Elemental (22 page)

Winged people. I wondered where
my
wings were. Cailen’s were so beautiful, draped behind him and
flowing to the floor. I reached out to run my finger along the
bright green edge. The electricity spiked and vibrated through my
blood and bones. Cailen shuddered and whipped his wing away.

To say I wasn’t hurt would be a bold-faced
lie. The hazy euphoric tingling I had come to expect every time I
touched him was immediately replaced and overshadowed by the
overwhelming grief at knowing Cailen did not reciprocate my
feelings. It threatened to crush me with each breath. I brought my
hand up to my throat. I felt like I was choking.

Ranen leaned over me and handed Cailen a
sandwich, just like I’d guessed. Cailen turned away from me and ate
it.

“I wonder where your wings are, Ella.” Ranen
was looking down at me, curiosity written all over his wrinkled and
pockmarked face.

I stared at him for a long time before I
knew I could answer without my cracking voice giving me away. “I
guess I’m just a gimp.”
A freak, a monster, a wraith, take your
pick.

“Ha!” Cailen shook with laughter. There was
no hope for me now; the tears I’d been struggling to contain
threatened to pour out in torrents. I would’ve run away right then
and there to hide in a corner if Cailen’s face hadn’t immediately
softened when he saw my anguish. “You are anything but a gimp.
You’re… perfect.”

My breathing stopped.

He brushed his fingers along my forehead to
push a stray hair away. His fingers lingered on my face as he ran
them down my jaw. The muscles along his neck and shoulders were
drawn tight. “I didn’t mean to laugh. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” I said breathlessly. Yes,
that was the best way to describe it because I was completely and
entirely past the ability to breathe. I couldn’t even remember
where I was anymore.

Cailen took his hand away and chuckled. “But
honestly, I was only laughing because you thought you didn’t have
wings!”

“Well, where are they?” Malik was the one to
speak up this time. I’d come to realize he rarely spoke unless the
subject matter was important.

I nodded emphatically, anxious to know the
answer.

“They’re the same place mine are when I
don’t need them.” He reached out to stroke my back. “Beneath your
skin.”

Malik came up behind me and pushed my
shoulders forward to round out my back. I didn’t struggle. I was
still too dazed at the idea that I actually had wings!

“Where?”

“You can’t see them through the dress she’s
wearing now, but they run along her back on either side of her
spine.” Cailen shifted on his cot to show Malik while also trying
to keep his body covered with the blanket.

“How do they fit?” Malik was no longer
asking the questions I cared about. It seemed he was more
interested in the mechanics of it all. I just wanted to see
them.

I stood up and tugged on Cailen’s arm. “I
want to see them. Help me.”

Cailen readjusted his blanket after I nearly
pulled it off him in my haste. “Ella, like I said, you aren’t
wearing the right dress. Plus, I’m not exactly dressed for that
kind of stuff myself.” He looked around at Malik, Ranen, and Meir
who had inched even closer during the last few minutes.

“Oh,” I said.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Did
anyone happen to grab my bag?”

I smiled. “I did.”

“Good. Would you bring it to me, please?
I’ve got a few things in there for you, and a change of clothes for
me.”

I skipped over to my cot and grabbed the bag
from under the makeshift bed. With a few coughs and whispers,
Malik, Ranen, and Meir all dispersed to give Cailen some privacy.
Due to the fact that there wasn’t far to go, they just ended up
lying on their respective cots. Ranen and Meir pulled out some
reading material they’d found in the bunker, while Malik found a
pair of weights to work his arms. Even Fluffy took the hint and
left.

As soon as I handed Cailen the bag, he
unzipped it and pulled out brightly colored clothes that shimmered
under the harsh ceiling lights. He pushed them toward me.

“What are these?” I pinched some of the
fabric between my fingers. It was lightweight and velvety soft.

“Those are your dresses.” He smiled, and
shrugged. “No one really knew your size. I’d told them you were
pretty small, so we decided to recycle some of your mother’s
dresses from when she was a little younger than you. They’re
supposed to hang loose anyway, so even if they are a bit big, it
shouldn’t matter.”

