Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (33 page)

Reggie Jackson, the Hall of Fame baseball player, said, “A great manager has the ability to make a player think that he is better than he is. He convinces you to have confidence in yourself. He lets you know that he believes in you, and before long you discover talent that you never knew you had.”

That’s what happens when we believe the best in someone. We draw out the best. The Scripture says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Encourage one another and build each other up” (
NIV
). The word
encourage
simply means “to urge forward.” Every one of us should have someone we believe in, someone we’re urging forward, someone we’re helping to achieve goals and dreams.

How do you encourage someone? You study that person and identify what he or she does well. What excites him? What are her strengths? An encourager sees things in others that they often can’t see in themselves. A simple compliment, a single word of encouragement, can give a person the confidence he or she needs to take that step of faith.

A young man who’d been struggling with finding direction in his life was home for a visit from college in 1975. He visited his mother’s beauty shop and found a regular customer, Ruth Green, was having her hair done. He greeted her and sat down, but grew nervous because she was staring so intently at him.

Finally Ms. Green lifted the hairdryer off her head and said, “Somebody get me a pen and a piece of paper.”

She wrote down a vision she’d had about the young man when he walked into his mother’s shop. She handed it to him and it said: “Denzel, you will speak to millions. You will travel the world and you will make a positive difference.”

Young Denzel Washington put that prophecy in his wallet and in his heart. In the years that followed, whenever he became discouraged in his acting career, he pulled out Ms. Green’s prophecy. It reminded him that someone believed in him.

To this day, the Academy Award–winning actor carries around that prophecy. Who knows where he would be if Ms. Green hadn’t taken the time to bless his future. Who knows if he would have been such a success
if she hadn’t planted those seeds of faith in his heart. You never know the impact a small note, a kind word of encouragement, can have.

We can either draw out the best in people or we can draw out the worst. I read that 75 percent of people in prison reported that either their parents or their guardians had predicted in childhood where they would end up. The wrong seeds were planted. Low expectations were set.

When a child is told to expect the worst, the child becomes the worst. I often wonder what would have happened if somebody would have told those people in prison that they might one day be doctors or entrepreneurs or great teachers. There’s no telling where those inmates might have ended up if only they’d had people builders in their lives.

If only someone had believed in them and taken the time to draw out their gifts, to listen to their dreams, to see what they were good at, and then encourage them to be the best they could be. If only someone had given them permission to succeed instead of a prediction that they would fail.

A friend of mine, Robert, had an uncle who set him on a path to success early in life. This uncle had been in China since his birth, but when he returned they met on the front porch of the Iowa farm where Robert grew up.

He’d watched the uncle’s car driving toward the family’s home on their dusty lane and Robert was so excited to finally meet this uncle. When he pulled in the gate, little Robert ran out there to meet him. The uncle got out, gave him a big hug, and swung him around and around.

“You must be Robert. I’ve heard so much about you,” the uncle said.

Then the uncle stepped back and looked at him. And out of the blue he said, “You know what, Robert? I think one day you will be a minister. In fact, I think one day you will be a great minister.”

Why did the uncle say this? There were no ministers in this family. He simply felt something inside, and he was bold enough to speak it out by faith. He planted a seed in little Robert’s heart. That night as Robert lay in his bed he secretly prayed, “God, let what my uncle said be true. Let me be a minister one day.”

As you may know, Robert Schuller, who grew up in Alton, Iowa, became one of the great ministers of our time. Isn’t it amazing what a simple word of encouragement can do? Look what it did in his life.

You have the ability to stir up someone’s dreams by giving them permission to succeed. You can light a fire on the inside that glows joyfully for a lifetime. When you take time to believe in someone, and you speak faith into the heart of another, your words can become the seed God nourishes.

I’m asking you to grant others the permission to succeed. Be a seed planter. Be a people builder. Don’t become so focused on your own dreams, your own goals, that you grow only yourself. Be on the lookout for those you can urge forward. Learn to speak faith into them. Give them a greater vision. Speak the blessing over others’ lives.

I know an older gentleman who is great at this. Any time he sees a small child, he’ll ask the parents’ permission to call them over and say, “Young man (or Young lady), I have a very special talent, something only a few people can do. I have the ability to pick a winner.”

The child’s eyes usually grow big. He’ll ask the child if he can do an evaluation. Of course, the parents are playing along. He’ll stand back and look at the child, walk around very slowly, saying, “Uh-huh. Yes. Okay. I see . . .”

When he finishes the “evaluation,” he’ll say, “I have great news. I’ve never been wrong. I’m right every time. You, my friend, indeed, you are a winner!”

The child lights up with a smile, runs back to the parents, and says, “Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Guess what? I’m a winner.”

My friend is building up those children, urging them forward, bolstering their confidence, and instilling self-esteem.

This is such a simple thing to do, yet so many people benefit. I’m sure there are many in your life—people you work with, play sports with and live near—who could use an encouraging and approving word. Someone around you is craving your blessing.

You can’t imagine what it will mean to those you affirm when you give them your approval and let them know in no
uncertain terms that you are proud of them and you think they are destined to do great things. Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone needs to be appreciated. Every person needs that blessing.

Even Henry Ford benefited from encouragement in his early days, and one of his boosters was none other than Thomas Edison. The pioneering automaker was introduced to Edison as “the man trying to build a car that ran on gasoline.” When Edison heard this, his face lit up. He slammed his fist on the table and said, “You’ve got it. A car that has its own power plant; that’s a brilliant idea.”

