Empower (20 page)

‘Jesus,’ I whispered. ‘Why does he always have to take the hard road?’

‘Are you really asking that?
You
?’

I shook my head. ‘I wouldn’t take the hard road if there was another option. But he’s got someone here who can
help him and he doesn’t accept it. That just doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t always have to be the martyr.’

Dapper threw back the last of his nightcap and rinsed the glass in the sink. ‘Have you considered that he doesn’t do it because every time he accepts that this is now his life he loses a bit of what he had with you?’

‘That’s—’ My eyes burned. ‘That’s not true, Dapper. Lincoln gave up on me a long time ago.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ he replied, raising an eyebrow. ‘And when would that have been?’

‘When he stopped looking for me. He chased me all around the world. There wasn’t a day I couldn’t feel him hunting me down in that first year. Then one day he just stopped.’

‘And you wanted him to keep chasing?’

‘No,’ I said, sighing heavily. It hurt knowing that he was doing nothing but search for me, knowing I couldn’t ever let him find me. It was a cruel game of cat and mouse with no victor to be had. I swallowed. ‘It was for the best.’

He reached for his dishcloth and dried his glass. ‘I remember when he came back. He sat in this bar for nearly a month. I’ve never seen anyone drink so much, not even Onyx.’ He half laughed. ‘And then there were the girls.’

I looked up sharply. ‘Dapper, please,’ I begged. I couldn’t hear this.

He ignored me. ‘They came from everywhere. All wanting to be the one who mended his broken heart and sorry soul.’

‘Oh,’ I said.

‘Your sandwich is burning.’

I lifted the sandwich press
and quickly transferred the burned-cheese melt onto the bench. I wasn’t hungry any more.

When I looked up, Dapper’s eyes were fixed on mine, waiting. ‘He never looked at one of them. Not even for a fleeting moment.’

I swallowed something that tasted a lot like relief. ‘So, what happened?’

‘I’m not sure, exactly. One day Spence came in, the two of them got in a scrap and then Spence managed to haul him out. The day after, he just didn’t turn up. The next time I saw him he was back with the Academy and a few months later he was running his own show. That’s all he’s done since. Just put his head down and worked.’

‘That, I can understand.’

He nodded. ‘I’m not surprised. There’s only one person in this world for each of you. For as long as you’re each not willing to take what you need, the other will inevitably suffer. It’s a Gordian Knot if ever there was one.’

‘What did you just say?’ I asked, a shiver running down my spine.

‘I said you two are impossible. Like a Gordian Knot. Do you know the story?’

‘Yeah. I’ve heard it before.’

Damn you, Phoenix.

I knew he’d played a hand in this little coincidence; it had angel prints all over it.

‘I think I might go out for a walk,’ I said.

‘Suit yourself. But if you’re just after some fresh air, those stairs over there will take you to the roof. It’s a nice view. And exile free.’

I nodded, before grabbing
a sweater from my room and heading up the stairs as Dapper went to his and Onyx’s room.

When I pushed through the high door and came out onto the roof, I was suddenly reminded of where we were. I was standing on the top of a Brooklyn Bridge pillar. ‘Whoa.’

I moved to the edge and sat down with my legs hanging over. I’d only managed a few minutes of sky gazing before I felt the change in the air around me as gravity shifted and time slowed until the world around me was still.

My shoulders slumped and my head dropped forward. Of course. It was too much to ask for a few minutes alone.

When I turned around, remaining seated, I saw the whole gang present and accounted for.

I glared at Phoenix, who quickly held up his hands in surrender.

‘Hey, you should be thanking me. Nox kept trying to turn up right in the middle of your dance.’

I grimaced. ‘You all saw that?’

‘Every single hip thrust and possessive look,’ Nox said, dragging out his words.

‘Even if you’d be better off dancing with someone else,’ Phoenix threw in, his eyes moving away before I could catch them.

‘You’re probably not wrong there,’ I admitted. Dancing with Lincoln had stirred too many of the emotions I worked hard to keep buried. ‘Though dancing with
you
would be no wiser,’ I added, to which he glanced up and gave a half smile.

I turned my attention to the others, noticing the grave expressions worn by my angel maker and Uri.

‘How bad?’ I asked.

Stupid question. The fact they’re all here is answer enough.

‘Very,’ Uri replied.

‘Anyone care to elaborate?’

‘New Orleans is a … complicated territory. Many
bad things happen there,’ Uri said.

‘What bad things?’

‘Things not meant for this world,’ my angel maker answered.

‘We recommend that you stay away from the city,’ Nox added.

My eyes widened. ‘You want me to hide from a fight. Since when?’ I didn’t bother to add that there was no chance I wouldn’t go after Spence. I assumed that was already understood.

‘To clarify, we don’t
all
recommend you avoid the city,’ Uri offered.

‘
I
do,’ Phoenix said.

Nox smiled. ‘See.
He
does. And he knows you so,
so
well.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘You do realise I can hurt you here,’ I threatened Nox, reminding him that my blood – the very weapon the angels had instilled in me – was just as lethal to them when they chose to inhabit human forms as it was to exiles.

‘We are all acutely aware of that,’ my angel maker said, his perfectly articulated words sending a shiver down my spine.

I took in his chiselled jawline and seamlessly structured features, his perfectly neutral but purposeful clothing of grey pants and white shirt gracefully disguising a warrior’s physique with none of the carelessness of Uri and none of the vanity of Nox. My angel maker was simply all about task and function. ‘That in itself is part of the problem.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I asked.

His lips pressed together, just
enough to give away his slight hesitation. Along with Phoenix’s frustration it only served to make me more curious. But Phoenix stepped forward, stopping my next question. ‘They can’t say, Violet. I can’t either.’

