Dylan's Redemption (31 page)

“I can’t believe how young you were.”

“Fifteen, sixteen when I had her.” She pointed to the picture of her at seven months pregnant. “This one is from just after we got back from eating at an Italian restaurant for my birthday. I devoured an entire platter of lasagna, I think. I had a real craving for Italian the whole time I was pregnant. I couldn’t tell you how much of that baby bump is Hope and how much is dinner.”

“Sixteen, alone, and a mother. I’m sorry, Jess. I should have been there.”

“You would have been there,” she said and turned the page.

He wouldn’t let her get away with dismissing him and what happened so easily. He leaned his forehead to her hair and whispered in her ear. “I wish I’d been there with you. I’d have asked you to come to base where I was stationed and married you immediately. I missed you so much. I grieved hard for you every day. We could have had a life together. We could have shared our grief over losing Hope. I’m so sorry all these years were taken from us.”

She leaned her head into his as his lips brushed her ear and hair. “I’m sorry too. I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I don’t want to live in what might have been, but focus on now. We’ve managed to find our way back to each other. We can share Hope this way,” she said and indicated the book. “We can’t get back what we’ve lost, but I hope we can keep a piece of her alive between us. Besides, neither of us would be who we are now. You wouldn’t have Will.”

Choked up, he kissed her temple and hugged her close.

The photos showed Jessie in labor at the hospital. Sweat glistening in her hair, making it stringy, her eyes squinted in pain, but she still had a soft smile on her face.

“This one is when labor was really bad. I couldn’t even open my eyes because the pain overwhelmed me. See Greg’s face. I’m squeezing his hand so tight I drew blood with my nails.”

“Didn’t you have any drugs?”

“Nope. By the time I said
uncle
, they said it was too late. She was coming and nothing was going to slow her down.”

“Damn, honey. You’re one tough lady.”

“Look at the pictures, I was one scared girl. I was about to bring a baby into the world and I had no idea how to take care of her. I’d read a dozen books and made all her furniture. I had all the things I’d need to take care of her, but the actual how-to of it eluded me. Then, they put her in my arms and I looked at her and felt full, complete. I figured no matter what came my way, I could handle it because she was counting on me. When they told me she was sick, that mother lion thing kicked in and all I wanted to do was protect her. It was hard to sit back and watch the doctors take care of her. I felt helpless. I never want to see someone I love in that kind of situation again with me standing by helpless to do anything.” Chills ran up her spine.

Dylan pulled her closer and tapped a finger on one of the pictures of his daughter having a bath. “I remember the first bath they gave Will. He screamed just like that.”

“She wasn’t excited about it either. Greg went with her to the nursery before they had to take her to the NICU. I made him promise to stay with her.”

“So, Greg got to play dad.”

“No. Greg wasn’t trying to be Hope’s dad. He was being my friend. I was scared and afraid to let them take her away from me.”

“I’m jealous he and his father got to be there. They got to hold her.” He stared at the pictures of Greg and his father holding Hope. They both beamed with pride, his girl in their arms. Two big, strong men holding his little girl like she was their greatest joy. It hurt. He let it sink in and hoped he never forgot how much his mother hurt him. He’d never let her do something like this to him again.

They flipped through the rest of the pictures, him making comments, her telling stories. The final photo broke his heart. Greg snapped the picture right after Hope died. Jessie sat in a rocking chair in the NICU with Hope lying on her chest. Jessie’s eyes were red and swollen. Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Her nose ran and none of it mattered. Her daughter was dead. Jessie’s hand rested on Hope’s back. She stared down at Hope’s pretty face, weeping for the loss of her daughter.

Jessie traced a finger over the image of her daughter lying in her arms. Hope was a beautiful baby. Dylan’s chin rested heavily on her shoulder. He sighed and gazed down at their baby. His hand made a leisurely pass up and down her thigh. He hadn’t stopped touching her as they sat together in front of the fire bringing their past into their present. A sense of peace settled over her like she’d never felt, especially when she thought of Hope. Sharing her with Dylan healed something long broken inside of her.

