Easier to Run (17 page)

Cassie

Ben and I drove separately to the Waffle Nook so we could each go our separate ways after we ate. I was doing what I could to embrace my new attitude on life, but today would be my test. Taking back my life. I didn’t want to be dependent on anyone. I wanted to know that I could stand on my own—but I didn’t mind having someone nearby who wouldn’t mind catching me if I fell.

“Cas,” Ben called as I opened my car door to leave. “You should take my number—just in case.”

“Right,” I said, digging out my phone and finally turning it on. I dreaded the moment it updated with all of the messages I had missed. I groaned and opened my phone book.

“Your grandparents?” he asked.

I shook my head. My thumb hovered over the messages button. Honesty—we were trying to be open and honest. I took a deep breath, pressed the button, and handed him the phone. As soon as he looked down, I waited for my stomach to tie in knots and issue a refund on the waffles I’d just eaten.

His eyes widened and mouth opened, but nothing came out. “Cas—”

I stared at the ground. “S-someone put my number in the comments on one of the videos.”

“How long have you been getting these?” His voice was strained and tense, like an old guitar string wound too tight and ready to break.

I raked my tongue across my teeth. I knew where this whole conversation was going to end up heading—well, at least two possibilities. The first, getting my number changed. The second, it’d all loop around to the videos I did. The videos that were at any moment floating around in cyberspace for hundreds… thousands… if not more guys sitting in front of their computers staring at me—naked—with another man who I hadn’t spoken to since the last video. “Since I got out of the hospital. I block one number and ten more pop up. But honestly, the last few weeks have been quieter.”

“There must be thirty or forty messages on here since yesterday afternoon.”

“Yeah….”

“You need to change your number.” He pressed a few buttons and handed the phone back. “I put in my cell.”

“Thanks, and I know.” I stared down at Ben’s name in the phonebook. “The problem is… if I change my number, I have to go in and notify the lawyer. And just thinking about it, makes me prefer the messages.”

“Tomorrow,” he said, leaning in to kiss me—probably to soften the blow. “We get you a new number, and I’ll go with you to get it changed at the lawyer’s office.”

I nodded. At least it was better than going alone.

“Brantley’s girlfriend always works a double on Sundays, so he’ll be at the apartment if you need in before I get there. Give me a call if you need anything else.”

I tapped his number and typed,
Will do.

His phone buzzed and he looked down at it and smiled, then gave me another kiss. “Later, Bug.”

“Bye,” I said, sliding into my car. I called up my old pharmacy and had the prescription transferred so I could get it filled—luckily I didn’t have to go outside of the chain, so it was simple. But then, I also had to go possibly face another of Ben’s ex-girlfriends. Albeit one he hadn’t been with since he was a senior in high school. That was practically a lifetime ago.

I killed time by filling up the gas tank in my car and then going to the store to pick up some new bath products—new razors, shaving lotion, shampoo, and a couple of things I wouldn’t dare shop for with Ben around.

Walking through the store felt strange. I had walked these very isles with my parents, with my sister, and even a few times with Ben. But it seemed like another time and another place. The world moved full speed ahead whether I was ready for it or not. Most of the time, I had watched it breeze by me, leaving me in the heavy dust. But finally, it seemed different. I was moving along with it. Keeping up. Taking charge. I stopped for a moment and watched the passing people. For once, I didn’t feel like I lived on another plane where I existed only as an outsider.

I headed up to the registers and put my basket on the belt. The cashier ran through my stuff, but she kept staring at me between each item. I kept my gaze down, pretending to be looking through my purse for my card.

“Bryant,” the cashier said.

I jerked my gaze up and nodded slowly. What were the chances I could even say my own name without looking like a stuttering fool? I swallowed. “Cassie.”

“Right, you were always at the games with… what’s his name? Lightning man.”

I laughed. “B-ben.”

“Yeah, my big brother was on the team, too.”

Too? As in she thought Ben was my brother? I told myself I was reading too much into it. But then, I guessed that it didn’t seem like the strangest assumption, so I just smiled and nodded.

“I haven’t seen you around in a long time,” she said.

Why, oh, why did I have to get the person who wanted to chat
? “I’ve been l-living out of state.”

“That’s cool. I wanted to go to college out of state, but then”—her head moved side to side—“I had a kid and decided to stay close to family. Ya know?”

I smiled and nodded again.
Please, please, something save me
. What was I even supposed to say? Even if not for my stutter, do you say to that? Sorry you didn’t move? Congratulations? Good idea? That’s cool? My phone buzzed and I didn’t care if it was another lewd comment, at least it saved me for a few seconds.

Your prescription is ready for pickup.

I sighed with relief.

“Sorry. I n-need to run.” I swiped my card quickly.

“Good to see you again,” she said and handed me the receipt.

“T-thanks,” I said, grabbing my bags and making a beeline for the door.

I climbed into the car and melted into my seat. How did I always end up in the most awkward places at the most awkward times? With a sigh, I leaned my head against the steering wheel and reminded myself it might just get worse. I still had to go pick up the prescription, and I could only hope there wasn’t someone there who knew me and wanted to chat.

But I couldn’t be so lucky.

