Easier to Run (30 page)

I took a step back and shook my head. Maybe nothing had changed. Maybe we’d only been seeing the real Liz.

“Don’t, I—” She let out a long sigh and caught my arm, holding me there for a few minutes while she seemed to struggle for words. “I’m on the offensive because I—I just don’t want anyone getting close right now.”

“Because,” Cassie began, her voice still shaky and hesitant. “You feel like every time someone comes close—even if they don’t touch you—you can feel it grating under your skin, like a static charge that won’t go away.”

Liz stared at her for a long, quiet moment. “Exactly.”

“It gets better,” Cassie said. “But before that happens”—she paused and looked at me—“you have to face the discomfort and let someone in. And maybe you don’t want to hear this, but you’re damn lucky because when I woke up in the hospital after taking the sleeping pills, my room was empty. It took my grandparents a week to come see me. And when they did, they told me I was a selfish coward.” Cassie took a step back and wiped the tears from her cheeks, as Brantley caught her by the arm. She looked up at him, then back to me.

Every time I thought I couldn’t despise her grandparents more, another vile thing got added to my list. If I trusted my own legs I would have scooped her up in a hug that took her off her feet, but I wrapped my arm around her, feeling her damp tears on my neck.

Then, I tilted up her chin so she’d look me in the eye. “They were wrong.”

“I know,” she said with a faint smile. “They were wrong about a lot of things.”

This time, I believed her. The doubt in her face had vanished, leaving her brown eyes bright and her smile relaxed.

Brantley moved past us and leaned over the railing to Liz’s bed. “You drive me crazy, Lizzy. Sometimes you drive me to hate your guts, but I’ll always be here when you need me.”

“And then you’ll crack jokes about it,” she said weakly.

He shrugged. “I crack jokes about anyone and anything. It’s when I stop cracking jokes that you should worry.”

I took a step closer, returning to the side of her bed and standing across from Brantley with Cassie’s hand in mine. “I was an ass,” I said.

“Yeah,” she snorted. Then, she took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. “Actually, you weren’t that bad. You took a lot of shit from me. More than anyone else ever did. I never wanted to talk because I never wanted you to get close enough to figure out what was really going on. I was still lonely.” She looked up into my eyes. “You gave me something to hold onto every now and then.”

Then, she sighed and closed her eyes. “Guess I screwed up a good thing too many times.”

“And came in about thirteen years too late,” Brantley said under his breath.

If I was closer and less woozy I would have smacked him.

“What?” Liz asked, squinting at him, but Brantley just cleared his throat and shook his head. So she looked at me then groaned. “Oh, whatever. I don’t think I want to know. I’ve had enough drama for a while.”

She yawned and tucked herself back under her blankets. “These meds are killing me.”

Brantley checked his phone. “Mom and Eric are on their way back up.”

“You mean Dad and Cindy,” she said with a tired smile. “Maybe I’ll actually be able to stay awake long enough to say more than hi this time.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” I said, letting go of Cassie long enough to squeeze Liz’s arm. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Ben.” Her eyelids were already getting heavier again, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stay upright. I swayed, and Cassie stumbled under my weight.

“Hey, big man,” she grunted and waved to Brantley. “Think you can help.”

“Big man,” he scoffed.

“He prefers Bed-Breaker,” Liz mumbled, and opened her eyes long enough to glare at us. “But I
never
needed to know that.”

“And I am
never
using that name.” Cassie put her hands up and spun around toward the door where Paige was waiting on us.

“I’m going to stay a while longer,” Paige said. “Unless you need help loading him up.”

“Firecracker and I got this,” Brantley said, kissing Paige as we passed. He kept ahold of my arm while I staggered around like a drunk.

Maybe I should have asked what exactly was in that pill before I swallowed it down.

Cassie

“That was some speech,” Ben said when we climbed into the elevator. He pressed his back into the side of the elevator and held onto the railing.

