Even Angels Fall (46 page)

“Yeah it did…” Abbey laughs, “And those pep talks worked…! What is it you used to say? ‘Live for now, party like it’s your last’… You should take your own advice!”

“It’s pretty hard to get in the party spirit when things have been so shit lately…”

“That’s all the more reason to try! We need to get back to how it was and start having a laugh again…! God knows we deserve it!”

“I think I like this new optimistic Abbey…!”

“Well, it’s my new outlook on life, you know? The way I see it, if you want something to be different then make it different because no one’s gonna do it for you. If you’re stupidly positive then eventually things are bound to get better, right…?”

“Are you on drugs…?” Lucy jokes and they both burst out laughing.

“Yes, Yes I am, but that isn’t the point…!” Abbey states in mock defiance, “Things will get better, Luc. We all have each other and that’s what counts. Tom isn’t gone forever…”

“True…” She nods in agreement, turning to look directly at Abbey again, “But what about you… seriously? Alex mentioned what happened last week Abs, that’s full on…”

“Yeah, I guess it is…” She shrugs.

“You saw your brother? I mean actually, physically saw him?”

“I don’t know what the hell that was about if I’m honest, but it scared the shit out of me. For more than one reason…”

“How do you mean…?” Lucy asks, and Abbey gestures dramatically with her hands as if the answer should be obvious.

“You mean apart from seeing dead people in my bathroom? It scared me because my first thought was…” She trails off, almost not wanting to say the words out loud, “It’s feels like what happened to my Mum, is happening to me…”

“You don’t know that…”

“My Mum
saw
Ryan, Lucy. All the time! She spoke with him, like I’m talking to you right now, I mean it’s insane. I always thought she was completely crazy but now I’m doing the same thing…”

“You didn’t talk to him. You saw him for a few seconds, Abbey…”

“But he was so real… like I could actually reach out and touch him. I honestly don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t screamed the place down and made Alex come running…”

“I bet that really shit him up…” Lucy muses, trying to fight back a smile.

“Not half as much as it shit him up hearing that his girlfriend clearly needs committing…” They both laugh darkly in the knowledge that all jokes aside, it is definitely something that Abbey needs to keep a close eye on, “Seriously though… what if it is happening to me? What if I am losing it like my Mum did?”

“You’ve had a lot to deal with Abs… we all have. When people are under pressure and stressed out their minds react in different ways. Maybe it all just got on top of you and this was your heads way of saying you can’t cope anymore? It doesn’t mean you’re going crazy…!”

“I hope not! You’re crazy enough for the both of us…!” She smirks and Lucy nudges her playfully in the ribs.

“You’ll be fine. Like you said, you’ve got us lot to make sure of that…”

“So do you…” Abbey interrupts, “And you know that talking to your friends is better than burying yourself in drugs…”

“Is this the part where you tell me off?”

“No. I’m not your mother. But you were the one who told me you had to be smart with drugs and not push your limits… remember?”

“I know. It’s hard to explain… Everything just got too much for me to handle and I needed that escape, then the more I did, the more I needed bigger and bigger hits to get it…”

“But you’re not doing that anymore right?” Abbey scolds, “You’re partying on the same level as the rest of us, not getting silly with it?”

Lucy smiles but says nothing as she lifts her hand and makes a cross shape over her chest in the sign of a promise. Abbey wishes that Lucy would give her some proper reassurance and swear to her that she’s learnt her lesson, but when are things ever that simple? If Lucy was struggling enough to get to this point with drugs then there’s no way she can just flick a switch and suddenly be fine. Besides, if she was feeling better then she wouldn’t have spent half the night on her own hiding in Tom’s bedroom, but what more can Abbey do?

“It feels like it’s just one thing after another these days…” Lucy sighs.

“Tell me about it. There always seems to be something… so much for your good luck charm Blake!” Abbey smirks, automatically reaching for the chain around her neck and twirling the amber pendant between her fingers.

“I told you, it’s the thought that counts…!” She laughs, “I swear to god, luck just doesn’t exist… at least not the good kind anyway!”

“I don’t know, sometimes it does. I found you lot when I needed you…”

“That was more by chance I reckon. But I guess it worked out well. You got with Alex and you landed me as an amazing best friend, you really can’t fault that!” Abbey smiles and raises her forearm so that her elbow is resting on the mattress beneath her. She tilts it towards Lucy and she mirrors her action so that their arms twist together and they lock hands.

