Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (14 page)

the kitchen. He kept shifting the sugar bowl, folding the dish towel, pulling pieces of nonexistent lint off his sweater. Finally, I broke the silence for him, unable to bear that I could almost hear the wheels of his mind turning.

“I’m really sorry I hit you, Dad. The last few days have been

awful and I was…I’m sorry.”

“Violet, there’s no need to apologize. I know you didn’t do it

on purpose. But I’m worried about you. You haven’t been yourself lately. I think you fainted. What happened?”

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I wanted to cry, break down, and let him look after me. I wanted to call him “Dada” like I did when I was little and scared. I wanted him to say, “It’s okay, baby. Nothing can hurt you when I’m here,” just like he used to. It didn’t matter that we both knew it wasn’t true. I still wanted him to say it.

“I…I…It’s nothing. I had a fight with Lincoln.” It was all I

could manage once I opened my mouth.

Dad relaxed. It was a perfectly acceptable explanation from his point of view. “Sweetheart…I’m sorry. If he doesn’t know a good thing standing right in front of him, he doesn’t deserve you.”

A parent’s fallback line for everything.

“Yeah…well, I’m going to put some distance between us.”

“It might be a good idea.” He smiled sympathetically.

I felt bad, but it wasn’t
all
a lie, and I just wasn’t ready to answer his questions yet, or deal with his emotions.

I couldn’t even deal with my own.

————

The next couple of days crept by as I tried to piece together some semblance of a life and pretend that everything was as it had been.

The problem was, everything
had
in some way involved Lincoln.

Life without him left a gaping hole. It angered me that he had infiltrated every inch of my life, so much so that I didn’t know how to function without him.

Apart from hanging out with Steph, I spent a lot of time flying solo. I thought at least that meant I would have time to work on my art, but every time I got halfway through a new canvas, I realized I 110

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was always painting with Lincoln’s wall in mind. Everything circled back to him. Now I couldn’t even escape in the world of paint. It was a first.

Lincoln didn’t wait for me by the bus shelter again. He stopped texting too. I couldn’t help wondering if that was it. Was that all it took for him to give up on me?
Yep,
called my bitch from within.

You
were
an
idiot
to
have
ever
thought
he
cared!

————

Over the weekend, I agreed to meet Steph at the indoor rock-

climbing center. I was surprised she had offered to go with me.

It was a sure sign of how pitiful I must have been. The fact that she’d actually risk breaking a nail and attempt real physical activity to keep me happy was no small sacrifice. It was embarrassing that everyone could see how much Lincoln had hurt me— even if they

didn’t know why.

Steph was quick to take up position as my rope safety, thereby

avoiding doing any actual climbing herself.

“You know, you might even enjoy it if you give it a go,” I said, while tying my sneakers.

“And
you
might enjoy it if we go and see a movie instead. Either way, I guess we’ll never know.” She pointed to the wall in front.

“So, climb,” she ordered.

I clicked on the safety rope and turned back. “Thanks, Steph.

I’m glad you’re here.”

She beamed at me. “I know, I know, I’m fabulous.”

“You’re a good friend,” I reinforced.

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“To be honest, I’m just scared you’re running out of people to

hit. I didn’t want to be next in line. Now climb so we can get out of here!” She threw me a smart-ass smile and tugged on her end of the rope to move me on.

I laughed and felt lucky that at least I still had her.

Climbing was therapeutic and it felt good to do something

physical. I’d been avoiding all the usual sports and activities that Lincoln and I had done together, and I was really missing them.

From the top, I looked down to see Steph chatting to a guy from our school. I knew his name was Marcus. She’d been drooling over him for months now. She finally looked up at me and gave a little wave before returning to her conversation.
Now
she was happy we’d come rock climbing.

I started making my way down quickly, in the hopes of starting

a new climb while Steph was being entertained. And then it

happened. I missed a footing and slipped. My hands scrabbled

to keep hold of the wall, but it was too late. It was one of those moments when it seems like you have forever to think about

what is happening in a split second. As I fell, I realized:
Steph
isn’t
watching. She won’t be able to hold the safety rope. I miss Lincoln— I
miss him so much
.

The arms that caught me were strong and confident, absorbing

my weight as if I had just slid into bed. He cradled me and I knew it was him instantly. I heard Steph screaming and moving toward me, but it was all secondary to the apple that drenched my taste buds, the humming of energy running through my body and somehow

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flowing back to him as if powering itself back and forth. My eyes were closed, but I could still see the flashes, like lights flicking on and off, almost like going from day to night in a heartbeat.

My arms exploded with cool heat. It shot up into my chest like

I had just swallowed the most powerful mint ever.

I opened my eyes. I heard birds flying and could still taste apple pulsing through my mouth as I looked into his eyes. They pierced through my exterior, so intense and serious it felt like he was willing something of me. I felt the senses subside and his gaze softened, releasing me. Everything in my immediate surroundings suddenly

came to the fore. Steph was standing next to us, yelling, and I was still cradled like a baby in Phoenix’s arms.

“Umm…Thanks,” I said.

He smiled down at me. “You’re welcome.” His tone dropped as

if we were sharing a secret. “It was only a matter of time before you fell into my arms.” The corner of his mouth twitched.