“I hope it helped.” I couldn’t explain why I suddenly had the courage to walk in there and talk to her like that. Despite everything I’d heard and seen from her, I felt bad for her. I shouldn’t have been listening to the conversation either, but with the door open, it was hard not to hear parts.

And impossible not to hear the similarities to the things I had felt.

It was so easy to look back and blame other people. To feel sorry for myself. Wallow in the support I didn’t have for so long. But after coming this far, that seemed stupid. A useless waste of time and energy. Because without all of the bad, along with the good, I would have never had the guts to walk in and say those things.

It wouldn’t feel the same when Ben took my hand in his and smiled down at me.

“What a day,” I said with a yawn.

“I’m ready to crash,” Ben mumbled.

“What’d they give him?” Brantley asked.

I shrugged. “The good stuff apparently.”

Brantley snorted and rubbed his hand over his beard. “No kidding.”

I squeezed into the back seat of Brantley’s Challenger, and a few seconds later Ben collapsed into the passenger seat.

***

We stopped by the manager’s office at the apartment building to pick up the new keys. Ben and I stood against the back wall while Brantley signed the paper and took the set of keys. He handed one to Ben, which he snapped onto the hook on his belt loop. Then, Brantley held up one more key in front of me.

“You might need this, roomie.”

“Mark used to keep the spare,” Ben said. “But if you’re staying with us, you may as well have a way to get in.”

“Thanks,” I said, slipping it into my pocket until we got upstairs. Ben was a bit steadier on his feet, but I stayed under his arm because I didn’t want to let him go either way.

I stopped in the entry of the apartment after Brantley let us in and stared into the kitchen. “Fuck,” I mumbled.

“What?” Ben asked, even though he didn’t have much of a voice left.

“Now who’s going to make me waffles?”

Ben let go of me and leaned against the breakfast bar. “Really? That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Well,” Brantley put up his hands and walked away. “Do not look at me.”

I shrugged. “It is a dire problem.”

“Make your own damn waffles,” Ben said. “I’m going to sleep. For a week.”

“I give you four hours,” Brantley said. “If that. You’ll be throbbing—your hand might hurt, too.”

“Think you can just whop him upside the head with your cast?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“Don’t tempt me.” Ben kissed the top of my head, then staggered to the bedroom.

“I should go get his prescription,” I said, rifling through the stack of papers.

“I’ll take care of it,” Brantley said with a yawn. “I can also pick up dinner because I ain’t cooking and you should probably check on Ben before he knocks himself out.”

“I think he’s a big boy,” I said, handing Brantley the prescription.

“Yeah, a big boy on narcotics. Trust me. He’s probably wearing his underwear on his head right now.”

Much as I had to laugh at that mental image, I leaned against the back of the couch. “If I’m Firecracker, what do you call him?”

“What do you think?”

I shrugged. “I can’t read your mind and I wouldn’t want to.”

“I didn’t give him his name. But I’ll give you a clue—” he pointed to his ribs.

“Lightning?” Of course it was lightning. “I’m not sure how well lightning and firecrackers mix.”

“Sounds like fireworks,” Brantley said with a wink. “And, no, I didn’t plan that.” He held his finger up. “Do
not
say waffles.”

“Whatever,” I shrugged. “I’m s-starving and I’ll eat anything.”

“Escargot?”

I snarled my nose and shivered at the mental image. “I don’t even think anywhere around here serves that.”

I really hoped not, too.

“I was just testing the anything comment.” He shrugged and grabbed his keys from the table near the door. “Hack into Ben’s phone and call me if you need anything. My number is under B-B because he refuses to put Bed-Breaker in his phone.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head as the door clicked shut. Living with these two was going to be the experience of a lifetime. And I looked forward to every day of it.

I walked into the bedroom and luckily didn’t find Ben with his underwear on his head. Instead, he was still fully clothed and laying on the bare mattress with his feet hanging off the edge. All of the sheets and pillows were still littered across the floor thanks to Rocky.

“Crap, I forgot about that.”

