Everybody's After Love (14 page)

CHAPTER 15

Two more trips around the ferris wheel and our feet are planted firmly back on the ground. Considering I didn’t pass out or throw up, I’d say it was successful. Now that we’ve discussed every possible way to cook an egg, Bentley holds my hand, beaming proudly as we walk back to the golf cart.

“Jules, you did it! Was that not amazing?” he asks and squeezes my hand.

Still buzzing from the adrenaline, I bounce as I walk and nod my head quickly. “Yeah, I can’t believe I actually rode that monster without hyperventilating!”

Bentley lets out a low chuckle and pulls me to him. I wrap my arms around his neck as his hands go to my waist. Grinning, he lowers his head and presses his lips against mine, my tongue quickly finds his while his fingers grip my hips. Kids scream on the Gravitron while cows moo in the cattle barn, but all that matters is what’s in my arms right now—Bentley.

Turns out he’s everything I never knew I needed. I was so afraid of Paulie getting married because I thought I was losing him, but I’m actually gaining Bentley in return. Since I’ve met him I’ve overcome my fear of touching fish and he even got me to calmly ride a ferris wheel. His personality and gentle touch calms me in a way nothing else can while his sexy dimple and strong muscles affect me in an entirely different way. And his kissing skills…
mmm!
He sucks on my lower lip as he starts to pull away and gives me a mischievous grin.

“Bentley! There are kids around here!”

We both turn toward the squeaky voice that I’m slowly getting used to. Bri and my brother are walking toward us, hand in hand. Both of our siblings know how much time we’ve been spending together, but I don’t think either know we’re at the kissing level yet. My cheeks flush red and as Bentley grabs my hand, I try to hide behind him.

Paulie stretches out his arm to shake Bentley’s hand. “Hey Bentley, taking care of my little sis?”

He nods proudly toward the ferris wheel. “Of course, even got her to ride the ferris wheel.”

Paulie and Bri’s eyebrows both shoot to the top of their foreheads as they ask in unison, “You did?”

Everyone laughs as I roll my eyes. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Jules, I saw you that day in the Arch. You riding the ferris wheel is definitely a big deal!” Bri says, moving my brother’s arm around her shoulder.

“You
are
deathly afraid of heights, Julianna. So, what’s the secret? How’d you do it?” Paulie asks, a tinge of jealousy in his voice as he’s been trying for years to help me conquer the fear.

Bentley simply says, “Eggs” and we both burst out laughing.

Paulie and Bri look at each other confused. Bentley nods as he explains,  “I asked her how she liked her eggs to get her mind off the whole heights thing. I offered to talk about her dog or even you, but she only had her mind on eggs.”

Bri laughs while Paulie gives a polite smile. He catches my eye, holding our gaze as we share our own private moment. Bentley rambles on about our egg discussion as Paulie mouths to me, “You okay?”

I nod and quickly step forward, giving my big brother a hug. He holds me close as I bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from crying. His hand pats my back and smoothes out my hair. Whispering, he reminds me like he always does, “It wasn’t your fault, Julianna.”

Stepping back, I wipe my eyes and force a smile. I wave my hands in front of my face and laugh. “Whew, guess that whole ferris wheel thing caught up to me.”

Bentley and Bri both stare at me, not buying it at all. Luckily, Bri changes the subject to fair food while Bentley searches for my hand, giving it a squeeze. Paulie moves his attention back to Bri knowing that I’ll break down if he keeps staring at me. When she finally makes up her mind that one deep fried Oreo won’t keep her from fitting in her wedding down, we bid farewell and make our way to the golf cart.

Bentley doesn’t say anything or ask what’s wrong as he rests his hand on my thigh. He drives us past the lower parking lot, where no other fair goers are allowed. He steers the cart slowly through a mini village with signs that read “Here ‘ye, here ‘ye” and an amphitheater with a large stage in front. He puts the cart in park and steps out, offering me his hand.

“My fair lady, won’t ye join me?” he asks with a slight bow.

I take his hand and slide out of my seat. “What is this place?”

Walking us toward the stage, he explains, “This is where they hold the Renaissance Festival in the fall. Technically we aren’t allowed back here but as long as we don’t steal a turkey leg, I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

I giggle at his joke like I always do and he steps on stage, holding out his hand to help me up. He takes his phone from his pocket and opens the Pandora app.
Here’s To the Good Times
by Florida Georgia Line plays and he takes my hand in his, the other goes to my waist as he spins me around the stage. While we slow dance, he sings softly and kisses me even softer when the song finishes.

I take a deep breath, filling my lungs, and then, before I lost the nerve, I blurt out, “We had a dog.”

Bentley arches his eyebrows, slightly confused. “Okay… ”

I let go of him and walk over to the edge of the stage, taking a seat and dangling my feet. Bentley follows me and sits down, his hands massaging my shoulders.

“Sandy was a boxer that Paulie and I totally adored. When Paulie was a senior and I was in middle school, I forgot to hook the latch in the backyard when I let her out before school. Paulie had a football game that night so my parents were together when our neighbor called to tell them Sandy was out.” I swallow, the guilt flooding my body. “They turned around to put her away, rushing to pick me up from soccer practice and get to Paulie’s game on time. At the intersection to turn to the soccer park, a tractor trailer ran a red light as they were turning. Our father died instantly, but our mom made it a few days before she passed too from internal injuries.”

