e (90 page)

He’s about to leave for his hotel. I’ll be with you in ten minutes.

	David Crutton – 1/15/00, 1:54pm
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	Coke

You’re right. Those posters are diabolical, but frankly I’m past caring. Let’s go with them. It wasn’t my idea to present this campaign and when we lose the pitch I’m not going to carry the can (absolutely no pun intended).

	Zoë Clarke – 1/15/00, 2:48pm
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	someone’s here

Security called to say there’s a man called Perry Van Halen in reception to see you. Shall I go and get him?

	David Crutton – 1/15/00, 2:54pm
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	someone’s here

He’s called Pertti van Helden. He’s the CEO in Finland. Bring him up and be extremely nice to him.

	David Crutton – 1/15/00, 2:58pm
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	Pertti

Noggin the Nog is in the building. Why don’t you come and be introduced?

	[email protected] 1/15/00, 3:34pm
to:	debbie_wright@littlewoods/manchester.co.uk
cc:
re:	what am I doing here?

We all had to come into work today because there’s a massive presentation to Coke on Monday. Don’t know why the fuck I am in. I haven’t got any work to do but I think it’s about looking busy. The whole place is going more stupid than usual. The American President of Everything has arrived for it. He’s wearing a monogrammed, blue striped shirt with a white collar and yellow braces. He’s got a sidekick with him who’s wearing the same gear, only slightly narrower stripes and braces and a smaller monogram. It must be a sign of rank. Mr. President gave us a speech. Remember the “greed is good” number that Michael Douglas did in
Wall Street
? It wasn’t anything like it – this one was bollocks. They must be spending a fortune. They’re flying Aqua in for the meeting on Monday to sing a bloody thirty-second jingle. No sense, no taste, just too much fucking money. Get in touch soon and say something to keep me sane – Lol x

	Lorraine Pallister – 1/15/00, 3:38pm
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	jump

You look like you need some executive stress relief. I’ve found a spare key to Daniel Westbrooke’s office. He has a big sofa and a bottle of vodka in his fridge. See you there.

	David Crutton – 1/15/00, 3:55pm
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	posters

I have shown Van Halen (Zoë’s slip of the keyboard but I rather like it) the posters and he loves them, especially the one with the musical notes coming out of the can. What the fuck do
we
know, eh?
If you need to take him through the presentation I have put him up in Desperate Dan’s office. Zoë is taking him down there now.

	David Crutton – 1/15/00, 4:14pm
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	warning

You are very lucky that the man who just walked in on you with your spotty arse humping away comes from the Land of Mixed Saunas and found the episode wholesomely touching. It could easily have been the other foreigner we have in our midst – the one who would be exercising his constitutional right to bear arms were it not for the airport x-ray machines. If you insist on shagging in the office, learn some discretion and lock the door from the inside. Or find a broom cupboard.

	David Crutton – 1/16/00, 10:19am
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	dinner