Everything Changes (8 page)

“They can come too.”

Parker shook his head. His eyes shifted to mine
and then back to Dusty. “Nah, that’s a little much for them.”

Dusty’s
brow
furrowed as he glanced at me and smiled. He seemed amused when he looked down
at our joined hands. “And you are?”

“She’s Rowan.” Parker’s hand tightened around
mine. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that was an act of jealousy.
“Later, Dusty.”

We were out the door before I had time to
comprehend what just happened. Sneaking a glance back at the booth once more, I
saw the three of them staring at us, including
Addy
.

On the street, Parker pulled me with him.

He came to a stop just before we crossed the
street.

“I’m sorry.” His breathing was rough. “I just
needed to get out of there.” That wasn’t the last time Parker panicked and ran
from a situation he felt uncomfortable with. I learned quickly that he did it
often. That was the first time I witnessed it, and every time it got harder and
harder to watch.

He didn’t speak again until we were heading to
watch the sunset at Arches National Park. It seemed romantic and not something
we should be doing, but he still had my hand, so I was simply a follower at
that point. I wasn’t about to let go either.

“I’m sorry about that,” he whispered, his eyes
focused on something in the distance. He kicked at a rock and the dirt rose in
gentle clouds under our feet. “Dusty is not someone you should be around.”
Based on the tone of his voice, it didn’t seem like something he wanted to
discuss but more of an explanation of his behavior. He pushed his hand up,
wiping the sweat from his forehead, and looked the other way.

I nodded as we continued to walk. Stumbling along
behind him, I tripped a few times over various rocks. I wasn’t exactly the most
graceful walker.

When we reached the top of the hill, Parker
brushed off a rock for us to sit on.

When the sun set that night, the moon became our
asylum from the world around us.

We weren’t shy under the stars, and he wasn’t so
guarded. I didn’t have sudden word vomit, and Parker spoke his mind. The
moonlight in Moab remained, to this day, the one place where both of us felt
free to be ourselves.

A gentle breeze blew up from the canyon, and the
sand whirled around us, displacing grains in its path and then settling again.
The light from the moon shinned down on my bare legs making them seem as if
they were glowing.

“I didn’t mean to…you know…make you think I
didn’t want to sleep in the bed with you.”

Closing my eyes, I smiled when the wind picked up
again, the breeze sending a shiver through me. Instead of offering a sweatshirt
he didn’t have, he wrapped his arms around me to shield me from the wind.

“I know,” I whispered against the cotton of his
shirt. Then I inhaled deeply as I did the night before. He smelled like a
combination of laundry soap, deodorant, and summer.

I could feel him tense as he looked down at me.
“I’ve never had a…well...you know.”

“Girlfriend?” I asked looking up at him.

The words seemed to hang between us. My stomach
dropped as I waited for what he would say next. Judging by the life I knew he
had, I thought for sure Parker was experienced with girls.

“Yeah…” His expression became amused when I
smiled. “I’m not saying that I assume that’s what you are, but just so you
know…if you want to be at some point...” He held both my hands in his.

Well then.

“Parker?” My eyes fluttered open and then closed.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

This time, he didn’t waste any time before his
lips found mine, soft and gentle but yearning too. Time seemed to stand still,
nothing mattered and nothing moved. It was just us and the moon. His tongue met
mine, but this time we were both active participants in the event. I was no
longer stunned, now I was prepared.

Parker groaned into my mouth, pulling me against
his chest, his lips hungry and searching for more. The sound of his soft groan
sent another shiver through me; only this time it wasn’t from cold but
excitement.

Still sitting on a rock, it was hard to get
close, so without thinking, I moved to straddle him. Parker had been thinking
and quickly gained any composure I lost during the kissing.

“Rowan.” He sighed, keeping me firmly in place,
but I knew the switch had been flipped. “As much as that feels good, you need
to get up.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, untangling myself from him.

His hands clutched my hips tightly. “I just don’t
want you to think that’s why we came out here.”

Nodding, I moved to sit next to him. We didn’t
speak for about twenty minutes when he pulled me close to his side. “It’s nice
to be here with you. I used to come up here with Justin, but he talks too
much.”

“Yeah, he and
Addy
make
the perfect match.”

Parker chuckled softly, his chest shaking me with
his laughter. It made me smile.

“Were you close with your dad?”

And the word vomit returned.

“Jack?”

“No, I mean your real dad?”

Shut up, stop speaking.

Parker snorted. I thought he’d pull away, tense,
and put up a few more tires, but surprisingly, under the safe haven of the
moonlight, he opened up. “No, even before he died we were never close. He
wasn’t much of a father figure.”

“That sucks.”

Parker was quiet for another few minutes before
he spoke with a dim edge. “He never believed in me. Even after I got the
factory ride at fourteen with Yamaha, he still didn’t believe I could do it.
All he cared about was that I was living his dream and not to the level he
wanted.” Parker’s voice was distant and his eyes remained on a rock a few feet
away. “I was fourteen when I came home from racing at Perris Raceway in
California to find him dead. He had…” Parker looked at me, his eyes cautious,
waiting for me to judge him. I never did, and to this day, I never have.

“You mean…” I didn’t have to say the words. He
knew I was implying that his dad might have committed suicide. “Oh my God,
Parker…”

Parker nodded and his gaze fell to our hands that
were now joined. “Yeah.”

Now I completely understood their hesitation when
speaking about their dad. No wonder no one knew what happened. That wasn’t
exactly something you wanted everyone knowing.

“So you found him?” I was still trying to wrap my
mind around it. “Where was Justin?”

