Emerge (28 page)

             
That bucked him up quick and he was in the bedroom getting dressed before I knew it.

             
He came back through to the kitchen still pulling his shirt over his head. 
He was grinning almost as brightly as the night he asked me to marry him.

             
“Ready
?
”
h
e said.

             
“Let me get dressed.”

             
I put my jeans on from the night before.  They had made it almost unscathed.  I kept his t shirt on and remembered that I kept an extra pair of flip flops in my bag since my Chucks were maimed.

             
I walked out into the living room and he was cleaning up the kitchen.

             
“Is there any way you grabbed my purse? I know there were more important things but I was just wondering.”

             
“Kinda.  It was still attached to your arm when I picked you up.”

             
He pointed towards the front door and I saw it.

             
“Now are you ready?” I asked.

             
“Not really, but I guess you can’t walk around here naked.  Wait…”

             
“Stop.”

             
“Ok, ok, let’s go.”

             
We pulled up at my house and I thanked the Lord that they weren’t home.  I ran inside as fast as I could and grabbed a bag and stuffed random clothes in it.  I didn’t even know what I was packing.  I ran to the bathroo
m and picked up some essentials and went back to my room to grab some books.

             
I saw that I was still in the clear when I came out of the house and Carlos was in front of Rebecca’s house talking to him.  They were nodding and talking as I walked over to them. He took my bag from me and Rebecca smiled.  “Jenna, your dress is almost done.  We can do some last minute alterations next Friday night instead of tonight.  Sound good?”

             
“Yes.  Thank you so much.”

             
She smiled and started back towards her house.  Carlos took my hand and we got back in the car. 

             
“Do you need anything else? Do you need me to stop somewhere?”

             
“Nope, I’m good.  What are the plans today?” I didn’t know what
we were going to do or how long I was staying with him.

             
“Well, I thought we’d stop at the grocery store and get some stuff for you to cook dinner if you’re up for it.”

             
“Yeah, you like spaghetti?

             
“Ugh…I love spaghetti.  Here we are.”

             
We went into the store and bought what we needed to make dinner.  We had a small argument about who was going to pay when we got to the register.  I lost.

             
We got
home…home…and put the groceries away.  I went to take another shower and changed my clothes.  I was brushing out my hair when he came into the bathroom.  He sat just watching me.

             
“What?” I asked.  I was not that interesting.

             
“Just enjoying watching you do regular stuff.”
He smiled.

             
“
Ooook
.”

             
“Can we talk?” He was hesitant

             
I tried not to miss a beat. But his tone made me nervous.

             
“Yeah.”
I barely spit it out.

             
“Are you going back there?

             
“I don’t know.  We only have on
e more week until prom and three
weeks until graduation and then I go to see my Dad
. What do you think?”

             
“What do I think? I think you should never go back again.  I think you should never
even speak to those people ever
.  I think…I think I don’t want you to leave me here wondering if you’re alive or not.”

             
“I’m gonna have to go back sometime.  I need to talk to May.  I need to get my stuff.  I need to tell them how awful they are…for me.  I need to get that out. It has to be said.”

             
And what I didn’t say was that leaving like that felt like letting
them
win.  It felt like I was weak.  It felt like they had finally gotten what they wanted.

             
“I think I’m gonna stay here until Sunday and then go back.” He winced at my words. 

             
“I can’t believe you would go back after everything.” He got off of the counter and walked out. 

             
I wanted to give him some space so I sat on the closed lid of the toilet and blubbered quietly.
I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. 

             
I felt like I was hurting him and that was the last thing I wanted to do.  I got up and wiped my face and started putting stuff back into my bag.  I would gladly go back to that house before I stayed here and hurt him anymore.

             
I brought my bag out to the living room and he was in the kitchen filling a pot with water.  I guess he was going to start cooking.  I put the bag on the couch and he turned with the pot and put it on the stove, but his eyes were on the bag.

             
He walked over to me while I was sitting on the couch putting my shoes on.

             
“Don’t do this
,
Jenna.” He sat on the coffee table right in front of me as I was tying my shoes. 

             
“I have to.  I’m here and I’m hurting you.
I appreciate you coming to get me and helping me. But I can’t do this to you.
I know you don’t understand and hell,
neither do I, but I just feel like I need to go back and…I can’t explain it…it just needs to be done.”

             
“OK, I get it.  But I thought you were leaving on Sunday.”

             
“Why? So I can hurt you all weekend? So I can continue to see that look on your face? No thanks.”

             
“Look at me.” I was trying my best to be angry so it didn’t hurt so badly.

