Dunces Anonymous (12 page)

“Lessons.” His dad put on the turn signal and veered off the main road and into their neighborhood. “How will you have time for lessons? You already complain that you don't have time to get all your schoolwork done.”

“But Dad! I'll do my schoolwork if you let me take fencing lessons! I bet my marks will even get better!”

“You take chess lessons and your marks don't get better,” his dad answered.

“But I hate chess, Dad!” Wang blurted. “How can something I hate improve my marks?”

His dad frowned.

“Discipline will improve your marks.”

“Fencing teaches discipline, Dad. Really! Can't you come to just one lesson and see? Can't we just try?”

His dad turned left onto their street and drove slowly past the familiar restaurants and bubble-tea shops. Neighbors with shopping bags bustled down the sidewalks.

“Today you have a lot of work to do in the store,” his dad said finally. “Do it well, and tomorrow we will look into these fencing lessons.”

“Dad, you're the greatest!”

Wang felt like jumping out of the car, running the rest of the way to the store and grabbing the big, heavy stiff-bristled broom right away to start sweeping. The store would be the cleanest his parents had ever seen it, he vowed. And in his heart he also vowed that he would never keep the truth from his father again.

Not unless it was an
absolute
emergency.

FOURTEEN
PRESIDENT JOSH

J
osh hung up the phone in the living room. It was one thirty on Monday afternoon.

“She said to sit right here and not move until she gets home.”

“Was she mad?” said Wang.

Josh nodded.

“Really mad?”

“Really mad.”

Josh pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around his legs. His bum sank into the leather cushion of the sofa. He stared straight ahead—looking at the fake logs in the electric fireplace—and not at Wang and Magnolia, who were sitting in the black leather chairs on either side.

Josh appreciated Wang and Magnolia skipping their afternoon classes to be here with him when his mom came home. Josh wasn't skipping school—at least, not by choice. The principal had sent him home to start serving his suspension immediately. It was meant, he said, to impress upon Josh the seriousness of wantonly pulling the school fire alarm.

“Maybe we could think of a cunning plan?” Wang suggested in a small voice.

“In the next ten minutes?” said Magnolia.

“Forget it, you guys,” said Josh. “I'm just gonna have to take it.”

“You shouldn't have confessed in my place, Josh,” said Wang.

“It was my idea, the whole Operation Juliet thing,” said Josh. “Why should you be the one who gets in trouble?”

He rested his chin on his knees and listened for the sound of his mother's arrival. For a long time there was nothing to hear but the hum of the fridge in the kitchen and the muffled sounds of traffic on the street outside. It was a twenty-five-minute walk from his mom's office to the condo. Josh looked at the second hand on his wristwatch, sweeping through the minutes, a full circle each. Then he heard the elevator—its
ting, ting, ting
, getting louder as it stopped at each floor—and finally the loudest
ting
, just down the hallway, and the
whoosh
of the doors opening to let someone off.

There was no sound of footfalls. A thick carpet covered the hallway floor. Josh bit his lip and counted seconds—one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Then came the soft, gliding sound of the pass-card and the magnetic click of the door unlocking. A second later, his mother appeared in the living-room doorway.

Her face was flushed from the cold. She grasped her winter hat in one hand. Strands of her hair, stiffened with hairspray, stuck out from her head. Her long winter coat was unbuttoned halfway, and she was still wearing her tall winter boots, which she normally took off before setting foot inside the condo. A pool of slush was forming at her feet.

“Young man,” she said, “you have got some serious explaining to do.”

Josh looked at the dead fireplace.

“I got suspended,” he said.

“I know you got suspended! For crying out loud, Josh, your principal called me in the middle of a meeting!” His mother threw her hat down on the coffee table. “You know, Josh, I work pretty hard so that you can live in a nice neighborhood and go to a good school, so how do you think it feels when the principal tells me that my son has just been suspended for a week for deliberately setting off the school fire alarm?”

Josh shrugged and stuck his nose in the crook between his knees.