“My mother?” I whispered. Why was I so
surprised? Shouldn’t I have known I had one? The news of my
father’s death hadn’t been painful because I’d forgotten his
existence long ago, but… my mother. That was a completely different
story.

Cailen nodded. “She misses you. Like you
wouldn’t believe.”

“She… misses me?” Tears welled up in my
eyes; I didn’t even try to hold them back.

“I’ll take you home right now.” He ran his
thumb along my brow. “It’s where you belong.”

I almost gave in.
Home.
I couldn’t
remember ever having a home. Even now the word seemed foreign to
me. But I couldn’t leave Meir; it was too painful to think about.
And I couldn’t run anymore. It was time for me to stand and
fight.

I shook my head. “I can’t go. Not now.”

“We can prepare you, too, Ella.” He gestured
behind me. “Better than this man!”

I didn’t bother to look to see Ranen’s
reaction. I spoke quickly before he had a chance to argue. “The
Mamood are already here. I can’t just leave the Soltakians. Not
when they’re dying because of me.”

His eyes narrowed. “The Mamood are
here?”

I’d forgotten he didn’t know that part. I
nodded.

Cailen growled. It wasn’t like the playful
sounds he’d been making two nights ago. This was deep and menacing.
“Hurry up and get one of those dresses on. You’re definitely going
to need them now.”

I snatched a jade and gold-colored dress
from the pile and ran to the pantry, closing the door behind me.
Though I didn’t see how dresses were going to help me against the
Mamood, I decided now was not the time to ask.

The blue dress lay around my ankles—I didn’t
bother to kick it away—as I pulled the silky jade dress over my
head. The material cascaded around my body in waves. The back was
entirely open, exposing the long mounds I now guessed were my
wings. Gold designs shimmered along the fabric in curling loops and
swirls. The front and back of the dress were clasped together at my
shoulders with green, jewel-encrusted buttons, while the fabric
cowled along my chest. The dress was loose, but not uncomfortable.
In fact, it was so light and soft that I felt like I was wearing
nothing at all on a breezy day.

I picked up the blue dress from the floor
and walked out of the pantry. Every eye focused on me as I stepped
through the doorway. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I looked at the
floor.

Meir’s and Ranen’s awed gazes didn’t
surprise me. Meir always looked at me with deep devotion, and Ranen
was so excited about our combined destiny that his shocked face was
pretty much expected. Malik and Cailen were the surprising ones,
the ones that made me look away in self-consciousness. The contrast
in Malik’s reaction from the first time he saw my face and now was
enough to make my heart throb double-time. There was awe there that
almost rivaled Meir’s.

Although Cailen had been pretending to want
distance between us since I’d opened my big mouth about all this
Destructor business, I now could see the emotion roiling
underneath. He wanted me. Actually, with the way he looked at me
now, I was certain he
needed
me.

With my head down and my cheeks burning, I
walked over to Cailen’s cot just as he brushed past me with his
blanket wrapped around his waist to take his turn to change. His
wings were gone, hidden underneath his flesh. I threw my blue dress
under my cot and grabbed the pile of clothes still on Cailen’s bed.
A green cloak—just like Cailen’s—had been draped on top. I would’ve
thought it was his if it hadn’t been immediately apparent it was
too small for him. I took the pile and put it on top of my own cot.
There were seven dresses altogether, enough for one week.

“So, are you ready to let out your wings?” I
jumped and pressed my hand against my heart at Cailen’s voice. I
hadn’t even heard him walk up.

“What’s wrong?” he said.

I took a few deep breaths before talking.
“You scared me.”

“Oh, sorry.” He paused. “So, are you
ready?”

“Absolutely.” There was nothing I wanted
more in that moment than having more proof of my connection to
Cailen.

He smiled, but then grew serious. “I’m going
to rub the seams along your back so you know where to work the
muscles.” As he said it, his hands started running along the length
of the mounds on my back. “When you let your wings out, you
must
not
flap them.”

I cocked my head. “Why?”

“You’ll transport.”

