Edge of the Falls (After the Fall) (12 page)

There is a watchful stillness from him, and then he says neutrally, “That displeases you?”

I shrug, forgetting for a moment about my stitches. The slap of pain makes my eyes water. “It is what it is,” I answer when I can speak again.

He sighs, an aggravated sound, and a fire stick flares, blinding me. I watch through squinting eyes as he lights a new candle. Turns to me.

There is something in his eyes that makes me pause. It is an expression I am familiar with--I have seen it directed at me, at the Mistress often enough. But to see it shining at me from those brilliant golden eyes, here, so far from anything familiar. It makes me freeze, and swallow hard.

Desire, guilt, and something too complex for me to face. So strong it brings tears to my eyes. "Arjun," I whisper, and he moves, his hands coming up to frame my face, his long claws combing through my hair as he murmurs my name and brushes a gentle finger over my lips. He touches his forehead to mine and I shiver as his hair falls around us.

I close my eyes, bracing myself for his kiss, trembling with how much I
want
it.

There is a pause, and then a puff of breath across my lips. It drags a whimper from me, and I pry my eyes open to gaze at him, frustration filling me. "What are you waiting for?" I demand, impatient.

He laughs, and sits back. "Not now. There is still too much for you to learn, Sabah. It is not fair to ask this of you until you know."

I glare. "And if I want it?"

Hunger fills his eyes again, and he leans close, so close I can feel the heat of him, the brush of his soft white hair on my cheeks, and whispers, "I will offer it again, sweet."

He straightens abruptly, and sets the candle aside. "Come on, Gali, I’m sure she’s starving," he calls.

The small female ban-wolf comes in carrying a tray heavy with food. "You could help, you lazy ass," she snaps, but there is a warm affection in her voice.

He grins at her, a mouthful of white teeth gleaming in the gloom. "Why so much food?" he asks, stealing a piece of red meat.

"Rook is coming down--he said we'd eat with Sabah," she explains.

Arjun frowns, straightening. "What happened?"

Gali glances at me, a soft noise—almost a whine—building in her throat. Arjun snaps: it sounds like a feral dog, and I jump involuntarily. They are communicating, I realize, intentionally withholding from me.

Arjun jerks to his feet with a growl. "That's insane," he spits.

She shrugs, "Take it up with Rook, Arjun. But he has a point—and the pack is furious."

Gali throws me an apologetic smile and vanishes back down the tunnel. Arjun is almost vibrating with anger, and I reach for him, taking his hand. Long claws close tightly over my fingers. "What's wrong?"

"Lang died," he says quietly. Pain squeezes me—instinctively, I know this is one of the ban-wolves injured defending me—and I pull my hand back, withdrawing from him. He growls a little, catching me. His claws prick, soft and deliberate. I look at him, miserable. "This isn't your fault, Sabah," he says fiercely.

"Then whose is it?" I demand, hating that I am arguing with him--hating even more that he is wrong. If I had stayed where I belonged, if I had not argued with Berg--they would still be alive. The ban-wolves would not have challenged a black bear in defense of a girl they did not know.

I am barely aware of tears filling my eyes before they are falling, burning my cheeks. I gasp, fighting for breath, and exhale a loud sob.

Arjun says nothing, scoots closer to me and gathers me to him in the dimness. It is comfortable, warm against his chest. He is solid and something deep inside me loosens. I feel safe. His white hair tickles my nose and I sneeze, gasping in pain as fire races up my side. Arjun mutters, "Daft girl. Lie down." He releases me, eases me down onto my pallet.

"Rook will be here," I protest, my eyes tired from the tears.

He snorts. "Rook will wait until you’re well. I think, too, it'd be best to let him get past the initial anger before he talks to you."

I blink at him. "Is he dangerous?" I ask, soft and serious. My mind darts suddenly to the Mistress and motives that have never been clear.

Arjun laughs. It is tinged with a bitterness that I do not expect. For a moment, I see the angry, untrusting ban-wolf who had peered at me from behind a rock. "We are ban-wolves, Sabah, the genetic products of the Commission. And Rook, he is our leader—he makes sure we survive. Of course he's dangerous," he says flatly

I reach for him—without knowing why, I know he needs touch. He shudders when my fingers push his hair back over his ear. “You’re more than the product of the Commission,” I say fiercely.

