Dylan's Redemption (27 page)

He studied her to gauge her reaction, relieved to see her interested and not upset by the events of his becoming a father.

“Heather went off to college. She’s a junior. She’s studying medicine and will someday be a great doctor. It’s what she’s meant to do. She wants to have a family someday. She just wasn’t ready to have one at eighteen as a single mother. I keep in touch with her. We send letters a few times a year. I send her pictures of Will. I thought it important he know who his mother is and the courage it took for her to give Will to me. She wanted the best for him.”

“She got it.”

He sat back heavily at her words, letting out a deep sigh. Nothing could have surprised him more than to have her say he was the best father for Will.

“Don’t be so surprised. You’re a great father. It shows all over your face how much you love him. He’s a lucky boy.” She meant it.

“Does it bother you I adopted Will from a teenage mother? I mean, you were alone and I wasn’t there for you. I stayed with Heather when she had Will. I took care of her the last month of her pregnancy.” He couldn’t tell her how guilty he felt about that, and at the same time what a blessing it was to be there to see Will come into the world.

“I wasn’t alone, Dylan. I had Pop and Greg. But I really wanted you to be there.” She shrugged and cast a glance past him out the window. “I’m tired of being angry about something that could have been, but wasn’t. At least you know what it was like for me bringing our girl into the world. You were lucky enough to see Will come to you. I don’t begrudge you that experience, or the fact it got you Will. In fact, it takes a little of the sting out of you missing Hope. You’ve had Will for three years. I only got five days. I know it’s not the same. But it’s something.”

“It isn’t the same. He’s not Hope. I’ll forever regret what happened.”

“And what about your mother? Are you really going to cut her out of your life forever?”

“I don’t know. All I know right now is the sight of her makes me so angry I want to punch something.” Will abandoned the cartoons and climbed into his lap and let out a huge yawn. Dylan put his arms around him and held him to his chest, his chin resting on top of his head. Something else he’d never get to do with Hope. “What about you and my mother? You said you wanted to make her pay.”

She smiled softly, her eyes eating up Will curled against him. “What is there to do about it? Hope is gone. I can’t give you back those five days.”

“Not just five days. Your entire pregnancy and eight years I could have been happy. I thought you were dead. She knew you weren’t and could have let me know at any time. Do you know how many days and nights I thought about you? Too many to count. I regretted leaving you the moment I got on the bus and headed out of town. I regretted it even more when I thought you were dead. And, even more when I realized your father had been hurting you all those years. I have so many damn regrets about you. This isn’t just about Hope for me.”

“It can’t be undone. I’ve spent years being angry with you, and the last month angry with her. I’m tired of all of it. As much as I hate to admit it, Greg is right. I cut myself off from others and I’m not happy. That’s a hard thing to realize. It’s hard to believe I’ve wasted so much of my life being angry.”

“You’ve got more than your share to be angry about, Jess. Between your father, me, my mother, and losing Hope, it’s a lot for one person to deal with, to live with.”

“Yeah, well, it’s over. Done. I need to move on and focus on my future. My business is doing well. Actually, both of them are. I like what I do. Professionally, I’m set. It’s my personal life that’s in shambles.”

“It’s not as bad as you think. You have me. I need you, Jess. I want you to be my wife. I wasn’t kidding when I said I love you, or that I’ve thought of you all these years. Even when I thought you were dead, I loved you and wanted you back.”

She could lie and tell him she’d only been angry with him all these years and she had no intention of making the same mistakes twice. Even though she thought he’d betrayed her and not wanted her or Hope, she’d always loved the boy who always let her win in a bike race, who chose her to play on his team when other kids overlooked her. The boy who made her smile again after her father hurt her, even though he didn’t know that was why she was sad. The boy who held her under the stars and gave her Hope.

She didn’t know the man like she knew the boy. But she wanted to.

Damn Greg for always being right.

“I’ve thought of you all these years too,” she admitted.

“I’m sure you’ve thought of many ways to kill me,” he said sardonically.

