Even Angels Fall (40 page)

A
bbey can’t recall the last time she felt this relaxed, calm and content. She has been in Ireland with Alex for almost two weeks now and it has done her the world of good. She feels refreshed, happy, and for once she can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Removed from all the drama that has surrounded her ever since Ryan died, she finally has a clearer perspective of where she is heading and what she wants from her future. She still has a long way to go to get her life back on track but one thing she knows for certain, is that Alex will be a part of it.

The past fortnight has brought out the side of Alex that he works so hard to keep hidden, sometimes even from the closest people to him. Back in Leeds he is the man in charge, respected and revered, the no nonsense drug dealer who is always in control. But away from all that, he is just Alex Matthew’s, the boy from County Antrim who has a ridiculous sense of humour and a spontaneous sense of fun. There is no business talk, no frown lines or worry etched across his face. The care free side - the true side of Alex’s character - is the dominant one here and it has made Abbey fall even more in love with him than she ever thought possible.

This trip has brought them so much closer and even after such a short amount of time, Ballycastle is starting to feel more and more like home.

“ALEX… DON’T YOU DARE…” Abbey squeals, trying to control her laughter and fake her anger more convincingly.

“Or what? What exactly are you going to do about it Miller…?” Abbey can’t see Alex’s face but she can sense the mischievous smile behind his voice and she knows damn well that he won’t hesitate to drop her into the Ocean if she mouths off again.

She is currently hanging over his right shoulder, grabbing onto the back pockets of his jeans for support while he swings her dangerously close to the freezing cold water of the North Sea. She can’t contain her laughter, despite the fact that she really doesn’t want to be drenched in the crashing waves. She squeals again as he slaps her on the backside and wades further in, drenching his boots and the bottom of his Levi’s. Abbey glances up and spots a couple walking their dog, smiling in amusement at the pair of them. They must look like any other young couple in love, messing about and play fighting on the beach, giving away no clue as to why they are really here. No one has the faintest idea about the kind of life they lead back home.

“You’re in luck… I’m feeling charitable!” Alex announces, “Plus my feet are fucking freezing…” He laughs, running back towards the beach and placing Abbey’s feet firmly back on the sand. He keeps his arm around her waist, kissing her sweetly as she punches him playfully on the arm and he jogs backwards, holding his hands up apologetically before turning around and admiring the setting sun in the burnt orange sky. It is their favourite time of day. Abbey has never witnessed sunsets like the ones in Ballycastle and the view from the beach is truly breath-taking.

She stares fondly at Alex as he stands facing out to sea with his hands in his pockets. He takes a deep breath of fresh air and exhales slowly, as a slight smile plays on his lips. Being back in Ireland has done him the world of good too. He has never been happier or felt freer and Abbey hopes more than anything that this newly acquired inner peace will last once they return home, despite knowing in her heart that it most probably won’t.

Her phone vibrates loudly in her pocket and pulls her abruptly out of her thoughts. It is a message from Lucy. She has been texting much more frequently in the last few days. It is obvious that she is beginning to struggle with the separation and desperately wants things to return to normal. It can’t be easy for her - or any of them back home - and Abbey feels a crushing sense of guilt at the fact that she is so happy here and that part of her secretly never wants it to be over.

Towards the end of the first week Darren had phoned Alex to let him know that Tom is awake and out of intensive care. He is still in trouble, still looking at a lengthy prison sentence, but he is alive… and the relief that both she and Alex felt in that moment was truly overwhelming. It was as though a huge weight had been lifted and it was then that the change truly happened in both of them; when they finally felt as though things might turn out OK after all. But it is far too easy to feel that way here, away from everything, surrounded by the solitude of the beautiful Irish coast. Abbey wishes things could stay like this forever but no matter what, reality is never far behind.

“What’s wrong?” The alarm in Alex’s voice startles her.

“Nothing… it’s just Lucy texting again, saying she misses us…” She smiles casually and rolls her eyes, making light of the situation. She hasn’t told Alex how much Lucy is struggling. She doesn’t want to say anything that might affect his good mood and bring him down. He deserves a break from all the drama and from having to look after everyone all the time.