He opens his mouth to respond, and then closes it with a click, sitting up and away from me. My hand falls uselessly to the blanket as Rook strides into the cave. Gali trails him, her head down. When the older ban-wolf is not looking, she peeks up and winks at me.

“You look better,” he says, his stern eyes scanning me ruthlessly.

I smile. “Thank you.”

“Don’t gloat.” His words are mild, spoken as he pokes at the food inquisitively. The look that he sends me is anything but mild. It is filled with grief, fury, pain, and it hits me like an acidstorm. I flinch, the blood rushing from my head so quickly I feel dizzy.

“Rook,” Arjun says, sharply. The older man’s eyes dart to him briefly, and then he straightens, his eyes closing. He takes a deep breath and when he looks at me again, the emotions seem to have receded. They are still there—I know that. They cannot be gone completely so quickly.

And that terrifies me, despite Rook’s stiff apology. Someone who can hide powerful emotions so effortlessly—how do you trust that? My gut is screaming at me, warning me of danger.

I force myself to smile at him as Gali hands food out. And I wonder if Rook realizes that ban-wolves aren’t the only ones who have instincts.

“The problem, my dear, is what to do with you,” Rook says.

I tense. Our meal is finished, and it seems meaningless conversation is, too.

"I didn't realize you needed to do anything
with
me," I answer, keeping my tone light. It would be so easy to turn defensive, argumentative. But my gut tells me that will get me nowhere with Rook.

He smiles, a grimace of sharp teeth in his misshapen mouth. "You are a threat, my dear. You know where we live--and you are too close to the City for our safety."

Arjun is shaking his head, as if he has heard this before. "She isn't a Citizen, Rook. She lives Outside.
How
is that a threat?"

Rook sighs. "She is Outside their doorstep. When tragedy hits the City, do you really think they will overlook a healthy, breedable girl of Majority?"

I stiffen, involuntarily. At my side, Arjun’s hands are clenched and he is glaring. "You are assuming quite a bit, sir," he says, biting off the words.

"Am I?" Rook asks, musingly. His brown eyes come to me. "You tell me, Sabah. What would you do if you were offered Citizenship?"

I shake my head. That’s not something that has ever been dangled before me, or something I wanted. It’s Berg’s dream.

"She
doesn't
know," Gali says. All of us turn to her, and Rook makes a low growling noise in his throat.

"She was unconscious, you know--when we brought her here." Gali lights another candle. It is fascinating, watching them move--with that liquid grace they don't seem to even be aware of. “She can’t lead anyone further than the forest.”

"What do you suggest?" Rook asks, startling me. Gali seems to hide a smirk, but shrugs, and looks at her leader as she answers.

"Let the girl recover. Give her time to regain her health and strength--to do otherwise is a disgrace to the sacrifice of Lang and the others." She pauses, giving Rook time to object. He remains silent, watching her. "Use that time to learn about her, her motivations. And if
you
think it's safe—as Arjun and I do—then use the meds and put her under. Let Arjun return her home and leave it at that." Arjun makes a noise of distress, and Gali glares at him. "Even if she is taken by the Commission at some point, she will know nothing," she finishes, her eyes gleaming triumphantly.

Rook grunts, irritably. "She doesn't know anything as it is."

I frown. "What does that mean?"

Arjun is shushing me, trying to get me to lie back, to relax, but I have Rook's attention and he watches me silently demanding an explanation. His eyes narrow on me.

"What do you know about Kathleen Lawson?"

I blink--the name is foreign, unfamiliar. I look at Arjun for some clue, and then back to Rook. He smiles at me, tight and unamused. "You know her, my dear, as the Mistress."

Silence follows his words. Far off, I can hear the gurgle of a natural spring. They are watching me, waiting for me to respond. I keep my eyes deliberately empty. “I know that she cares for some of the City’s castoffs. I know she took me in, and Berg, when we were almost dead—that we were her first.”

“What of her motivations?” Rook asks.

I laugh, unable to stop it. Even I can hear the bitterness in my voice as I demand, “What of them? If you know something of her motives, I’d
love
to hear them. She doesn’t tell us anything.”