As soon as I walked up to the pharmacy counter, I saw a familiar blonde working behind the register. She was busy, leaned over another counter while an olive-skinned man walked up to the register to wait on me.

“Can I help you?” he asked without even the slightest hint of a smile.

“P-prescription for Cassie Bryant.”

“Can you spell your last name?”

Really? Really?
I shout at him inside my head.

“Cassie?” Kaylee said peeking around the man.

He looked around at her as I waved. I wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or curse that she noticed me as she came up and put my name in the computer. “I just filled your script. Couldn’t believe the name when I saw it.”

Great, which means she knows exactly what I’m on and why. I tried to remind myself that hundreds of people were on anti-depressants for a number of reasons, but it wasn’t that reassuring. “J-just came back to town.”

“Have you seen Ben?”

I nodded.

She smiled and slid her hands into the pockets on the front of her long white blouse. “I bet he was thrilled.”

I laughed. I bet she had no idea. “Yeah. I g-guess.”

She already knew about my stutter from high school, so attempting to hide it was useless. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. As long as I didn’t think of it as talking to a girl Ben slept with in high school—and then, it felt awkward again.
Way to go, Cas
.

She fished through some of the white bags under the counter, then slid mine across. “You’ll have to sign,” she said pointing to the card reader.

I picked up the plastic pen and scribbled my name across the screen.

“Are you staying around then?” she asked.

“Yeah, j-just trying to get settled.”
Don’t ask me where.

“You working somewhere?”

I sighed. “Not yet.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be prying. Just”—she shrugged—”moving is rough. What kind of job are you looking for?”

I debated over my answer, considering giving her some grand plan that didn’t make me seem like a crazy vagrant who’d just wandered into town. “Been d-doing some photography, but I don’t know.”

“Well, you might try the Little Jewels Studio. I know she was looking for an assistant when we went in a few weeks ago for baby pictures.”

My mouth dropped open. “Baby?”

“Yeah,” she grinned brightly. “He’s twenty-one weeks old. Time flies and he’s already going through six-month clothes.”

“Congratulations.”

Another old lady stepped into line behind me, so I grabbed my prescription and took my receipt.

“Take care, Cassie. And tell Ben I said hi.”

Yep, it’s that obvious.
“Sure.”

By the time I got back to my car, I already felt exhausted and I’d barely been up for a few hours. People—interactions were the most draining thing on the face of the planet. I pulled out my phone and looked up Little Jewels Studio. I figured they weren’t open on a Sunday, but it wouldn’t hurt to at least know where they were. If I actually convinced myself to go through with trying to get a job there.

But, I needed to do something.

Slowly but surely, my roots needed to regrow somewhere, and I had to figure out how to support myself.

Ben

“Did you talk to Liz?” Mom asked.

As soon as I walked in the door, she began hitting me with questions. But no “Hi. How are you?” or “How are you taking the news?” just
Liz
.

“Yeah,” I said. “Yesterday afternoon.”

She pursed her lips. “That sounds amazingly like a ‘yeah, but…’.”

“Well, I talked and she… mostly hit… and kicked.”

Mom’s jaw dropped open—she wasn’t an easy person to shock, but that one had done it. “What the hell did you say?”

I put up my hands. Of course I’d get the blame—it’s not as if I went in swinging. Although I hadn’t exactly been pleasant and appeasing. That I’d admit to. “Nothing that called for hitting. She wants to get back together and I don’t.”

“Want?” She asked with a pointed stare. I knew exactly what it meant—the exact same things I kept telling myself. “What is she planning on doing?”

I groaned and shrugged. I really didn’t want to rehash the problem again. “She said she
might
call me when she decides.”

Mom put her hands on her hips, then tilted her head for me to follow her into the kitchen where we could sit down. “I never understood you and her.”

“I know.” No one did. It wasn’t news, and it wasn’t helpful for everyone to keep repeating and reminding me. They all may as well just scream in my face that I fucked up. I took a seat at the table, and she poured a cup of coffee and sat it in front of me.

“Are you okay?” She asked, finally softening.

Okay? Now that she’d finally asked the question I had expected all along, I didn’t know what to say. “I have no idea.”

Dad walked in and leaned on the kitchen doorway. “And how is Cassie?”

Oh, Lord, where is this going to go
? “She’s doing okay. Although if I don’t make her some homemade waffles, she might be the next one going crazy on me.”

Mom raised her eyebrows and shook her head. “Some things never change.”

But a lot of things do.

“Did you take my advice?” Dad asked.

“Yeah,” I said again. Keeping it simple and to the point. I was being someone she could rely on.

Mom looked from me to him, and he gave me a long stare. “But?”

“You two,” I shook my head and huffed. “I’m trying to be there for her and make sure she’s okay.”

That was as far as I was willing to go with my explanation at the moment.

Dad made a low sound in his throat, but his expression didn’t change. “Brantley is okay with her staying?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“He’s okay with diminished use of his couch since I assume that’s where you’re sleeping?”

What was the point in even trying? There was no way I was going to lie or change the topic to get out of this one, but survival instinct demanded that I try anyway. I picked up the coffee and took a long drink. “It’s fine, Dad. Brantley is leaving Tuesday anyway, and speaking of leaving when can I come back to work?”