Enough (39 page)

“
Do you want me to lie?” I asked. I know he likes me so…

“If it’s
not the answer I’m looking for then yes.” He said.

I smiled. Only he would say that.
“I’m single and mingling.”

He gave me a huge grin. “Then girl, you can stop looking because I’m right here. H
ow about this? If everything works out, I’ll take you out somewhere. You choose.” He sat up on his elbows looking me over.

“Really?” I
asked. He’s not doing this. He’s trapping me into a date. But for him…I’ll do it. “I’m thinking paintball.” I said. He smiled again.

“I’
ll go through hell for you but it’ll be worth it.” He said.

I’ll go through it too. Every second of every day, I’ll be thinking about him and praying that the treatment works. I’ll do it for him. I’ll be there if he needs me too but I honestly need him there for me. I can’t lose him. I just can’t. He’s a part of my life. And I’m not letting him go without a fight.

“Bye, Justin.” I said grabbing the door handle.

“Can you leave it open?”
He asked. I did. “Bye, sexy ladies.”

We walked out into the hall whe
re Zach and Sophie were smiling like love sick fools but I know it was because of Justin.

“
I can’t believe he kissed you.” Sophie said smiling as we walked downstairs. “Is he going to do it?” She asked as Zach opened the door.

“Yes.
” I said. “And I want you to tell me everything. Good or bad. Tell your family I’m taking care of it.” I said to Zach.

He pulled
me into a hug when I stopped beside him.

“Thank you.” He said
into my ear. And I know this wasn’t a thank you for giving his family money. This is a thank you for trying to save his brother’s life. I know we have a history and we’re trying to work on it by being friends but I have a feeling we’ll be okay. We’ll always be okay.

When he pulled away
, he wiped his eyes and smiled at me.

We said
bye and Sophie and I walked out.

It wasn’t until I got into Alex’s car when I pulled the sleeve of my sweater up. I stared at my bruised wrist and then the ink on my skin.
My eyes watered because it was beautiful against my skin. I didn’t see the reminder of my fucked up life. I didn’t see Giovanni.

I saw hope.

I saw happiness.

I’m a freak <3
was written on my wrist. Justin gets ten points for bringing Enrique Iglesias’ song into this and another ten points for the heart. This was the song Justin said was dedicated for me. Yeah, I was a cheerleader and he saw most of the routines. He’s also a guy who sees boobs and ass bouncing up and down while witnessing a group of girls cheering.

I laughed. Alex looked over at me and
I covered my mouth. The tears came next. The came in ugly sobs that made everyone in the car lean forward and worry.

“I’ll be right back.” I said wiping snot off my face. I got out of the car and ran toward the James’ front door. I ran the doorbell and when Zach opened the door, I pushed past him and ran upstairs. I ran into Justin’s room and I ran to him. My thigh didn’t hurt. Nothing hurt. Nothing hurt except my heart.

I threw my arms around Justin who was still in bed and I cried against him. I held him and he held me and I didn’t let go. I couldn’t.

“I can’t lose you.” I cried.

He cradled my head and tried to hold me up but he’s too weak. I just ended up crushing him. Finally realizing I was hurting him, I pulled back and sat down on the bed.

I tried to kill myself when I was raped. I took pills and wanted to end my life. I was in pain. I hurt everywhere. I felt like nothing. Now look at Justin. He’s dying because he’s sick and has been for awhile. He’s giving up now because he couldn’t go forward. I’m a fucking bitch for even thinking about killing myself. This amazing guy is suffering and he’s still alive. He’s still here.

I tried to end my life while he’s trying to save his.

“I can’t lose you.” I whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Justin said with a sad smile. “Em, I’ll fucking fight this, alright. I won’t give up.” I nodded and let him hug me. This time he crushed me against him and I didn’t care. My shoulder will heal. I’ll heal. Right now, I need Justin to heal.

I won’t think about offing myself anymore. I can’t. Not when there are other people in this world who have been or are suffering more than me. I have to live. I have to be me. I have to be enough.

Justin and I held each other not saying anything. We didn’t need to. We know how much we care about each other. Maybe one more than the other but it’s enough. We’re here. We’re living.

“See you later, Emily.” Justin said wiping under my eyes.

“See you later, Justin.” I said smiling. He didn’t say bye. He didn’t say bye because then it’ll be final. See you later means you’ll have another time. And right now, we need more time.

I
left Justin in bed and found Zach leaning against the wall in the hallway. We didn’t say anything. We smiled. We both know what the other is thinking. We both feel the same way.

He nodded and I left.

I got back into the car and I took a deep breath.

“I can’t lose him.” I said. I’m selfish.
I know.

“We won’t.” Sophie said leaning over the seat and hugging me. “We won’t.” I hope she’s right. I want nothing more than that to be true.

Alex started the car and held my hand as we drove to Tiffany’s house. I don’t need anyone to say anything right now. I just need them to know how I feel.

When
Tiffany got out, she kissed me on the cheek and said, “What you’re doing for him is amazing. I’m lucky to have a best friend like you. I love you, babe.” She headed into her house where Mrs. Paxton waved at me.

“She’s right.”
Bryan said. “What you’re doing is amazing.” He and Sophie are sitting in the second row of the car now. Alex glanced at me and I saw something in his eyes. I don’t know what it is though.

“Wouldn’t anyone do the same thing?” I asked.

Sophie leaned in closer. “Emily, you have no idea how amazing you are. This…what you’re doing for Justin…it’s not something anyone would do. This is something only you could do.” She said. I turned in my seat and hugged her. She has no idea how amazing she is too.

