Every Soul (6 page)

“So what are you up to this weekend?” Anna asks me.

“Just getting ready for Bain to come home for my mom’s fiftieth birthday.”

“Do you need any help getting things together?”

Before I can answer her, we’re both sidetracked by Anthony as he crosses in front of us in the lunchroom. “Who’s that?” she asks.

“Anthony, he’s my photography substitute.”

“Dammit, I knew I should have taken photography,” she whines.

I can’t help, but bust out laughing. My outburst causes Anthony to look in our direction. Then it happens again, the moment we lock eyes – combustion. Pure unadulterated, carnal, sexual tension like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I give him a tiny smile, it’s all I can muster, staring at him like he’s on a white horse, and he winks at me in return. Jesus, the guy’s got to be only in his twenties, which is not far from me, but he’s my teacher.

“What was that about?”

“I could ask myself the same thing, Anna.”

“Are you seriously not going to tell me where you were?” Aubrey asks, removing her hot pink heels.

“Dude, I told you. I went outside to smoke.”

“A, that’s bullshit. I looked for you.”

“Aubrey, you’re drunk.”

“Whatever,” she slurs grabbing a jar of peanut butter out of the kitchen cabinet.

“I can’t watch you eat that shit like that; it’s fucking gross. I’m going to bed,” I respond and give her a hug.

“Fine, but I know you’re keeping something from me,” she yells as I close my door.

I’m hoping she’s drunk enough to forget about things by the morning. The fucking alcohol has me spinning and I’m fighting to remove my clothes, so I just plop down onto the cool fabric of my comforter for just a few minutes and close my eyes.

Jesus, I’m such a slut.
I can picture Bain standing in the dark alley with his dick hanging out watching me walk off. That was cold. Why do I do shit like that? I’m kind of wishing I’d handled it differently; he was really sweet. But it’s not me anymore. I’m fucked up. The past has screwed me over royally. Slowly, exhaustion takes me away to my paradise…

Biting my bottom lip, I shake my head fighting the feeling, wanting to hold on to this forever. But I can’t. Nate knows just how to push me – I let go. Enjoying the ecstasy that crashes through me while I cry out his name, he does the same, grunting like an animal, coming inside of me.

Just as he slows, I peck his lips and hear a group of people coming towards the water. He scrambles off of me, pulling his pants up. I giggle and pull my dress down, searching for my shoes. “Just leave ’em, baby, we’ll come back,” he says gripping my hand and pulling me away. We run down along the water hand in hand ’til we are a safe distance away.

When we finally stop and I’m out of breath, Nate chuckles at me, looking like he’s been on a nice beach stroll. “How are you not dying right now?”

“I’m a Marine, babe. I’ve been training for months; we run miles for breakfast.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re the Marine and not me,” I say looking back. It looks like the group is skinny-dipping, so I guess we didn’t really need to run off.

“Me too. Wanna walk for a bit?” he asks.

I nod my head, loving that we aren’t in a rush to get home. Walking hand in hand is perfect. But then when I’m with Nate, everything is perfect. “Are you going to write me often?” he asks.

I glare at him. “I thought we weren’t talking about this tonight.”

“You brought it up first.”

“Yes, I’ll write you every day.”

“Good, I’ll write you too.”

“How are your parents taking the news?” I ask.

“My dad is fine, but he’s been through this himself. He served overseas. My mom on the other hand, that’s a whole other story.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Thank you, baby.” We continue walking in a content silence. “Look,” Nate says as we approach a huge array of sand castles. They are all lit up and range from ships to mermaids to castles. They are so many of them.

“I didn’t even know this was going on,” I whisper.

“Me neither.”

Both of us stare in amazement, looking at all of the intricate creations as they stand before us.

Nate sits in the sand pulling me down with him and I nestle against his chest watching the moon glimmer on the water. I exhale loudly and close my eyes, letting the sound of his beating heart soothe me.

“A?” he says, and I can hear the underlying question in his tone.

“Uh-huh,” I respond.

“What do you see for the future?”

I think of his question, wondering what it will hold. “What do
you
see for the future?” I ask, flipping the question back on him, wanting to know where his head is at.

“After I’m home from Afghanistan, I wanna spend every waking minute with you. I mean, I want to now, so I can only imagine what will happen when we are apart for so long.”

“I want that too.”

“What if I asked you something crazy?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“Before I go, I want to make you my wife. I want to leave knowing that you’re mine – forever. Will you marry me, A?”

Turning around in his hold, the look of sincerity is as apparent as ever. A warm smile spreads across his face and I know he is one hundred percent serious…

Waking up again, my eyes are wet. But finally the dream was different. I made progress. For the first time in over half a year, I made progress. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because of Bain or Brady, or just
my
mental state. But whatever it is, I’m shocked. Dreams are normally my biggest enemy; they haunt my sleep like a ghost that won’t go away. Yet, I want nothing more than to relive those precious memories and get as close as I can to what I once had.

Rolling over, I check the clock on my phone. It’s almost eleven and I have to be at work at noon. Getting out of bed, I stretch and head right for the coffee machine. Even though I work at Starbucks, I need my caffeine now; my body can’t wait for me to get to work.

