E for England (25 page)

‘I'm sorry. Shall I ask Edward or not?'

‘Let me try Hugh or James first. They live downstairs so it's easy. I'll call you back.'

‘All right.'

Annie disconnected and the phone immediately rang again.

‘How's Mattie?' Hugh. The calm, warm tone of his voice soothed some of the tightness from her shoulders. He'd rung the previous day too. A quick call ‘to check on the patient', as he put it. No mention of her almost declaration. Or maybe he did understand and was avoiding an embarrassing conversation.

‘He's still not one hundred percent. I kept him home today but I think he can go to school tomorrow. I'll see. I can't afford to take more time off work.'

‘Makes it hard.'

‘Yes. I was about to phone you. I was wondering, is there any chance you can come up and mind the kids for a while this evening?'

‘Sure. What time?'

‘Thanks, that's great. About six. I'm looking at a house in Woollahra with Kevin at six thirty.'

Silence.

‘Hugh? Are you still there?'

‘Yes. Sorry. I wish you wouldn't do that, Annie.' The warmth had gone. Stiff little words stalking disapproval-laden through the line into her ear.

Her fingers tightened on the phone. No way was she getting into this discussion again. ‘I know you do. Can you come to mind the kids?'

‘Yes.'

‘Thank you. I'll have their dinner ready so all you need to do is feed them. I should be home by seven thirty. Eight at the latest.'

‘Right.'

‘Would you like to have dinner with me when I get back?'

‘Thanks, that'd be very nice.'

‘Good. About six then.'

‘Yes.'

He didn't hang up. More silence. She didn't want to hang up. Why didn't he say something? Usually they had no problem chatting. Was he waiting for her to speak? Was he deciding how to launch another attack on her decision?

‘What happened with the patient who died? The one you were concerned about.'

‘My colleague was correct in her eventual diagnosis but the coroner decided the delay probably increased the risk of death. He doesn't apportion blame though, just gives his findings.'

‘So what happens to your colleague?'

‘The hospital is doing its own investigation into the diagnosis procedure. It's difficult because, as I said before, the disease is rare and can be confused with other things. The doctor is very upset and taking leave.'

‘And what about the relatives of the man who died?'

‘His sister. She's calmed down, I think. It was pretty stressful for a while but we're back to what passes as normal now.'

‘Gosh.' His problems were life and death ones. And that poor doctor who'd made a late decision… How did you live with that? Her own problems were petty by comparison.

‘So what about you, Annie? How are you?'

‘Looking for somewhere to live.'

‘Mmm.' A definite re-cooling of the tone after the brief burst of information. His tacit disapproval was irritating in the extreme. What did he expect her to do?

‘I have to find somewhere. I've only got about six or seven weeks left here.'

‘I just wish you'd try other options.'

‘Have you looked at what's available? If you had you'd understand.' The man was being so
dense
! ‘What other options did you have in mind?'

‘I don't know.'

‘Exactly. Well, why don't you ask around at work? See if anyone has an empty house they'll rent out for ten bucks a week.'

Hugh gave a tight little laugh. ‘I'll see what I can do.'

‘Thanks. I have to go, Floss has just arrived downstairs. I'd better let them in.'

‘See you later.'

Hugh hung up. Seven weeks or less. No time at all. He'd miss her. A lot. Nipping up there in the evening, chatting and drinking tea, reading bedtime stories — all of it. When they moved he wouldn't see them unless he sought out Annie, and if he did it would imply an interest beyond friendship.

He knew he could love her, and the children were definitively lovable. They more than welcomed him into their lives. But now they'd have a real father who'd read to them and kick a football around the park. And Annie would be consumed by her family situation with no room for him unless, as she said, he could offer more. He knew what she meant. He'd offered to share a house and she'd knocked him back. He hadn't offered to share his life.

If it was Annie on her own he'd be very tempted, but it would never be just Annie.

A family of his own? The concept was fraught with dangers, making him catch his breath and his stomach tense into a hard lump. Too many unknowns and all too hard to deal with.