“What’s happened? Is she OK?”

“She’s fine Alex, nothing’s happened…” Abbey whispers soothingly, and he relaxes slightly as he turns and saunters over towards a group of rocks that are nestled into the sand. He perches on the edge of the largest one and runs his hands through his hair, resting his elbows on his knees as Abbey sits down next to him. She gently reaches up and strokes his back as he shakes his head apologetically.

“They’re fine Alex. You need to stop panicking; they can take care of themselves…” Abbey’s voice is soft and calming and Alex seems to relax further, but it is clear that something is still troubling him. Abbey recognizes the look on his face and she knows all too well what it means. If he wants to talk he will, but it is best not to push him or try and force the conversation. Sure enough after a minute or two, he reluctantly speaks again.

“I just keep thinking…” He sighs, “Tom waking up, getting better… It feels too good to be true. I’m worried that because he’s OK someone else will get hurt or something else will happen to fuck things up… and everything will fall apart for real this time. It’s weird, but no matter how hard I try I just can’t shake this fucking feeling…”

“It’s not always bad news Alex…”

“Yeah…?” He laughs, cynically, “It is in my experience…”

“I know you feel responsible for them, but…”

“I am responsible for them…” He interrupts, “They’re my family Abbey. It’s my job to look out for them. We look out for each other and I feel like this whole fucking mess is my fault. They’re all suffering because of my choices; because of the things I’ve done… how the hell is that fair?”

“They know the drill. Isn’t that what you guys are always telling me? That you’re all in it together? Why do you think that suddenly doesn’t apply when things get tough? They all understand that this had to be done Alex and it’s only a temporary situation…” Abbey tries to sound enthusiastic and reassuring, but it doesn’t help that a huge part of her wishes that this actually was a permanent solution.

“I just can’t believe how fucked up everything is now and it’s all because of the life I lead, the things I’ve done… and for what? What the hell is it worth?”

“It will all work out… I promise…” Abbey smiles half-heartedly as she rests her head on Alex’s shoulder unsure of what else to say, and he sighs again wearily, unable to shift his forlorn mood.

“I need to fix this Abs… I need to do better. I can’t keep living like this. Constantly on edge, waiting for more trouble to kick off, always looking over my shoulder. It’s time to make a change…”

“What kind of change…?”

“A change so that I can live my life like a normal fucking person. Cut back on my dealing; cut ties with the bars and clubs, then maybe I can speak to Moorland and eventually I’ll be able to sack it off all together? I can get a real job. I was a bar manager in Dublin for a year, maybe I’ll start that up again, I don’t know. I’m just done with it… I’m through with surviving. I want to live. I want a normal life with no bullshit or danger. I want to be back with my friends and I want a future… with you…”

“The small town life…?” Abbey whispers as she smiles up at him with tears in her eyes. It is a revelation to hear Alex talk this way and to know that he not only wants this to be over but wants to move forward, to start fresh with a clean slate. Surely if they both feel like this then it doesn’t matter what part of the world they are in? They can take their quiet, small town life back home to the City with them?

“Something like that…” He smiles shyly, “You’re the first person to make me think I can have that kind of life Abbey… like I can be more than this… like I’m worth more…”

“God, you are Alex… you are worth so much more than what you see of yourself. You’re a good man, I know you are… and I love you…”

“I love you too…” He sighs, his voice filled with longing and relief as he leans forward and kisses Abbey softly on the lips, “That’s why you deserve so much more than this. You deserve better. I keep talking about how important friends and family are and I feel like I’ve kept you from yours…”

“That’s not true…” Abbey frowns defensively, a little surprised at the way the conversation has turned, “The choices I’ve made regarding my family I’ve made by myself…”

“But I haven’t exactly helped. I haven’t tried to convince you to get back in touch with them and sort things out. Because I’m fucking selfish when it comes to us and I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. I’ll deal with my family my own way Alex, you don’t get to feel responsible for that too…”

“OK, I guess not. But your brother reached out to you, maybe it’s time to try and fix what’s broken? Being back here, with all the memories… I can’t tell you how much I miss my Ma. I’d give anything to be able to speak to her again. Despite all the mistakes she’s made, your mum is still your mum Abbey… try not to forget that…”

“OK Jeremy Kyle, I’ll do my best…” Abbey quips as she rolls her eyes insolently and Alex bursts into laughter. His mood instantly lifts and he is back to happy, smiling care free Alex just like that. The man is still so unpredictable… emotional roulette.

