Evan's Addiction (32 page)

     She blinked at the flowers like she’d never seen flowers before.
Reaching out she took them gingerly and her gaze came back to mine in
bemusement as more red flooded her face. “Really?”

     An ache took up residence in my chest at the look in her eyes.
Hadn’t anyone ever given her flowers before? Had anyone ever given her anything
beside a bad rep and disappointment?

     “I was going to go for the red roses but the red was a pale
imitation to your hair I decided to go with something original rather than
standard.” I reached out and gave a tug to one of her curls.

     Shaw’s head angled down toward the flowers, and I didn’t think it
was possible but her skin went even more crimson.

     “You are so corny you could get a job at Hallmark.” She snorted
and spun away to head for the kitchen. “Come on in and I’ll put these in water.
Nic has gotten Carrie so many bouquets we’re overflowing with vases. We’ve had
to branch out and start using them for other things like coin jars. Once we get
them all filled with our loose change we’re planning a trip to Hawaii. This is not repeatable, but I think Carrie holds Nic’s ping-pongs in one for safe
keeping.”

     I followed Shaw into the apartment and my dick pulsed with the
sway of her hips. She was nervous and rambling and it was cute as hell, but she
lost me at the ‘ping-pongs’.

     “Ping-pongs?” I adjusted my erection out of her view behind the
counter.

     Bending down she pulled a glass vase out from a bottom cupboard
and stepped over to the sink to fill it with water. “You know…his walnuts,
dingle-berries, marbles, the beans next to his frank.”

     I burst out laughing. “Are you referring to Nic’s…testicles?”

     “Yep.” She answered casually.

     Setting the vase on the counter Shaw began cutting the ends off
the orchids and arranging them in the vase, and I didn’t miss the way she
smelled each one with a sweet smile. The ache in my chest lifted seeing it. I’d
done that. Watching her I realized I could do this all night…stare at her that
is…and that was an uncharacteristic thought.

     Shaw flipped me a self-conscious quizzical glance and I shook
myself out of my silent ogling. “So you’re saying that Carrie has Nic by the
balls?”  

     “Symbolically speaking, of course.” She threw me an adorable smirk.

     I busted out laughing again. “I have to agree with you there; he
is whipped where Carrie is concerned.” And loving every minute of it.

     Shaw’s lips twisted reflectively as she stared at her finished
arrangement. “Watching him with her chiseled away at a little bit of my
sourness toward males because it’s obvious he would do anything for her. She
deserves someone like that.” Seeming to shake herself out of her thoughtful
mood Shaw went back to smirking. “I told him if ever hurt her I’d make him
dead; publicly dead, not physically, so he does have extra incentive.”

     I didn’t doubt her ability to do that; hack into the government
and fill out a death certificate making Nic officially dead. However…I moved
around the counter and stood directly behind her. Our clothes were the only
thing brushing against each other but the material was like a conductor; my
cells hummed at the near contact.

     Leaning down, setting my hands on the counter to each side of her,
I mumbled in her ear while at the same time smelling her peach scented hair.
“You deserve that too, Shaw.”

     She sucked in a breath and began over-fidgeting with the flowers.
“Well, sure…I guess…doesn’t everyone?” 

     I wasn’t hearing concurrence in her tone. I heard skepticism, and
that had my chest compressing again. “I don’t care about anyone else, all I
know is that you do.” My hand lightly caressed her hip, and I felt a shiver go
through her. My dick throbbed at her response to my light touch.

     She laughed shakily. “You’re getting Hallmarky again.”

     Both my hands traveled toward her taut, quivering belly. “I’m just
keeping it real.”

     “If this is the real you then whoever told you to be yourself
couldn’t have given you worse advice.”

     I chuckled into the crook of her shoulder and watched goose bumps
pop up all over her skin. The vein in her neck was also beating wildly. The
need to taste her was too great so I brushed my lips over it and heard her suck
in another unsteady breath, and I felt it under my hands as I fanned them over
her quaking abdomen.