She carefully packed Hope’s things back into the chest. Dylan’s smoldering eyes never left her body. He wanted her, but allowed her the time he thought she needed to settle into the intimacy blooming between them. She didn’t need time. She needed him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. He squeezed her to him in a hug that made her feel like she’d either pop or meld right into him. Warm and strong and all hers. The man she loved, the father of her child. In that moment, she realized just how much she’d missed having him in her life and how lucky she was to have him back.

“I never want to let you go.”

“Don’t.”

He pulled her down to the plush rug beside him. His mouth found hers, and he never stopped kissing her. He pulled her T-shirt up and over her head and trailed kisses down her neck and over her collarbone. He traced the ridge of her bra and over the swell of her breast with his tongue. He planted soft, wet kisses on her breast as he undid her bra and slid it down her arms and away. Her fingers dove through his hair and drew him down to her breast. When he took her straining nipple into his mouth, she arched in to him and held him to her as a soft moan escaped her throat.

Her hands ran down the back of his neck and over his shoulders. Her nails dug into his back muscles and down his spine. Her hands roamed back up, bringing his sweater with them, and she pulled it off over his head. He took the opportunity to give her other breast equal attention and traced a line from the underside up her breast to her nipple. He licked the tip and took it into his mouth, sucking hard and making her moan.

His hands moved over her body, leaving a trail of heat behind. His mouth, warm and wet on her skin, sent ripples of pleasure throughout her system. Tremors rolled across her bones as his hand smoothed over her stomach and his fingertips skimmed under the edge of her jeans. The button gave way and the zipper slid down with a quick motion of his nimble fingers. His hand dipped inside, his fingertips barely brushed against her sensitive skin. She pressed her hips up to bring his fingers where she most wanted them, but he retreated, and she felt the deep loss. His mouth trailed kisses down her stomach to her navel, moved lower, and so did her jeans until they landed across the floor somewhere. When his hot breath washed over the sensitive skin between her thighs, she realized her panties had gone the way of her jeans.

His hand moved down her thigh and over her calf. Every stroke and brush of his fingertips sent fire burning through her system. She wanted more. She needed to feel the weight of him on her and feel him move inside of her. His hand slid back up her leg and pushed her thigh out, allowing him better access. His fingers traversed her sensitive skin before one finger slid into her and she arched up to meet the intimate caress. The building heat low in her belly took on a new and explosive quality. He retreated and pushed back into her and that heat expanded even more.

Dylan leaned up on an elbow, his gaze roaming over her naked body. “God, you’re beautiful.” Her golden skin glowed from being in the sun. Her dark hair spread around her shoulders and trailed over the floor. Her arms reached out to him. She never stopped touching him. The feel of her work-worn hands was exhilarating. Gentle at first, then those lovely fingers of hers dug into his muscles to massage and coax him closer.

He leaned down and kissed her belly where she’d carried his child. Her soft, smooth skin tasted as sweet as honey.

His fingers caressed the slick folds between her spread thighs. So hot and wet for him, he throbbed with the need to bury himself deep inside her. His erection pressed to the fly of his jeans, and he wanted to strip and thrust into her to ease the ache in his body. In his heart.

“I’ve missed you so damn much.”

He needed to take his time. He owed her that much. Their first time together had been anything but slow and sweet, stuffed into the backseat of his car. Here, he had room to roam her body and leisurely stroke and touch every inch of her. He meant to do just that.

“You’re so sweet, Jess. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t. It’s been a long time, too long. Dylan, please. I need you.”

He pressed two fingers into her and felt her give and shatter all at the same time. He moved up and took her mouth as she pulled him to her. She reached between them and undid his jeans, slipping her hand inside to cup him in her palm. She rubbed her hand up the length of his hard shaft, and he almost lost control. He pulled her hand away and tore off his jeans while her hands, those ever-moving and roaming hands, ran over his back and hips.

“Dylan, please. I want you now.”

He snagged his discarded jeans and dug out a condom from his pocket. No way he forgot to protect her this time. He’d love another chance at being a father to their baby, but that required planning. They needed time together, and he had every intention of using that time wisely to rebuild what they’d lost.

