Dylan's Redemption (22 page)

“Back to my old self. Get me out of here. I have work to do.”

“You can barely walk to the bathroom by yourself. Besides, I’m not taking you home until you stop all this self-pity crap. We’re way past that. Just say what’s on your mind.”

“Work is on my mind.”

“Say it.”

“What?”

“You’re pissed off because I told him about Hope. Yell at me. Scream. Cuss me out. Whatever it takes to get you out of this funk. Because so help me God, if you spend the next six months dying in front of me, I swear to God, I’ll put you over my knee and paddle your ass.”

“You’ll have to get past me,” Dylan said from the doorway.

“Bullshit.” Greg stood and paced the room. “Damnit, Jessie. Snap out of this.”

She threw the covers off and stood up in front of Greg and slapped both hands flat on his chest. “She’s dead. I know that. I remember it every goddamn day. Don’t tell me to snap out of it.”

Greg’s eyes sparked with mirth, but she could see the relief underneath. He took her face gently in his palms and held her softly. “There’s my Jessie girl.”

She didn’t want to fight with him, or live with the anger anymore. She threw her arms around his neck and held on for dear life. “I’m not mad at you. I should have told him. I tried, but I couldn’t get the words out.”

“You did everything possible to find me and bring our girl into this world happy and healthy,” Dylan said from behind her. “I don’t blame you for anything, Jess.”

“Everything I did wasn’t good enough.” Greg’s arms wrapped around her tighter as she hid with her face in his chest from Dylan. Childish and unlike her, but everything that happened left her raw inside.

Dylan glanced at Greg. The same concern on his face Dylan felt inside. He had a hard time seeing her cling to Greg, but he kept his jealousy in check because at least she held on to someone. She hadn’t drawn back into herself. If she couldn’t bring herself to turn to him, at least she’d turned to her friend.

“Jess, I don’t know what to say to you,” Dylan said, at a loss.

She turned to him then, fire flashing in her eyes and her hands fisted at her side. “Go ahead and say it. It’s my fault she died. It’s my fault you never got to see her.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, so she wasn’t looking up at him. He wanted to pull her to him like Greg had done, but she wasn’t ready to accept that kind of intimate contact with him. When she’d had the fever, and he’d taken care of her, she’d had no choice. Now she did, “Don’t Touch” was written all over her.

“The stupidest thing I’ve ever done is walk away from you. Do you think I’d be stupid enough to think you had something to do with our daughter’s death, or the fact I wasn’t there?”

“You didn’t get to see her.” Tears glistened in her eyes.

“That will always be the biggest regret of my life. My mother knew and she didn’t tell me. She’s the reason I never got to see my daughter, not you. You’d never do something like to me. It’s why you couldn’t tell me. You don’t have it in you to hurt someone like that.”

He hung his head. He couldn’t believe he’d never get to see his daughter or touch her. He’d gone home last night and fallen asleep with his son. Will missed him and they’d had a guy’s night together, burgers and a movie on the couch. Will stretched out on his chest and fell asleep. Dylan had all the time in the world to look at his boy sleeping on him and wish he’d had the chance to hold his little girl the same way. He didn’t have the heart to take Will to his own bed. He’d lain there for hours enjoying the feel of his boy in his arms and thinking about Jessie and Hope.

His eyes were soft and a little glassy. He swallowed hard, but then the muscle in his jaw jumped as he held back his emotions. Jessie remembered, for him, this was fresh grief. She’d had years to adjust to their daughter’s death. He’d just found out. She’d felt Hope moving in her belly. She’d watched her come into the world. She’d held her for hours upon hours those five days. She’d been there when Hope took her last breath. She’d kissed her goodbye and told her she loved her. Dylan never saw her, touched her, smelled her sweet baby scent, or said his goodbye. He had nothing of Hope to remember.

She stepped in between his long legs and pulled his head to her chest and held him. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. Greg closed the door, leaving them to their privacy.