“Watch it or you’ll be in the sea good and proper this time…” He jokes, standing up and holding his hand out to Abbey. He pulls her to her feet and throws his arm around her shoulders as he kisses her forehead. The sun has almost set and the chill breeze whips off the waves, dancing around them as they walk entwined with one another, sheltering from the cold.

Abbey is quiet, running over the conversation in her mind and trying to understand what it all means. From what she can gather, there is hope. Hope for the future, for their future. That’s how it feels. Both she and Alex appear to be on the same page and she is excited about the prospect of a simpler life and a brand new start. For the first time in two weeks, Abbey doesn’t feel quite so dismayed at the idea of going home and that is definitely, a good sign.

There is a loud bang as Marcus breaks through a panel of glass in the communal door of Alex’s apartment block and it shatters noisily to the floor. He waits for a moment, listening out for the slightest sound or movement but no one stirs. He carefully reaches through and unhooks the latch, pushing his way into the lobby followed closely by three of his henchmen.

It had taken Marcus a while to find out exactly which flat Alex calls home, but after trying and failing numerous times he’d had the ingenious idea of dressing one of his men as the local postman.

It may sound ridiculous, but it got results. Tommo had waited around the side of the building for the actual post to be delivered, then managed to sneak his way inside and carefully check every single one of the pigeon holes situated at the bottom of the stairs.

His fake uniform successfully fooled the several occupants who had walked passed him in the hall; all of them completely oblivious to the fact that he was actually stealing post instead of delivering it. Just as he was losing hope of finding anything, there sticking out in plain sight, was a bill, addressed to Mr A Matthews of flat number 38 - 9
th
floor. It was the information that Marcus had been waiting for and he was eager to make his move as quickly as possible. He had devised a plan, run it by his men, and now here he is, breaking and entering at 3:00am and bristling with excitement at the confrontation to come.

The four of them - all dressed in black clothing - slide silently into the lift and Tommo presses the button for the ninth floor. A minute later the doors ping open and none of them speak as they make their way stealthily down the hall. They check the numbers on each door as they pass, quickly reaching the end of the corridor and flat number 38.

A bitter smile spreads across Marcus’ face and he pauses to savour the moment before nodding to Tommo and Gazza. They step forward without hesitation and pull a large sledgehammer out of the duffel bag that the other lackey has been carrying for them. He dutifully keeps watch as they prepare to break down the door, waiting for Marcus’ command.

“WAKEY WAKEY ALEX, RISE AND SHINE…” Marcus shouts with glee, and with one swing they destroy the latch and break the door handle clean off. As they charge into the kitchen Marcus’ excitement instantly disappears and his face drops as he stands rooted to the spot. The other three flank him on either side while staring silently in open mouthed shock.

“Well, well… Marcus Holt. It’s certainly been a while…” Sat at the glass table like a civilized host greeting a guest at a party, Chris Moorland slowly crosses his legs and rests his hands in his lap. He has a polite smile on his face, but it is simply there to mask his true intent, “I think we have a lot to talk about don’t you?” He asks, with a hint of menace.

The other seven seats situated around the glass table are taken up by Moorlands men, all of whom sit in a stony silence with absolutely no emotion showing on their faces. They are completely impassive.

“Moorland…” Marcus just about manages to regain his composure but his voice sounds shaky and uncertain, “to what do we owe this pleasure?” He asks.

“I think you know the answer to that Marcus…”

“I’m unsure as to why you’re here, Christopher. Surely any dispute I have with young Alex is between the two of us. It doesn’t really concern you…” A wide, genuine smile spreads across Moorland’s face and he gestures to the man who is sitting in the seat across from him. He instantly vacates the chair and circles the table so that he is standing behind Moorlands right shoulder.