Every Soul (2 page)

“When are you going to do an autopsy?”

“We’re not.”

“Goddammit, you have to. She didn’t do this to herself. Kinsey wouldn’t have.”

“Mr. Adams, I understand how hard this must be for you. But this is a clear case of suicide. There is no reason to do an autopsy; please let your sister rest in peace. She
made
this decision.”

“Fuck you, she didn’t make this decision.”

In life, it is said that everything happens for a reason. If that’s true, how can you explain death? What’s the reason? Especially when it happens to someone so young, so beautiful, and so innocent? I struggle with these thoughts every day.

It’s been six months since Kinsey’s body was found and I mask the pain the only way I know how – by obsessing and losing myself over her death. Glancing at the clock, I’ve been staring at my laptop for over five hours. Fuck, where did the time go? I can’t do this anymore. I need to get away.

I dial Jamison on my way out. He doesn’t answer, so I shoot him a text.

What up, man, I’m all out and need a downer.

I wait a few minutes and watch the time on the clock tick by. It moves slowly, yet looking back, it’s passed in the blink of an eye.

Since I know my dad will be home soon, I just start to drive out of my New Jersey neighborhood, weaving through the streets that are thickly lined with trees. Tiny snowflakes swirl around as I stare out my windshield – my destination as of now…unknown.

That is ’til a text message chimes in. I glance down, as I pull up to a stop sign.

I got something you’ll like. They’ll run ya fifteen bucks a pill, but worth it.

I’ll take ’em all.

Meet me at my place in twenty.

Be there soon,
I respond back and head to the bank before Jamison’s. I went to high school with him, but we weren’t friends back then, because I always swore that shit off, and he’s been dealing for years. Recently I’d injured my knee, and until Kinsey passed, I’d been ultra-responsible with the pills. But since she went missing they’ve become my lifeline and my sanity. Then when I was pushing the limits on my refills, my doctor wanted to check my knee. All it took was one look and he said I didn’t need them anymore. Everything’s spiraled from there. So I found Jamison, and sure enough, he’s still in the game.

It’s not long ’til I arrive at his house. I put a thousand dollars in my wallet and leave the rest in my center console. My feet hit the pavement with a purpose and I observe my surroundings as I cross the street. He lives in a nice neighborhood with older, well-kept homes.

I ring the doorbell and immediately hear his two dogs bark. They are Rottweilers, which look scary as fuck, but are really two huge babies. He answers and commands them both to their beds. Right away they listen and then I walk in.

“What up, bro?” he asks, giving me a low fist bump.

“Not much. Thanks for getting back to me so fast.”

“You’re my best client.” He begins to walk to his living room and gestures that I follow. Jamison is way shorter than I am, probably by a foot. Then again I am over six feet. He’s dressed the same way he was in high school – big, baggy pants and some stupid ass t-shirt.

“You ever heard of Quaaludes?” he asks as we sit in front of the table filled with pill bottles.

“Nah, what are they?”

“Basically a tranquilizer. They’re super old school, you can’t even get them through a doctor in the US anymore.”

I can’t help but laugh out loud. I know I wanted a downer, but this seems a bit extreme. “I wanna be able to function, not knock my dick in the dirt.”

“I know. I heard what you said and I got some Xanax coming for that. But I was thinking if the Hydro isn’t giving you enough of a high, you could try the ’ludes. All you have to do is stay awake through the first fifteen minutes or so and after that, the effects kick in. It’s an intense, euphoric high.”

“I don’t know, man. Maybe I’ll just stick with what I have.”

“Why don’t you try one now? While I’m waiting on the bars to get here.”

The Hydro I knocked back earlier has worn off and I know I need something. “How long ’til they’re here?”

Jamison checks his phone. “Not long, he just texted me that he should be here any minute.”

“I’ll wait then,” I respond.

“So, no ’ludes?”

“Have you tried them?”

“Fuck yeah, I have. They are my drug of choice.”

I rest my head back contemplating his words. I promised myself from the beginning that when I started taking pills, I would always stay functional and in control. I want to be able to be around my parents and shit like that. This could jeopardize –everything.

“I’m good, bro. Do you have any bars at all while we wait?”

“Nah, man, but he’ll be here any minute, I promise.”

“Whatcha waiting for?” Brady calls from behind me. He’s stark naked and gripping his cock.

I exhale and lock the door, ripping my shirt over my head. Leaving my reality and getting lost in this moment with him. Beginning to walk towards him, he’s got the biggest grin on his face. “Take your pants off,” he orders. I listen, tugging my jeans down, leaving only my underwear and bra on. I know him well and he loves to take these off himself.

Although we are a little drunk, we still have fun. That’s one of the reasons why I keep Brady around. There are no strings – just sex. And that’s all I’ve looked for lately. There is something about the accomplishment of luring in a guy and having my way with him. Then being able to make the decision whether there is a next time or not. Which most of the time…there isn’t.