Annie unlocked the apartment door at ten to eight. The casserole she'd put in the oven with instructions to Hugh to check the fluid levels filled the air with a mouth-watering smell. She dumped her things on a chair and had a quick peek in the oven. All good. She put the heat under the vegetables for steaming.

Hugh's voice murmured from the kids' room. Story time. He enjoyed it as much as they did. Whatever his fears regarding the responsibility of childminding, he was a very good carer. She'd had no qualms about leaving her pair with him this evening, and they were excited about having him.

She leaned on the doorframe and watched, unseen. Floss's eyes were drooping and Mattie was trying very hard to stay awake. Hugh paused. He glanced at his audience and closed the book. He stood up and carefully covered Floss and then Mattie.

‘Goodnight,' he said softly.

‘G'night, Hugh,' Mattie murmured. He rolled over and burrowed into the doona. Hugh turned out the light.

He turned and saw Annie. The weak light from the hallway exaggerated the hollows and planes of his face, making him darkly mysterious and even more attractive. How was she constantly caught unawares like that, seeing him as if for the first time, bowled over by how sexy he was? Her eyes caught his and held for a moment. He smiled. Annie's breath shuddered in her lungs. Why couldn't he love her? Why couldn't he forget she was a mother and a friend and see her as an irresistibly desirable woman, the one he wanted to kiss, the one he couldn't live without, children or not; throw caution to the winds? If he declared undying devotion she'd reconsider her position on men and rethink the move. She'd do almost anything.

‘Fast asleep.' He put the book down, broke the spell.

‘Well done. Hungry? I'm starved.' Down to earth with a thud.

‘Dinner smells fantastic. What is it?'

Annie headed for the kitchen. ‘Burgundy beef with steamed spuds, carrots and broccoli.'

‘Great! I'll miss your cooking when you move.' And that was it in a nutshell.

‘You can still come to visit.'

‘It won't be the same though, will it?'

Annie took out cutlery and glasses. ‘Here. Set the table, please.' It wouldn't be the same but that's how life was. Not a fantasy. You did what was best for you in the cold reality of the present.

‘What's the house like?'

‘Pretty good. Great backyard. They'll be able to have a dog.' Two bathrooms, four bedrooms plus a tiny study and a big living area and dining room. They could get away from each other when necessary.

‘So it's a done deal?'

Annie nodded. ‘We signed the lease. I enrolled at uni for next semester today. I want to finish my MBA,' she added to answer his questioning look.

‘Right.' His tone made her teeth clench.

‘You don't have to approve, Hugh. I don't care. This is how it is.' She whipped the saucepan lid off and poked at a potato with a fork. Not done.

‘Annie, I…'

She replaced the lid and turned. ‘You?'

Her expression must have resembled a gargoyle because he said, ‘I'm sorry. You're right. It's your life and it's none of my business.' He continued placing the knives and forks with precise care, face averted. ‘When are you moving?'

‘The house is empty so we can go in any time. Kevin has a month left on his flat. I'll move as soon as I can pack up this place. I have things in storage, too. It's going to be hectic but I want to be settled before uni starts in July.'

Hugh finished arranging the table setting. Annie was so determined, forging ahead with her life, making these tough decisions and sticking to them. By contrast he was a miserable coward. Afraid to say he loved her, afraid to commit to her because of the children, afraid of every bloody thing. What would she want with him? Her whole demeanour told him she wasn't prepared to discuss this anymore. Her mind was made up and that was that.

‘I can give you a hand moving if you like.' Weak as dishwater.

Amor vincit omnia.
Love conquers everything, according to Chaucer. Why that phrase popped into his head from a long gone high school English class he had no idea. He dimly remembered scoffing at the time, a cynical sixteen year old more interested in the facts and reliability of science, and that response held true now. What if he strode across, flung his arms around her and kissed her? Would that solve any problems, make everything miraculously right? Hardly.

‘Thanks, I think I'll need it.' Annie took plates from the cupboard. ‘There's red wine if you'd like a glass with dinner.'

