Empower (8 page)

All in all, I’d
liked her. And she had respected my privacy, not asking about all the rumours: that I am the only Grigori made by a Sole angel; that my abilities are more angelic than Grigori; that I can walk with angels. Hell, I’d even been told by a Rogue – who had no idea he was talking to the very subject of his gossip – that I was the second coming, and that I would be the great weapon of Hell. Even
I
still didn’t know what I was. But he’d been right to call me a weapon. That much I knew was true.

Onyx, though strangely uncomfortable when it came to the subject of Chloe, wasn’t able to shed much more light on the matter, other than confirming what Spence had implied in his letter.

‘She sees the good in everyone,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Even exiles. Spence worries that she isn’t cut out for this life.’

The second part of the flight was spent with my eyes closed, rebuilding my walls and locking down all my emotions in the place that no one can reach.

Gray’s talents had been my saving grace. Rogues tended to work with their defences at a higher level than the Academy Grigori. They had to; most Rogues were partnerless, whether by circumstance or choice. They didn’t have someone on constant standby to supercharge their naturally enhanced healing abilities. But when Gray was dumped on the island of Santorini a few years back – another story he’d refused to share – and was forced to survive alongside the very powerful exile Irin and his Nephlim children, he’d taken Rogue strength to new heights.

He’d taught himself how to completely shut down the senses and become undetectable to exiles. It wasn’t something Academy Grigori had ever thought to do, since our outward senses alerted us to exile presence as well. But thanks to Gray, I had learned the skill and discovered its many benefits. It helped keep me hidden, but it also worked like a glue of sorts, holding me together when the coldness tried to tear me apart from the inside.

In my efforts to
meditate, I drifted off to sleep.

I bolted upright so quickly I tipped out of my seat and onto my knees. I leaped to my feet and made my way to the bathroom, where I scooped cold water onto my face.

A dream. It had been a dream. A very real, very disturbing dream. The same as the ones I’d been having for the past two weeks. And, more troubling, the same as the flash vision I’d experienced in the meat market.

All was quiet in
the hour or so before we landed. Gray was asleep and I presumed Onyx was too. I paced up and down the centre aisle, releasing a few shaky breaths, fighting the ghosts of my past.

When I passed Onyx he spoke quietly, startling me. ‘You’ve changed.’

I kept pacing. ‘Yes.’ I swallowed. ‘I had to.’

‘Me too.’ His response surprised me, stopping me in my tracks.

‘I’m not sorry, Onyx,’ I said, softly. ‘A part of me will always carry the guilt of taking your choices from you and making you human, but if I hadn’t you would’ve …’

He nodded, sadly, showing me a truth in his eyes I’d never glimpsed before. ‘I would’ve killed you and done untold things of horror.’ He took a deep breath. ‘They’re not all bad, you know, angels malign – it’s not that they’re evil; they just see the value in the negative. Without it there is very little way to gauge the positive. As you know, for exiles – whether light or dark – clarity is not theirs. Everything – envy, greed, hatred, anger – it’s all heightened. Exiles feel immense power and are driven by immense desire to simply act and effect change to their liking. It’s their reality, and for them, it’s addictive.’

I nodded, understanding as best as I could. I noticed that Onyx referred to exiles as ‘they’, no longer including himself in the same category.

Insanity and power are a perilous combination, which was why exiles of light were no better. The answer was always power and force, the solution always their own; and when they were in human form, that meant some form of physical violence.

‘I still struggle within the confines of an only-human body,’ Onyx went on. ‘But that’s not all you forced on me.’

I looked down, waiting
for whatever nail he was going to drive in.

‘You gave me clarity.’

I glanced up and he shrugged.

‘Such a simple thing. It took months for it to finally settle and then even more time to come to terms with
what
I had become. Pride is brutal when stripped, whether it be from angel, exile or human. But it is also a gift when needed.’

I listened, dumbstruck by his confession.

