Enchanted and Desired (37 page)

“Sure. I can take twenty minutes out of my day to kick your ass.”

“You wish.” We head down the hall to the game room.

This is my hideaway; my man cave. A massive plasma screen, with surround sound, and every console on the market. I rarely get to come in here with the clubs taking up all of my time this past year or so.

I don’t even get a shot fired on Call of Duty before Brandon starts in on me.

“So how are things with you and Jess?”

“We’re taking it slow. I told you that.”

“Yeah, and I know you. You’re a moody bastard when you’re not getting laid.”

“Fuck off.” He pauses the game, and turns to look at me with a serious scowl.

“What are you waiting for Si? You say you want to take things slow, but I can see it’s tearing you up. You can’t bullshit me man, we’ve known each other since we were born. You’re holding back. Why?”

“Of course I fucking am. Look what happened the last time I let my guard down with her. She ripped my fucking heart out and left me for dead.”

“If you can’t get past that, there is no fucking hope for you two. You need to let it go and give her a real chance to prove that she’s changed. You want what’s best for the baby? You and Jess working your shit out,
that’s
what’s best for the baby.”

“I know, but give me some fucking time man. I can’t go through that again. The women, the drinking, the getting arrested – I can’t ever be that guy again. I’m going to be a dad. I need to get my shit together, and
keep
it together. Jess and I are the fucking polar extremes. I can’t seem to find the middle ground with her. We’re either so loved up that we make you and Lily look fucking tame by comparison, or…”

“Hold the fucking phone! Tame is not a word that will EVER be used for me and Lily.”

“Fuck off Brandon. I know you guys are fucking perfect and your sex life is fucking perfect. I was just making a point. Sue me!”

“You’re a dick.”

“You’re right – I have a HUGE dick! ANYWAY…the point I was making before you so rudely interrupted, was that Jess and I are either ripping each other’s clothes off, or ripping each other’s heads off. How the fuck do I channel that all-consuming, crazy level of passion that we have for each other, and stop it from becoming completely toxic and poisoning what we have?”

“I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. You don’t need to channel anything. What you feel for Jess, isn’t just physical, it’s much more than that. I get it man, it’s overwhelming and sometimes it feels like you’re on a rollercoaster that you can’t get off. I hated how I acted when I met Lily, I still hate how goddamn possessive I feel of her every minute of the day. I swear sometimes I can’t concentrate in meetings because of how badly I want to be with her. I know she could rip my heart out and leave me completely broken, but I trust that she’s not going to do that, because she loves me the same way.”

“I get that. And that’s amazing for you guys, but Jess
did
leave, and she
did
rip my heart out. I did take that leap of faith when I first fell for her; I put it all out there at her mercy. I don’t know how to do that again. I want to, so fucking badly, but how do I do it?”

“Just close your eyes and jump. She loves you Si; she’s the mother of your child, and for what it’s worth, I think she’s learned her lesson. She doesn’t want to lose you again. You didn’t hear this from me, but she’s really struggling with you guys taking things slowly. She’s scared you’re not all in man. I know you shouldn’t have to be the one to trust first, after everything that happened, but she needs that from you.”

I sit running my hands through my hair. I’m really fucking scared to jump.

“You know I’ve always got your back Si. I want you to be happy, and I think that Jess is a big part of that for you.”

A familiar voice booms from the door.

“I knew it. I leave you two alone for a few months and you’re butt buddies.” It’s Nate. We haven’t seen him since the wedding; he’s been travelling a lot for work, dealing with some British band that he wants to bring over to the States.

“Hey dickhead! How the hell are you? Long time no see!” He plops himself down in one of the chairs, with a beer in his hand.

“I’m good. Your sister’s here and colluding with your women while you guys have been busy having your love fest in here.”

“Sofia’s here? When did she arrive?”

“What am I, her damn keeper? I don’t know. I just got here.”

“It was a simple question. You need to get laid, loosen up a bit. Where’s your latest victim? She out talking to the girls?” He flinches, but quickly composes himself.

“No. I didn’t bring her. It’s…complicated.”

“Complicated? Does she actually have opinions, instead of blindly doing whatever you ask?” He starts laughing.

“You have no fucking idea!”

Brandon’s retort makes me laugh. “Have you met my wife and his girlfriend? Opinionated, bull headed, and complicated as hell. Welcome to the club!”

Jess appears in the doorway, her sweet smile doing strange things to my insides. I want her so badly.

“Are you boys coming to have dinner or are you going to sit in here playing with your joysticks?” There’s the smart mouth I love so much.

“Coming baby.” She gives me a sly grin.

“Oh you definitely will be later on. I can guarantee it.”

My dick twitches in my pants as I watch her, following her blindly, my friends all but forgotten.

I hear Brandon and Nate chuckle, speaking in unison behind me. “Pussy whipped.”

I turn and give them a wink. “I
do
love to whip a good pussy.”

Jess smacks me in the arm before dragging me over to the dining table, where my baby sister is sitting with a massive grin on her face, but it’s not directed at me. She’s looking straight past me…she’s looking at Nate.

When I glance back at him, I see the same shit eating grin on his face, and I wonder how I could have been so blind all this time. They have feelings for each other. What the fucking fuck? I am going to kill him.

