Easter's Lilly (40 page)

“
Lilly, you need to communicate with me, or I can’t help.” By this point I was sobbing. Max was holding me and I could feel his eyes on Hector. He pulled me back and put his fingers under my chin. I was facing him, tears and all. “Whatever is happening,” he looked over at Hector, “we can get through it. Maybe Hector’s right. This is too close to our old life. Too close to the times you broke down before. Too close.”

Chapter 30

Diego Gasped. I Don't Think he was Expecting That.

We got back to the house and Diego was reading in the living room. When he saw Max, he stood up. Max let go of my hand and got right in Diego’s face. I looked at Hector with alarm. “Are you sleeping with her?” He pushed Diego in the chest and Diego fell backwards and lost his footing.

“
No Max, what’s wrong?”

“
She’s different, there’s something wrong. She feels different to me. Is this payback?”

“
Nothing is going on, Max. Nothing.”

“
She’s confused,” Max continued. “I think on some level she thinks you’re me and I’m you.” He looked over at me. “When I was where you are she changed when we…” He walked away from Diego. “No…” He began to pace back and fourth. “You’re having her behind my back.” He picked up his gun and pointed it at Diego. Hector ran interference.

“
Max, I promise, they’re not having an affair.” He looked over at me. Max lowered his gun. By this time I was sitting against the wall with my knees pressed up against my chest. “Would you two look at what you’re doing to her? She’s not made for this. She’s too inexperienced for all of this.”

Diego and Max both looked over at me. Their anger subsided and one took one arm and one took the other and they helped me up and put me on the couch. “Max,” Hector said. “You’ve been away so much since the two of you have been together. She’s losing her attachment to you. The glue isn’t as strong. When you were here, you were with her all the time, remember?”

“
Lilly, I’m so sorry,” Diego said. “I’m so sorry.”

“
Baby girl,” Max put me on his lap. “Whatever it is, I forgive you.” He gently wiped the back of his fingers against my cheek. “This is too close, it’s my fault. Diego and I… we’re both to blame.”

“
Max… I….” I stopped midsentence and turned away. “I don’t deserve you.”

He looked at Diego at that point with a deafening glare. He pulled me close to his body. “Baby girl,” he pulled my chin so that I would be looking at him. “Do you know which one of us you are married to?” ‘Here we go again,’ I know they were all thinking.

I put my hands over my ears. “Max, the last time you did this I was pregnant. Am I pregnant?”

“
I don’t know,” he said. “Is she pregnant, Diego?” He was furious and desperate.

“
Definitely not by me,” he confessed. “I told you we never got that far.”

“
How far did you get?”

“
Stop it!” I screamed. I still had my hands over my ears. “Max?”

“
No, baby girl. It’s just you and me and the boys. No baby.”

“
Are we sure?”

“
We’re sure.” He looked at Diego.

“
We’re sure,” Diego agreed in a soft voice.

“
Lilly, I should never have taken you here. I should never have let him stay. I am so very sorry you are so confused.”

“
Max, I betrayed you.”

“
I know, baby girl.”

“
I’ll leave,” I said. I tried to get off of his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“
You’re not going anywhere. I should have known that this would break you. I don’t know why I thought this would be okay.” He pulled me back down into his lap.

“
I’m sorry.” I put my head on his shoulder and cried.

Hector slowly approached us. I could hear him whisper in Max’s ear, “It’s not as bad as you’re thinking, I promise.”

“
This is my fault,” Max said. “I left her here with him. I went to work; he stayed here, just like I used to do. It’s a lot to process. Especially for her. Too many of us.” He pulled me closer. “We’re going home. Hector, you and Diego will have to finish out the trial without us. Besides it’s almost Easter. We have an anniversary to celebrate.”

“
Stay till the end, Max,” Hector argued. “Diego and I will be inseparable until that time. Then we can leave. You might influence the verdict if you disappear.”

“
I’ll be good,” Diego said. “For now.”

“
You have a new best friend until you leave,” Hector informed him.

“
Okay,” Max said. “They can
not
be alone anymore.”

So we stayed. That night was awful. I lay in bed and cried until I couldn’t breathe. Max held me tight. He tried to make love to me but I was too full of guilt to let him touch me. I think he thought I had an insanity gene somewhere. Max treated me like a mental patient for a few days. He was asking me questions about where we were and who was who. It was weird. I couldn’t figure out why he forgave me the way he did. No anger seemed to come my way at all. It was like Johnny was a bigger threat or something. Maybe he just felt that he and Diego were more similar and it wasn’t as surprising. I couldn’t figure it out. The day we knew the trial was finally over the four of us had one last breakfast. I was never happier to see anything come to an end. When we were alone, I finally asked the question. “Max? Why were you so mad about Johnny and so understanding about Diego? What I did with your brother was so much worse.”

He smiled and blushed a little. “This is hard for me to think about.” He took my hands and looked into my eyes. “You and Diego… again.”

“
We don’t have to talk about it.” I started to walk away but he grabbed my waist and pulled me close.

“
No, we need to talk more not less.” He turned me so that I was looking at him. “You were definitely not confused when John kissed you. He and I are totally different. When you were kissing him, you were kissing
him
.”

“
I see,” I said, realizing that I would never win this battle. He would never believe me about John.