Steph was hysterical. “Violet! Oh my god, I’m so sorry. The rope just flew out of my hand. I am
so
sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.

Please don’t hit me!”

“It’s fine, Steph. It was my fault. I lost concentration.” I gave her my best reassuring smile and wriggled uncomfortably. Phoenix got the hint and put me on my feet.

“Violet’s right. I was watching and she wasn’t concentrating at all. I’m surprised she didn’t fall sooner,” he said.

My smile faded as Steph’s grew. She looked at me with wide eyes and mouthed the word “hot.” It wasn’t subtle at all.

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“Well, if you say so,” she swooned. “Aren’t you just the perfect angel? Right there at the right time.” Her words almost made me fall over. Phoenix gave a knowing smile, enjoying himself.

“I guarantee you, I’m not perfect. As for angel? I’ve had my

moments.” He was snickering at my discomfort.

I found my voice and quickly jumped in before he got carried

away amusing himself. “Steph, this is Phoenix. We met the other day.” I turned to Phoenix, eyes narrowing. “Thanks again. You

really
were
in the right place at
exactly
the right time. Almost like you’d been waiting for me to fall or something.”

Or
you’re still stalking me.

“Anyway, we really have to go, so…see you round.”

I moved past Steph, expecting her to follow. After a few steps, I turned to see her in the same spot, looking guilty.

“What?”

She screwed up her face in gleeful guilt. “I kind of told Marcus that I would go get coffee with him.”

“Right. Sure, no worries. I’ll catch up with you later.” I didn’t blame Steph. There was no point in both of us being miserable.

Still wanting a quick exit, I grabbed my bag and turned for

the door.

“Wait, Vi. You can’t go on your own, not after that fall. You

could go into shock. I’ll tell Marcus I can’t go.”

“No, I’m fine. Really.”

“I can’t just let you go on your own,” she persisted.

Phoenix stepped forward, already smiling. “I could take you home.” 114

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Steph saw a green light. “Oh, that would be great. Are you sure that’s okay?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Of course. I would love to,” he said.

I coughed, breaking up their little powwow. “Actually, I don’t

need anyone to take me home. But thanks. I’ll be fine.”

Steph gave me a desperate look. “Vi, I can’t leave you alone. You could have a delayed reaction or something. But if you let Phoenix take you, I’d feel much better…
Please
.”

Damn! I looked at Phoenix. Part of me wanted to run, knew I

should
run. But another part of me remembered that day outside my apartment. The way he’d made me feel…just the memory made

my stomach flip.

Phoenix watched me, smirking as if he knew exactly how things

were going to pan out. It was annoying. Mostly because he was right.

“Fine! Phoenix can take me home. Now go catch up with Marcus.”

Steph didn’t need any more convincing. She kissed me on the

cheek and left me with the exiled angel.

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chapter
fourteen

“The virtue of angels is that they cannot deteriorate; their flaw is
that they cannot improve. Man’s flaw is that he can deteriorate;
and his virtue is that he can improve.”

Hasidic saying

“Are you hungry?”

We hadn’t spoken since the rock- climbing center, and Phoenix’s words cut awkwardly through the silence.

“Oh, I…umm…not sure,” I said, sounding like a three- year- old.

The truth was, I was starving. Steph and I had planned to

get lunch before going climbing, but she’d been running late.

She swears she never gets up before midday during break, but

her brother once told me she just uses that as an excuse to hide her innate geekiness. My bet was she was getting most of her

reading for next semester out of the way. Of course, she’d never admit that, or her Einstein status for that matter, and I’d never make her.

Embrace

It was starting to get dark and I hadn’t eaten all day, unless you counted two cups of coffee that morning.

“You should eat something. I wouldn’t want you to
faint
or anything.”

His comment sounded innocent enough, but I knew it

wasn’t. My head snapped up, mortified at the thought he may

have hung around the other day at my apartment and seen me

pass out.

“Food can only help— you’ve barely eaten anything all day. And

I promise to be good.” He put three fingers in the air in a Boy Scout salute. His eyes promised the opposite.

“You’ve been following me…again,” I accused, wrapping my

arms around my waist. It was creepy to think that he had just

appeared out of nowhere to catch me. I had no idea how he could have reached me so fast.

“Sorry?” He tried for shocked but it was only for my benefit. I got the feeling Phoenix knew exactly what he was doing.

“How do you know what I have or I haven’t eaten?” I growled. I

was getting tired of his games.

He brushed it off. “Let’s get some food. I’ll explain then.”

He walked close to me, but when our arms brushed, I quickly

moved aside.

I didn’t want to go anywhere with him. The last person…well,

the second- to- last person I wanted to be hanging out with right then was Phoenix. Then again, he
had
just offered to explain what was going on. Maybe I could make this work in my favor.

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“Fine,” I said. “I’ll get something to eat as long as you promise to answer all my questions. And you’re buying.”

————

The pizza place was packed, always a good sign. I didn’t need the tip- off though; I had been there once before with Lincoln. It was one of those pizza places that had real wood- fired ovens. It smelled of charred dough, melted cheese, and garlic. The waiters were