Dinner was amazing, it always is when Jess is cooking, but I’m distracted and she knows it. I’ve been watching Nate and Sofia. They seem to be acting the way they always have – friendly but distant. But, every so often, a look passes between them, and I know there’s something I’m missing.

Jess, Sofia and Lily are deep in conversation when I hear Jess ask the question I want the answer to.

“So Sof, tell us about this hot new guy you’re seeing. We need details.”

“Nothing to tell really. We rarely get time to see each other, our schedules are pretty crazy.”

“Oh come on, you can do better than that. You told me last week that he gave you, and I quote, ‘the most phenomenal orgasm you’ve ever had’.” I need to jump in here.

“What the fuck Jess? Brother in the room here. I don’t want to hear shit like that. Lucky the son of a bitch couldn’t make it tonight.” I turn my gaze to Nate. “ANY man that lays a finger on my sister, better be prepared to take a severe fucking beating from me.” He just stares me down, but I know that he understands exactly what I’m saying.

“Oh shut up Si. I’m a grown woman and you can’t punch every guy that I date.”

“Of course I can, and I will, happily.” To my surprise, Nate speaks up.

“If Sofia’s happy, surely that’s what matters?” Everyone turns to look at him, waiting for my response. We all know what’s really happening here.

“No. What matters is that this new guy is
clearly
not good enough for her. He couldn’t even be bothered to show his face tonight.”

“Or maybe, he’s trying to respect her wishes.”

“And why are you such an expert on the guy, NATE? Do, fucking, tell!”

“Goddamn-it!” He stands from the chair and strides around to where Sofia is sitting. “Because it’s me, but you already worked that out, so let’s not play games.”

Sofia stands, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I want to see where this goes. Please don’t make it harder than it needs to be. I want you to be happy for me.”

“HAPPY??? One of my closest friends has been fucking my little sister behind my back, and I’m supposed to be happy about it?” Nate squares his shoulders, holding Sofia in a protective stance.

“Don’t talk about her like that Si. You know this is more than that, or I would never have let anything happen. We both travel all the time, but we’ve kept in touch since the wedding, and we’ve only seen each other twice since then. There are no guarantees that we can make this…arrangement…work, but I want to give it a chance. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, you’re like a brother to me. And I certainly would
never
hurt Sofia.”

I am so fucking angry right now.

“Well if I’m your brother, that would make her your sister, and that makes your ‘arrangement’ just fucking sick.”

He moves Sofia out of the way, before stepping up to face me.

“Say one more word like that Simon, and I won’t be responsible for my actions.” His voice is low and menacing, but I’m not scared of him, I could take him down without breaking a sweat. He’s not the only one that can sound threatening.

“Get the fuck out of my house…NOW!” He takes Sofia’s hand, striding towards the door.

“Sofia. Don’t you dare walk out of here right now, especially not with
him
.” She gives me a sympathetic look before she speaks.

“I have to go with him Si. If you can’t at least try to be happy for me, then I guess we won’t be seeing each other much for a while. Please…don’t make me choose.” Everyone else sits in stunned silence as I watch my sister walk out of the door with Nate.

It feels like hours tick by before anyone speaks; Brandon’s voice cutting through the tension in the room. “I think Lily and I should go and let you wrap your head around this.”

Jess ushers them out, saying her goodbyes and apologizing for the abrupt end to our evening. When she walks over to where I’m leaning on the counter top in the kitchen I can sense her disappointment.

“Well that was a great way to handle it Si. Drive your sister and Nate away. Why can’t you just be happy for them?” She puts her hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off.

“You have no idea what she’s been through. He’s no good for her. You’ve seen how he is with women. He uses them, controls them, and then discards them. He’ll hurt her, and she’s been hurt enough to last a lifetime.”

“I know you want to protect her, but you need to give them a chance. You need to give Nate a chance to prove himself to you. You weren’t exactly a boy scout when I met you, but look how you are now. Don’t you think that he could change for Sofia?” I slump down onto the bar stool next to me and think about that for a moment.

“Nate is like a brother to me, but I don’t want to take the risk that he
doesn’t
change, and that he breaks her heart. People’s hearts can only be broken so many times Jess. There comes a point when one more break would shatter it for good, and nothing could piece it back together.”

She forces my legs open, positioning herself in between them, her little bump resting against my chest as she pulls my head against her, enveloping me in a tender embrace.

“We’re not talking about Sofia now, are we?”

“I guess not.”

She weaves her fingers through my hair, pulling my head back until I’m looking up into her tear filled eyes.

“I’m so sorry Si. I wish I could go back and change what happened; change what I did, but I can’t. I can only stand here and promise you that I will do my very best, every single day, to make you trust me again. To make you trust in the love I have for you. I’m scared too. I don’t think I could cope if I lost you again. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I thought I was doing it for the right reason. I was wrong.”

She dips her head down to kiss my lips; tears rolling down her cheeks.

“It’s torture. Being together, but we’re not really together. I want to be all in Si. I want us to really make a go of this. I understand you wanting to take it slowly, but I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this. Our connection is too intense, too passionate to temper. It creates a physical ache in my chest, trying to hold back all the time, never really having all of you.”