“I could do a lot worse…!” Abbey smiles, “But I do get what you mean. It must be really nice, being one of those people that just coast through life, getting whatever they want! Some people have all the luck…!”

“You know what I think Miller?”

“What?”

“I think…” Lucy announces, with underlying amusement in her voice, “That our guardian angels must drink as much as we do…!” Both Abbey and Lucy burst into a fit of laughter and continue giggling for a good five minutes. The sensation of hanging upside down is causing the blood to rush to their heads which only prolongs their amusement. Eventually Abbey sits up and clears her throat, struggling for breath as she leans forward, feeling more than a little light headed.

“Well, watching over us two must be one hell of a job, you definitely wouldn’t do it hung over…!”

“Very true…!” Lucy agrees, as she rolls onto her side.

“Will you come back to the party now please…?”

“Sure. I’ll be through in a bit…” Lucy nods, and Abbey frowns at her impatiently. Why can’t she just come through now, pour herself a drink and have a pick me up or two? She will feel so much better for it instead of staying in here and making her bad mood worse by dwelling on things that can’t be changed.

“Don’t be too long OK…?” Abbey requests, but there is a hint of authority behind her voice and Lucy nods obediently.

“Yes boss…!” She laughs, “And thanks, Abbey. I love you to bits; you know that right?”

“Of course I do…” She smiles back in return, lingering for a moment by the open door, “Things will work out Luc, I’m sure of it…”

“I know. We’ll be fine…”

“Love you too weirdo…!”

Abbey wants her happy, fun loving Lucy back so badly. This dark mood she seems to have spiralled into has been going on for far too long. Ever since Nathan confronted her about her escalating drug use she has withdrawn into her shell and Abbey is unsure of how to reach her. Maybe she just needs more time? After all, she knows how much they all love her and when she is ready to deal with this properly they will be there for her without question.

As Abbey re-joins the party Lucy lays back on Tom’s bed - the right way round with her head on the pillow - and glances at the clock on the wall. She knows that Abbey is right and that she is wallowing in self-pity but she just can’t seem to get motivated. She has no energy what so ever and isn’t in the mood for getting drunk at all. Restlessly, she sits up again; swinging her legs round and perching on the edge of the mattress as she slides open the top drawer of Tom’s bedside table. There are various papers stuffed in there along with a phone charger, a couple of lighters, half a pack of cigarettes and some old photos. Lucy flicks through them with a heavy heart. They are a few years old, taken on various drunken nights out during happier times. One from Tom’s birthday two years ago of him swigging tequila out of the bottle and sticking a defiant finger up to the photographer almost makes her laugh out loud. He is such an idiot. God she misses him.

As Lucy tries to muster up the energy to join the others in the living room, something catches her eye. It is a green plastic carrier bag wrapped up small and stuffed right at the back of the drawer, almost as if it has been hidden. She gently pulls it out and unravels the contents from inside. There are several pills, each with tiny little black hearts stamped in the centre. Lucy recalls Tom telling her about these. They are a particularly strong brand of ecstasy - mixed with various other ingredients - which Tom claimed would ‘put a massive smile on anyone’s face and blow their fucking mind’.

Lucy hesitates for a second, turning the little pills over and over in the palm of her hand. Maybe these are exactly what she needs? She wants to lighten up and get herself back into a positive frame of mind but she has been hitting the usual stuff so hard lately that the effects aren’t as strong or as satisfying as they used to be. This stuff though, is meant to be dynamite. She could take a couple, just to get her in the partying mood? One last blow out… one final night of getting that ultimate high and then she will kick it into touch and go back to being sensible. No more risks. She sits for a couple of minutes, internally debating with herself, before grabbing her bottle of beer and placing one of the pills on her tongue. ‘Why the hell not…?’

All Abbey can do is shrug at Nathan as he looks up at her expectantly. She tried, but Lucy can be extremely stubborn sometimes. He knows that more than anyone and smiles a ‘what can you do?’ sort of smile before going back to his conversation with Sophie. Abbey joins Alex and Darren on the balcony and Alex passes her the joint they are smoking.

