Enchanted and Desired (41 page)

When I finally make it to the kitchen, I’m hysterical, laughing and crying that I’ve made it, but I need to take a moment to gather some strength. I need to stand up and grab my cell phone. I try to steady my breathing, but my heart is racing. It’s going too fast, but I don’t know how to slow it down.

The smeared trail of blood behind me is causing bile to rise up into my throat, a physical manifestation of my horror and fear. I manage to pull myself into a sitting position, my back against the cupboards, my head resting against the hard, unforgiving wood. I close my eyes, just for a second, trying to focus on my breathing, but when I try to open my eyes again, I feel like I have weights attached to my lids, making it almost impossible for me to lift them.

“Simon.”

My world starts to spin, starts to fade in and out, my body slowly slumping down towards the floor. In my head, I’m screaming at myself to get up, knowing that every downward movement is taking me further away from my cell, further away from the help that I so desperately need, further away from
him
.

The apartment is so quiet. I’m all alone. I can feel the life draining from my body, and I am helpless to do anything about it. My body is consumed by an overwhelming feeling of cold, a bone deep feeling of exhaustion. I try to fight against it, but I can’t. I’m just one woman, and I don’t have any fight left. Maybe if I let myself rest for a little while…just a few minutes – I will have enough energy to get up.

I curl my hands around my stomach; my last act of protection for my baby.

“It’s okay baby. Daddy will be here soon; daddy will find us. I love your daddy so much. Daddy will save you….”

I feel a rush of relief as I give in to the cold and the darkness. The pain dissipates and my body stops shaking. I can feel my breathing growing shallow and my heart rate slowing down. The single thought that keeps me from letting the darkness completely consume me, is the image of Simon, holding our baby in his arms.

I want to see that…I want to be a part of that…I want to live…

THUD! THUD! THUD!

“JESS!”

SIMON

Jess was supposed to meet me an hour ago. I waited in the restaurant like an idiot, just hoping that she would turn up with some crazy story about why she was late. Instead, I stared at my phone, willing it to ring, while the waiter looked at me as if I’d had a death in the family. This is exactly what I’m talking about, this is why we can’t work – I can’t even trust her to show up! I love her so much, and I keep waiting for her to prove me wrong, but it’s becoming glaringly obvious that she doesn’t
want
to trust me, and I
can’t
trust her.

I take a cab over to her apartment, running through every possible scenario of why she would blow me off like this. I’m so pissed off at her right now, but I’m trying to stay calm because she’s pregnant, and because I love her more than life itself.

When I arrive at her building and step inside the elevator, I feel a sense of urgency, I just
need
to see her…now.

I stand knocking on the door for a few minutes, thinking maybe she hasn’t heard me.

“Jess. Are you in there? It’s me. You never showed up for lunch. I was worried…and fucking annoyed! The appointment with the OB/GYN is in 40 minutes.”

Still nothing.

“Goddamn-it Jess. I don’t want to play games with you. I thought we were past this.”

I can hear something. It’s very faint, but I’m sure I can hear her voice. I press my ear to the door.

“Jess.”

“Help…me.” Holy fuck. She’s in there.

“Open the door baby.”

“Help.” I can barely hear her over my own pulse, hammering in my eardrums. I try to open the door but it’s locked.

“Can you get to the door?”

Silence.

“Stay back from the door Jess. I’ll need to break it down to get to you.”

Silence.

Nothing else matters except getting to her. I stand back, readying myself to kick it in with every ounce of strength I have in me. One almighty kick and the door bursts inwards, the wood splintering where my foot makes contact.

I immediately scan the apartment, looking for Jess, and that’s when I see a trail of crimson.

“Jess?”

The red marks seem to have come from the hallway and they disappear behind the counter. I run over to the kitchen, dread and fear choking me.

“OH FUCK.”

I drop down onto the floor.

“SHIT. Jess baby, can you hear me? Talk to me.”

She’s completely surrounded by the deep red liquid pooling on the floor; covered in it from the waist down. I have never seen a person so pale. I try to pull her close to me, but she’s a dead weight, unconscious and completely limp in my arms.

“Jess, baby, you need to wake up.”

Her head slumps down onto her chest.

My brain finally kicks in and I grab my phone from the inside pocket of my jacket to call 911.

“I need an ambulance. My girlfriend is pregnant and she’s covered in blood, she’s unconscious and I can’t get her to wake up.” I quickly give them the address and they assure me that the paramedics will be with me in minutes.

Sir, I need you to check for a pulse.

This can’t be happening. She text me this morning. She was fine. My hand is shaking as I press two fingers to her throat, terrified that I might not feel a pulse. I’m so relieved when I feel the faintest flutter on my fingertips.

“She’s alive, but her pulse is weak. Please hurry.”

I hang up the phone and scoop Jess’s fragile, bloodstained body onto my lap, holding her close to my chest. She feels so cold. I scramble out of my suit jacket, careful not to move her too much. Draping it over her shoulders, I pull her tight against the warmth of my chest; stroking her hair, rocking back and forth trying to calm the panic and complete and utter terror.