‘I’m not exactly sure what I am now,’ he mused. ‘I have an eternity of patchy memories, an inherent darkness that will never leave and, though I am mostly human, I am uniquely aware of what is not. And I have clarity. For the first time I have someone … I have
people
I would stand beside and fight with – not for my own purposes, but for theirs – because I choose to.’ Onyx looked into my eyes for a moment and, I was suddenly certain, saw too much. ‘Dare I say, because of you, I have come the closest in my existence to being … part of a family.’ His voice caught on the last word. ‘So,’ he straightened, clearing his throat. ‘No. No apology required.’

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Onyx really has changed
.

After a few stunned beats, I nodded. ‘Thank you.’

His smile turned fiendish, and decidedly more familiar. ‘No. Thank
you
. I can barely wait to get you to New York. I’d sell tickets to the event if I were willing to give up my front-row seat.’

‘And what event would that be?’ I asked, crossing my arms.

‘Oh, come on. You and
Lincoln in a room together? Soulmates. Once joined and now parted. Why, your story will be one for the new-age bible – the cautionary tale of dos and don’ts and the tragedy that lies between. No doubt we are headed for the greatest chapter yet.’

I shook my head. ‘Sorry to disappoint. I’m going to get Spence and that’s it. I’ll be in and out, job done before there is any time for anything else.’

Onyx chuckled. ‘Still deluding yourself, I see. Fabulous!’

When we touched down I sent Josephine a text:

Her response was immediate:

I sighed as I read her message, looking up to see Gray watching me carefully.

‘Are you going to tell me why I’m coming along?’ he asked.

He’d known it was important. And I knew he could smell a good fight ahead, so he’d come along, no questions asked, up until this point.

‘Back-up,’ I answered. ‘I never know what to expect from Josephine and I need someone who is definitely on my team.’

Gray nodded, understanding.

‘And …’

‘Yes?’ Gray raised his eyebrows.

‘I need you
to help me keep my guards up.’

Gray studied me for a moment. ‘He’s going to be there?’

I nodded. ‘And I can’t let my walls down. Not even for a moment.’ I held his gaze, needing him to understand. It wasn’t why Gray had trained me for these past ten months; that had been to help me fight so I could get close to exiles and remain hidden. But it had had a two-fold effect, which I imagined he’d suspected: it had also helped me block my connection to Lincoln. So much so that Lincoln had suddenly stopped tracking me. He’d always stayed close, pursuing me relentlessly, and then one day, when I was getting ready to bail on London … it all just stopped.

If I wanted to have any chance of surviving while being in his proximity now, I’d need to keep my walls up – I couldn’t imagine what might happen if they were to come down. In many ways, Gray had taught me how to cage my soul.

‘You’re headed for trouble, Violet. You won’t be able to control it twenty-four seven, especially at night.’ He gave me a loaded look.

I didn’t need to think further than last night to know what he meant. As Phoenix had explained, the time between rest and sleep was when my guards faltered. A definite problem.

I turned to Onyx. ‘Any chance you have somewhere we can stay?’

Onyx, who’d been watching, enraptured, grinned. ‘I have the perfect place.’

It was late evening
and stepping out of the car outside the Academy buildings felt strange. I couldn’t help but remember the first time I’d arrived there. How different my view of the world, and of life, had been then. Manhattan, such a densely exile-populated city, had completely overwhelmed my angelic senses.

I pushed down the immediate memories of Lincoln – how he’d kissed me in the very place I now stood; they way he’d taken the burden of the senses from me and released them. I still had all five, not that I openly shared that information. It was just one more thing I knew I might never understand.

At least now, thanks to Gray’s help, they were muted. I registered the flavour of apple on my tongue, the sounds of birds crashing into trees. I smelled flowers, the fragrance so mixed it was as though I was in a city-sized florist, but without being overwhelming. Not even when the contradictdory sensations of ice and heat ran through my bones and blood, or when the images of morning and evening played in my peripheral vision was I taken away from myself.

I felt a boost of confidence. Yes. I could do this. I was stronger than ever. I was faster. I had more weapons. More control. And stronger defences. My powers in every way had developed.

And Onyx was
right – I was most definitely
not
the girl I had been.