Easier to Run (22 page)

The mental box started closing in around me, sealing me off. I nodded, barely forcing down a wall long enough for that subtle answer.

“But you didn’t tell Ben that?” he asked.

Damn him
. I clenched my jaw and squeezed my eyes closed. It was none of his business. Where on earth was his girlfriend? At least she might divert his attention.

“I’m not judging you, Cassie. My dad had it. He was a great guy and I admired him every single day.”

I opened my eyes and fought back the walls closing in on me. “W-what h-happened to him?”

“He died of pancreatic cancer, three years ago. He never much trusted doctors, so it was advanced by the time they caught it.”

“S-sorry.”

“It was hard, but he was ready to go. Cancer is a bitch like that.”

Cancer… a shock of a lifetime. I lost my parents in what seemed like a split second. That terrified me, but I wondered if it was really any worse than knowing month after month that it’s coming. It’s always coming one way or another. “W-was your dad a truck d-driver?”

Brantley shook his head. “Nah. He was a Marine. A damn stubborn and strong one. Flashbacks were the only thing that could stop him in his tracks. Your mind can be a dangerous adversary when it wants to be.”

I nodded and felt the tears burning at my eyes. “I j-just wanted to f-forget. L-leave it all behind.”

“Doesn’t work like that.” He leaned against my shoulder, nudging me with the truth. “You need to talk to Ben.”

“M-most of the t-time he’s the only one I can talk to.”

“But you need to talk about
this
. About what scares you. About the very things you’re afraid to put into words.”

“Why?” I struggled not to let my words turn into a sob.

“It’s the only way he can help. Avoidance only gets you so far, but it leaves the memories in the back of your mind to fester until you can’t contain them anymore.”

It almost sounded like he understood my own mind better than me. “If it c-could stop your d-dad in his tracks, what m-makes you think I have a c-chance?”

He gave me an easy smile, his eyes revealing the same warmth I heard in his voice. “Trust me, you do. Most importantly, you have Ben.”

“That’s some serious advice from the master of being crude.”

“I’m a man of many talents. But don’t tell Ben, if he expects more from me it could ruin our friendship.” We quietly laughed together for a second.

He put his arm over the back of my seat and stretched out. “You’re going to be just fine, Cassie, but eventually you have to have to face it head on. It’s good to have backup when you do that.”

“Thanks.” Since we were talking, I let curiosity get the better of me. “So, it doesn’t b-bother you that Ben dumped your sister?”

“Step-sister. I’ve been telling him to dump her since they started dating. They were like….” He took a long breath and stared across the room for a moment. “Did your chemistry teacher ever show you what happens when you drop potassium in water?”

I grunted and nodded. The science teacher at my second high school was never that cool, but my first run through tenth grade chemistry was as entertaining as it was interesting.

“Yeah, that’s what Ben and Liz are like. Fairly fine and dandy on their own, but highly volatile when mixed.” 

“Did your dad marry her mom?”

“Nah, Dad never remarried. Liz’s Mom died when she was five, and her Dad and my Mom got together when I was ten. My parents split because, for a long time, Dad refused to get help—or even accept it when it was offered. He could get pretty violent in a rage until he finally faced the problem. They made amends a few years later, even though Mom was already remarried.”

He shifted again, crossing his ankles in front of him and covering his mouth as he stifled a yawn.

I felt bad for prying. Guilty to keep asking questions, but I had one final one. “But he
did
get better?”

“I’m not saying it was easy peasy. It took work, but yeah, it became manageable.” He yawned again and rubbed his fingers over his eyelids. “I need a coffee. You want anything?”

I shook my head. Despite being dragged out of bed so early, I felt pretty good. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. Who could have predicted what kind of remark he’d come up for that one?

“I’ll be back in like five minutes then. You okay waiting—”

“I’m good,” I said. On the bright side, if I was waiting alone and any of Liz’s other family showed up, I could just blend in and no one would know who I was.

Ben

Paige met me right outside the door to Liz’s room. She looked like a mess, with her normally smooth and tamed strawberry blonde hair, hanging in a mess around her face. Her arms were folded in front of her, revealing a large bruise forming on her forearm.

“Did she do that?” I asked in a whisper.

“Yeah. I’ve never seen anything like it. Her mood is just up and down and…” She dropped her head back and stared at the ceiling. “She seemed back to normal when I went to bed and then she was raving and throwing furniture. Then—” Her voice died off with a weak shrug.

“Did she say anything about what might’ve set her off?”

“Well, last night, she was talking about you. But this morning, it made no sense. And”—she crooked her finger for me to come closer and stepped off to the side of the hallway—”she kept asking the doctor about the baby.”

My stomach sank, and for what seemed like an eternity, I couldn’t breathe.

“But the test said she’s not pregnant.”

My emotions felt like they were being jerked around worse than a yo-yo. “Miscarriage?”