Aubrey’s nowhere to be seen so I check her room, hoping to wake her lazy ass up, but it’s empty.
Huh?
I wonder where she is? Heading back to the kitchen, I get my fix from the Keurig and grab my phone out of my room to text her.

Where did you sneak off to?

The gym. I tried to wake you up, but again, you were dead to the world and mumbling some crazy ass shit.

I can’t help, but laugh. I do sleep pretty damn hard, especially when I dream like that. With my coffee in hand I venture back to my room to get dressed for the day.

I normally go in to work without make-up, because truly, I don’t give a shit what I look like when I’m there. I’m not going to pick up any elders or businessmen, that’s just not my flavor. So I figure, why waste my time?

Checking the clock before I leave, I have just enough time to stop by Nate’s parents’ and see our dog. Since this apartment won’t let us have pets and it’s the only place we could afford in a decent part of town, I had to ask Barb and Jeff to take care of Zeus. It’s been working out so far.

On the drive over, I call Barb. “Hey, how are you guys doing?” I ask when she answers in her sweet tone.

“Oh, hi, darling, I was hoping you’d call today. We’re all right. Are you coming over?”

“Yeah, is that okay?”

“It’s perfect. Do you want some lunch?”

A smile automatically breaks out on my face, “I just woke up; I’m trying to get my coffee down.”

“Are you still having a hard time keeping food down?” she asks.

“No, that’s a lot better. It was just a late night and I’m a little slow moving this morning.”

“I’ll make you some toast then. See you soon.”

I hang up. Barb has been like a mother to me since the day we met. I lock up and head out into the crisp spring morning; the birds are out and I know that summer is just around the corner. It only takes about ten minutes ’til I’m at their house.

Although I know he’s not here, I can still picture Nate greeting me out front. Today it’s Jeff, with his dark brown hair and matching eyes. Behind him is Zeus, bouncing from the screen door to the front window, with a huge smile on his face. I swear that dog thinks he’s half-human. Walking up to Jeff, I take deep breaths. Hugging him is always the hardest.

“How are you today?” he asks. “You look good.”

“I am, thanks for asking. A little tired, but it’ll pass.”

Zeus begins to bark, causing both of us to look in his direction. “Come on, let’s go in, someone misses you.”

Barb greets us at the door as well and I get about half of a hug in before my pants are practically torn. “Okay. Okay,” I respond leaning down to pet my pup. We head into the living room and I assume my usual position on the floor. Grabbing Zeus’s face, I look into his orange eyes. My touch still calms him, making him relax as he looks back at me.

“I wish we had that power over him,” Jeff says. “Because it doesn’t matter what we do, he just goes and goes a million miles a minute.”

“Are you hyper?” I ask Zeus. He barks at me and I tell him, “Go get your ball.”

He runs off bringing me his favorite blue, rubber ball that Nate bought for him and drops it in my lap. I remember Nate picking it out and the thought sinks my stomach. I toss it down the hallway hoping it will burn some of his energy.

“Here’s your toast,” Barb says, coming back into the living room.

“Thank you. So how have you both been? I hope Zeus hasn’t been too bad for you guys.”

“He’s fine, dear. I’ve been telling you that,” she says, sitting next to Jeff on their brown, leather sofa. I lost my virginity on that couch and I’ll never forget the day it happened…

“Are you sure your parents aren’t going to be home for a while?” I ask Nate breathlessly as I’m pinned underneath him on his couch.

“Yeah, I promise. They are at a function for my mom’s work. We have all the time in the world,” he responds sliding his hand inside of my panties. Nate and I have done this so many times I can’t count, but tonight I want to take it a step further.

Reaching down I remove my pants, showing him that I’m ready.

He looks up at me with a surprised expression and asks, “Are you sure?”

I nod my head, loving how his lips feel on my neck and…

“I was joking about Zeus,” Jeff says interrupting my daydream. “When you’re not here, he’s lazy and—”

Barb cuts him off, “Depressed. But he’s fine. I’ve been walking him and he seems to like that. He especially loves the rain. The other day, I had to apologize to one of the neighbors because he stopped in their yard and was rolling all over their wet grass.”

I laugh out loud and clamp my hand over my mouth because the tone is so loud. “That’s gross, buddy,” I tell Zeus scratching the top of his head.

“How’s work been?” Jeff asks.

“Uhhh, it’s been good, busy,” I respond. “I think I’ve got the whole manager thing down and our sales have been really good, so my District Manager’s happy.”

“That’s good. What about Aubrey, how is she?”

“Oh, you know how she is. She’s as crazy as ever. She seems to be in a really good place though. She loves her job and there’s a lot of potential there. Enough about Aubrey and I. How are you two?”

Both Barb and Jeff look at each other. “Things are okay. We both started counseling and it’s helping.” They look at me and I know exactly where this is going. I won’t be rude to Jeff or Barb – they are like parents to me – but counseling is not something for me and that’s all there is to it. There’s no point for me to talk about my problems. Nothing is going to bring Nate back, no matter what. Reality is reality. There are no magic words a psychologist can tell me to help with the pain. I have my own way of dealing with things. Some might not agree, but for me it’s all I’ve got.