Up to that point, Henry Ford had dealt with many naysayers and discouragers. He had just about convinced himself to give up, but along came Edison and spoke faith into him. That was a turning point in Henry Ford’s life.

“I thought I had a good idea, but I started to doubt myself,” he once said. “Then came along one of the greatest minds that’s ever lived and gave me his complete approval.”

A simple vote of confidence helped launched the automotive industry. We don’t realize the power we hold. We don’t always realize what it means when we tell somebody, “I believe in you. You’ve got what it takes. I’m behind you 100 percent.”

Cast your vote. Step up and volunteer to be someone’s number one fan. Encourage them. Lift them up when they are down. Celebrate when they succeed. Pray when they are struggling. Urge them to keep pressing forward. That’s what it means to be a people builder.

We all need someone to believe in us more than we believe in ourselves, to see our potential, to look beyond where we are now and guide us to what God has planned for us.

Jesus didn’t focus on the faults of those around Him. He saw their potential. His disciple Peter, in particular, was rough around the edges, hot-tempered and foulmouthed. Yet Jesus looked beyond all that and saw Peter’s potential. Jesus spoke faith into Peter and helped him form a vision
of himself rising higher and overcoming obstacles. His encouragement helped Peter become what he was created to be.

It says in Proverbs 12:25 that a word of encouragement works wonders. When you help people expand their thinking to create a real vision of victory for their lives, they will accomplish things that they never could have before. Their success will come, in part, as the result of your faith, your confidence in them, and the seeds you planted to help them grow.

The principal in a California high school conducted an experiment in which he told three teachers that they’d been judged the brightest and most effective educators in their school district. As a result, they’d been selected for a new program.

“We are giving you the top ninety students, the smartest students with the highest IQs, and you will teach them accelerated courses,” the teachers were told.

The students and the teachers naturally were excited and proud to be selected as “the cream of the crop.” Their performances improved dramatically in the new program. At the end of that school year, those three classes had learned 30 percent more than the other students. They were 30 percent further along in their educations.

Imagine their shock when the principal informed the teachers that this was only an experiment, and in reality their students had been randomly selected and were not high achievers. Still, the teachers were amazed at how well the students had performed and they congratulated themselves. Then the principal broke the rest of the news.

They were not the top three teachers in the district. They, too, had been randomly selected. The principal’s experiment confirmed that we rise to the level of our expectations. When you build up those around you, they rise to your expectations.

You may not realize it, but my books are sold to only the smartest, the brightest, the most creative, the most talented, the most generous, and the happiest readers in the world! You, too, are the cream of the crop. I have
incredible confidence in you. I know you will do great things. You will fulfill your God-given destiny.

Now that I’ve built you up, pass it on. Look around and see whom God has put in your life to inspire and motivate. Even small gestures like a kind word, a note of encouragement, or recognizing a person’s gifts can make a difference to someone in need of a boost.

A teen girl struggled with anorexia. She stood nearly six feet tall but weighed less than one hundred pounds. She wouldn’t eat but a couple hundred calories a day. She became depressed and disillusioned. She cut off ties to friends and family. Starvation seemed like a reasonable option to her because she felt she had no purpose.

One day a longtime friend from school called and asked if she would help her with math homework. She pleaded for help, so the anorexic teen agreed to help her. They worked together on the problems and afterward the friend said, just in passing, “You are so smart and you have such a way of explaining things. You would make a great math teacher one day.”

That simple comment planted a seed within this troubled teen. The encouraging words gave her a sense of purpose. She realized that she had talent, and that she had something to give others. Her perspective changed, and so did the course of her life. Twenty years later, she is a healthy and happy mother of three and an award-winning math teacher who works with underachieving children. She credits the turnaround in her life to the words of the girl she’d helped with her math homework.

A simple affirmation, an encouraging comment, or a bit of praise can make a huge difference. When you bless people with your words, you speak faith into them.

Growing up, we had a tradition my mother began on our birthdays. Before we could eat any birthday cake, we each had to come up with one nice thing to say about the birthday boy or girl. In my younger days, I dreaded that tradition. For one thing, I could never think of anything good to say about my brother, Paul. The only thing I came up with was, “You sure have a good-looking brother!”

As I grew older, though, I began to realize the importance and the value of not only hearing those words but saying them, too. Simple affirmations can do so much for our confidence and our self-esteem. Even just a few words of praise can make someone’s day or plant a seed of hope. “Your drawings are amazing.” “You have such a way with words.” “Your voice has so much character.”

One thing you can be certain of, people never grow tired of hearing compliments and encouragements. You can go on and on about how wonderful they are and they’ll never be bored! That’s proof of just how much we hunger for praise and direction in our lives.

John Wooden, the late basketball genius, told his players, “After you score a basket, always look for the player who made the pass to you and acknowledge them. Nod your head. Smile. Point your finger. But do something to express your appreciation.”

One of the players said, “What if he’s not looking?”

Wooden replied, “Don’t worry. He’ll be looking.”

The point is, we all love to be appreciated. We love to be valued, to feel encouraged.

Mark Twain said, “I can live for a whole year off of one good compliment.” Who can you give the gift of encouragement to? Don’t leave out even those who seem to have accomplished more than most. Everyone wants to be appreciated. Abraham Lincoln was carrying several things when he was killed that are on display now at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C. He had a handkerchief with his initials on it. He had a five-dollar bill, and he had a newspaper article folded up. The headline read “Abraham Lincoln—One of the Greatest Statesmen That’s Ever Lived.”