“Yeah, I found him. Justin had just turned
sixteen. He was probably off with his friends I assume. I don’t really
remember. I just remember sitting there staring at him for the longest time
wondering why he would do something like that. Was life really that bad? How
could he just leave us to fend for ourselves?” He looked up at me. “We were
kids, fucking kids, and he just decided he wanted out, just like our mom. I
mean, Jesus, were we that horrible that they both hated us that much?”

“I uh…what?”

“It wasn’t a question,” he mumbled, leaning back
against the rocks and then kicking his legs out to lie down.

Following suit, I lay next to him, looking up at
the stars. “I didn’t mean to bring him up.”

“It’s all right.” He sniffed again, the action
annoyed. “I’m over it.”

Clearly, he was far from over it.

“When did you run your first race?” It was the
only thing I could think of to change the subject.

Despite the heavy topic, Parker smiled as he
remembered that desire to win and why he loved racing. “My first race was at
Perris Raceway when I was ten. The track is pretty cool.” He looked over at me,
propping his arm up to lean against it. “The track is carved right from the
hills with huge smooth boulders randomly placed. It’s fast with a lot of jumps
and elevation changes. They ran the novice and beginner classes together, so
when you lined up at the gate, you lined up together. I ran the YZ 80 beginner
class and won the first
moto
. When the second
moto
lined up, I won the novice class.”

“And you were hooked?” I smiled at him, watching
his eyes.

He returned the smile. “I was hooked.” He nodded.
“Every day after school I’d come home and hop on my YZ 80 and roost every inch
of our five acre lot.”

“Is racing Supercross the same for you?”

Parker nodded. “It is. The adrenaline I get from
it is unlike anything else. I’m not sure what I’m racing this next year though.
I lost my ride at the end of the season last year.” He stood brushing the sand
from his shorts. “Hell, it might just be a hobby from now on.”

I’d like to say Parker let me in that summer, and
he did in some ways, but I always felt like I was stuck in the waiting zone,
praying he’d open up and show me that same Parker I found in the serene,
peaceful light of the moon. Outside of that, in the dry air, dusty wind, and
unforgiving sun, Parker wasn’t Parker; he was the version he created of
himself.

CHAPTER 5

Rowan Jensen

Compression
Dampening

Compression dampening
controls the suspension by compressing. An adjustable valve allows a specific
amount of oil through the suspension and controls the speed at which it travels
through its stroke.

June
22, 1997

Parker and I almost fell asleep in Arches
National Park watching the moon until I was sure I had been bit by a poisonous
spider. He found my panic attack humorous. I did not.

“What if it would have been poisonous?” I asked,
stumbling over rocks trying to keep up with him and his long legs.

“It wasn’t. It was a fly.”

“Flies don’t bite,” I told him, following closely
behind as we walked back to the condo, all the while imagining spiders crawling
on me. “What if I needed venom sucked out of me? Is there a hospital nearby?”

Parker laughed, turning to face me. The sandy
gravel beneath his feet crunched with the twist. “Well then, I guess I’d be kissing
other parts of you.” He winked, his gaze trailing south. “Where was the bite at
again?”

Suddenly I was about as shy as Parker. He noticed
my shyness and chuckled.

When we returned to the condo,
Addy
and Justin were locked away in his room at the other
end of the hall. From the giggling, I had a feeling I didn’t want to know
anything
that was happening in there.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” Parker told me when I
returned to the room after brushing my teeth and getting into my sleep shirt.

I had no pants on, just a pair of black boy short
panties. That was my first mistake that night. My second was teasing Parker,
who I had thoroughly underestimated.

“No, I won’t allow it.” Placing my hands on my
hip, I acted as though I was making a presidential debate statement.

“
You
don’t really have a choice.” Parker shrugged reaching for the pillow on the
bed. “I like it on the floor.” Glancing down at the floor, I noticed he had a
makeshift bed down there with a pillow and sleeping bag. “See, nice and comfy.”

Don’t think for one second I missed the meaning
in his words.

“So you like it on the floor, huh?” I smiled up
at him trying to hold back my laughter.

“Uh…” He panicked, his cheeks flushed.

“Parker, get in the damn bed.” Huffing, I pulled
the covers back after climbing in, patting the side with my hand.

He grinned. Amused, I raised my voice at him.
“Fine…” He tossed his pillow back on the bed. “But please go put some pants
on.”

“Or else what?”

“Rowan, I’m a seventeen. Don’t forget that.” His
grin widened and he winked, slipping under the covers. “I can’t guarantee I’ll
keep my hands to myself with temptation that close.”

Oh.
I could feel the burn
in my stomach and the tingle between my legs.

“You’re too shy for that.” Rolling over, I turned
to face him with my head propped on my elbow for support.

He followed and did the same after tossing his
shirt on the floor. My eyes shot to his bare skin wanting to feel it against my
own. “You know…most people think I’m shy.” He smiled, reaching up to touch the
side of my heated cheek. “I’m not shy. I just don’t have a lot to say.”

“Can I kiss you?” Word vomit returned.

“You don’t have to ask.” His eyes focused on my
lips. His voice was rough, just above a whisper. “You can kiss me any time you
want.”

Pressing my lips to his, I sighed as the warmth
hit me. “I may never stop. You’re too good at it.”

“By all means, don’t stop.” He chuckled, pulling
me across the sea of white sheets. For the first time, my body was flush with
his as his fingers slid tentatively up my shirt towards my breasts.

We just started talking and now we were
half-naked in bed together heading for third base.