Easter's Lilly (37 page)

“
Whatever I told him was for your own good.” He reached out his arms and I hugged him. Then we left.

“
Wow,” he said. “I’m very proud of you.”

“
Proud? Why?” I asked.

“
That’s a whole lot of forgiving.”

“
That’s why I said to give me some time.” I thought about what he said for a moment. “Do you think he has found God or it’s another ploy?”

“
I’m not sure. The years ahead will reveal his true thoughts.” He stopped walking and took my face in his hands. “But until that time… no touching.” I laughed. Like I’d go anywhere near him.

“
Max?” I asked. “What did he say to you?”

“
I don’t want to talk about it here,” he said. “We’ll talk when we get home.” That scared me. It must have been bad for him to want to wait until we were in private.

We drove home in silence. I ran through my head all the different things Diego could have told him. Was it about sex? Was it something I did or said when I was married to him? What could Diego know that Max didn’t? We walked in the door and Max sat me down on the couch in the living room. He put his hand on my face and kissed me. But he stopped. Then he picked me up out of the couch and picked up my arms and wrapped them around his neck. I knew I was in trouble. “So it was something like this,” he suggested. My stomach started feeling sick. Clearly John had been to see Diego and spilled his guts. Unbelievable. I could see Hector out of the corner of my eye at the top of the stairs watching. Max took my face in his hands and started kissing me. I wasn’t sure if I should respond or not. Was this a test? “At first you fought it but he lifted you up out of the couch and pulled your body up against his and ….” He paused. “You felt warm inside and did something like this.” He kissed me again, harder this time. I couldn’t breathe. I saw Hector running down the stairs. “You kissed him back, didn’t you?” He pushed me away. “You let him touch you.” He started pacing back and forth. “You touched him?” He was undeniably upset and disappointed.

“
You’re the one who said she shouldn’t tell you,” Hector reminded him. “Don’t go all postal on her now.”

“
Stay out of this Hector.” He was angrier than I had ever seen him. “Did you feel something for John? Are you…?” He turned away from me. “Oh my God, I can’t even say it out loud.”

“
No, no, no… Max!” I panicked. I ran to him and pulled him to look at me. “I didn’t kiss him. I swear to you, I didn’t kiss him!” He was still pacing. “I love you and only you!”

“
What did we walk in on yesterday? What if I was later would you have kissed him again?”

“
No, Max, no!” I tried to grab him but he kept pushing me away. “Max!” I grabbed his shirt and pulled him. “Please it was over in a few seconds and I slapped him!”

“
I blame myself,” he said. “Diego and I… we changed something in you.”

“
No, nothing has changed!” I started to feel sick and my legs began to give out. I sat back down on the couch and started to cry.

“
Max, let it go. It was just a kiss. She’s only been with the three of you. Let it go,” Hector pleaded.

“
It was seven months!” I yelled. “Seven months of playing house with him. He helped me deliver Christian. It’s your fault he fell back in love with me. This is your fault!”

“
You are going to ruin everything,” Hector reminded him. “It was just a kiss.”

“
Was it?” he asked me. “Was that all it was?”

I grabbed him by the shoulders and looked into his eyes. “Nothing happened.” He pushed me aside and I sat back on the couch. “I promise, Max, it was just one time. He kissed me and I slapped him. That’s all.”

“
Max walked over to where I was sitting and got on one knee. He put the back of his fingers against my cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m getting all Diego on you.”

“
Kind of,” I said, through my ever-growing tears.

“
I just love you so much. The thought of another man putting his hands on you…” He stopped for a minute and started drying my tears with his fingers. “It’s just unbearable.” John walked into the room and Max shot him a look of which I would not want to be on the receiving end.

“
I am so sorry you are so upset.” I grabbed his hands. “I never wanted to hurt you. I
never
expected Johnny to go blabbing his fantasies all over town either.” I shot John the same kind of look.

“
He was trying to drive a wedge between you and it seems to be working pretty well for him,” Hector added.

Max laughed. “When you’re right, you’re right.” He got up and pulled me up next to him. Then he kissed me. “I’ll let it go. But if he wants to see Dieguito when we move to Arizona… follow the rules.” I laughed. I was glad he snapped out of it so quickly. I had never seen his anger directed at me before. I didn’t like it. I was so looking forward to the close of the trial so that we could go to Arizona, buy a house and be in love forever. “You!” Max said as he turned and looked in Johnny’s direction.

“
Don’t have a cow, Max,” John said. “It’s not like I took her to bed.”

“
No more talk like that. Keep your hands to yourself from now on.”

“
I would have slept with her. But she wouldn’t even let me sleep on her floor.”

“
Oh my God, he asked you that?” Max asked.

“
You know,” Hector said. “Let’s put this behind us before it gets any worse.”

Max took my hand and walked me out of the room. We walked upstairs into his bedroom. The one I only visited a few times before. “Please…” he said. “Tell me you love me.”

I reached up and kissed him. He kissed me back. “You are the only one for me,” I told him.

—

Somehow we became a safe house for those who were testifying in the world’s scariest trial. Witnesses were dying before they hit the stand, so Max and Hector decided to bring Diego to our house until the trial was over. We all stayed in Diego and Max’s house except this time, I was sleeping in Max’s room. It was really weird, at least for me. Diego spent many hours reading his bible out by the creek. Hector had his eye on him. Max was oddly comfortable with him. They always had sort of a strangely close, enemy like relationship. They always saved each other when life or death was involved. But this time was different. Diego never touched me or even made a gesture that he wanted to. He was a perfect gentleman at all times and even made breakfast a time or two like Max used to do when things were the other way around. His religious conversion started rubbing off on Max and I found the whole thing disheartening. Max and Diego had heated theological discussions often and I found them reading together like… brothers. Hector was not as biblically moved as Max was and this began to put a little tension in the house.

