker is acting strange.”

“
Strange
? Like how?”

I tried to recall his mood last night. It wasn’t
strange. In fact, we spent most of the night watching movies in his room while
I lounged around in his arms. It was a nice change from the previous night when
he hadn’t said a word to me.

“He’s happy.”

I felt a pressure lift as she said the word
happy
.
“That’s not strange,
Addy
. That’s a good thing.”

“Yes it is. He’s moodier than a shark.”

“Shark?” I poked my head out from out behind the
curtain, wiping water from my eyes. “Why is a shark moody?”

“It’s just an analogy.”
Addy
rolled her eyes, reaching for my lotion by the sink.

“You shouldn’t use an animal you know nothing
about as an analogy.”

“Whatever.” With a dab of lotion in the palm of
her hand, she went about lathering up her bare legs. “Like you know anything
about them either.”

Rolling
my
eyes, I closed the curtain, letting the hot soothing water run over my back as
I thought about Parker being happy. I felt a certain stitch of jealously that
someone else could make him happy. I wanted to see the smiles for myself. I
wanted to look into those eyes and be the only one. Selfish, I know, but that
never changed for me. Maybe that was part of my problem. I
wanted
too
much. I wanted parts of him he could never give me.

“Do you love him, Rowan?”
Addy
asked, taking her medication for the morning. She preferred doing it alone in
the bathroom rather than in front of an audience, assuming there was an
audience out there now. If you didn’t know
Addy
was
diabetic, you’d think she was shooting crack into her stomach.

“Why would you ask me that? I barely know him.” I
felt something very strong for Parker. I was sure of that. But I always felt
love was a strong word and one that should never just be said because you felt
you needed to say it. If I was honest, I was fooling myself. I was madly in
love with him. I just didn’t want to admit it.

Addy
shrugged, tossing the needle in the garbage and placing the vial insulin in her
pocket. “You seem to love him.”

Turning off the water, I reached my arm out to
snag a towel from the white shelf next to the shower. “Do you love Justin?” I
took in a deep breath, bunching the towel up by my face. It smelled like
Parker: fresh laundry mixed with subtle hints of honey and pine. This entire
condo smelled like him, and I never wanted to leave.

“I do,”
Addy
replied,
but her face wasn’t glowing like I thought it would be.

“That doesn’t seem very convincing.”

She shrugged, standing up to balance herself
against the wall. She always got dizzy after talking her medicine. “I’ll see you
downstairs. I’m going to eat something.”

“Be careful,” I warned, watching her exit the
bathroom.
Addy
had a handle on her diabetes, but
every now and then it had a tendency to control her at times.

Once I was out of the shower, I thought for sure
I’d see Parker in the room since I didn’t hear his bike anymore, but he wasn’t
there. Instead, I saw him setting up chairs and tables outside by the pool with
Justin.

Addy
was
waiting for me again, sitting on Parker’s bed with her legs crossed.

“What’s up?” I asked, adjusting my towel. I knew
something was up. I could see it all over her face, but I was a little nervous
that Parker would show up. Then
Addy
wouldn’t tell me
what she clearly needed to.

Addy
closed
her eyes with a sigh. “Justin and I had sex last night,” she whispered into the
air.

“What? Really?”

She lowered her head and looked at me with wide
eyes. “Yes.”

“And?”

“It hurt but it wasn’t horrible,” she said,
looking at me with the same wide eyes. “He was sweet about it.”

“Was he a virgin too?”

Addy
rolled
her eyes. “No, he’s almost nineteen. He’s had sex with a few different girls.”
She kind of cringed. “He’s been in love before too.”

“Oh.”

I eyed her when her eyes glossed over. “Are you
okay?”

She nodded. “I am…it’s just that I’m scared. It’s
terrifying to think about it.”

I knew that feeling for sure.