“Well.” She smiled. “There was that.”

Something inside her dared her to try again. Enough regrets stood between them already. She didn’t want her inability to reach out to him to be another regret in her life.

She didn’t want to end up alone for the rest of her life.

“I’ve spent a lot of nights walking through this empty house wishing you were here and these rooms were filled with our children. I built this house because of a dream. At the time, it seemed this house was the only piece of the dream that could ever be a reality.”

“It’s not, honey. We can be together. I like your house. I watched you and Will together on the couch tonight watching TV. I thought about how this is how things should be for us.”

“Oh, yeah, with you doing all the cooking? I might consider it then.”

He laughed at her enthusiasm. “I’d cook if it meant I had you in my arms every night.”

She wanted to say yes. It was on the tip of her tongue to just give in and let the life she’d always dreamed come into focus as her reality. Something stopped her.

“A lot of years separate our past and today. I’m not sure what I feel. I don’t know how much is wishful thinking and hope I can have the past back, or if it’s real for me today.” She leaned her head back against her chair and viewed the reflection of the house in the dark windows.

“Face it, honey, you still want me.”

Blunt, but true.

“Fear is holding you back. I’ll find a way to overcome it. The past is the foundation for what we’ll build our future on now.”

She had to admit, the man could be convincing when he wanted something. She didn’t doubt he wanted her. The attraction between them crackled in the air and in her body even now. But this time it had to be about a hell of a lot more than hormones and lust. She wanted everything he offered, but didn’t quite believe it. Cautious. Yes, but for good reason. This time, it had to be forever, or she’d never survive losing Dylan again.

The silence stretched. He was thinking, same as her. She enjoyed being with him like this in the quiet, absent any awkwardness. He gave her the space she needed because he needed time too.

“Why don’t you stay tonight?” His eyes sparkled and a slow half grin graced his face. When his eyebrow went up, she knew his mind had taken a turn down the wrong road. “I mean, you could take Will upstairs to sleep. I realize it’s not a far drive back to town, but he’s wiped out. You can share the guest room. It’s no trouble. It’s just for tonight,” she rambled.

“I think that’s a great idea. I haven’t seen the upstairs. I wondered what spectacular things you did up there.”

“Nothing special, just five rooms and three bathrooms.”

“Good God, Jessie. Why did you build such a big house?”

“Like I said, it was a dream. One I wanted very much,” she said softly.

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. Things could have been so different for us. They will be.”

“Let’s stop going in circles. Come upstairs. I’ll show you the guest room.”

“I’ll settle for sleeping under the same roof. But, not for long. You will be my wife, Jess.”

Looking at him now, his determined expression there for her to see, she believed him. He meant it. Nothing she said or did would put him off for long. He was just giving her time to get used to the idea. The moment she settled into it, he’d make her his wife. Relief and trepidation filled her at the same time.

They went up the stairs in silence. Dylan waited for her at the top when it took her longer to get there. He could be a patient man. She hoped those patience held out a while longer.

“I still can’t get over this house.”

“That’s the master suite.” She pointed to the door closest to the stairs. “The next two rooms share a bathroom between them, and then the other two rooms share a bathroom between them.”

Dylan smiled. Leave it to Jessie to come up with the perfect floor plan. She led him to the first door on the right. The room was furnished and ready for company. The room across the hall had several pieces of furniture and a double bed, but there weren’t any linens or decorations. The other two rooms were either the same or empty.

The guest room had two large dressers, a night table, a rocking chair, and a queen-size bed. He recognized the beautiful furniture as pieces she’d made herself. The bed had a light-green comforter with a cream-colored blanket at the end. It matched the cream paint on the walls. The painting above the bed showed a white clapboard house with a wide green lawn and trees in the background, making the room feel homey.

She pulled the covers back on the bed and he lay Will inside. He took off Will’s little shoes and set them on the floor next to the bed. Leaning over, he kissed his son goodnight. It warmed his heart when Jessie did the same.