This makes Rook pause. He straightens, studying me wordlessly for a long time. It surprises me that Arjun does not intervene. Finally, Rook nods almost to himself, and stalks away.

Gali follows him after apologizing for his abruptness. I wonder what is between them, that she feels guilty for his behavior. Or is it simply the way ban-wolves are around their leader?

I realize, in the sudden silence, that I am tired. My side is throbbing, a dull ache that pulses in time to my heartbeat. A whimper of pain builds in my throat, and Arjun shifts, coming closer. His hands are gentle as they push me back, into the pillow. “Sleep, beautiful,” he whispers, tugging my blanket up.

I catch his hand as he pulls away, and feel his surprise as I twist my fingers with his misshapen ones. I see the surprise give way to relief and awe as darkness pulls my eyes closed and I sleep.

**

When I wake up, Arjun is gone. Rook is sitting next to my bed in the plain sturdy chair. He's sleeping, and I lie still, watching him. The ban-wolf leader confuses me. He obviously had a hand in my recovery--I can still feel the painful slide of his claw along my side as others held me down. Yet there is a cautious distrust, a sort of watchfulness in him that makes me wary. I suppose it is too much like the Mistress. I had not been lying to them when I said her motives are never clear. It is one of the biggest issues I have with her as I near Majority--the simple
why
behind her actions.

There is no denying that Arjun trusts him—leader or no, my ban-wolf would not have left me alone with Rook if he didn't trust him. And I am alive, despite Rook's misgivings. I wonder why. Is it simply that he hopes to get something from me? If so, he's in for a weighty disappointment. Even if I had information to give him on the Mistress, there is still a part of me—the child that grew up under her eyes and roof—that will always balk at the idea of betraying her.

And, too, there is the small matter of how it will reflect on Berg—I will not put him in danger.

The thought makes me pause. Since leaving the Manor, I have not had much opportunity to worry about Berg. There has been the stray thought of him: the relief that my death will remove his choice for him, how angry he will be with me, the worry he will search for me--but beyond that, I have not had a chance to truly process
his
betrayal.

And, if I am honest, the Mistress'.

Anger blossoms in my chest, a fierce hot rage.
Why
would either of them do this to me? What is the point? I know that she must be lonely--Berg and I talked about it often enough, after making love. But it was always in an abstract, pitying sort of way.

When did that pity shift? When did it become more? Is it simply that--a pity turned to service? Berg has always served her exceptionally well. Or is it more than that?

“You should be resting,” Rook says, and I glance at him. I wonder how long he has been awake.

"And I'm sure your questions will be restful," I say tartly, and he laughs.

"Feisty, aren't you?" he observes, grinning.

"What do you want, Rook? An assurance that I won't report your whereabouts to the Commission? Apologies for the deaths? Information on the Mistress?"

"All, actually,” he answers. "Although, you have proven you feel guilty for the deaths of my ban-wolves. And that wasn't your fault—we would have attacked the bear, even if you weren't in danger."

I frown at him, curious. "Why?"

He shrugs. "Another predator. Surviving is hard enough, and we are at a slight disadvantage, because of our lingering ties to humanity. But a single bear in our woods poses no real threat, other than to scare off game."

It is said with blank efficiency, and that is frightening. He has no qualms, and yet his thought process is so removed. It would never occur to me to hunt a bear over territory threats. Because it was a danger to my family, maybe, but hunting rights never even crossed my mind.

I know that bringing up this difference between us will do nothing but alienate the ban-wolf. If he is anything like Arjun, he will be sensitive about it, and I don't want to antagonize him. So I say instead, "I
am
sorry for the deaths. Did the meds help the others?"

He looks at me, almost quizzically. "Why would they? The antibiotics Arjun stole for you are not made for a system such as ours, Sabah."

"Why not? You are essentially human, aren't you?"

He cocks his head. “What do you know of the genetic experiments?”

I bite my lip, looking at him. “What do you mean?"

He sits up, running a tired hand over his eyes, and I wonder when he last slept--from the looks of it and the snatches of memory from my fever-sleep, it has been a while. "You know the history—Longest Night, the Mutations Protests, the last world summit?"

I nod. Mistress had always been adamant about teaching us our history, even about the Mutations Protests, which Cook had always thought was too violent for us.