Equivocal Death (8 page)

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4 1

“Wow, I don’t even like watches, to wear them. Like I don’t 1

even like how they feel on my
arm.
”

2

“I
have
to wear one.” A dejected sigh. “I just don’t have a body 3

clock.”

4

Oh, brother,
Kate thought.
Get me out of here.

5

Then Tara was talking again. “Why do you stay at that place?”

6

Tara was chewing thoughtfully, watching Kate as she ate.

7

“What?” But of course she knew what Tara meant. For all her 8

laid-back demeanor, Tara was nothing if not persistent.

9

“That law firm. Why do you stay there?”

10

Kate tried to stay calm. “Look, it’s only been about a year. Any-11

way, it’s not as bad as it sounds. It structures my time.” Even as she 12

spoke, it occurred to Kate that this did not sound like an especially 13

strong defense of a job that consumed more hours per week than 14

most people spent awake. But it was already too late.

15

“It structures your time?” Kate could hear the exasperation in 16

Tara’s voice. “Kate, I’m worried about you.
Slavery
structured 17

people’s time. I don’t see that as a point in its favor.”

18

“No quarrel here,” Kate said lightly. She really wasn’t in the 19

mood for one of Tara’s tirades. “Look,” she temporized, “I’m not go-20

ing to stay forever.” But the words felt false in her mouth. Almost 21

without exception, junior associates claimed to have no interest in 22

partnership. Everyone planned to move on. After all, Samson as-23

sociates were highly sought after by smaller firms, and only one or 24

two members of a given class had any hope of making partner. But 25

didn’t most associates secretly wonder if they could beat the odds?

26

The conversation had ground to a halt. Kate hurried to fill the 27

gap. “Look, I’m sure it won’t always be this bad,” she said, hearing 28

and hating the defensiveness in her voice. “It’s just that I’m start-29

ing out.” Not true, of course. But maybe it would placate Tara.

30

“Glad to hear it.” Tara’s voice was noncommital. There was a 31

pause as she took another bite and chewed. “Hey, before I forget, I 32

want to tell you about this guy I think you should meet. He’s an ar-33

chitect. Does some sort of work with low-income housing. His 34 sh

name’s Douglas. Douglas Macauley.”

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“Nice name,” Kate said, hoping that her obvious lack of interest 2

would forestall any further discussion. What was it with her friends 3

today? First, Andrea, now Tara. Didn’t they have better things to 4

do than try to find her a mate?

5

“He’s a friend of Tom’s.” Tara said. Tom was Tara’s long-term 6

boyfriend, a computer whiz with an artistic bent. “They met a few 7

months ago when Doug worked on the renovation at Mundo 8

Novo.”

9

Kate briefly wondered, as she had before, about the name Tom 10

and his partners had chosen for their Internet start-up. Mundo 11

Novo sounded more like an eighties dance band than a serious 12

business venture.

13

“Have you met him?”

14

“Yeah. We had dinner with him a couple of weeks ago. He’s cute 15

and
smart. I really think that you two might hit it off. At least you 16

would if you gave him a chance.”

17

“If he’s so great, why doesn’t he already have a girlfriend?”

18

“I didn’t ask.”

19

“Well, maybe you should ask.”

20

Tara rolled her eyes. “Kate, you’re being —”

21

“What? What am I being?”

22

Childish. Kate knew the word was childish. But she didn’t care.

23

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

24

Silence. Kate returned to her meal. Much better than she’d ex-25

pected. She dipped a shrimp in tamari sauce and raised it toward 26

her open mouth.

27

“Look, it’s been more than two years since —”

28

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Kate snapped. “How many times 29

do I have to say that? It’s my life.” That was the problem with old 30

friends. They knew you too well.

31

Tara was not dissuaded. “So what are you telling me? That 32

you’re never going to date again? That you’re just going to bury 33

yourself alive in that exploitive mausoleum you call a law firm?”

ort 34

“I like my job.”

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“Great. I’m glad that you like your job. That doesn’t mean you 1

can’t also have a life.”

2

“I really just don’t want to talk about it. Besides, I hardly even 3

have time to see
you.
How would I make time for a boyfriend?”

4

“Fine. It’s your decision. Forget I said anything.”

5

Kate reached over and touched Tara’s arm. “Look, maybe after 6

this new case calms down, I’ll have more time. Maybe I’ll feel dif-7

ferently then.”

8

Tara met her eyes. “Maybe. But you’ve been saying that for a 9

long time.”

10

“I know.”

11

“Kate, I really think that you should consider talking to someone.”

12

“I
am
talking to someone. I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

13

“You know what I mean. A therapist. Someone who can help 14

you move through this. You’re fixated. Everyone goes through rela-15

tionships that don’t work out. Remember that creep Eric? The guy 16

I went out with before Tom? I was crazy about him. But it didn’t 17

work out. That’s how life is. Sometimes, things just don’t work out.

18

And you have to move on.”

19

“What makes you think that this is about Michael?” Kate said.

20

It had been a long time since she’d spoken the name out loud. For 21

a moment, his face floated up in her mind. The disarming quicksil-22

ver smile. The wavy light brown hair, always slightly in need of a 23

trim. They’d met on the first day of law school, assigned to adja-24

cent seats in Contracts, and had been inseparable for the next two 25

years. As well as part of a third. Kate felt a tightening in her chest.

26

“Maybe I’m just focused on my job,” she said defiantly. “What’s 27

wrong with that?”