Bentley continues to rub my shoulders, the only thing keeping me from completely breaking down as the tears blur my vision and my stomach feels like the acid is eating away at it. This is one of those memories I’d suppressed years ago and hadn’t thought about until recently.

Bentley kisses my neck and whispers, “God, baby, I’m so sorry.”

The tears fall down my cheeks. Through sobs, I confess, “If I had locked the gate, they wouldn’t have turned around. They wouldn’t have been at the stoplight when the truck was. Paulie wouldn’t have had to give up his football scholarship and his entire college experience. Everything was my fault because I didn’t lock the stupid gate.”

I never said it out loud, but that’s exactly what I’ve thought since the accident. It’s true, my parents were in the wrong place at the wrong time and died all because I wasn’t responsible. Paulie gave up his full-ride scholarship to play football at Mizzou because I couldn’t put the dog up. He didn’t get to live on campus, join a fraternity, or go to foam parties because he was too busy raising a teenage girl—me.

“You were a kid, Jules. It wasn’t your fault,” Bentley says softly, brushing my hair back as the tears keep on rolling down my cheeks.

“I sat at practice listening to the sirens, wondering where my parents were. I was pissed they were late, thinking horrible thirteen-year-old thoughts about them while my father was dead just a few streets away and my mom was barely hanging on.”

I pull my knees to my chest and bury my head in my legs. Years of therapy taught me to push those thoughts to the back of my mind, but they never actually left. I’d never even admitted any of this to Paulie before… not that it was my fault for forgetting to lock the gate, not what I’d been thinking when our parents were late, not even that I felt guilty for making him give-up his college experience. Yet here I am, sharing it with Bentley. He didn’t ask, he didn’t prod, but somehow, someway, he knew I needed to get that off my chest. I didn’t know it, but Bentley did. I sigh, it appears he knows me better than I know myself, better than even Paulie knows me.

Ever so gently, Bentley runs his finger under my chin and makes me look up at him. “If J.P. had gone to Mizzou, his entire life would have been different. He might have a different job, live in a different city, he might never have met Bri. Julianna, that ‘mistake’ you made almost fifteen years ago is why you’re sitting here with me.”

If possibly, my heart races and drops at the same time. Paulie, our pastor, my therapist all tried to tell me it was God’s will for my parents to die, but was it really fate? Is God’s will and fate the same thing? Is Bentley Ladner my fate? I have no idea, but in this moment, all I do know is that I want nothing else than to be held by him when God’s will strikes again.

***

Listening to my friends and other volunteers party about fifty yards away from my camper, I hold Jules in my arms, running my fingers through her hair and sighing. The moonlight shines in through the small camper window and I kiss her forehead. After her breakdown as she calls it, I consider it a breakthrough, I wasn’t about to send her home alone with her thoughts. As soon as we laid down, she passed out from the emotional drain of it all and I don’t plan on leaving her side until she wakes up.

The camper door opens and I can make out Jason in the moonlight. He glances over at my bed and nods. “That Emmy?” he asks, trying to make out who is beside me.

I shake my head. “Jules,” I reply quietly.

His lips stick out, surprised by my answer. “She know about Emmy?”

My stomach churns at the truth I’m holding back and I shrug. “They’re both in the wedding so they’ve met, but Jules hasn’t asked about her.”

He laughs quietly in the dark. “So maybe, maybe not?”

I sigh. “I’m pretty sure Bri’s told her, but she hasn’t mentioned it to me so I don’t really know what to do.”

“Tell her.”

“It’s not that easy, Jas.” I glance down at my sleeping beauty. “I like her…a lot. I don’t want to scare her off.”

Jason grabs his phone and walks out the door, but before he leaves, he turns to me. “She’ll take it a lot better now than later.”

The door slams behind him and Jules snuggles closer to my chest. I squeeze her body and think about Jason’s words. He’s right, but with Jules here beside me, making my heart beat for her, I can’t risk it. I’ll have to tell her before the wedding, but until then, I’m going to enjoy every moment I have with her.

CHAPTER 16

The humidity is about to weigh me down. Trying to create as much wind flow as possible, I fan myself with the paper one I was given at the insurance booth when we walked into the concert. It was pretty much a waste of my time to even do anything with my hair as I already have it pulled up into a loose bun and my make-up is all sweated off. I made a good choice though on wearing the halter cut, thigh length dress and the black material with pink flower pattern. The thick brown belt is looking pretty good with my tan from fishing so much with Bentley. Now, if only I’d worn flip flops instead of a pair of Bri’s cowgirl boots, I’d be set.

“I never knew you liked country music,” Paulie says, more like an accusation instead of an observation.

He’s got to be burning up in his blue jeans and I can already see a sweat spot on the back of his black Hurley t-shirt. I wave the fan in his direction and shrug. “It’s all Bentley listens to, I don’t have much of a choice.”

Paulie lifts his eyebrow. “Bentley’s a good guy, but Jules, you gotta make your own choices.”

I roll my eyes. “That’s not what I meant. Bentley’s introduced me to a whole new world I never knew existed and likewise, I’ve introduced him to my hobbies too. He’s even helping me prepare for my fall classes at work. So no, Paulie, don’t worry, he’s not controlling me. Geez, you always think the worst!”