e (95 page)

Nigel, nobody is gagging you. If you really want to leave, then do so, but please do not make it a point of principle.

Susi, I don’t know where Simon is either. Unlike you, I don’t really care. Maybe people would stop sniggering and treat you with respect if you didn’t stamp your foot like a two-year-old and learned some manners.

I apologise for writing to the three of you together, but I, for one, have work to do and it saves time.

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/17/00, 11:24am
to:	Brett Topowlski
cc:
re:	don’t leave me this way

Harriet’s told us we’re needed in the pitch. I’m worried – I don’t think I’ll be able to stop pissing myself when Aqua take the stage. Have you seen them setting up in the boardroom? They look like a Hanna Barbera cartoon. You guys better not leave without saying goodbye. If you hang on till I’m through we can go out and get well and truly lashed.

I just got Simon’s quivering arse up onto the net for Pinki. If you listen out you can hear her shrieks of disgust. Who’d have thought hardcore could be so damn amusing?

	David Crutton – 1/17/00, 11:47am
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	our finest hour

In little over ten minutes we embark on a journey that could set us fair for a glorious future. James Weissmuller is with me now and he joins me in thanking every single one of you for your enormous efforts, whatever the outcome.

Wish us well.

David Crutton

CEO

	Lorraine Pallister – 1/17/00, 12:16pm
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	in Miller Shanks no one can hear you scream

Hasn’t it gone quiet? Even Susi has stopped whining. Is it always like this when there’s a pitch?

	Zoë Clarke – 1/17/00, 12:23pm
to:	Lorraine Pallister
cc:
re:	in Miller Shanks no one can hear you scream

Only the ones where half the agency’s jobs rest on the outcome. It was nice knowing you!!!!!!!!!

	Brett Topowlski – 1/17/00, 12:36pm
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	brace yourself

Vin is about to break the habit of a lifetime. He’s asked me to boot up his Mac. He’s going to send an e.

	Vince Douglas – 1/17/00, 12:54pm
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	my first e

right you twats heres somthing to make you hard/moyst (deleet as apliable)
http://www.antonio.com

enjoy

luv you

vin

	Zoë Clarke – 1/17/00, 1:06pm
to:	Lorraine Pallister
cc:
re:	OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s truly gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

	Lorraine Pallister – 1/17/00, 1:13pm
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told you it was disgusting. I think Judge Dredd has just clocked it. I can hear sobs drifting down the corridor. Going for beers with V&B later?

	Brett Topowlski – 1/17/00, 2:15pm
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	and now the end is near

It’s time for us to go. Those of you that we like (you know who you are) can join us in Bar Zero where we’ll be available for premium beers, wines and spirits for the remainder of the day. The rest of you can piss off.

Brett + Vin

PS: if you’re doing a whip-round, Vin wants a Dreamcast and I want cash to pay my bike insurance.

	Zoë Clarke – 1/17/00, 2:49pm
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	Coke