“It feels like I've done something wrong as a parent, that's how it feels.” His mother paced to the living-room window, leaving a trail of wet pointy-toed footprints behind her. She turned to face him.

“And you call yourself a Young Leader of the Future!”

“But Mom, I didn't!” The protest broke from Josh's throat, even though he'd vowed to say nothing and to accept his punishment silently.

“Didn't what? Didn't set off the school fire alarm?” She put her hands on her hips.

“Didn't call myself a Young Leader of the Future,” Josh muttered.

“Josh, what on earth are you talking about?”

“The club, Mom.” Josh raised his eyes to look at her.

“The club! What has the club got to do with this?”

“Everything! You don't understand!” Josh shouted.

“And it's
not
the Young Leaders of the Future! It's… it's…Dunces Anonymous!”

For a moment the room was silent. Wang and Magnolia sat frozen in their armchairs. Josh's mom stared at him with her hands still on her hips. She turned and looked out the window for a second. Then she whirled back and looked at him.

“And what is Dunces Anonymous? Some sort of club for young delinquents who go around setting off school fire alarms?”

“That was an accident!” Wang burst out, jumping from his chair. Josh's mom turned toward him, as though noticing him for the first time.

“And besides,” Wang continued, “it wasn't Josh who set off the fire alarm. It was me.”

“Josh, is this true?” his mother looked at him.

Josh nodded.

“And who is this?” his mother demanded.

“That's Wang,” Josh explained miserably. “He's in the club.”

Josh's mother turned toward Wang again.

“Well, Wang-who's-in-the-club, don't you think that you should have told the principal about this yourself, instead of letting your friend get in trouble?”

“But he couldn't!” This time it was Magnolia who interrupted, jumping up from the other armchair. “His dad would have grounded him for life! And besides, he only did it to stop Emmett Blackwell from kissing me. Right on the lips!”

Josh's mom looked at Magnolia. Then she looked at Wang. Then she looked at Josh. Then she walked across the living room, sat down on a footstool, unzipped her right boot and pulled it off.

“And you are…?” she said finally, setting the boot down on the floor.

“Magnolia,” Josh said. “She's in the club too.”

“The club.” Josh's mom bent to unzip her other boot. “The infamous club.”

She pulled off her left boot and set it next to the right.

“So let me get this straight.” She turned to Josh. “This friend of yours, Wang, set off the fire alarm to stop this other friend of yours from getting kissed by a boy. And you confessed to it, so that Wang wouldn't get in trouble with his dad. Because he's in your club.”

“Yeah,” said Josh. “That's about it.”

Josh's mom closed her eyes and pressed her hand to her forehead. She drew her fingers along the furrows on her brow. Then she opened her eyes again.

“Well, Josh,” she said, “at least you acted like a president.”

“I did?” Josh looked up.

“Presidents take responsibility for other people's actions,” she said. “That's what leadership is about.”

“Does that mean you're not mad at me?”

“I don't know, Josh. I don't know what to think.” His mother stood up and unbuttoned her coat. She was staring at a corner of the room, half turned away from Josh. Then she walked over to where he was sitting, slung her coat over the arm of the sofa and sat down next to him.

“Why did you lie to me about the club?” she said.

“I didn't mean to, Mom,” Josh said, “but you were so disappointed when I lost the election, and I wanted to cheer you up so I told you I started a club, and you wanted me to call it the Young Leaders of the Future, so I just sort of went along with it.”

Josh looked at his mom. She was sitting very close to him, and he could see that her lipstick had worn off, leaving her lips pale and faded. There were little lines all around her mouth, as though her lips had shrunk, drawing in the skin. She looked tired and kind of sad.

“I didn't want you to think I was a loser,” he added.

“Oh, Josh. Of course I don't think you're a loser.” He felt her pick up a strand of hair behind his ear and twirl it in her finger, the way she used to do when he was little.

“I just want you to be the best that you can be,” she said.

“But how can I be the best at something if I don't even like it?”

