Even Angels Fall (44 page)

The thing that is troubling Abbey the most is whether or not she should discuss this with Alex beforehand? When they were away in Ireland, she was fully aware that Lucy wasn’t coping but she kept it from him, knowing that it would only make him worry and bring him down. If she keeps this from him now too, will he be angry? Will he take it out on her and accuse her of leaving him in the dark regarding one of his best friends?

It is difficult to know what to do for the best, especially since Alex has been so preoccupied lately, going out almost every night until the early hours of the morning and falling back into his old, familiar routine like he’s never been away. Abbey is no longer waiting for him to make the changes he promised he would in order to give them both a happier, more stable life. Although the problem with Marcus seems to have been resolved, it seemingly isn’t quite as easy for Alex to cut ties with his other clients and contacts, particularly the ones that he has known for years.

Abbey can’t say she is all that surprised. This is his job, his domain, what he has always known - and the reality is he may never change; but she knew what she was taking on when they got together and she knows what kind of person Alex is deep down. She loves him and if she has to accept his chosen profession as part of the package, then she will. Things are finally starting to settle back into some form of normality and if Abbey is completely honest, the one thing that has never altered amongst all the recent turmoil is their relationship. The trust and comfort they have in each other and the love they share is as strong as it has ever been. He may have his faults, but Alex is a good person who loves and cares for her and that is worth so much, especially considering the lack of stability that she has suffered in her home life.

It almost feels like enough, if only Abbey could forget about the open and honest conversations that they shared in Ballycastle. That way she could focus on what they have together, instead of constantly dreaming about what they could have. But that idea, that happy notion of no more crime, violence, drugs or threats, it is an ideal world that she can’t seem to let go of and it is all the more difficult to dismiss knowing that deep down, there is a big part of Alex that wants that life too.

As Abbey approaches the door to the coffee shop she feels like her head is about to explode. There is so much going on, so much to think about, and she finds herself secretly wishing that she was back on that beach in County Antrim, gazing calmly out to sea without a care in the world.

A lot of things need fixing - mainly Lucy - who is clearly abandoning her smart and sensible outlook when it comes to taking drugs. Abbey has a horrible feeling it will only escalate if no one confronts her about it, but trying to figure out what to say and how to approach her is giving her a splitting headache. Perhaps she should talk to Alex after all? Or maybe it would be better to keep this between her and Nathan for now? If there is a serious problem though, shouldn’t they tell Darren? ‘God… why is everything so fucking complicated these days…’ Abbey frowns, shaking her head in a feeble attempt to clear her thoughts. She can’t afford to be distracted by this now. Another thing that needs fixing and has done for a while is her fractured relationship with her family.

There had definitely been a slight break through with Peter before she and Alex had to run for the hills and she is keen to develop it further. She wants to work at this and at least try to get their relationship back on track. She needs to focus.

Abbey takes a deep, steadying breath and enters the coffee house. It is relatively quiet, with a single waitress cleaning up behind the counter and only three tables occupied by customers. Two businessmen sit by the window talking fervently over a newspaper and a laptop, a small group of mothers with their young children in prams gossip over skinny lattés at a table by the till and sitting alone at the back of the shop is Peter. Abbey approaches slowly and as he looks up from his coffee her blood runs cold. He is covered in faded bruises, there is a healed gash on his lip and his left hand is bandaged.

“Oh my god…” Abbey gasps as she carefully sits down in the seat opposite, “Pete what happened…?”

He stares quietly for the longest moment as if trying to work something out from her reaction, before he finally answers in a low voice.

“I met an acquaintance of yours…”

“What?” Abbey glares in horror, praying to god that he isn’t about to say what she thinks he is.

“A really friendly guy, called himself Marcus…” Abbey’s blood runs even colder still. How the hell has this happened? How has Peter got himself involved in this? Why would Marcus want to hurt her brother? She can’t believe that this is real; her two separate worlds are colliding despite how impossible it may seem.