“
Diego is holding onto the details like a dirty little secret. He won’t give me anything. Very unlike him. All I know is what Hector told me.” I smiled. “See that’s what I don’t like. You’re thinking about him and smiling.”

“
No, no that’s not why I’m smiling. He would never have kept a secret for me before.” I still smiled a little. “So, why aren’t you angry like you were about John? You should be angry.”

“
He’s a different story than Johnny.”

“
More like you?”

“
Lots of history with the both of us. So much back and forth. And yes, a little more like me. But even more than that, Lilly, whether we like it or not, your memories of me will always be mixed up with him until we get away from here.”

“
I’m sorry.” My eyes welled with tears again. He went to me and cupped my face in his hands.

“
I don’t like that he touched you that way after you married
me
. I even hate
how
he touched you. I think I hate that most of all. But I forgive you. And I feel relief that you stopped it before it got too far.” I nodded. “We’re okay. I’ll make sure he stays away from you. At least until you’ve had some time to heal.”

We smelled the wonderful morning breakfast smells. I love the smile on Max’s face when someone cooks for him. We walked into the kitchen and saw Diego and Hector together, like Hector promised, actively preparing food.

“
Diego, you cooked?” Max asked. “Will I live long enough to hear the verdict?”

“
I
cooked,” Hector said. “Like I’m going to trust Diego with either one of your meals.”

“
Cut it out,” Diego said. He actually looked a little hurt. “What I did wasn’t that bad. Hey, I’ve improved a lot.” He was serious. “I may not be who I want to be but I am definitely not who I was.”

“
Thank God for small miracles, I suppose,” Hector added. Max laughed. I was still a little depressed. Max and I hadn’t been together since… that last day. I was too ashamed. I picked at my food while I waited for them to finish. Hector said something to Max in Spanish and Max agreed. I picked up at least that much from the conversation.

“
Lilly?” Hector asked. “Would you come with me?”

I didn’t respond but I followed. We walked to our usual spot. He sat me down on the rocks by the water. “Why are you punishing Max?”

“
I’m not punishing him.” I kicked the rocks by my feet into the water.

He put his hands on my legs to make me focus on him. “He isn’t even mad,” he said in disbelief.

“
That’s only because he doesn’t know what really happened,” I answered.

“
Yeah, he does.” Hector took my hands and looked into my face. “
Yeah
, he
does
.”

“
What happened to ‘take it to your grave?’” I asked, a little miffed.

“
He heard us talking about an affair when we were lying in the grass. I had to tell him or the pictures in his head would have been much worse.”

I put my hands over my face. “He said you told him something, I just wasn’t sure how much. I don’t understand why he doesn’t hate me the way I hate myself.” I could feel another wave of misery coming over my body.

A soft voice behind us said, “Maybe I should have been a little more honest with you, as well.” I looked up and it was Maxwell.

“
My job is done.” Hector slapped Max on the back and walked off.

“
What a mess, huh?” He sat beside me. “Yes, I slept with Vanessa and Julie.” He paused. “Julie is the judge.” I looked at him in surprise. “And yes, I know Hector already told you.”

“
Why would you lie about that?” I asked. “It was before me, right?”

“
Oh yes,” he answered. “But I still lied about it.”

“
Why?” I couldn’t see how that would be important enough to lie about.

“
I’m embarrassed about my past life. I never wanted any of it to touch you.”

“
Max,
before
is
before
. What I did was during. That is much worse.”

“
Yeah, it is.” He agreed a little too easily.

“
Hector said he told you.”

“
Yes, he told me what he
thinks
happened.” I put my face in my hands. He pulled my hands away. “Okay, so you shouldn’t have let him get under your blouse.”

He continued to look into my eyes. “Look, I don’t want to know if it was his lips of his hands.” I think my expression gave it away. He suddenly looked mortified and got up and started to pace. This was something he did to try to control his emotions.

“
Oh, Max. I do
not
want to have this conversation.”

“
I’m pretty sure I can guess.” He stopped pacing and looked at me. “I know him pretty well.” I said nothing. He paced some more and rubbed his eyes for a minute.

“
Just kill me now,” I said. He sat back down and grabbed my hands. He pulled them to his face and closed his eyes. “Max,” I was at a loss for words, “you are everything to me.”

“
And you to me.” He took a deep breath and appeared suddenly pensive. “We switched roles, it’s weird.” Still, I saw no anger. “He’s very handsome and very charming. Let’s not forget that there are no surprises either. You’ve already been with him. He’s changed. Not enough but he
is
different.”

“
Why aren’t you yelling at me?” I put my hand on his cheek and stroked it. He closed his eyes and purred a little.

“
I left you alone too much. Not just anywhere. I left you alone in your previous jail with your previous jailor.”

“
Shouldn’t I be repulsed?”

“
That’s what I was shooting for, but he
has
changed. I see it. I’m just thankful that you stopped it before… before we had to take another test.”

“
I’m sorry, Max.” I pulled his face into mine and kissed his very soft lips. He took my hand and brought me back to our spot in the trees. “Now, stop punishing yourself and let me pleasure you.”

I smiled. Only Max would see it as I was punishing
myself
. He laid me down on the grass and unfastened my blouse. I was feeling very uncomfortable and he knew it. He pressed his lips to my neck and I let out a moan. I could feel my body starting to relax. He moved slowly down my body and his lips caressed me slowly. “Oh daddy!” I shouted.