Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (26 page)

If you can’t leave, just be bold enough to say, “You know, instead of talking about this person, let’s pray for him.”

Don’t let people poison you. If your friends are critics, faultfinders, and busybodies, find some new friends. That critical spirit can poison you. Don’t go to lunch with co-workers who sit around and criticize the boss and talk about the company and gossip and complain.

“But I’m lonely,” you might say.

Yes, but I would rather you be lonely than poisoned. I would rather you be lonely than allow people who are not going anywhere to keep you from your destiny.

“Well, if I don’t go to lunch with them, they might start talking about me.”

Let me tell you a secret: Most likely they’re already talking about you. If they’ll talk about other people when they’re not there, they’ll talk about you when you’re not there.

I have a friend who worked for a well-known ministry years ago. He was very young when he started there. They were on the road in another city holding a conference. One night after the meeting, the two main staff members for this large ministry invited the young man to stop by their hotel room and have some snacks. He went and was just hanging out, watching a ball game, and these two men began to talk about their boss, a well-known minister.

They were so critical and so negative toward the minister, the young man was shocked. He was right out of college. These men had been with the minister more than twenty years. When they started talking poorly of the minister, the young man felt something deep down inside saying,
Get out of here. This is not right.

He very politely excused himself. He never said a word about it, but the
next week the minister called those two staff members in and said, “I was praying today, and I feel in my spirit that you are not on board with me and so it’s time for you to leave.”

Today this young man is an extremely successful minister. He preaches all over the world. He said, “I know if I had not left that night, if I had allowed them to poison me and become critical and judgmental, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

Those two men were just as gifted. They had all kinds of potential, but they just floundered around. Because of their critical spirits, they never walked in the fullness of what God had in store for them.

When people are stirring up trouble around you and talking negatively about their leaders, their family members, or their friends, don’t sit there and be part of it. Their critical spirits can keep you from your destiny.

God will not promote a critical spirit, a backbiter, a gossip, or someone sowing discord. If you have a problem with someone, talk to the person face-to-face, not behind his or her back. You may not agree with everything. You may have things you don’t understand, but don’t be a gossip.

Matthew 7:1 tells us to not pick on people, jump on their failures, and criticize their faults, unless, of course, we want the same treatment. A critical spirit has a way of boomeranging back to us.

Moses’ sister, Miriam, criticized him because she didn’t like the woman he married (see Numbers 12). The bride wasn’t from the same nationality, so Miriam criticized and stirred up trouble and gossip. All the while, Moses was just as happy as could be. It didn’t bother him. He rose above it. But his sister the critic came down with leprosy. Her skin was totally covered with disease.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not talking badly about people. I may not understand someone. I may not agree. I may not choose to associate with that person, but I’m not bad-mouthing anyone, trying to ruin anyone’s reputation or make anyone look bad. I need God’s protection. I want to stay under His covering.

Make a decision with me that you won’t have a critical spirit. Train
yourself to see the best. There is good in every situation if you’ll look for it. Start with your relationships. Make a list of the qualities you like in your spouse and in your children. Start focusing on the good. Magnify the good. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be a faultfinder. Being critical can keep you from your destiny.

I believe your windows are getting cleaner. You are wiping away judgment, no longer criticizing or finding fault. Habits like that may have held you back for years, but today is a new day. I declare a critical filter will no longer cloud your vision.

You are viewing the world with clean windows, believing the best, seeing the good, minding your own business. If you do that, God will fight your battles for you. He will defeat your enemies, make wrongs right, and you will live the life of victory He has in store for you.

T
oo often we judge people without knowing their stories. We haven’t walked in their shoes. We don’t know the struggles they’ve been through. We don’t know how they were raised. We don’t know the challenges they face. All we know is, “He sure is unfriendly.” Or, “She wears strange clothing.” Or, “He has some hang-ups.”

The truth is, people are the way they are for a reason. If we took time to know their stories, we would be much more forgiving. If we understood the battles they’ve fought, the pain they’ve endured, the people who’ve done them wrong, we would give them a lot more mercy.

We shouldn’t be critical because they went through a divorce or they have an addiction or they were unfriendly and didn’t speak. You and I don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. We don’t know the stress someone else is under.

For too long, we’ve seen people through eyes of judgment. My challenge is to start seeing people through eyes of love. Instead of being critical and writing others off, take time to get to know them. Find out what they are all about.

I remember in high school a young man moved to our city and joined the basketball team. He was a very good athlete, but he was extremely quiet. He had a different personality. We all thought he was odd. He never
laughed with us. He just stayed over in the corner and did his own thing, never really joining in.

One day it was just him and me in the locker room. I had never really spoken to him before. Just to be friendly I said, “Hey! Where did you come from? Where did you grow up?”