     Shit, I loved how much I got to her. No other woman had ever been
this receptive to my touch. I didn’t even need to touch her. Sometimes when I
looked at her I could see her physical reaction to me; hard nipples, erratic
breathing, and a heated flush to her skin. Hell, she elicited the same response
from me. It was good to know I wasn’t alone in my torture.

     “You look good, you smell good, you taste good; I don’t think I
can wait for dinner. Is a first date too soon for me to eat you?” I growled
into her neck as my fingers skimmed over the top edge of her panties through
her dress.

     Shaw’s trembling escalated and she leaned back into me, her ass cradling
my pulsing, stiff cock. “My buffet’s not open to the random public.” Her
rejoinder was barely a whisper.

     My muscles twitched involuntarily at the thought of anyone else
going near my buffet. Putting pressure on her abdomen I pressed her ass into my
aching erection. “You bet’s it’s not. It’s mine, and mine alone, Red.” I nipped
her skin to reinforce my claim, rocking my groin into her ass, and then closed
my eyes at the fucking agonizing pleasure of it.

     Shhhiiittt, I wanted to drag up her skirt and plunge into her so
badly.

     But Shaw deserved more than a fuck against the counter before we’d
even made it out the door.

     So, gritting my teeth I eased away from her with one last nuzzle
to her neck. “Come on, Shaw. We need to head to dinner before I forget my good
intentions.”

     Turning her in my arms I groaned at the desire blazing on her
face. Fuck, she was killing me. The only thing halting me from saying the hell
with my good intentions was the surprise in her eyes. It was the same look as
last night; like she couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to take what I wanted from
her body. She expected guys to want only sex with her.

     But Shaw was so much more than a body and I was going to employ my
willpower until the time that look was completely gone from her eyes.

     Cupping her jaw I brushed my thumb tenderly across her bottom lip
wanting to kiss her but knowing my self-control was too thin to risk it at the
moment. “Do you need to grab anything before we go?”

     She blinked, frowned, and looked around. “Uhm…I have a sweater and
a purse Carrie lent me.” She moved to the small kitchen table to grab said
items. “My sweaters are more functional than fashionable and I don’t use a
purse. Most of the time I use my backpack or my pockets, but I don’t have any
on this dress. Sometime I use my bra if it’s just my license and money, but I
also have my key and that’s a little uncomfortable.” 

     I couldn’t stop my grin at how endearingly befuddled she was in
her rambling. I remembered seeing cards in her bra that night we spent together
and with that memory came other memories that had my dick pushing for a repeat.

     Expelling a painful breath I confiscated her sweater and held it
out so she could slip into it. She frowned at me like I was demented and I gave
the sweater a shake like a bull fighter looking for the horns. Continuing to
frown she turned hesitantly sliding her arms in. 

     “I thought women considered purses akin to limbs; a must have.” I
teased as we stepped outside her apartment.

     She locked the door and dropped the key into a small black wallet
sized purse hanging diagonally over her chest. That little thing wasn’t
something I normally saw women lugging around. I was accustomed to seeing large
handbags that could hold the bathroom cabinet. Mom had a dozen of those purses.

     Shaw gave me a disgusted look. “From that remark I can tell what
kind of women you hang around with.”

     Setting my hand on her back I quirked my brow at her as we walked
down the steps. “And what kind of woman is that?” I probably should have let it
go but I wanted to know every thought that was going through her head.

     Returning my raised brow she sniped. “The Kim Kardashian kind; who
thinks a brand name purse will make everything right in their world, and notify
everyone where they come from.”

     “You make it sound like all I ever hung out with were rich,
stuck-up females, and that’s just not correct. I like women from all walks of
life.” Shaw’s frame was normally slightly rigid, eventually relaxing as time
passed, but at my mention of liking other women she stiffened up poker like and
I knew this conversation had taken a bad left turn.

     Yep, I definitely should have let that question pass.

     Shaw suddenly stopped. “Crap, what am I doing?”

     Gut bottoming out at her tight tone I gripped her arms gently but
firmly incase she made a run for it. “Don’t take what I said the wrong way,
Shaw. I only meant to convey that I’m not a snob.”