“I don’t understand…” She whispers meekly. Something about the way Peter is staring makes her tread very carefully into the conversation.

“Neither do I…” He states, “There’s a lot I don’t understand…”

Abbey swallows hard, trying to figure out a way to calm and reassure her brother while protecting her friends but she has no clue how to get out of this. Peter should never have crossed paths with Marcus or found out about any of the trouble he has caused. She never dreamt in a million years that this could happen.

“He’s…” Abbey begins nervously, trying to find the right words, “He’s someone that a friend of mine knows… from his past…”

“And that would be your boyfriend I take it? Alex Matthews?” Peter snaps, his voice remaining calm but trembling under the strain.

“How did you…?” Abbey retaliates before thinking, immediately regretting giving so much away with just three simple words.

“He shared quite a lot, it was pretty enlightening…” Peter leans forward, resting his elbows on the table and clenching his fists against his forehead, “Not only do you have a boyfriend that I knew nothing about, but I find out he has people after him that want him dead…”

“He said that…?” Abbey gasps, “When? When did this happen?”

“Why?” Peter’s anger starts to crack through the surface as his lip trembles with genuine alarm, “What can you do Abbey? Do you think you can protect your boyfriend? Do you think you can protect yourself? I’ve met this guy remember, he beat the shit out of me just to get to you and this Alex guy…”

“It’s sorted now, it’s over…” Abbey states under her breath, urging Peter to calm down and lower his voice as the waitress glances cautiously over the counter, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Over…?” Peter laughs darkly in exasperation, “This isn’t a game Abbey, for god sake you’re in serious danger. You need to come home, this has gone on long enough…”

“I told you, I can’t just come home…”

“Yes you can…” He barks and there is a sudden hush across the coffee shop. He takes a sip of his drink with a trembling hand and composes himself before speaking again, “I had no idea things were this bad. I’m not going to let you go back to this dead beat loser who has a target on his back. It isn’t fucking happening…”

“How dare you…” Abbey smarts, “That dead beat loser happens to love me and for your information I love him too…”

“Oh for god sake…” Peter scoffs, but Abbey ignores him. He has that all too familiar look on his face, patronizing and disdainful, as if Abbey is just some stupid little kid who doesn’t have a clue about anything.

“He was there for me when you weren’t…” She glares, “He’s looked after me, taken care of me. He’s been my rock through all of the bullshit that’s happened between us… he was there when my family abandoned me…” Abbey shuts her eyes and lifts her hand to her face, only just managing to stop herself from screaming out loud out of sheer frustration. A few minutes pass in a stony silence and Peter stares guiltily at the table, “I’m so sorry that you got caught up in this, I really am…” She adds, “but you have to believe me when I say that it’s sorted. It really is over…”

“And you think that’s enough for me?” Peter gasps, incensed, “You seriously think that I’m just gonna accept that and walk away?”

“You don’t have a choice…”

“Abbey, please…” He begs and she holds her head in her hands, saddened and disappointed by the way their meeting has gone. She had truly believed that they would talk things out today. That they would clear the air so they could move forward and try and make things right again. It had gone worse than she ever imagined and as a result she now finds herself in an impossible position.

Peter has learnt the truth about Alex. He has discovered the part of his life that should have remained hidden and now he knows that he is dangerous in some way.

Abbey had been clinging on to a vague hope that maybe she could reconnect with her family while keeping Alex close but that dream has just been shattered. There is no way that Peter will be accepting of him, not now, and he has already voiced his scathing opinion of her friends. No, it is obvious that this can only work one way. If she wants to make amends with her family she will have to leave Alex and the others behind. It will have to be a choice, one or the other… not both.

“I have to go…” Abbey whispers, rising from her seat, completely overcome with a sense of despair.

“Please Abbey, I’m begging you just come home with me now… please…”

Peter grabs hold of her wrist to stop her from leaving but she quickly prises his hand away. The waitress standing behind the counter folds her arms, glowering at Peter disapprovingly as if she is preparing to step in at any moment.