They stepped out of the room and stood at the top of the stairs. “Get some rest, honey. I’ll go down and clean up. You look tired.” He rubbed his palm up and down her arm and linked his fingers with hers. Her face turned up to his, her eyes soft and a touch sad.

“He’s beautiful, Dylan. You’re lucky.”

“I hope so.” He left her at the top of the stairs, hoping luck would bring him Jessie.

A half hour later, he walked into her room, carrying a cup of tea. The door had been left open and the massive king-size sleigh bed was empty. He made his way through the dim room, guided by the soft light glowing by the bed. The window was open and the breeze blew the sheer curtains into the room. Drawn in that direction, he found Jessie sitting on the roof outside.

“Jess, honey, what are you doing out here?”

“I sit out here most nights. It’s the one mistake in the house I made. I should have put a balcony out here.”

He climbed out the window and sat next to her. She was right. She’d miscalculated the balcony. What a spectacular view. The land rolled out before them and appeared to go on forever. Where the land ended, the brilliant stars sparkled against the dark night sky and spread upward. A beautiful, clear night, you could see for miles.

The curve in the road where they’d parked so long ago lay below them. Jessie had been torturing herself with the past for a long time. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. He leaned back against the wall of the house. They sat together in silence long after she finished her tea. It was the first night in a long while the silence didn’t make him long for things he couldn’t have. Tonight, the silence surrounded them like a cocoon and he sat content with the woman he loved snuggled against his side.

Late, they went back in the window and stood in the shadows in her room, drawn to each other. He pulled her close. Her body melted against his. He kissed her until both of them were hungry and wanting. As desperate as they were for each other, he could take her to bed and make love to her all night. He wanted to more than his next breath, but Jessie wasn’t ready to trust him again. They needed time to bridge the gap between who they used to be and who they had become to each other.

Not wanting to rush her, feeling her hesitation when he took things just a bit too far, he pulled away and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He stared at her for what seemed like a lifetime, memorizing every line and curve of her beautiful face. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and combed his fingers down her soft hair, ignoring the urge to grab fistfuls and draw her close again. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” He fought his compulsion to be with her and left her room without another word.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

D
YLAN HELD
W
ILL’S
hand and walked up the porch steps to Owen’s front door. Will pulled him in the other direction, but Dylan held tight, tugging Will toward the door.

“Horsies,” Will said for the hundredth time since they got out of the car.

“Later. Let’s at least say hello to everyone first.”

He knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for Owen or Claire to let them in. At Brody and Owen’s house, his too, family was always welcome.

“Horsies,” Will shouted, trying to escape his grip to run back out the front door and go to the barn.

“Hi Uncle Dylan. We’ll take him,” Dawn said, her sister, Autumn, nodding her agreement.

“Thank you, girls.” He bent and made Will look at him, by holding his shoulders. “Do you remember the rules?”

“Pet nice. Stay outside the gate, not inside. Hand flat to give the apples.”

“What else?”

“Do what Dawn and Autumn say.”

“Excellent. Be good.” He held his arms open and Will gave him a hug. He released his son and turned to the girls. “Where’s my hug?” The girls launched themselves into his chest. He held them tight before letting them go. Each of them took one of Will’s hands to take him outside. “Where is everyone?” he asked before they left.

“Out back,” Autumn said.

Dylan walked down the hallway and through the kitchen. He stepped out the open back door onto the deck. Brody and Owen manned the grill. Rain and Claire sat at the holding their sons, David and Sean.

“Dylan,” they all called, nearly in unison.

He laughed and accepted the beer Brody handed him. “Hey guys, how’s it going?”

“Where’s Will?” Rain asked.

“With the horses. And Dawn and Autumn,” he added.

Owen chuckled. “You’ve got to get that boy a horse.”

“Why? He’s got yours to play with and I don’t have to clean up after them.”

“Where’s your girl?” Brody asked.

“I didn’t invite her,” he admitted, wishing he had, but knowing he had to do something to draw her out.