“No, hormones would still show up in her blood unless it happened a while ago. At this point there’s no way to tell, but she’s not pregnant and she didn’t have a recent miscarriage.” She grabbed both of my shoulders and squeezed. “You’re off the hook for that one, Benjamin.”

That wasn’t really how I wanted to hear it. “She lied?”

“The way she was raving this morning—” she lifted her shoulders and gave me along somber stare. “I really don’t know what to tell you, Ben. She’d mentioned being pregnant a few times to me over the last couple of weeks, it didn’t seem like she was lying, but….” She trailed off.

“Brantley mentioned there was someone else.”

“Yeah.” Paige’s eyes widened. “I even tried to get her to go to the police, but she said it was all consensual and they just had a crazy, rough night.”

“Did you think he might have raped her?”

Paige shook her head again. “I really have no idea, Ben. We haven’t been that close. When she came to me last night, well, I was pretty shocked.”

“Is there anyone else she’s been hanging out with?” I wasn’t sure why I finished the question because from the look I got half way through, I knew her answer.

“I’ve given you all that I know. She’s been distant for the last couple of months. The doctor said only one at a time,” she looked up and down the hall. “But I’ll walk in with you if you want. They just don’t want her getting too worked up or overloaded. They said something about her brain being overstimulated—possibly.”

I blew out a slow breath. “I’ll go in alone, but do you mind staying by the door?”

“Sure.”

I took another breath, but my lungs just filled with the smell of disinfectant—it did little to calm my shaking hand as I pushed open the door. I tiptoed past the curtain, and saw Liz sleeping quietly on the hospital bed. Maybe it’d all be for the best if she just slept.

I wasn’t sure how badly I wanted answers anymore. I approached the side of the bed and touched her still warm hand. Her eyelids fluttered and she smiled.

“Ben, when did you get back?” Her voice was hoarse but light.

“Back?” I asked thrown off by the question.

She raised her eyebrows. “Back in town, silly.”

“Um, Saturday.”

She closed her eyes and stayed quiet for a moment. “And what day is it today?”

Holy fuck
. How bad was this?

“It’s Monday. We spoke on Saturday, and again last night. You don’t remember that?”

“Oh.” She stared up at the ceiling. “When can I go home? I have to get ready for the baby.”

I poured all of my tension into the hand grasping at the railing of her bed until my knuckles turned white.

“Whose baby?”

She shook her head, but her smile still hadn’t really faded. “Ours! Are you going to pretend to have forgotten everything?”

I didn’t know whether I was supposed to correct her or go along with it.

“I’m so glad we’re all going to be together.” She closed her eyes again and within a few minutes her head rolled to the side.

I felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown just standing there watching her chest rise and fall. I slid my hand out of her loosened grasp and walked slowly to the door.

“Ben,” she called after me. I had deeply hoped she’d stay asleep. “I love you.”

I looked back at her, but nothing else on my body would move.

“Ben?”

I grabbed at the curtain next to me to keep myself steady.

“Ben?” she repeated, louder this time.

“Brantley is waiting to see you,” I said and rushed out the door, nearly plowing Paige down in the process.

“Bad?” She grabbed my arms and steadied me. “You look like you’re going to vomit.”

I shook my head, breaking away from her. I pressed my hands into the wall on the opposite side of the hall and tried to slow my breathing. “She thinks we’re still together. She thinks we’re having a baby.”

Paige touched my shoulder. “They said her mind would probably clear in a couple of days.”

A couple of days. What would she be like when that happened? I couldn’t imagine all of these delusions just going away or getting better.

Inside the room, Liz screamed, and the bed creaked. Paige rushed back into the room, followed by a couple of nurses. I didn’t even know how I was staying on my feet, but somehow my shaky legs carried me out to the waiting room. Brantley was standing in front of Cassie with a coffee in his hand about to take a drink. He lowered it and glowered at me as I approached.

“You look like you just saw a ghost.”

I slowly shook my head. “I don’t know what I just saw. She talks to me like she did when we first started dating—nicer even. I didn’t know what to say.” I collapsed into the seat next to Cassie.

“She’s confused,” Brantley said, squeezing my shoulder as he passed. “I’m going to walk back and check on her.”

Next to me, Cassie was biting her lip. I knew she was trying to stay calm, but her breathing was shallow and fast. I laid my arm over her shoulder, and leaned my head against hers. “I love you, Cas.”

She laced her fingers through mine. This time I needed her to hold me up. “I love you, too.”

“When I was walking out of the room, she told me she loved me. I couldn’t bear to explain the truth. I couldn’t lie either. I just stood there like a damn fool who couldn’t say anything.”

“I know that feeling too well.”

My phone buzzed, and I prepared for the worst, but it was just a message from Dad. I had forgotten all about meeting him to get Cassie a new phone. “Dad wants to know if we’re on to meet around eleven.”