28

“I’m sure
Bill Gates
is focused on his job, and he still managed to 29

get married.”

30

“He’s a man. It’s different.” Even to herself, Kate sounded ridicu-31

lous. She tried to recoup. “Look, I went out with Michael for almost 32

three years. Through most of law school. We met on our first day of 33

classes. It’s natural that I’d have a hard time getting over him.”

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“Kate, he’s engaged. He’s getting married soon. You told me that 2

yourself.”

3

“Thanks for reminding me.” Kate could hear the bitter edge to 4

her voice. Time, the cushion on which she’d relied to soften the 5

blows of memory, seemed to collapse beneath her.

6

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Tara said. “But I hate to see you suffer 7

like this. I just don’t think you have to suffer so much.”

8

“I’m not suffering. I don’t have
time
to suffer.”

9

Tara raised her eyes skyward. Kate felt a wave of fatigue. “Look, 10

I’ll think about it, okay? The therapy thing.”

11

“Really?”

12

“Maybe. Can we change the subject now?”

13

Tara sighed. “Be my guest.”

14

w

15

He gazed down at the seated figure. She was smaller than he re-16

membered, her hair swept back in a twist. Her dress, a rich shade 17

of midnight blue, had a square-cut neck and fitted sleeves. She 18

held a glass of red wine. Even as his heart raced with anticipation, 19

he took a moment to appreciate the play of color and form. How 20

the somber hue of the fabric set off the whiteness of her skin. How 21

the garment’s tailored lines only emphasized her body’s curves. An 22

aesthetic of contrasts.

23

“How’ve you been?” he persisted.

24

Slowly, she lowered her glass. The faintest of flushes suffused her 25

face. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me.” Her voice was quiet 26

but firm. “I’m meeting a client here.”

27

Standing beside her in this public space, he felt a rush of power.

28

His entire body — blood, muscle, heart, sinew — seemed to be 29

humming at her nearness. He pulled out a chair and sat down.

30

“Yes. Well. There’s been a — how shall I put this? — change of 31

plans.”

32

She looked at him warily, a latent uneasiness emerging. She had 33

no idea. Still, her instincts were good. She knew that something ort 34

was wrong.

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“I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she said, sitting up 1

straight in her chair.

2

“But I don’t want to leave, Madeleine.” As he spoke, he slipped off 3

his coat and placed it across his lap. He waited a moment, relishing 4

her stunned confusion. Then, reaching under his coat, he went on.

5

“Beneath this table, I am holding a loaded gun. A gun with a rather 6

remarkable history. But I digress. The point is this: If you make the 7

slightest move to suggest that everything is not, shall we say, as it 8

should be, I won’t hesitate to shoot. Given our respective posi-9

tions, I’d guess that the bullet would probably strike you some-10

where between the abdomen and lungs. Of course, you might 11

survive. But there’s sure to be a fair bit of damage. All and all, I’d 12

say that it’s quite a gamble.”

13

Her pale skin seemed to grow even paler. But she didn’t say any-14

thing at first. Her brilliant mind, so adept at sorting out logical in-15

consistencies, the weakness in an opponent’s argument, must be 16

rapidly reviewing the alternatives, reviewing and dismissing them 17

at lightning speed. Then, strangely, she smiled. When she spoke 18

her voice was playful.

19

“Look,” she said lightly. “This is some sort of joke, right? Okay, 20

you got me.
You really did.
Now, why don’t you let me buy you a 21

drink at the bar?”

22

He met her smile with his own. “This isn’t a joke, Madeleine,”

23

he said. “You couldn’t be further from the truth.”

24

Slowly, her smile faded. “Let’s look at this rationally,” she said.

25

“If you —”

26

He was suddenly impatient, impatient and not a little anxious 27

about the steady passage of time. No point in pressing his luck.

28

“It’s time for us to go,” he said abruptly.

29

“For us —?”

30

“You’re coming with me, Madeleine,” he said.

31

She looked at him, incredulous. “You’re crazy. I don’t know 32

what it is you’re after, but you’ll never get away with this.”

33

He laughed out loud. “You may be right,” he said. “Maybe I
am
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crazy. But, frankly, Madeleine, if I were in your shoes, I don’t think 2

that would reassure me.”

3

“Why are you doing this?” Madeleine whispered. Her green eyes 4

shone. “Why are you doing this to me?”

5

He was pleased to hear the beginnings of fear in her voice, un-6

easiness evolving into something more. “You don’t need to know 7

that, Madeleine,” he said. “Really, there’d be no point. And it 8

would take too long. It’s not really about you, anyway.”

9

Signaling the waitress with his free hand, he kept his gaze 10

pinned firmly on Madeleine’s face. “I’m afraid my companion is 11

feeling sick. If you could bring us the check right away. . . .” With 12

sympathetic sounds, the waitress hurried to comply.

13

He looked at Madeleine intently. “Now listen carefully. There’s 14

not much time. You kept your coat with you. Good. When I get up, 15

you’ll stand up slowly and put it on. You’ll notice that, as I stand, 16

my coat will remain over my arm, concealing my right hand. In 17

that hand, as I think I previously mentioned, I am holding a loaded 18

gun. Keeping that in mind, you will walk, slightly ahead of me, out 19

the door. I’ll leave cash on the table to pay the bill. There’s no rea-20

son to stop up front. Understood?”

21

As they stepped out into the cold, black night, he reached his 22

left arm around Madeleine’s waist; in his right hand, he held the 23