             
“Jenna, please look at me.” He was pleading and I couldn’t resist no matter how hard I tried.

             
I looked up
,
but didn’t say anything.  We looked at each other for what seemed like forever. He must’ve seen my walls slowly back down because as I let go of my anger, he reached for me.
  He pulled me onto his lap and we held each other until I knew he understood.  I wanted him and I
wanted this, but letting them force me out
didn’t give me the closure I thought I needed.

             
He reached behind me and took my shoes off. 

             
I laughed into his neck and he laughed back. 

             
“I know you need to do
whatever you need to do
,
Jenna
,
but give me until Sunday.  Let me have you to myself until Sunday.”

             
“Ok, I’m yours.”

             
“Was that our first fight?”

             
“I don’t know, but it sucked.”

             
We made spaghetti together and spent
the rest of the weekend in contented peace.  I read while he watched TV
, he called i
nto work which worried me; we cooked and laug
hed and had fun.  We were happy, if only for the weekend.

             
Carlos’ home phone rang about nine
on Saturday night.  He answered it and he said ‘hello’ but didn’t say anything for a while after.  I finally looked over to him and he was looking at me and he looked…he looked pissed.  I got up and went over to him and he put the phone to my ear momentarily.  It was my mother and she was in full form. 

             
She was screaming and cussing and calling him names and threatening everything from his job to his crotch to his health.  She threatened to go to his boss and make him lose his job.  She threatened to be at his apartment one day and kill him while he slept and then my step-Dad got on the phone.  We were both sitting on the floor with the phone receiver bookended by our ears.

             
When he got on the phone it was like listening to him as he berated my mom.  He threatened the same things as my mom did, but continued.  He said he would bomb his entire apartment building.  He said he would buy a gun and meet Carlos at school and kill him. 

             
Why all of the sudden did they care? Why? I know by what my mom said the other night that she was jealous of what I had.
But why him?
And then it hit me the way her motives had hit me the other day.  It was the loss of control that had thrown him over the edge.  He was always controlling us.
I really thought that half of the stuff Mom did to me was because he was prompting her to.
He controlled everything in the house and now he was trying to exert his power over me too.

             
I spoke up and interrupted his t
i
rade.

             
“Look,
it’s
Jenna.  I will come home tomorrow afternoon.” Carlos looked at me like I had slapped him in the face. “I will come home then and not before.  And one way or another I will be out of your house withi
n the next
three
weeks.”

             
“We’ll see about that.” With that he hung up.  I didn’t know if he meant about coming hom
e tomorrow or if I’d be out in
three
weeks.

             
We sat on the floor for
thirty
minutes in silence. 

             
He stood up and helped me up and we walked into the bathroom looking like zombies and brushed our teeth in silence.

             
We both got into the bed and we lay together, tangled up and torn. 

             
I looked up at him and he looked at me with such sadness. 

             
“Carlos
,
” I whispered.

             
“Yeah.”

             
“Just…just k
iss me until I forget everything but you.”

             
And he did.

Chapter 21

             
I went home the next day after the best weekend of my life, despite the bad stuff.  I was determined not to let them hurt Carlos and I was also determined to finish high school without running away.  The more I thought about what Rebecca had said to me, the more I knew what had to be done. Her words echoed to me:

             
“
Then you better get away from them and I’m not talking about down the street either. They’re gonna ruin it.  Trust me.  Don’t let them ruin that kind of love.  You’ll end up alone looking through windows while you sew.
”

             
Like God was speaking to me,
maybe He was;
I had a plan. 
I will remember it for the rest of my life, the day I realized how I needed to play this.  Lots of things would have to go right, but I could make it work.  I got my stuff unpacked and washed all of my clothes. 

             
May was staying away from me.  I’m sure they had planted some crap in her head. 

             
I went to bed scheming, but I couldn’t tell Carlos or anyone else yet.  There were other factors and parties involved and I didn’t know if I would have their cooperation or not. 

             
Carlos was still worried the next week but I assured him that they weren’t even speaking to me and hadn’t all week.  It was just a play of power.  He had been working tons but we were both looking forward to prom. 

             
I went Friday night and tried on my prom dress at Rebecca’s house.  It fit perfectly and was long and had spaghetti straps and the cut up to the thigh.  I suddenly panicked because I had forgotten to buy shoes.  But Rebecca, thankfully, wore the same size that I did and loaned me the prettiest silver heels.  She offered to do my hair for me and I thanked her.  Mom hadn’t said anything all week and she certainly was not even going to recognize that I was going to the prom.