“Me too,” he mumbled.

“Where are your clean sheets? I’ll get it fixed up.”

He lifted his arm for a second, pointing to the closet. I tried not to laugh as I watched him. I knew he was probably miserable—or maybe completely the opposite. But he still looked cute.

I opened the closet door and fished around the shelves until I found a set of sheets and some pillowcases. I dropped everything except the fitted sheet on his dresser and slid one corner onto the mattress.

“Hate to break it to you, but you’re going to have to get up so I can do this.”

Ben moaned, so I moved to stand in front of him and pulled him up by his good arm. As soon as we were standing, he spun me around and pushed me onto the mattress, leaning over me and pinning me down.

“Funny,” I said. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“That’s why I have a cast,” he said wiggling his eyebrows.

“You are out of it,” I said pushing against his shoulders so he’d stand up and release me. He stumbled backward, and I caught his left arm again, pushing him against the wall and hoping he’d stay there until I was done.

I pulled the fitted sheet over the mattress, then changed out one of the pillowcases and tossed the pillow on the bed. Then, I gestured toward the bed. “All yours.”

“You’re not even going to undress me?”

I pursed my lips and stared at him, but he unbuttoned his pants—with a bit of a struggle, and managed to slide them halfway down before he looked like he was going to kill himself in the process.

I darted across the room and braced him while he kicked off the pants. “How about you stick with half a pain pill from now on?”

“Actually….” He muttered, fighting with the bottom of his shirt. “That’s a very lucid idea. Congratulations.”

Shaking my head, I pulled him over and sat him on the edge of the bed. Then, I tugged his shirt up over his head and stretched the arm a bit to clear the cast.

He crawled up the bed and collapsed against the pillow, so I shook out the sheet and draped it over him—still half tempted to climb into bed next to him and sleep the rest of the day away with him.

Too many changes had been packed into our short time together. But we’d made it through what I hoped would be the worst of it. We were still mostly in one piece, and despite the insanity of it all, I still felt strangely relaxed. Maybe it only felt relaxed to me because I was used to feeling hyped up like a caffeine junkie on my best days.

I had a new home, a family, and I stared down as the man who made my heart beat in a while new rhythm rolled to his side and reached out to take my hand.

I had everything I needed, and in those green eyes, I saw everything I ever would need.

Cassie

I gasped and jerked upright, dragged from my nightmare.

Ben rolled over and rubbed my back, then sat up next to me and kissed my neck.

The dreams still came, although not nearly as often, and for the most part, I’d gained the ability to drag myself out of them when I realized it was only a nightmare. I sighed and leaned back against Ben.

Even after I dragged myself out of the mental repeat of nightmares, the emotions still loomed over me, like horrifying shadows on a child’s wall during a storm.

Ben kissed me again, still rubbing my side until the worst of the adrenaline faded from my system.

“We could try and wake the neighbors to take your mind off of it,” he whispered.

“I’m sure Brantley would love that.” Both Brantley and Ben had been off for the entire week of Thanksgiving. While Brantley had spent most of those nights at Paige’s house, she had stayed the night with her family to help prepare food and avoid Thanksgiving morning traffic.

“Well then, I’m sure I could
try
quietly making love to you. It is Thanksgiving, after all.”

I giggled, but he pressed me down onto the bed, covering my mouth with his own. His kiss was my sanity. His touch my strength. We’d both been broken by our past, but we took those broken pieces as they were and let them grow into something new.

He rolled on top and entered me. Every thrust a promise of our love.

Ecstasy, a reminder of how far we’d come.

We’d both been broken by the past, but together we took those shattered, rough pieces and turned them into something worth fighting for. Something that made the sun feel warmer, and flowers look brighter.

The friendship and gentle love we’d shared as children burned into something brighter and stronger than any nightmare could extinguish.

Once upon a time, I was a shy, lonely kid playing in her back yard. And then a boy came along who taught me that happy endings are bullshit.

The only things that matter are the happy in-betweens.