We finally decided to have the birthday party. It was ridiculously late but it was time: Two dads, two uncles and me. Diego was oddly uncomfortable around Johnny. I had to sit little Diego down and explain Diego’s Sr.’s religious conversion. Not an easy story for a five year old. The party went on without a hitch. When it was finally time for John to go, I over heard him and Diego talking in the kitchen.

“
I tried, man. She gave in a little, but not enough to make a difference,” Johnny said.

“
She would never choose you over him. They’re way too close,” Diego told him. He was pacing around the kitchen like they were up to something.

“
You think you can break through. You’re crazy.” John laughed a little and threw out the empty beer bottle he had been nursing.

“
She is still my wife,” Diego said. “I never agreed to that divorce. It was Max’s old girlfriend who granted it. Otherwise, she’d still be mine.”

All of that freaked me out. Max never talked about his old lovers but I guess Diego would know. “I realize she would rather die than take me back,” Diego admitted. “I will ask God for forgiveness. Maybe she will forgive me someday too.”

“
Don’t give me that garbage,” Johnny responded. “I don’t believe you’ve found God. Come on…. You’re Diego Montiago: Drug Lord.”

Diego laughed. “You think what you want.” He started cleaning up cake dishes in the sink. “God knows where I stand. I just hope Lilly does too.”

I quickly ran off so they wouldn’t see me. John came out of the kitchen first. “May I say goodbye to my boy?” he asked.

“
Of course,” I answered. I went and got Dieguito and called Max over to say goodbye.

“
Son,” John said. “I love you very much.” Dieguito threw his little arms around his neck. Max smiled at me. “Be good for your mommy. I will see you as soon as I can.”

“
I love you daddy,” he said. Johnny’s eyes welled up with tears. He hid his face from me for a minute.

“
It’s okay,” Max told him. “Children will do that to you.” John bent down and hugged Dieguito. Then he kissed his forehead and stood up. “Look John,” Max said. “I don’t appreciate your trying to steal my girl but I do understand it.” John smiled and looked at me like it was the last time we would see each other. “I owe you for taking care of her and Christian.”

“
I’d say we’re even now, Max. Good luck with Diego hanging around.”

“
I can’t catch a break, can I?” Max observed. They actually hugged each other and John left. “One down,” Max said to me. “One to go.” We watched John get into his car and drive off. I wondered how long it would be before he caused trouble for us again.

—

Max, the boys and I went to Sedona often in search of the perfect house. We finally found one on the outskirts of town nestled in the mountainside. We bought it and visited it on weekends when we could. Max had to keep checking on the police department and during the trial that was the only time he had. Our life was sitting there in the hills taunting us as we delayed our fresh start.

Hector and I were hanging out in the kitchen together as we often did since Max and Diego had started to rekindle their relationship. Hector was washing the dishes and I has helping him dry. “What do you think about all the Bible thumping going on around here?” Max and Diego were out at the creek together.

“
I’m not sure,” I said. “It’s a little strange. But you know, Diego did pick up the Bible the first time when he flew Max out here after he was shot.”

“
I remember,” he admitted. “I thought it was a phase.”

“
What’s so bad about a little spirituality?” I asked.

“
He goes to that Methodist church around the corner now,” he continued. His eyes were wild with distraction. “He goes Wednesdays and Sundays and he helps with the youth. He donates money and gives his time. What the hell?”

I laughed at his blatant disrespect for the subject. “Maybe he is sincere,” I said.

“
Lilly,” he couldn’t believe his ears, “you of all people. He raped you. Do you forgive him?”

“
I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m trying. Maybe he really is sorry.”

“
Let’s not forget what got this ball rolling to begin with.” Hector turned away for a minute and then returned his glance. “He and Jorge killed our mother. No amount of religion is going to fix that.”

“
I think maybe you need to try a little forgiveness.”

“
You are living with your husband and your ex-husband… a little forgiveness?”

“
I know.” I looked at him despairingly. “It’s weird that Max seems to harbor no hatred for the man who raped his wife.”

“
Max doesn’t know how to hate,” he went on. “That’s why you love him.” He smiled. “Are you okay with seeing his face everyday?”

“
I’d rather not,” I said. “But I don’t want him dropping dead before he testifies either.”

“
Thanks Lilly, that warms my heart.” Diego and Max walked into the kitchen where Hector and I were talking. They had their Bibles in their hands.

“
Sorry Diego,” Hector said. “Didn’t mean to cause trouble. I was just checking to see how Lilly was doing with you here. You know after all the… I’m just a little worried about her.”

“
Perfectly understandable.” Diego smiled at me. “Are you all right Lilly, or is my being here making you uncomfortable?”

“
I’m fine,” I offered. “It’s weird, but I’m fine.”

He looked me up and down for a moment. “It’s weird for me too,” he added. “I used to be the one sharing the room with the girl. It feels strange to be all alone again.”

“
Any time you want to stop picturing yourself with my wife would be great,” Max said with a snicker. Diego smiled his charming smile at him. Then Max took my hand and said, “He
has
to stay here, baby girl, I’m sorry. Our witnesses are dropping like flies. Hector and I will make sure this doesn’t happen to him.” Hector rolled his eyes and Max laughed. “Come on Hector, it’s not so bad.”