     Grabbing the railing for the stairs she sneered at me faintly…and
I noted that she still looked hot doing it. “I know you’re not a snob where
women are concerned, Evan.”  

     Her face may have held a sneer but Shaw’s green eyes held other
emotions and my grip on her tightened. “You’re twisting my words, Shaw. I know
my past bothers you, but most people have past relationships. Maybe because you
were innocent you think I should be…”

     Shaw laughed harshly. “I may not have had sex but I wasn’t
innocent, Evan. I’ve done things with other guys.”

     My chest rumbled in displeasure at the thought of that which was
stupid because I was just telling her we all had pasts. I guess that meant I
still didn’t have to like it. Perhaps that’s what she was upset about?

     Releasing her I stabbed my fingers through my hair. “Okay…I didn’t
like hearing that, so I’m taking a guess that you’re pissed at thinking about
me with other women. Is that the problem?”

     A look of confusion crossed her face. “You didn’t like hearing
what…that I did stuff with other guys?”

     My muscles jerked and I could feel my frown dig in deeper. “Yeah,
I don’t like thinking about you with other men. Is it the same for you?”

     Leaning against the railing she looked back up the stairs toward
her apartment longingly, but she didn’t run, and after a small moment of what
appeared like reflective silence she answered. “Yes.”

     “Do you believe me when I say I feel more for you than I did with
those other women?”

     My attraction to Shaw was echelons above what I’d felt with anyone
else. When they were out of sight they’d been out of mind, but she hovered in
my thoughts all day.

     Still avoiding my gaze Shaw shrugged trying to appear unconcerned,
but I could see it was just a front, and I could also see that she didn’t
believe me.

     I stepped closer to her. “I guess you will only see that with
time.” Trailing a finger over her flushed cheek I asked. “Do you feel more for
me than those other guys?”

     She huffed shakily. “I didn’t care for them at all.”

     I scowled. “Then why did you do shit with them?” Damn, my feelings
were all over the place.

     Finally, she looked at me and the shame and anger in her eyes
twisted something in my chest. “Because I was a lonely, desperate, needy little
orphan girl who was searching for someone to show me attention; any kind of attention.
Even if I had to give a hand job or blow job to get it. After a few guys it
came to my notice that I was getting a reputation, partly deserved, partly not,
but it woke me up to how stupid I was being.”

     I realized what that twisting feeling in my chest was…a knife.

     Shaw had been shifted around from foster home to foster home her
entire life to finally end up in place where no one paid any attention to her;
it was a no wonder she’d gone searching for attention…for affection. I didn’t
blame her, but witnessing the self-hate on her face made me want to kill
everyone who’d ever made her feel worthless. I wanted to make all those years
up to her, shower her with everything she’d been denied.

     Pushing past my fury I tenderly traced a finger over her face;
eyebrow to mouth. “You need to wipe that look from your face, and let it go
from your soul, Shaw. You were a young girl looking for something that should
have been given to you freely. What you wanted was understandable. What they
did to you was inexcusable.”

     She stared at me intently, the emotions still raging in her eyes.
“They just took what was offered. Can you say you would have done
differently?” 

     That was a hell of a question. If Shaw had offered anything to me
back in high school I couldn’t deny that I would have been all over it. I
wanted to be all over her now. 

     I brushed my knuckles over the soft skin of her jaw. “I would take
whatever you offered me, Shaw. I want you pretty fucking badly, to the point
it’s eating away at me, but I wouldn’t have boasted, or lied about what we
shared together.” It was the truth and I would always give her that.

     “I was weak then…I won’t be weak again.” Her tone was indomitable
but her eyes held a craving that was undeniable.

     Twist of the knife. “Do you think I make you weak?”

     Her eyes skittered away from me and I could see the vein in her
neck beating wildly. “Yes.”

     “How?”

     She took a moment before answering and the words seemed forced
from her throat. “I want you.” The knife untwisted some at her honest
disclosure, but then she continued. “But I don’t want to want you. Wanting
things only hurts.”