I’ll never forget how sincere he was. He opened up and told me how he had come from a very dysfunctional home. He had been passed from family to family, six different foster homes in three years. He had all this hurt, pain, and insecurity. Once I understood where he was coming from, I saw him in a whole new light. After that, my friends and I made sure to include him in activities. We went the extra mile to make him feel loved, accepted, welcomed, and part of our team. Over the years, I watched him come out of his shell, become more confident and more secure. By the time we graduated, he was just like the rest of us, as happy and friendly as could be.

When you understand people’s stories, it’s very easy to understand their outward demeanor. When I found out why my new teammate was the way he was, it changed my perspective. I realized how easy it was for me to be secure and happy. I was raised in a good environment. It was easy for me to be confident and expect good things. I’d been surrounded by loving people all my life. But if I hadn’t had that loving family, I don’t know how I would have responded.

Too often we judge people based on our own backgrounds and on the experiences we’ve been through. If we are strong in an area where somebody is weak it’s easy to think,
I would never do that. I would never be as unfriendly as that young man. I would never have been divorced. I would never have married that person in the first place.

You don’t know what you would have done in their situation. You haven’t walked in their shoes. You weren’t raised in their environment. You haven’t been through the experiences they’ve been through.

All of us have strengths, and we all have weaknesses. We are strong in certain areas not because we’re great and we just decided to be strong, but because of the grace of God in our lives. I am secure and confident because
God blessed me with great parents. I cannot judge the actions of someone who was not blessed in that way. If my situation and the new teammate’s situation had been reversed, I don’t know if I could have handled the situation even as well as he did.

Instead of being holier than thou and judging people, our attitudes should be
But for the grace of God, that could be me
. If not for God’s goodness, I could be struggling with an addiction. I could be insecure, angry, and dealing with all kinds of issues. I’m not judging. I’m showing mercy. I won’t be critical. I’ll be understanding. After all, we don’t know what people are going through. We should give people room.

A good friend told me that his boss jumped down his throat for no reason. He said he hadn’t done anything wrong and his boss just let him have it in front of the whole sales staff, embarrassing him. He was understandably upset about it.

I told him what I’m telling you: Just give the boss the benefit of the doubt. Something else is going on. He found out two weeks later that his boss was going through a divorce. It gave him a whole new perspective. Now he understands why he was so uptight, why he was on edge. Instead of taking his boss’s criticism personally, he is making allowances. He is showing him mercy. He is doing what he can to help lighten the load.

Most of the time if someone is not up to par, there is a very good reason. We don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. We don’t know the heartache or the pain the person may be pushing down. Maybe they are doing the best they can to just keep it together. The last thing they need is for someone to dump another load on them. God puts people like that in our lives not to be judged, condemned, or criticized. God puts them there so we can help love them back into wholeness.

Where are the healers? Where are the sensitive people who recognize when someone is hurting? Who will step up and say, “I can tell you’re stressed out. I can tell you’re not feeling up to par. Is there anything I can do to help? Can I pray for you? Can I buy you dinner? Can I come over and encourage you?”

Let’s stop judging people and start healing people.

I was in a long grocery store checkout line of about nine people, and the young woman running the cash register seemed to be stressed out. She was very short with people and some of them were short with her in return. She made no bones that she did not want to be working.

The mood was tense and only worsened when she had a problem with her register. She had to call the manager, causing further delays. Then she needed a price check on someone’s groceries. It was taking so long my bananas were no longer green!

Customers in line were grumbling about her bad attitude, which seemed to only make her more rude. The checkout clerk was wrong. She should not have been rude to the customers, but her actions were so out of line I knew something else was bothering her.

I’d been put off at first by her rudeness, but there was obviously a deeper problem than work stress. I decided to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

When my turn finally came to check out, I smiled and encouraged her.

“Hey, I can tell you’re stressed out about something and people are aggravating you, but I’m here to tell you that whatever the problem is, it will work out. Everything will be all right. God has you in the palm of His hand. He knows what you are going through. He has the solution.”

Big tears streamed down her cheeks. At first she struggled to say anything, biting her lip, but then the words poured out.

“My baby is in St. Joseph’s, the hospital, and I’ve been so worried,” she said. “Then yesterday, my husband was laid off. I don’t know how we’ll make it.”

I’ve been known to offer a prayer in all sorts of situations, but this was my first time in the grocery checkout line.

“Let me pray for you,” I said to her.

Right there in Express Lane #2, we prayed. When we finished, the lady in line behind me walked around and gave the checkout clerk a big hug.

A man back in the line said, “My good friend is the head nurse at that hospital. I will call her and ask her to go check on your baby.”

The whole atmosphere changed because once we heard her story, we understood. Instead of looking at her with a critical view, we looked at her
with the eyes of love. Instead of responding to her rudeness, we responded to her sadness and concern. We understood and we empathized after realizing why she was so uptight.

Before I left she said, “You’ll never know what this has meant to me.”

Proverbs 15:4 says a gentle tongue brings healing. It’s amazing what a few kind words can do. It’s amazing the impact you can have when you tell somebody, “Hey, everything will be all right. I’m praying for you. I believe in you. You’ve got good days up ahead.”