“I thought you liked student politics,” she said.

“I don't like it, Mom.
You
like it.”

She nodded and twirled his hair some more.

“Okay, Josh,” she said finally. “Is there anything else you don't like that I should know about, before you and your friends go setting off more school fire alarms?”

Josh hesitated.

“You're going to be mad at me,” he said.

“Come on, Josh. Why would I be mad at you for telling the truth?”

Josh wondered about that question. People got mad at him all the time for telling the truth. Otherwise, he'd never have to lie, and he'd been doing a lot of lying in the past couple of months. Still, she said she wanted the truth.

“Well, it's about your cooking…”

“My gourmet dinners?” His mom pulled back.

“I knew you were going to be mad!”

“But Josh, I work hard at those dinners. It's our only time together, as a family. Why don't you want it to be special?”

Now she didn't look mad anymore. She looked like she was going to cry.

“I do, Mom! It can still be special. We can…we can…” Josh felt himself floundering and looked to Wang and Magnolia for help.

“You can eat by candlelight!” Magnolia interjected.

“Yeah, eat by candlelight!” Josh said. He didn't know why that would be special, but maybe it was something that girls liked. “And I can help you cook sometimes,” he added. “Maybe we could make hamburgers.”

“Hamburgers by candlelight?” His mom sounded doubtful.

“Candlelight for you and hamburgers for me. That way it'd be special for both of us.”

His mother's lips curved up a little. It wasn't a full smile but it was a start.

“Okay, Josh. I guess you've made your point,” she said. “But if you don't like student politics and you don't like my gourmet cooking, what
do
you like?”

Josh thought about that for a minute.

“You know what, Mom? I think I like chess.”

“Not chess!” Wang moaned, falling backward into his armchair.

Josh grinned. “Yeah, I think I'll join the chess club,” he said.

He gave his mom a big smile.

“In fact, I might just run for president.”

EPILOGUE
A NEW MEMBER

J
osh rapped the small wooden mallet on the coffee table.

“Okay, you guys, this meeting will now come to order!”

Josh looked around the living room. Magnolia was lolling in one of the black leather chairs, her feet dangling over the armrest. Sitting in the other chair, and looking as though he wished he could disappear beneath the cushion like a piece of loose pocket change, was Wilmot Binkle.Josh smiled at him encouragingly. Then he looked over at Wang, who was practicing fencing with a bulrush that he'd plucked from a dried flower arrangement in the corner.

“Wang!”

“Oh, sorry!” Wang leaned against the windowsill and swung the bulrush down by his side.

“Right,” Josh continued, now that everyone was paying attention. “Has anyone got anything to report?”

“Well,” said Magnolia, “my mom lo-o-o-ved the school play.” She rolled her eyes.

“She wasn't upset that you didn't get to play Juliet?” said Josh.

“She got over it. She said it was Destiny that brought Emmett and Hannah together.”

“That wasn't Destiny,” Wang interjected. “That was our cunning plan!”

“
I
know that, and
you
know that, but
she
doesn't know that,” Magnolia answered. “Anyway, now I just have to convince her to let me try out for the part of the murderer in next year's play.”

“The murderer!” Wang exclaimed, stabbing an invisible opponent with his dried bulrush.

“What if the murderer also has to kiss someone?” Josh said. Magnolia kicked her feet idly.

“I guess it wouldn't be
so
bad,” she reflected, “if I got to murder him afterward.”

Wang resumed his fencing practice, trying to out-parry a potted plant that sat in front of the window.

“Well, my parents loved the play too,” he said between thrusts. “And guess what? You're never going to believe this!”

Wang paused to deliver a deathblow to the potted plant.

“Believe what?” Josh prodded him.

Wang turned away from his victim. “After he saw me in the play, my dad agreed to pay for fencing lessons.”

“That's great, Wang!” said Magnolia.

“Yeah. Dad says he hopes it teaches me honor and discipline. And he said he'll think about letting me quit the chess club. Sorry, Josh.”