Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (10 page)

Remember
the
rules, Vi— now more than ever you have to be strong.

No running. No quitting. Simple. Yeah, right.

I left the light off and lit the candle Lincoln leaves on the wooden shelf above the towel rack, braced my hands on the sink, and stared at myself in the mirror.

“What the hell am I?” I whispered.

Looking back at my reflection flickering in the candlelight—

straggly damp hair hanging almost to my waist, blotchy red eyes tearing in the corners, and slightly swollen lips— I gave myself an answer. “Screwed. That’s what I am.”

I closed the blinds to block out the temptation to escape and

climbed into the empty bath. I breathed in the vanilla scent of the candle and willed it to calm me, to stop the tears. It didn’t. Had everything I had worked so hard for, everything I had faced, all just been leading to this? Had the normal life I had fought to hold on to ever really been mine to begin with?

I couldn’t tell if it was my heart or my mind screaming at me

from deep within. Whichever it was, the message was clear:
Liar.

How could Lincoln have lied to me for so long? How could the one person who had helped bring strength and normality back into my life also be the one to ensure it would never be normal again?

The thump of approaching footsteps interrupted my wallowing.

They sounded like footsteps of doom. After a quick knock,

Griffin spoke.

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“Violet, I have to get going soon. If you have more questions, I can answer them, but you’ll have to come out. I’m not one for the bathroom chat.” I think he was trying to be funny. He wasn’t.

After a few deep breaths, I washed my face, pulled my tangled

damp hair back into a ponytail, and opened the door. I don’t run.

Sitting back in the armchair, I ignored Lincoln, who was now

sitting on the couch next to Griffin. It took all my strength not to look at him, not to ask him,
Why? How?
Instead I gave my attention to Griffin and tried to be practical.

“So, who are you exactly?” I hoped the petulant tone hid my fear.

“I’m a Grigori, like Lincoln. For better or worse, I do my best to look after and guide the Grigori in this city.”

“So, you’re in charge.” Honestly, let’s just cut the crap, people!

“Yes.” He smiled, enjoying my candor. “And should you choose

to become a Grigori, I will do my best to guide you too.”

“But it
is
my choice?”

He nodded. “That’s why you haven’t felt too many changes

yet— your choice is still to be made. The final journey to

becoming a Grigori must be taken through your own free will.

It’s called an ‘embrace.’”

That seemed straightforward enough. “So, I can just choose not

to do it?” I caught the look of disapproval Griffin was too slow to hide. I didn’t bother to look at Lincoln.

“Yes, but you should know, when we come of age, exiles can

sense us, as we can sense them, and we often have a mutual predatory reaction to one another. Just as we cannot always sense whether 76

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they are exiles of light or dark, they cannot always sense whether we have chosen to embrace or not. If you turn your back on this, that is your choice, but you will be without protection, always at risk of being discovered by an exile who wishes to do you harm.”

“Basically, damned if I do, damned if I don’t.” I tried for sarcastic, but inside I was petrified.

Griffin ignored the comment. “We’ll be here to answer all

your questions, once you’ve had a chance to digest what you

already know.”

He picked up his coat and walked to the door. Turning back to

me, he said, “By the way, Lincoln was never asked to dedicate so much time to you. The time he gave you was his choice, not part of some elaborate lie. You’re hurt that knowledge was kept from you.

Consider how much it’s hurt him to have had the knowledge he

did, knowing this day was coming.”

With that, he nodded at Lincoln and left.

Yeah. My heart bleeds for him.

————

The veins on the inside of my arms seemed darker again, now

taking on more of an opaque quality. The pattern had changed also.

If I hadn’t known it was impossible, I would have said it looked like they were trying to form something specific. I wanted to ask Lincoln but decided instead to let the silence linger.

He moved to the edge of his seat, leaned toward me without

leaving his designated safety zone, and motioned to my arms. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I think it’s a side effect of sorts.” 77

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I traced the lines with a finger. It was just another part of me that wasn’t really me anymore. Another part taken without consent. I bit down hard.

“Did you…have anything? I mean, any side effects?” I didn’t

look at him as I spoke.

“Sure, I started to sense things differently, become more aware.

It’s a bit different for everyone when they come of age. We inherit particular strengths and powers from our angel parent. But we don’t usually feel major changes until after we’ve embraced.” He glanced at my arms again. “I haven’t seen any physical marks like these before.”

“Parent?” I quizzed. The idea of being grounded by an angel

popped into my mind and I laughed out loud before I could stop

myself. Laughing had to be better than screaming— right?

Lincoln watched me with a puzzled look. I could feel the

distance between us now. Like there was an invisible river dividing us that neither of us could find a way to cross. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore.

“Well, yeah. Not in the conventional sense, of course, but when we are given an angel’s essence, the angel parent has to actually give a part of itself to us. It’s something they can only ever do once.”

“And what? I should be grateful?” I jabbed. I took a breath to

calm down. “Do you know your angel…parent?”

“No. None of us do.”