“Okay, let’s wait a second.” Meir had jumped
off his cot and taken two long strides toward us. He glared at
Cailen and reached a hand out to grab me. “What exactly do you mean
by transport?”

“I mean that the chemical in her wings will
be triggered and begin the process of bending space. It’s only
dangerous your first time if someone isn’t holding onto you and if
you think about going anywhere hazardous to your health.” Cailen
smiled. “She’ll be fine.” He looked at me, every bit as serious as
Meir. “You won’t flap your wings.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Good.” He nodded his head once.

Meir didn’t back away. Though Cailen hadn’t
moved to allow him to grab me, Meir looked like he was thinking
about how he could take him down.

“Meir, I’ll be fine. Cailen won’t let me do
anything stupid.”

“Of course I won’t.”

Meir took a step back, but the expression on
his face didn’t change one bit.

I looked up at Cailen. “Okay, I’m
ready.”

His jaw and muscles tightened as he rubbed
my back, almost as if he were preparing himself for an onslaught.
“It’s going to take a lot of concentration.” His voice was tight
and drawn. “You’ve only ever released your wings once before.”

I wondered how he knew that particular bit
of information. Sure, we’d known each other when I was young, but
would he have known every moment of my life enough to be sure I had
only released my wings once?

I shook the thoughts aside. I needed to
concentrate. The blood in my veins along my back reacted to his
touch, warming and prickling. I bit my lip and clenched my fists,
trying to work every muscle in my body in the hopes of getting the
right ones.

Something felt different. I felt the flesh
pull away at two different points on my back. The feeling was
similar to opening my eyes after a long, deep sleep. I kept pushing
at those spots, straining against the effort.

I was close—so close. I could feel the seams
widening and my wings pushing to get out.

And then I was almost knocked off my feet.
Every hazy, electrical, tingly sensation I had ever gotten near
Cailen exploded a thousand-fold. Those feelings had been nothing
more than the prickles after a limb falls asleep compared to having
that limb ripped open. And yet, that wasn’t the best comparison
because, though my body was in a form of pain, it was a good
pain—the best pain of my life. My knees buckled and I fell
face-first against the floor. I gasped for air and moaned.

Someone’s hands were grabbing at me then.
They weren’t Cailen’s—I would’ve known—and I almost screamed for
them to leave me alone. I didn’t want anyone to touch me in that
moment but Cailen. I needed him then like I’d never needed anyone
before. My body ached to have his arms wrapped around me, drawing
me tight against him.

I moaned again.

“What’s wrong with her?” Meir’s hoarse voice
brought me back down to reality. I couldn’t hover above the clouds
forever. I needed to focus and control the feelings raging through
me. I would control them.

Blood rushed to my cheeks. I was suddenly
humiliated, as if how I was acting should never be displayed in
public.

I pushed myself up to my knees and ignored
my pulsing, burning blood. Ranen, Meir, and Malik were all kneeling
around me, anxiety etched into their faces. I looked past them,
over their shoulders. Cailen was leaning against the wall on the
opposite end of the room, as far away from me as possible. His eyes
sizzled as they bored into mine, and I knew he felt exactly the
same as me. The burning and tingling, the need to be close.

His eyes drifted past mine to just over my
shoulder, and his smoldering eyes turned to horror. I turned my
head, following his gaze and saw brilliant white light shining back
at me, prisming into a million different colors.

My wings.

Ranen gasped. I whipped my head around to
face him, and followed his shocked gaze down to the dangling locket
around my neck. As it opened, a piece of paper fell out and landed
on the floor.

“The message,” Ranen whispered.

I picked up the paper and unfolded it. Three
words stared back at me. Three words that answered every question
I’d had since all of this had begun. Three words I should’ve known
all along, but somehow hadn’t. El had known I’d need to hear this.
He’d known even thousands of years ago when He had Elsden prepare
the message for me.

My heart pounded against my chest.

“What does it say?” Malik asked.

For a moment, I could say nothing. There was
no reason to keep it a secret, but it felt so personal, like a
message between lovers. The words were simple enough. They didn’t
hint at this privacy I overwhelmingly felt. But they answered
my
question, no one else’s:
why is all of this happening
to me?