Except with Brady, and that’s why I keep fucking him – he keeps it simple and I know he doesn’t want more. He wants to fuck and that’s it. He doesn’t call or bother me unless it’s for this. He gestures me to him and I crawl over his body, stopping to drag my tongue up his balls and along his hard cock, then slowly I taste every ridge of his six-pack. I glance up at him when he snakes his hand into the cup of my bra grabbing a mound of my full breast, finding the nipple and pinching it hard. The sensation causes me to moan and I go down on him, wrapping my lips around the head of his cock and twisting my hand with each movement. He sits up and unclasps my bra with one hand, allowing it to fall down my arms. I let go of him and he helps me take it all the way off, but my movements never falter or stop. I love getting him close; sucking him so well that he wants to come. “Fuck, Arion, I love your lips,” he murmurs. I can’t help but smirk. Brady takes his hands and lifts my body, twisting me so I’m now straddling his face. I stop sucking him and laugh out loud when he nips my underwear. The alcohol is beginning to make everything spin as we are now in the sixty-nine position. “Brady,” I screech, as his fingers slide beneath the thin fabric of my thong, shredding it to pieces, then he tosses them across the room.

Although the act caught me off guard, it shouldn’t have. This isn’t the first time that he has done this and I’m sure it won’t be the last. “You like it,” he chuckles, wrapping his warm lips around my clit.

I whimper from the sensation and stop sucking him, enjoying the pleasure too much to do anything else. My body tingles and warms. That is, until he suddenly stops, pulls away, and sinks two wet fingers deep inside of me. Fuck, this man knows what I like way too well.
This might have to be our last time.

As he begins to move his fingers inside of me, in and out, in and out, I focus on the pleasure to keep my mind from drifting. There’s no good reason to end things with Brady, he gives me what I want, nothing more. I can’t let my own insecurities from the past creep in. “Suck me,” he orders.

I do so right away and get lost with Brady like we’ve done so many times and do so well together. I can’t help my hips as they have a mind of their own and begin bobbing on his fingers. I want to fuck him. I want more. “Fuck,” he groans, “You’re gonna make me come.”

We both stop with those words and in the flash of a second his hard cock is inside of me. “Mmmm, you’re so wet.”

I moan and brace my weight behind me on his hard stomach with my fingers dug into his six-pack. He’s underneath me, my back is to his front, and his fingers dig deep into my skin. “I’m gonna fuck you hard, Arion.”

“Fuck me,” I confirm, throwing my head back, balancing above him. As he begins, everything inside of me shakes, my breasts bounce and move, and all I can do is hang on. I try my best to stay quiet, because I know there’s a ton of other people in the house, but I can’t.

The pleasure is too great and
fuck
, Brady is too damn good. I clamp my pussy tightly around his cock, letting my body shudder. “Fuckkkkk,” I whimper.

Brady grunts loudly, holding me up, fucking me so hard that I’m lost. Lost in this moment and in these sensations. Doing what I do best. With my eyes tightly closed, the pain of my life all washes away. In its place is pleasure, so abundant that I never want it to end.

Finally, I let go after him fucking me senseless and holding onto my orgasm for as long as I can bear to. Squeezing his dick with all of my might, I allow the world’s greatest pleasure to roll through me. Then his movements slow and I look back at him. He pulls me down on top of him and wraps his arms around me, still moving slowly inside of me. “Why didn’t you come?” I ask bewildered.

“I did, a long time ago.”

I smile wondering how he could stay hard for so long. “Stay the night with me?” he asks, massaging my breasts.

His words are like a fire alarm and I can’t get off of him fast enough. I begin getting dressed, knowing that this is the end for us.

“Come on, A, please?”

“NO! Brady, you know the rules.”

“I don’t care about your rules anymore. Don’t you feel—”

I put my hand up to stop him, not wanting to know what he has to say. I look back at him as he clambers into his pants and bounces after me.

“Wait, Arion. Please.”

But I can’t and walk out of his room, slamming the door in his face. I have to leave. On the way out, I grab my coat and phone out of the kitchen and bolt through the side door, slinking away in the cold, black darkness of the night. Brady calls my name from behind me, but I don’t stop. I’ve done this too many times to count.

I wake to the faint sound of my phone ringing. I try to ignore it, then reality smacks me in the face.
Fuck, I have work this morning.
The thought alone shoots me out of bed. I search around my room for it and just when I find it…it stops.

Sitting back down on my bed, I scroll through the call log. It was Sasha, one of the girls I work with.
Dammit!
Quickly I jump into my work clothes and then call her back. Her phone goes to voicemail and then a voice mail chimes in.

“Hey, girl, I’m sorry, but I overslept and am running a bit late. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I hope you got the store open okay and it’s not too busy.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I fly out of my apartment and hop into my car, driving as fast as I can. Since it’s five in the morning, there are barely any cars on the roads and I push the speed limit. Goddamn Brady for making me drink so much last night. I was fine ’til I left his place, then the mind-fuck began, and I had one too many drinks at home. Beating myself up, worrying about the what-ifs.