Empower (23 page)

I thought of the constant agony I lived in every day because of our souls being ripped apart after they’d been joined that night. And even so, the answer came easily.

‘No.’

Steph’s expression softened. ‘And are you really telling me you’d regret another night like that? Or a thousand?’

I looked up at her, lost. ‘I … I have responsibilities. The angels are keeping things from me again and I know it’s all coming to a head. I need to stay focused, and Lincoln will only complicate things more than I can handle.’

‘Bollocks!’ she scoffed. ‘And you know it.’

I quirked an eyebrow. ‘Gray?’

She nodded, seriously. ‘His language really rubs off.’

I sighed. ‘Steph, I don’t even know who that guy was back there. He was so …’

‘Hot?’ Steph laughed. ‘Actually, he looked a lot like a guy on a mission. One who has definitely considered the risks and formed a plan of attack. Gotta admit, it’s refreshing. He’s coming after you and let’s face it, Vi, you might’ve managed to avoid him for the past two years but now you’re face to face … any woman would be lost with the likes of him hunting them down.’

‘Why do you think I left the city before
he woke up?’ I asked, feeling a small but sad smirk form. ‘And should I pass that titbit on to Salvatore?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, please! I’m getting married, not going deaf, dumb and blind.’

‘It was definitely a new side to him,’ I mused.

‘Or maybe it’s finally the honest version, without all the hang-ups. Everything is finally out in the open. I can’t help but wonder what the honest version of you might be like, too.’

It was my turn to roll my eyes. ‘I don’t have that luxury any more.’ Being with Lincoln involved a set of consequences I simply couldn’t abide by.

‘Oh, stop being a martyr!’ Steph said, stealing my description of Lincoln yesterday, along with the croissant I was still holding, before she spun and stormed down the corridor as I watched after her, blinking.

The process of passing security to gain access to the infirmary took considerably longer without Steph to clear the way. When I finally walked into the medical rooms I wasn’t surprised to find Chloe’s empty. I’d managed to fully heal her yesterday and imagined they’d released her to return to her own room. It didn’t mean a wasted trip, however, especially considering Chloe wasn’t the reason for my visit.

I took a deep breath as I knocked on the door to Nyla’s room. The moment Rainer opened the door she caught me off-guard, pulling me into a tight embrace. ‘It really is good to see you,’ she said, squeezing me one more time before letting me go. ‘You’ve become something of an
elusive legend around here. Especially with the children telling their stories of how your rescued them and parted walls of fire.’

‘Don’t believe everything you hear, Rainer. Kids embellish,’ I said moving towards the bed where Nyla slept.

‘True,’ Rainer said. ‘But they can also understand the true gravity of some things, better than most adults. And Simon in particular doesn’t strike me as the type to exaggerate.’ Her eyes dropped to her hands. I glanced over at Nyla, my heart tightening at the memories of that day in Jordan when Rudyard was taken from her. ‘Violet, when we spoke last, before your trials, I was hard on you. I pushed your soul connection with Lincoln and I …’

‘You couldn’t have known what would happen, Rainer.’

‘Was there any alternative?’ she asked, her guilt still showing.

I dug my nails into my palms in hope of distraction. But nothing diverts the coldness. ‘We’ll never know. Anyway, that’s partly why I’m here.’

She looked up, but didn’t say anything.

‘I presume you know that I brought Lincoln back after his soul shattered?’

Jesus. There’s a reason I never speak about this stuff willingly.

She nodded slowly.

‘What I’m about to tell you stays between us, okay?’ I added, holding her gaze.

‘Understood,’ she said, hesitantly taking a seat.

I sat down in the chair on the other side of the bed where Nyla lay perfectly still, the white sheets tucked seamlessly around her.

Give me strength.

‘You’ve heard the stories, but not
everything. When Phoenix killed and revived me, I came back to discover that Lincoln’s soul had shattered. My soul didn’t shatter completely like his.’ I half laughed in the most never-going-to-be-funny way. ‘I don’t think it knew what to do, and with Phoenix’s extra gifts making me stronger, I somehow survived. Barely. It’s like being broken into a billion pieces and yet held together by some unforgiving force.’

Rainer gasped. ‘Violet. I’m … I’m so sorry. Is it painful?’

I nodded. ‘It is. Like nothing I’ve ever known. If I didn’t have the gifts that Phoenix gave me, I don’t know if my mind could survive the intensity of the physical pain.’

Rainer looked at me with such pity; that look was the reason I never told people the truth. ‘That’s why you’re so different. So … disconnected.’

‘I suppose,’ I admitted.

One of the reasons.

‘You’re telling me to let her go,’ she said, looking to Nyla.

‘I’m telling you what you need to hear and understand before I say what I am about to now.’

She looked back at me, confused.

I continued, hoping this was the right thing. ‘I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I’ve grown a lot stronger over the past two years. When I walked by Nyla’s room yesterday, I felt something familiar.’

‘What?’ Rainer whispered.

‘You. I felt recognition of you. But also Nyla. It’s hard to explain.’ I took a breath before I continued. ‘I was able to bring Lincoln back and find him amid millions of souls because he is my soulmate. I think there’s a chance you would be able to find Nyla’s, too.’ I took another breath. ‘Because I believe you were born of the same
soul. It’s not the same as what Nyla and Rudyard were, but I think, as twins, you have a unique connection.’