“I think Justin is a good guy,
Addy
.” I was offering her the advice she came for. She
smiled up at me as I adjusted the towel again. “If you’re worried that you’re
just another notch, I don’t think he’s like that.”

“Have you and Parker had sex yet?”

I felt weird knowing
Addy
lost her virginity, but I felt better knowing mine was barely hanging on. I
knew Parker wanted to have sex with me. He made that clear.

Before I could answer
Addy
spoke again. “Justin said Parker’s a virgin.”

I knew that.

“He also told Justin it’s been really hard
waiting with you sleeping next to him.”

Parker was seventeen. He had wants just as did I.
“We almost did that first night here…but he stopped us…or maybe we both
stopped.”

Then
Addy
turned girlie
on me with a giggle. “Is he big? Justin is huge!”

I smiled and she knew.

Our conversations that morning were like that of
any teenage girls, full of shared secrets and giggles. It felt good to have her
here with me, but I also knew I would have never come along if it hadn’t been
for
Addy
, and for that I was grateful.

“Do you think you guys will do it tonight?”

I shrugged, trying to conceal my nerves, but
there was no way around it.
Addy
knew me well. “What
if it sucks for him and he doesn’t like it?”

“He’s never had sex before. If his dick is inside
you, I’m fairly certain it won’t suck for him.”

“
Addy
…” I groaned,
suddenly tempted to knock her off the toilet. “Thanks for the advice, dolly.”

She knew I was being sarcastic and took pity on
me. “It’ll be fine.”

I wasn’t so convinced of that.

When
Addy
left I spent
a few hours alone applying lotion to my entire body, painting my toe nails, and
then drying my hair. Dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a black tank top with
flip-flops, I felt good and refreshed once I went downstairs. It was nice not
to have that thick layer of sand all over me for once.

The afternoon moved quickly, and soon, their
friends started arriving.

In a sweet gesture, Parker pulled me aside when a
group of girls made their way inside the condo. I knew instantly they were the
girls from Anaheim from their bleached blond hair, flawless tanned skin, and
expensive brand name clothing. Here I was, plain chocolate brown hair, average
body, and clothes purchased from Target.

I stood against a bar they had outside, sipping
on my drink, when Parker came over. The girls eyed him like he was a piece of
meat they were about to devour.

“Are you okay?” he asked, leaning into my side.
His right hand brushed the hair from my neck to kiss me. It made me smile
because a beautiful meat devouring redhead was watching us intently. I wanted
to lick the side of his face and tell her just how good his seasoning was. The
thought made me smile and Parker noticed.

Parker let out a little laugh. “What’s that
giggle for?” He looked down at me, and his hand gripped mine a little tighter,
pulling me into his chest.

I eyed him. “Those girls seem to pay a lot of
attention to you.”

“What?” he asked, like he had no idea what I was
referring to.

He looked over his shoulder towards the girls and
then turned his gaze back to me, eying me cautiously.

“Do you know them?” My eyes dropped from his to
the red plastic cup in my hand.

His hand rose to touch my cheek before he leaned
in, kissing me softly. “I do…but I couldn’t care less if they pay attention.”
He cracked a smile when he pulled back. “I think you know who has my attention
here.” His eyes softened like he was going to be sincere until Justin
approached us, throwing his arm around Parker.

Justin grinned. “You two ready to get this party
started?”

“Oh, I think it’s already started,”
Addy
added, walking past with an arm full of empty beer
cans.

Parker pulled away after that and went to another
group gathered by the fence, all drinking too.

I hadn’t seen Parker drink with any of them.
Every time I saw him, he had a bottle of water in his hand. I wasn’t much of a
drinker. The summer before I turned seventeen, I had my first beer, compliments
of Ben and Joey. I spent the rest of the night drinking one right after
another, and the following morning I wished I was dead. I haven’t touched
alcohol since and really didn’t plan to. I just didn’t see the appeal. That
might have had something to do with my mom as well, but that was another story
all together.