“Hey
, Em…” Bryan said leaning forward. “You said you wanted us to spend New Years with our families… do I stay with you for a bit?”

I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. He is my brother.

“I don’t know.” I said. “No…no, you should spend it with them. Besides, I kept you from them for a while now.” Bryan’s house is a few blocks from Tiffany’s so we went to his next. When we dropped him off his dad was in the driveway. My dad. Our dad.

“That’s not awkward.” Bryan
said wide-eyed. “I guess we’ll see each other at school. Take care of her.” He directed to Alex. Ha, my brother telling my boyfriend to take care of me. Guess Bryan’s on Alex’s team. Declan will need some more time.

Our dad
waved at me. I smiled and gave a slight wave back. I don’t know what else to do. I never talked to him after I found out he’s my father. He’s still Bryan’s father to me. The idea that he’s my dad still didn’t settle.

We talked a little bit more about the
Victoria’s Secret thing when we drove to Sophie’s house. She kept telling me not to worry about the scars because make-up would cover up everything. I’m trying to believe her.

“Besides
, they might be taken aback by the boobs.” She said when she got out of the car and leaned in the window. I gave her a go-away-now look. She laughed and waved goodbye.

I dug in my purse for my keys
as Alex headed to my mom’s house and that’s when I noticed my iPod wasn’t there. I take that thing everywhere with me. Shit. This is not good. I left it at Alex’s place. I need it here.

“Can we go back to
your place? I left my iPod.” I said.

“N
ow or later?” Alex asked pulling onto the street.

“You know how I am wi
th my music.” I said.

Music i
s basically my life because every song tells a story and most of the time that story sometimes tells mine. It’s creepy and refreshing sometimes.

“Now it is.”
He said making a turn and driving back to his place. We didn’t talk much as he drove. I was busy staring at my wrist.

“Alex, can I ask you something?”
I asked. He glanced at me.

“I kn
ow you care about him. If you need anything from me, I’ll give it to you.” He said. I furrowed my brow. “I’m talking about Justin.”

“Oh.
I was going to ask if you fixed everything in New York but since we’re on the subject…” I stared at the dashboard for a second. “I know you gave the money to my family and my mom is trying to give it back but I want to help him. Do you mind if I–”

“Don’t even ask if I mind if you take the money.” Alex said looking at me. “You’re trying to help him out and I won’t be the asshole who takes it away from you. Both of you.” He reached for my hand and squeezed. “Keep the money, Em. I’m not taking it back.”
I sighed and nodded. “I’m glad I can help you help Justin. And yes, I fixed everything in New York.”

“I thought your family was
a bunch of doctors.” I said changing the subject. I don’t want to cry again. “Why did they have businesses?” I asked.

“T
hey had other goals in mind too.” He said.

“Why didn’t you go back to
New York?” I asked.

“What for? I was alone. My family was all I had and I lost them. If I stayed in
New York, people would expect things from me that my family use to do. In Boston, all that changed. No one knew who I was except Ben and Sean and I liked it.” He said.

“So you go to
New York for a few things and come back here? No one knows you’re here?” I asked watching him.

“Some people do.
” Alex said staring out at the streets. “My lawyer, Dante, because he’s more than that to me but he’s not authorized to tell anyone for safety purposes. And he likes not having people know where I am.” Alex said smirking. “He wants me safe.”

“I asked you if I’
d be in trouble because you are who you are. You said no.” I teased.

“I promise
nothing bad will ever happen to you, Emily As long as you’re with me, I’ll protect you.” Alex said pulling up his driveway and into the garage.

We headed inside and I ran up the stairs to the bedroom. I checked the bed, dresser,
and bathroom but couldn’t find it. Where is my iPod?

“Did you find it?”
Alex asked walking in and grabbing his duffel bag. I doubled checked my purse, found the toothbrush instead and left it on the sink in his bathroom. Hopefully he doesn’t get weirded out by that. But I plan on coming over more often.

“No but
I think I know where it is.” I finally said. We headed downstairs and I went over to the couch. I checked the single sofa I was sitting on last night, the rest of the couches and it was nowhere. I looked over at the table behind the couch. Yes. There it is.

“I have clothes in the
dryer. It’ll be ten more minutes.” Alex said.

I arched a brow.
“When did you do laundry?” I asked.

“When you were upstairs.”
He said smiling. Yes!

“Ten minutes
…” I said dropping my purse on the couch. “I think we can find something to do.” I pulled him into me and brushed my lips on his.

“Just ten minutes? I think you’re underestimating me.”
Alex said grabbing my hips and pulled me into him.

Alex slid a hand down my right
thigh and picked me up. I was gone the second he touched me. I wrapped my legs around him as he backed me up to the couch. I dropped a hand to his jeans and unbuttoned them. Man, I like the sound of that. He pulled away. “Not here.” He said.

Why not?
He held me up and turned to the stairs. When we got to his room, I took off his shirt and he did the same. He laid me down on the bed and kissed every inch my body. His fingers were like feathers running down my body and I ached for more. Once he kissed my collarbone and neck, I couldn’t take it anymore. He does this to me. I moaned softly every time his lips touched skin.

His body pressed into the space between my legs, parting them wider
. I wrapped my legs around his waist tighter and pulled him in closer.

Noth
ing else matters right now. No one else matters. All the bad things that happened to me are far away from my mind. This is where I’m suppose to be and Alex is who it’s suppose to be with.

No more drugs. No more lies.
Ty doesn’t have that hold on me anymore. I’m taking control now.

Alex has my heart in
his hands and I’m not running.