Cradled between her thighs, he leaned down and took her mouth. His tongue slid over hers as he thrust into her hard and deep. She bent her knees up and slid her hands over his hips and pulled him deeper, making him feel—full, complete in a way he couldn’t describe. He belonged right here, in her arms always. His mind emptied of all the anger and pain he’d felt for weeks. Replaced by so much love for her, it was a wonder he didn’t burst from loving her.

Finally, the past and present converged. They were right where they belonged. Together.

She felt the subtle change in him. Opening her eyes, she gazed up at him as the fire cast a soft orange glow over his skin. Something magical filled his eyes. Love. Love for her like she’d never seen in anyone else’s eyes. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and the other hand gripped her thigh and pulled her closer.

His lips pressed soft kisses into her neck. She gave herself over to him, moving her hips to the rhythm he set, the heat building between them until she couldn’t hold back. His breath came out heavily against her throat, and he called her name. She rocketed over the edge with him and stars exploded behind her eyelids as she gave into love completely.

She hadn’t stopped trembling when the world tilted and she landed on top of Dylan, lying down his full length. Her head rested on his chest, his heart thundered beneath her ear.

“God, woman. I think you tried to kill me.”

“I’m not entirely sure this isn’t heaven.”

He smiled and followed the line of her spine with his fingertips. She laughed and squirmed and it felt good to giggle. She sank her teeth into his chest and used her tongue and lips to sooth the small hurt.

“For a woman with limited experience at love play, you’re doing a good job of driving me crazy.” He cupped her bottom and pressed her hips down to his and let her feel him growing hard against her belly.

She circled her hips to tease him. He adjusted his back against the carpet again and she smiled and playfully nipped at his chin.

“Do you think we might actually make love in a bed one of these days?” Her husky voice didn’t mask the teasing tone.

“Oh, I don’t know. We seem to do just fine in cars and on the floor. Eventually, we’ll make it to a bed.”

“The car was difficult to maneuver. I couldn’t touch you like I wanted,” she confessed.

“You did just fine tonight, honey. You’re doing fine right now.”

Unable to help herself, she never stopped touching him. Strong muscles bunched beneath her hands as she rubbed up his arms and over his chest.

“We could try the whole car thing again,” she teased.

“Your Porsche might be a little cramped.”

“The Mustang is in the garage. I don’t drive it often, but it’s one of my favorite cars.”

He leaned up and stared down at her, resting her chin on his chest. “Are you telling me you have my old Mustang in your garage?”

“It came up for sale last year. I drove through town and saw it with a
FOR SALE
sign. I contacted the old guy who owned it and bought it. I took it to a garage and had them fix it up. It’s not the car you remember. It’s better. I had it repainted. Cherry red with black racing stripes. Greg calls it a hot rod. He’s lusted after it ever since I brought it home in mint condition.”

“How did I get so lucky to find a woman who loves muscle cars?”

“I love
that
car. We can take it to see Hope tomorrow. I think it would be appropriate.”

He couldn’t help it. He kissed her softly on the lips and held her to him and softly kissed her again and again. “I love you.” He couldn’t get over how romantic she could be. He’d never have guessed she’d have so much sentiment when she endured so much heartache. She cherished the good things in her life because she’d had so much bad. She gave up the bad and hoarded the good.

He sat up with her, settling her in his lap. He picked her up and carried her to the stairs.

“Where are we going?”

“Upstairs to bed. I’m not finished with you yet.”

“Don’t you have to go home to Will?”

“He’s with Lorena tonight. I’m staying with you. I have a lot of making up for lost time to do.” He kissed her all the way up the stairs and loved and worshipped her long into the night.

Chapter Thirty-Two

T
HE MORNING AFTER
their first night back together, they went to the cemetery as planned. Dylan drove the Mustang with her sitting quietly beside him. He held her hand, keeping the intimate connection between them. They placed flowers on their daughter’s grave and stood at her marker for a long time, Dylan brushing his fingers softly through her hair. Both silently said a prayer for Hope, letting her know her parents were there. Dylan held Jessie’s hand in quiet comfort. Before they left, he finally got to tell Hope how he felt, softly whispering, “I love you, sweetheart. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I promise I’ll take care of your mother always.” He kissed his two fingers and pressed them to her name etched in stone.