‘Thanks. You?'

‘Yes, please.'

‘I've decided to buy a car,' he said.

‘New?'

‘Yes. I can afford something small.'

‘That's all you need in the city. A hatchback.'

Chitchat, chitchat. Friendly, relaxed, comfortable and bloody frustrating. Was she regretting her decision at all? She appeared not to be, serving up the steaming casserole, spooning vegetables onto his plate with a joke about eating broccoli, sitting opposite at the table and clinking her glass against his.

‘Here's to the future,' she said. ‘Which is looking a darn sight brighter than it was yesterday.'

‘The future.'

He mashed steamed potato into the gravy and ate. ‘This is delicious. Perfect for a night like this.'

‘Yes, it's foul out there. The wind's horrible.'

Annie's immediate and pressing problem was solved; his, he surmised was just beginning. He should have spoken up earlier, should have insisted they share a house, brushed her objections aside, ignored his own stupid fears and told her he'd help with the kids. Been there for her.

Too late. Wasn't it? He loved her. He should tell her.
Amor vincit omnia.
That bloody phrase! Was Chaucer right?

Hugh finished eating and rolled the wine around in his glass, ruby red, full-bodied and flavoursome. The words pounded in his head, trembled on his tongue. I think I love you.

‘Would you like seconds?'

‘Yes, thanks.' He pushed the chair back abruptly and the legs screeched painfully on the tiled floor. ‘I'll get it.'

Much safer to stay friends.

‘I don't want to do that again in a hurry.' Annie sagged into the couch, their old dark blue one, rescued from storage and now residing in the new house, complete with big blue squashy cushions. Not as trendy as Leonie's but twice as comfortable and achingly familiar.

‘You won't have to.' Kevin handed her a cup of tea.

Unpacking the kitchen equipment was a priority, she'd learned. Being able to make cups of tea and sandwiches for sustenance was crucial while trudging in and out with loads of things from the jam-packed car. Kevin had lugged boxes and stacked crockery, removed empty boxes and filled the recycling bin with the crumpled wrapping paper. He'd also handled the kids, directed the removalists where to place the big items of furniture and allowed her time to finish packing away food.

‘Thanks. It's a bloody nightmare.' Last time she'd done it alone. Then, she'd sold off a fair bit of Kevin's stuff, or what he'd regarded as his, like the swivel chair and desk, the second TV and the framed sci-fi posters. She wasn't paying for storing his junk. If he didn't want to take it with him, tough. Fuelled by desperation and hate, she'd piled up his belongings, including the few clothes he'd left behind, considered a bonfire but sold the lot for a total of $587 which paid the final electricity bill.

He'd asked but didn't dare object when the movers unloaded everything from the storage shed and his precious items were missing. She'd kept the dining setting, the lounge suite, the bookcases complete with books, fridge, washing machine and the beds. And a ton of other stuff she didn't want to sort through but had packed up and left in storage.

‘We should have a garage sale,' she said.

‘Do you want to sell off more of my things?'

‘Have you missed anything in particular?' The miserable bastard. He left them when he left her. He didn't need any of it for a year, why now?

‘Let's not argue, Annie.' He stood staring down at her for a moment, all gingery haired and square, like a sandstone block.

‘I'm not arguing, I'm asking.'

He shook his head but wisely declined to comment. Instead he turned away and sat down.

‘We need to get rid of the bunk beds,' she said. ‘And there's a heap of stuff we don't need any more. That little bike of Floss's, for example, and baby toys. I don't even want to look in those boxes but there's no point hanging onto any of it. They managed without for months.'

He looked at his watch. ‘Okay. We can do it in a few weeks.' He drained his tea and stood up. ‘I'll go now.'

‘Thanks for helping.' She meant it. Hugh couldn't help, as it turned out. Too busy at the hospital with a run of winter flu cases, some new, severe variety which, according to the news, had hit nursing homes hard. ‘When will you move in?'

‘Next weekend probably. It won't take long. I don't have much.' She let that slide despite the pointed emphasis on that last sentence.