I remembered that Griffin had explained some of this, so I

continued for him. “Because we could be from an angel of light or dark. We could be part good or part evil.”

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He nodded. “Sort of. It’s an angel’s essence we receive though, not their spirit. We are given their strength and powers, but not their morals or beliefs. That still comes of our own upbringing and free will. It’s better that we don’t know. It stops prejudice among us.”

“How old are you, Lincoln?” The question had come out of

nowhere, but I had to know.

“Twenty- six,” he said in a strained voice. “The aging process

slows more radically the older we get. It’ll probably take another twenty years before I look twenty- three. I would’ve told you my real age from the start, but it would have just led to more questions that I couldn’t answer.” He looked at his feet. “Can only imagine what your father would say then,” he mumbled.

I stared at him for a moment, then looked away again before I

spoke. “You said
powers
?”

“All Grigori have enhanced strength and the ability to sense an exile’s presence. We can return exiles, sending them back to the angel realm to be dealt with there, or, if the exile wills it, we can extract the angelic powers, leaving the exile fully human. Our other gifts are individual to our angel maker and what abilities that angel possesses.” The only ability I wanted right now was the ability to rewind

time, but somehow I figured I was out of luck.

“What type of individual gifts?” I asked, still trying not to look at him much.

“Griffin’s parent angel was a Seraphim, which, apart from a few Sole angels, is the highest rank. That means, unless there’s another 79

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Grigori from the same rank who is older, he remains our leader

in this city. His main gift, apart from leadership, is truth. He can deliver it plainly and see through its frailties.”

I thought about how Griffin had convinced me unwaveringly

that he was telling the truth.

“So, he can just make people believe him?” I asked, slightly

horrified.

“If what he’s saying is true— yes.”

“What about you?”

Other
than
the
ability
to
break
my
heart.

“My parent angel was a Power. I have additional strength and

speed. I can also see interference— the shadows that cling to

people after their free will has been altered by an exile, the marks they leave behind.”

I curled my legs up under me on the chair, wrapping myself

up tight. Questions swirled in my mind and I was torn between

a need for answers and an overwhelming desire to run. Lincoln

was watching me, a concerned look on his face, which only made

it worse.

“So, what am I?” I said before I could stop myself. “And…and

what did you mean
sense
an exile’s presence?”

Lincoln hesitated, as if he needed to choose his words carefully.

“Just tell me!” I snapped.

He stared at me for a moment then looked down at his feet. I

could see his shame and it only made me more furious— knowing

he
knew
what he had done to me, how much he had hurt me.

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I stood up, wanting only to escape. Damn the rules. At some

point, even I had to cut and run.

“I have to go.” I made a beeline for the door, grabbing my

umbrella, which was still dripping in the bucket by the entryway.

“Vi, wait. We have to talk about this. Exiles can sense you now.

You need to know how to protect yourself.”

“No!” I wasn’t interested. I was in flight mode and there was

nothing I could do now to stop it. Our eyes locked briefly before I opened the door to make my exit. Just as I saw the pleading fear in his eyes, I knew he saw the anger in mine.

The door swung closed behind me with a heavy thud and I

bolted down the stairs, listening for the sound of feet following.

There was nothing. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not.

It was still drizzling, but afternoon sun was breaking through

the clouds. I didn’t bother putting up the umbrella. I just ran.

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chapter
eleven

“Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that called Body is
a portion of Soul discerned by the five senses, the chief inlets of
Soul in this age.”

wiLLiaM BLaKe

I ran for as long as I could, ignoring my burning legs, afraid that if I stopped I’d have to admit I had nowhere to go. I hadn’t been in a situation in a long time where my sanctuary was not Lincoln’s place. I couldn’t face going home and just sitting there, alone. I thought of Steph and knew she’d be waiting to hear from me.

I slowed to a walk and pulled out my cell phone. Steph was

speed dial two. Dad was number three and Lincoln number one.

Th ey were the only ones I had bothered programming.

She answered on the second ring.

“About time! How’d it go? Details, details.”

I tried to hold back the tears already stinging my eyes. “Not well.”

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I never liked him anyway!”

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Steph and I had a rule. You always swing with your friends.

If they like a guy, so do you. If they break up with that guy, you instantly hate him until otherwise instructed. She was swinging.

“Thanks.”

“What happened?”

“He’s been lying to me…Big lies.” Even as I said it, I still couldn’t believe it.

“That bastard. Don’t tell me he has a girlfriend.” I heard her slap something heavy on a table.

“No, nothing like that.” I braced myself to tell her everything. I didn’t want to keep this a secret from her, the way it had been kept from me. I opened my mouth to tell her the whole sordid tale,

starting with my mom’s surprise birthday present, but I was overwhelmed by a compulsion to avoid the subject. I waged an internal battle and in the end all I managed was, “He…he’s…just not the

person I thought he was.”

“He didn’t try something, did he? ’Cause if he did, I can get Jase and some of his friends to go round and deal with him. A few of them would have him in a minute.”