“She was beautiful. She had pretty hands. Her little fingers were long, and even though she was just born, she had pretty nails. Her little feet were so chubby, her toes had dimples. Her hair was so soft, the slightest breeze made it kind of float. When she slept in her incubator, she’d hold her little hands together and put them to her mouth. When I held her, she’d turn her head to me and burrow as close as she could get. She liked to be against my skin the best.”

Her voice cracked and Dylan stroked his hand up her back and held her close. She continued to comb her hands through his hair. He leaned into her touch. It had been too long since they’d shared this deep connection.

“I told her about you and how I used to chase after you when we were kids, and you were my best friend. I told her daddy was the best quarterback the school had ever seen. I told her how smart you are, and how you care about other people. I told her daddy liked fast cars, football, classic rock, French fries with ranch dressing, fishing, and taking long drives alone. I told her that one night we danced in a fancy ballroom and kissed under the stars. I told her on that beautiful night I gave you my heart and you gave me her.” She took a deep breath and didn’t even try to hide or stop the tears streaming down her face.

“When they put her in my arms and turned off the machines keeping her alive, I told her that her mommy loved her very much. I told her daddy loved her. I kissed one cheek for me, the other for you. I held her as she slipped away and a long time after that. I didn’t want to let her go. I prayed to God to take me instead.”

Dylan squeezed her so tight the cut on her back pinched with pain. She didn’t care. It was nothing compared to the hurt in her heart cutting deep into her soul. Dylan leaned his head back, tears running down his cheeks. His anguish matched her own and she wished she could take it away. She cupped his face in her hands and looked him in the eye. “I told her you love her.”

“After what I did, how could you possibly believe . . .”

“I knew you did because you loved me that night.”

The earnest look in her eyes didn’t lie. She meant it. She knew he loved Hope. “I love you still. I never stopped. I don’t deserve you, and I want you all the same.”

“Now isn’t the time to talk about that. I just wanted you to know about your daughter. You were robbed of having any memories of your own of her. I only had five days, but I’ll forever be grateful for those precious memories. It’s all I can offer you now.”

“We need to talk about what my mother did.”

“There’s nothing more to say. You left for your own reasons, none of which had anything to do with me. I know that now.”

“I wanted to tell you I signed up with the army that night, but I got you alone, and I lost my head. I lost my heart.” He gave her back her words so she’d know he’d fallen as deeply in love with her as she had with him. “I had to go, but I wanted to stay with you. I should have . . .”

She put her fingers to his lips and stopped him. “The ‘should haves’ are too many to count. Let it go. I’m tired of thinking about it.”

He pulled her closer and kissed her fingers pressed to his lips. She dropped her hand, their faces inches apart. Drawn together, they met in the middle, and he kissed her softly, with a press of his lips to hers over and over again. Lightning shot through her system, spreading a warm and tingly feeling only he made her feel when they were close. His strong thighs pressed to the outside of hers and his hands rested on her hips. Their bodies were inches apart as she stood between his legs. Her own trembled a little. Maybe she was tired, or it was just having him this close again.

The years melted away, making her feel like they were teenagers again. His touch had always made her feel safe and loved.

He took the kiss deeper and sank into her. He wanted her. His need drew her in. Her breasts pressed to his chest and her fingers dug into his hair, holding him to her. His tongue slipped over hers, provoking her response. She could taste his need for her and it was an addiction she never wanted to overcome.

He trailed kisses down her neck and pressed a lingering kiss to the pulse racing in her throat. “I love you, Jess. Be mine again. I’ve missed you so much.” He kissed her collarbone and pulled her closer. His hands skimmed up her bare back, his fingertips danced back down her spine, leaving a trail of tingling nerves. “I thought you were dead. I thought I’d lost you forever.”

Thoughts of him muddled her mind, then, now, and everything in between. His warm mouth left soft wet kisses everywhere he roamed over her neck and shoulders and then back to her mouth.

His words rang in her mind. Before she’d thought he didn’t want her, but he did. Then and now. He loved her.

It scared her to death.

There wasn’t anyone else in her life. There hadn’t been since him, and things had turned out so badly. He broke her heart when he left without a word after everything they shared. Although his mother was responsible for the rest, she couldn’t help but feel that same hurt and sadness when she thought about the day she heard he’d left town.