“Let go of me…”

“I’ll call the police… I’ll tell them everything Abbey, I swear. If I can’t protect you by getting you to come home then I’ll call them…”

“All that will do is make things ten times worse. It will put me in danger and you as well. I know you don’t want that. Please just leave it alone…”

“I don’t want to lose you…” Peter chokes out, his eyes brimming with tears as his demeanour switches from anger to raw pain in a split second. Abbey is completely torn in two. She had been hanging on to the hope of a reconciliation even more than she had realized and it now seems totally implausible that she will ever be able to keep her family and her friends in her life at the same time.

It has broken her, she feels the lowest she has felt in a long time and as a result, she no longer has the energy to lie.

“I think you just did…” She whispers tearfully, before bolting through the exit with the image of her brother’s devastated expression printed firmly in her mind.

The disappointment Abbey feels is almost unbearable. Deep down she had truly believed that one day, she would be in touch with her family again. That they would be back on good terms and she would be able to have it all… her family, her boyfriend and her best friends. Now that is clearly never going to happen.

After arriving home to an empty flat feeling completely dejected, she desperately wants to talk to Lucy and tell her about what happened but she stops herself from picking up the phone. Lucy clearly has her own problems to deal with right now and Abbey has offloaded to her enough in the past. She doesn’t want to make the situation any worse for her by throwing her own dramas into the mix.

As Alex and the others all appear to be out, there is nothing for Abbey to do other than sit in the deafening silence and think about all the things that have once again spiralled way out of her control.

The choice to make peace with her family has been taken away from her by Marcus. Now there is no way she can keep all the people she loves in her life without having to make a sacrifice, but how the hell can she possibly choose? She loves her friends and can’t imagine her life without Alex, but can she really turn her back on Janet, Peter and Anna for good? Not to mention the fact that her best friend and the strongest person she knows is currently on the verge of having a drugs related breakdown. It wouldn’t be right to walk away from her now.

It is a hell of a lot to deal with and it all feels that much worse because of the life she got a taste of in Ireland. The simple life she and Alex had called it. The reason it felt so good to get away is because life is always such a struggle here, or at least it has been ever since Marcus made his ransom and Tom got injured in the raid. She had arrived home feeling totally refreshed and was ready to strive for better, but the positivity faded fast and they have quickly fallen back into old habits. ‘Can we really keep on living like this?’ Abbey muses sadly.

It has been a slow day and as night finally dawns she is more than happy to see her bed after an exhausting and emotional afternoon. It takes a while for her to fall asleep and even when she does; she is unable to switch off her doubts and worries completely.

It is a little after 2:00am when Abbey’s eyes suddenly flicker open, and she lies still, waiting for her breathing to slow down and return to normal as the dream that woke her in a panic already starts to drift from her memory. She is too warm and feels strangely claustrophobic, quickly kicking off the covers as she rolls over and is greeted by an empty bed. Needless to say Alex’s issues with sleep definitely weren’t cured in Ballycastle.

Wide awake and unable to switch off her thoughts, Abbey decides to get up and search for her insomniac boyfriend. Maybe now would be a good time to discuss the day’s events with him and break the news about Lucy? In the relative stillness of the early morning when everything feels a little calmer? She creeps barefoot over to the living room, but apart from the street lights that line the road below glowing dimly through the balcony door, it is in total blackness.

As she turns toward the kitchen she stops off at the bathroom, thinking how she should probably go to the toilet now if she is about to be embroiled in a long, in depth and emotional conversation with Alex about all manner of things.

After washing and drying her hands she stops for a moment, staring at Tom’s toothbrush that is still sitting in the glass beaker on the shelf. It just doesn’t feel real that he won’t be around anymore, not for a long time at least. She wonders where they will all be in five years’ time and what Tom will be greeted with when he walks out of prison.