I checked the time, it was eight, so we still had a few hours to go yet.

“I, uh,” Cassie drew back and looked at me. “We can wait if you want.”

“What I want is for you not to be getting sick text messages.” I let my head drop against the wall behind me. “Besides, I don’t think there’s much we can do here.”

Cassie

I couldn’t stop fiddling in my seat. Even with Ben’s arm around me, I felt out of place again. Over Ben’s shoulder, I noticed Brantley coming down the hallway with a petite girl next to him who I assumed to be Paige. She had long curly strawberry blonde hair, ruffled by what must a very long morning, and Brantley had her hooked tightly under his arm. The two of them looked like quite the contrast together. Him big and rough, her small and refined.

“Doc said no more visitors for a while,” Brantley explained. “They have her sedated, so she’s going to be out for a few hours. We’re probably going to head out.”

“I just want some sleep,” Paige said. “Maybe some bacon. Bacon in bed?” She looked up at Brantley with a smile.

“I’ll give you some sausage in bed, but I don’t do bacon.”

I slapped a hand over my mouth as the man seated behind them glared in our direction.

“I r-really think w-we should go.” I said, jumping to my feet.

“With that,” Ben scoffed and stood. “I have no argument.”

Paige reached up and smacked Brantley on the back of the head, he rubbed it, but I doubt it really hurt. When we all stuffed into the elevator, Ben finally made the formal introduction.

“Paige, this is Cassie. Cassie, this is Brantley’s keeper.”

With a title like that, a girl deserved respect.

“Hi,” Paige said, but I had a feeling she wasn’t completely comfortable around me.

“Mom and Eric are on their way down,” Brantley said. “By the time the doctor is allowing visitors again, they’ll be here. And they probably won’t leave her side unless forced out with a pry bar.”

“What’d she say to you?” Paige asked Ben. “You looked freaked.”

“She was just talking about the baby and she told me she loved me. What the hell was I supposed to say?”

The baby…. The lump grew in my throat.

“Oh,” Ben said, as the elevator doors opened. “Pregnancy test came back negative.” He whispered to me.

I was partially relieved and entirely confused.

“The doctors think that the whole pregnancy thing is linked to her psychosis, but….” Paige shrugged and put her hands up. “I think my own brain is going to explode with all the crazy words they were throwing around.”

“So t-this has been d-developing for a while?” I asked.

“Yeah, apparently.” Paige said. She leaned against Brantley and from the looks of it, he was supporting most of her weight. “Welcome to the mad house, we don’t have cookies. Or bacon.” She poked Brantley and staggered away.

“You better get that girl some damn bacon,” Ben said.

Brantley glared back at him.

“See,” Paige pointed at Ben. “If Cassie wanted bacon, he’d get it.”

“If Cassie wanted waffles he’d go to his parents’ house and bum their waffle iron, too, but I ain’t Ben.”

Paige rolled her eyes and stumbled off down the sidewalk before Brantley grabbed her arm. “Nuh uh, baby. You’re riding with me. After a nap… and some
bacon
, I’ll bring you back for the car.”

She grinned in celebration. “You two should come with us, he’s cooking.”

“By cooking, she means buying,” Brantley said with a wink. “Meet us at the Waffle Nook, and try to remember which pedal is the clutch this time.”

Paige’s forehead wrinkled, but Brantley just shook his head and led her to his car.

“You game for not home cooked waffles again?” Ben asked.

I shrugged. Even though I wasn’t entirely thrilled with the thought of eating breakfast across from his ex-girlfriend’s best friend. “I go where you go, remember. Isn’t that all that matters?”

He squeezed me close and kissed the top of my head.

“Your friends are a little odd,” I said when we were safely inside Ben’s pickup.

“They’re fun that way—most of the time,” he said, then his face twisted. “Brantley didn’t say anything too off the wall while I was gone, did he?”

“No, he was nice—” I caught myself. “But I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you that.”

He chuckled and started the truck. “We have a strange relationship, the four of us,” Ben said. “And Liz….”

I could hear the helpless guilt in his voice as we followed Brantley out of the parking garage.

“Liz has a tendency to burn bridges, but I don’t….” He struggled as he looked for something. “I know you’ve only seen the worst of her.”

“Believe me, I know how people can make bad decisions and go a little… psycho. Porn. Sleeping pills. Psych Hospital. Covered.”

He caressed my thigh and gave it a squeeze before he had to shift gears again. “She didn’t used to be so bad, so now I have to wonder if it was because there was something wrong far longer than we realized. She either shuts people out or can’t live without them lately. Sounds like she’s even shut out Paige.”

“I’m not sure Paige is too fond of me,” I mumbled. “I mean, you’re her best friend’s ex and I’m your….” I didn’t know what word to use.

You’re my….” He held it out just as I had, but I was too nervous to say it first. “Love?” he asked.