The colour dropped from Rainer’s face and I didn’t know if it was in dread or hope.

‘But how would I go where you went? Only you can do that.’

I licked my lips, praying I was doing the right thing. ‘I think I can take you with me. It will be dangerous, and I don’t know if it will work, but we could try. You need to understand, though, what you’re possibly sentencing her to. She might come back and be okay, like Lincoln. Or … she could be like me. She might not survive that, Rainer.’

Rainer stood and walked to the end of the bed, looking over her twin. ‘That’s a decision she’s entitled to make herself. But I know Nyla, and I know that if she can fight, she will.’

I nodded slowly. ‘Okay.’

‘Okay? What does that mean? When can we try?’

I bit my lip, knowing that soon I would head to New Orleans and I had no idea what waited for me there. ‘Lock the door.’ I tried for a smile. ‘There’s no time like the present.’

Her eyebrows shot up. ‘You can do it from here?’

‘Like I said, I’m stronger than before, and doing it close to Nyla will only help.’ I held out my hand. ‘Hold onto it and don’t let go. No matter what. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to find you again if we lose the connection. And you’ll only get one shot at this. Do you understand?’

Rainer nodded. ‘I know the chance you’re taking, Violet. I won’t waste it.’

‘You’ll still have to find a way to
connect with her. It has to be pure and only about her. Give her something that will call to her above anything else.’

She thought about this, watching me. ‘What did you give?’

I pressed my lips together, my teeth biting down hard to distract me. Finally I answered. ‘I gave my heart.’

‘I simply believe that some part of the human self or soul is not subject to the laws of space and time.’

Carl Jung

I
was nervous. And not just
because I’d never tried to take someone across the realms with me before – other than Lilith, who’d been dead and, well, just different in all the important ways.

Was I being foolish? Yes.

Was I taking a risk with Rainer’s life? Yes.

And therefore with Wilhelm’s partner as well? Yes.

Would I be blamed if things went wrong? Yes.

Would I feel responsible? No doubt.

Did I even want this to work? I didn’t know.

Why was I doing this? Because.

Nyla was a warrior. She was loved completely by Rudyard. I envied what they’d had.

So often I thought back to the night Griffin and I had gone hunting with them. We’d come across a small farmhouse with exiles and Nyla had gone into attack mode. It had surprised me at first that Rudyard had stood aside and let Nyla take the lead, placing herself in the most danger. I realise now that I was too naive to see that his actions
showed a great love and understanding. That was his greatest sacrifice, for her. For them.

I remembered his words:
‘It will do her no favours if I throw myself in the line of fire just to be noble. Our relationship has gone beyond that.’

And so perhaps there was a chance that Nyla, broken as she was, would still choose to fight. And if I could give her that chance, I would. Because I knew better than anyone the suffering that resulted from others making life-and-death choices on your behalf.

‘Are you sure?’ Rainer asked, obviously seeing myriad thoughts flit over my face.

I nodded. Something told me the days ahead would change everything. This exile, Sammael, frightened me. That he had Spence frightened me even more. Instinct screamed that I might be walking towards my final battle.

‘There may not be another chance, Rainer. We should do this now. Close your eyes and breathe steadily; it can be unsettling.’

Rainer studied me for a moment before nodding and doing as I’d instructed. She’d read between the lines.

I took Rainer’s hand and closed my eyes. Although I had avoided doing it, I knew how to cross the realms. It was similar to using my Sight; I just hovered in a different place. Somewhere between life and possibility, between flesh and imagination.

Becoming increasingly aware of my surroundings – not the room and people but the air, the atmosphere, the gravity – slowly, I let it all fall away, all the things that anchored my body to this world. It was a strange sensation – being aware of my corporeal form and
of my hand holding Rainer’s, knowing that I could take us somewhere new. Like Nox had once explained, it was like two worlds brushing together as curtains in the wind. When I was ready I simply faced the new direction and saw through the new window.

Finally, I opened my eyes and saw that we were in the abyss that I had once visited with Phoenix.

I looked around and wasn’t surprised to see him standing to the side, leaning against what looked like a granite wall sparkling with thousands of diamonds. Dressed all in black he looked to be almost melting into the wall. Apart from the last few days, it had been a long time since I had laid eyes on him. It would be a lie to say memory did him justice. And it wasn’t just his beauty, it was the rawness of the torment he carried about him; the kind that only aeons of time could etch out so masterfully.

Rainer opened her eyes, too.

‘Oh, my God,’ she whispered. ‘Is this Heaven?’

I smiled, remembering asking a similar question once. ‘Does it look like Heaven would to you?’ I replied, asking what had been asked of me.

She shook her head. ‘Not at all. Is it like purgatory? The in-between?’ she asked, unaware that Phoenix was standing behind her.

I shrugged. ‘Perhaps something like that. But I think it’s more a thought, like a physical space to represent a kind of nothingness. I’m still trying to figure it out.’ This place was not like the one I’d stood in last, where I’d had some kind of control. This was different. Not somewhere the angels or me could influence – this was ancient and eternal.

‘Is this the angel
realm?’ Rainer went on, needing some kind of confirmation.

I realised that this was why the angels had let me believe it in the beginning, and I now understood the value. ‘In a way.’