She pressed her hands against his shoulders. Dylan kissed her one last time, a soft brush of his lips to hers, and then he released her. He wanted to crush her to him and make love to her, but Jessie wasn’t ready. Not to mention they were in her hospital room where she was recovering from an almost fatal infection. The thought of his almost losing her again sent chills up his spine. He never wanted to feel that kind of fear again.

Dylan had to give her time. They still had a lot to talk about and work out, and that included Will.

“Come on, baby. Get back in bed.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“You need your rest. As much as it would stroke my ego to say I make you tremble like this, I know you’re still weak from the infection and fever.”

“I don’t think it’s your ego you want me to stroke,” she said with a sweet smile on her lips.

“You’re right, it’s not.” He winked, loving seeing her playful side. It meant she was coming back to herself. To prove he wanted more than just her in his bed, he laid his cards on the table and hoped he didn’t lose the pot for showing his hand too early. “I want you to be my wife, Jess.”

Her mouth actually fell open in shock and her eyes went wide. He wanted to have a real talk with her about the rest of their lives, but the door swung open behind them and Greg’s voice broke the tension.

“You need to deal with this, Dylan. She’s had enough today, and I don’t want her more upset.”

Dylan turned. His mother, father, and Will walked toward them down the long hallway. His mother held Will’s hand, and Dylan’s anger flashed. He had to rein it in. His son didn’t need to see him angry with his grandmother. Hell, he shouldn’t be with them in the first place.

Chapter Twenty-Four

T
HEY WALKED AS
a group down the corridor, but Jessie only had eyes for the little boy. Dylan’s son. Her heart felt like someone had thrust a dagger into it, ripping apart old scars and making them bleed.

Dylan swore softly and put a hand to her cheek to get her attention. “Jess, I’m sorry, sweetheart, I haven’t had a chance to tell you about Will.”

She averted her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. “What’s to tell? He’s your son.” She turned to the drawer next to the bed and took out her heart-shaped locket. She draped the long gold chain over her head and let the locket rest between her breasts over her wrecked heart.

“What’s that, honey? It’s beautiful. Looks old, the rose on the front is pretty. Is it an antique?” He kept eyeing his parents’ progress down the corridor, ever getting closer.

Jessie wished they’d disappear.

“It’s a picture of our daughter and a lock of her hair.”

She turned away and lowered herself into the bed. Her muscles throbbed with fatigue. Her head was still spinning from that kiss Dylan planted on her. Most of all her heart ached for all they’d lost. It hurt seeing him break down and grieve for their daughter. This is why she didn’t want to tell him. She hated putting that sad look in his eyes and breaking his heart.

He’d said he wanted to marry her, and she couldn’t quite believe in the words or him. Unsure he’d even said the words, she found it difficult to switch gears and remember this was the man she loved with her whole heart. This was the man she’d given herself to, body, mind, heart, and soul.

Dylan reached out and touched his fingertips to the locket. His pinky brushed the swell of her breast, and her nipples hardened under the thin hospital-gown fabric. His eyes met hers and they stared at each other for a long moment. Electricity crackled between them. She wished they were somewhere else. Alone. A different time. A different place. A different past. She looked away first, breaking the spell and the building tension.

“Can I see?” he asked, his voice gruff.

She opened the locket and looked at their daughter’s picture inside. She kissed the photo before turning it around to show him.

Dylan breathed in sharply at the first glimpse he’d ever had of Hope. His daughter. “She . . . She looks just like me,” he stammered. He could see it immediately. A lock of her dark hair, the same shade as his, encased behind glass. A little pink ribbon held the soft, wispy strands together. Hope’s little eyes were closed, her cheeks round and pink, her face soft and content. Like Jessie had told him, she slept with her little hands clasped together near her pretty bow mouth.

His eyes glassed over, filling with tears. Jessie wiped away the tear that slipped down his cheek with her fingertips. He leaned into her touch, needing her comfort, knowing she understood his pain.

“She’s beautiful, Jess. You made a beautiful baby.”

She held his face in her hands while he stared at the photo in her locket. “We. We made a beautiful baby.”