I start rambling; talking to her in the hope that she’ll wake up and say something so ridiculous and completely Jess like to me; and I can tell her how wrong I was, and that we
need
to be together, no matter what.

“I need you baby, more than I need air. Tu sei tutto per me. Il sole, la luna, le stelle, e tutto il resto.
[You are everything to me. The sun, the moon, the stars, and everything in between.]
We’re supposed to be a family Jess. You, me, and our baby.”

I feel my tears trickling down my face, dripping onto her beautiful hair as I cling to her.

“Siamo tenuti a invecchiare insieme. Non puoi lasciare dietro di Jess, io non ti lascerò. Tu sei mia e io sono tuo, per sempre. Io non sono pronto a dare che fino. Non posso. Abbiamo ancora molto da fare insieme il mio dolce, bella Tesoro.” [
We’re supposed to grow old together. You can't leave me behind Jess, I won't let you. You're mine and I'm yours, forever. I'm not ready to give that up. I can't. We still have so much to do together my sweet, beautiful treasure.
]

She lets out a long labored breath, and I wait for her to breathe in, but it doesn’t come. This can’t be happening. She can’t…

I quickly lay her down on the cold tiles, pressing my ear to her chest, but I can’t hear a heartbeat.

“FUCK. Please don’t do this to me Jess.”

I quickly straddle her small frame, linking my hands together and locating the point on her chest where I know I need to start compressions. The room has become a vacuum. There is no sound, there is no air, and there is no…life.

I start pumping her chest the way they teach you in first aid, stopping to breathe air into her lungs after thirty compressions. Her lips are turning blue, I can feel her slipping away, and with her, the life of our baby.

“Please baby. Please fight. Goddamn-it Jess…you need to fight. This can’t be how it ends for us. The baby needs you Jess. I NEED YOU.”

I keep up the compressions, praying to God that she will come back to me.

“FUCKING BREATHE. HOLY SHIT…BABY…I NEED YOU TO PLEASE…BREATHE. FOR. ME.”

It feels like time has stopped. Life has stopped.

I feel an arm pulling on my shoulder. I shrug it off as I continue my efforts to get Jess’s heart started.

“Sir. I’m a paramedic. Please, step aside and let me work on her. Let me help.”

I turn to see the man talking to me; two others standing beside him with bags and boxes that might just bring her back.

“I don’t know how long it’s been. She’s not breathing. She’s 30 weeks pregnant.”

“Sir. I need you to move. Now.”

I remove my bloodstained hands from her chest and slump down onto the floor beside her, letting them move in to try and bring her back to me.

“Please. Please help her. She’s…she’s…everything.”

Time is ticking by in slow motion as I watch them try to revive my reason for breathing. I don’t think I take a single breath until I hear the words that give me a sliver of hope.

“I’ve got a pulse. It’s faint, but it’s there.”

I grab her wrist, needing to feel the life pulsing through her veins. That tiny flutter is the best thing I have ever felt. She’s alive.

“We need to get her to the hospital sir. She’s lost a lot of blood and she needs immediate medical treatment.”

I let go of her hand, bereft, and desperate to be by her side as they lift her fragile body onto the gurney. I follow them into the elevator and down through the lobby, out into the waiting ambulance. They allow me to ride with her, but I can’t get close to her. They’re working on her tirelessly, trying to keep her as stable as possible until we get to the hospital. The sirens blare as we speed through the streets in a race against time, in a fight to keep her and the baby alive. When the doors fly open and a team of doctors swarm her, I know that she is far from out of the woods. Getting her pulse back was a small victory in the war that has been waged on her body.

I run in behind them, following them until one of the nurses turns to me, stopping me in my tracks.

“I’m sorry sir, you need to stay out here. You need to let the doctors do their job. I’ll come and let you know when they’ve stabilized her.” She turns to head into the emergency room with the rest of the doctors and nurses.

“Please, miss. Please keep her alive. I need her. The baby needs her.”

She places her hand on my arm, giving me a sympathetic smile.

“We will do everything we can to help her and the baby. She has the best doctors working on her.”

“Thank you.”

As she disappears behind the double doors, I catch a glimpse of Jess, her small body laid out on the table, her dress cut open; her arms hooked up to all kinds of tubes and needles; a mask over her face, forcing oxygen into her struggling lungs. She looks so small and helpless; her perfectly rounded bump protruding, with monitors covering it, searching for signs of life from our baby. How can this be happening?

I drop down into a chair, my head in my hands, trying to breathe; trying to comprehend the gravity of the situation. I reach into my pocket and dial Brandon.

“Hey Si. How was lunch with Jess?”

I don’t even recognize my voice as I tell him what’s happening.

“She’s bleeding Brandon. Blood. Everywhere. She stopped breathing…She wasn’t breathing man.” He stops me rambling.

“We’re on our way now. What hospital?”

“Mount Sinai.” I drop my phone on the ground. A numb feeling taking over my body. I start to shake, the image of her lifeless body ingrained in my brain. My hands are covered in her blood; my shirt drenched in it. No one can lose this much blood and survive, can they?