I snorted. ‘Since when do you follow the rules?’

He bit his lower lip. ‘Being an angel makes it impossible for me not to. Why do you think so many of us exile? All I can tell you is that you already know part of it – so think back.’

‘Back to when?’

‘To the time you try hardest to forget.’

I looked away, knowing that this had something to do with the night we took down Lilith and the man with the briefcase.

But I need more to go on.

‘I can give you everything you need,’ my angel maker said, causing me to narrow my eyes at him.

‘Did you just read my mind?’ The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. ‘Everything, huh?’ I mused. ‘How about starting with your name?’

‘I already gave it to you.’

‘Lochmet. Yes, but that’s not your real name, is it? I know that my mother knows your name. She’ll tell me if I ask.’

He nodded. ‘Most likely. But you have not asked her because you know that you are not ready for the answer.’

I scoffed. ‘Then how about you just answer once and for all what
I
am?’

‘I answered that the first time we spoke.’

I thought back, shaking my head. ‘No. All you said was that I was you and you were me.’

‘And that is what you are.’

‘So, I’m a warrior? But I’m human?’ I swallowed nervously. ‘I’m not an … I’m not becoming an angel, am I?’

He clasped one hand over the other
gently in front of himself. ‘Is that what you want?’

I didn’t need a countdown to consider. ‘No. I want to be human.’

‘Then you must allow yourself to have the one thing that humans have that angels must not. The very thing angels envy most.’

‘What?’ I asked, dreading the answer.

‘You already know. And when you surrender to it, when you allow yourself to be most vulnerable, you will be empowered and your time will arrive.’

‘You’re talking about love,’ I said, knowing that it was the strongest emotion and gift of humanity.

Except in my case.

He bowed his head. ‘You have the choice that we never will – to love fully and, most importantly, to be loved fully in return.’

I closed my eyes and whispered, ‘But I’ve lost my love.’

‘Love is never lost – only ever waiting to be found. You have been staring your answer in the face for a long time now, denying it and refusing to do what you must.’

I swallowed, glancing briefly at Uri. ‘Surrender to it?’

‘No, child. Surrender to yourself. Only then can you be the leader of your destiny.’

Not for the first time, I felt the weight of my angel maker’s expectations and the great fear that I was not what he believed. Not enough. ‘I’m not a leader,’ I confessed.

‘Said like a true leader,’ he replied. ‘And when your time comes, they will choose. If they choose to follow
you, you will never doubt their loyalty for all your days.’

‘Is that it?’ I asked.

He nodded once.

I stood up and dusted off my clothes, now irritated. ‘I don’t even know why I bother. You need to learn how to speak without the cryptic. Then maybe I’ll actually understand something you say before it’s all over.’

My angel maker simply took in the view. ‘It is the way it has always been.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Well, maybe it’s time you evolved.’

To this, his eyes twinkled. ‘We did. We made you.’

My mouth fell open.

‘What do you know about the exile you saw that night?’ Phoenix asked, and I could see the pain ripple over his features, remembering the night at Lilith’s estate – the arrows, the death, the choices that were made that have forever changed us. ‘The one who took—’

But I cut him off, holding up my hand, not wanting to hear him say it aloud. I wasn’t ready to admit that I had let that exile steal my blood. Or that I’d always known, deep down, that it would come back to haunt me.

‘His name is Sammael,’ I said. ‘He’s behind all of this, somehow. He’s controlling the tournaments and he has Spence. Why? What do you know about it?’

The angels all shared a look and I could see they were conferring on what they would say. I wished fleetingly that I could just beat it out of them. From the corner of my eye I saw Phoenix smirk and I glared at him. ‘You
are
reading my mind!’

He chuckled. ‘No. I just know you.’ But then he looked back to my maker and after receiving a
small nod, asked, ‘Have you ever heard of the weighing of souls?’

I shook my head and hoped Phoenix would be permitted to shed some more light on the matter. Instead, he clenched his jaw in frustration.

They aren’t letting him say any more.

‘Ask Steph,’ he said through gritted teeth, as if it was a battle just to utter the words.

And then they were gone.

Before I climbed back down into Dapper’s apartment I texted Steph with an update before remembering the hour. I hoped I hadn’t woken her, but then my phone beeped with a reply. Tossing up the idea of going out for a run, I headed into my room.

Only to find Lincoln there, standing by the window in the dark.

‘And the angel said: “I have learnt that all men live not by care for themselves but by love.”’

Leo Tolstoy

‘W
e didn’t finish our conversation,’ he said.

I stayed near the entrance to the
room, maintaining as much distance as possible and suddenly conscious of my daggy sweat pants and oversized black sweater that was so old and worn it had holes around the neckline. Of course, he looked … distracting, in faded jeans and a navy shirt, hanging unbuttoned and loose over a black T-shirt.

‘It’s 2 a.m.,’ I replied, as if that actually mattered. ‘And the less conversation you and I have, the better.’ I stepped aside and held the door open, hoping he hadn’t noticed the tremor in my hand.

Relief washed over me when he gave a small – conceding – nod and walked slowly towards the door. And then my stomach dropped when his arm whipped out and grabbed the edge only to slam it shut with both of us still in the room.

Standing close and breathing hard, he spoke in a low voice. ‘Am I so insignificant to you that you won’t answer a few simple questions?’

Defiantly, I walked over to
where he’d stood by the window, re-creating the illusion of distance despite being acutely aware of how close we now were. How
alone
.

‘Ask away,’ I said, surprising myself but hoping this was the fastest way to get this conversation done with. ‘If I can answer, I will. But then we move on. We need to work out what’s going on in New Orleans and I need to stay focused on Spence.’