“How’s she doing…?” Darren asks.

“She’s OK… she said she’ll be out soon…”

“What’s bothering her?”

“Tom… among other things, but she’ll be alright…”

Alex frowns as a brief flash of pain shoots across his face. It is still difficult for him to speak about Tom without feeling a wave of crippling guilt. Sensing his discomfort and determined not to spoil the mood of the night, Abbey leans forward and kisses him unexpectedly, instantly breaking him out of his despairing train of thought.

“What have I missed…?” She asks cheerfully, and both Alex and Darren roll their eyes.

“Mainly a load of fucking bickering…” Darren shouts, just loud enough for the others to hear.

“Oh come on it’ll be funny…” Gemma whines over the music, “We always have to sit and watch you lot play bloody FIFA!”

“What am I not getting?” Abbey asks, confused.

“Gem has brought some games for us to play…” Liam laughs, throwing a cushion at her from across the room, “But it isn’t fucking happening…!”

Darren and Abbey move back inside as Alex finishes the joint, and Sophie hands Abbey the two computer games. One is ‘Karaoke Sing Star’ the other ‘Just Dance’.

“I don’t give a fuck… I’m up for it…” Alex announces; much to Gemma’s approval. They high five as he passes her on the sofa and Abbey knows that he is only doing it to make her happy. Things are a lot better between them now and he wants to keep it that way.

“Oh man, seriously…?” Liam shakes his head at the coffee table and quickly starts racking up some more lines, no doubt to gear himself up for an all singing all dancing competition.

“What’s the matter, afraid I’ll show you up…?”

“Like you could Matthews…!” Liam taunts, pointing to himself proudly, “You know what they say… voice of an angel…”

“Face like an arse…” Darren finishes, and the others laugh in unison as Liam raises his middle finger.

“I’m better at singing, but I reckon I’d be alright at the dancing one too to be fair…” Alex states casually, and Abbey, who had been idly listening to the conversation whilst reading the back of one of the games, lets out a short, quiet laugh. It happens before she can even think about it and as the others look on expectantly, bristling with amusement, Alex raises an eyebrow.

“Something to say, Abigail…?” He accentuates her full name and she wrinkles her nose at him. He knows how much she hates that. She tries to fight the smile that is spreading across her face but fails miserably.

“No… it’s just… well, you know babe…”

“Know what?” He too is trying hard to keep a straight face as he edges slowly towards her, sauntering a little too nonchalantly.

“Well… I’ve seen you dancing, and…” Before Abbey can finish her sentence the others burst out laughing and Alex grabs her around the waist, swinging her round and throwing her onto the sofa. He kneels over her, tickling her manically while pinning her arms at her sides and she half screams, half laughs as she begs him to stop.

“And? And what…?”

“And you’re better at singing that’s all I was going to say, you have a lovely voice…!”

“Oh really, It didn’t sound like you were going to say that…!”

“I was I promise! ALEX!” She screams and he quickly relents, sitting up and pulling her across his lap so that she is cradled in his arms.

“The cheek of it Miller…” He tuts jokingly, and she smiles at him, fluttering her eyelashes sweetly.

“Alex is in; Me and Soph are in… Darren, Nathan…?” They both hold their hands up in defeat and Gemma lets out a little squeal of excitement as she dashes over to the TV unit, “It’s going to be so funny…!” She claps, “And I think we’ll go with the dance game… sorry Al…!”

“That’s fine! I still reckon I’ve got some pretty decent moves, despite my girl’s brutally honest opinion… ” Abbey giggles apologetically as Alex pulls her forward again, kissing her neck, head and mouth, “It’s good to see that smile…” He whispers and she reaches up, gently running her fingers through his hair.

The others have resumed their bickering and they launch into an animated debate about who should be on which team, leaving Alex and Abbey encased in their own little bubble for a welcome moment.

“It’s good to see yours too. You’ve really missed this haven’t you?” She asks, quietly.

“I honestly didn’t appreciate how much. I’ve been so distracted lately… so busy trying to get things back in order that I’ve been distancing myself without even fucking realising it. I’m sorry…”

“It’s OK…”

“No, really…” Alex insists, taking Abbey’s hand in his, “I know I said a lot of things in Ireland and I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten. About how things are and how we want them to be… about me and you…”