Dunces Anonymous (9 page)

“I thought of that myself,” said Wang. “Pretty good, eh?”

“If you want to ruin my reputation!”

“We can't have a scandal without ruining your reputation, Josh,” Magnolia pointed out. “I like ‘girl mauler.' I bet it'll keep Stacey away.”

“Yeah, Josh might maul her!
Grrr!
” Wang clawed the air like a lion. Josh sighed.

“Hopefully it'll convince Emmett that you're not his secret admirer,” Josh said, turning to Magnolia.

“So all our problems are solved,” Magnolia said.

She sounded so satisfied that Wang couldn't help bursting out, “Not all of them!” He looked toward the kitchen door and lowered his voice. “What about the Binkles?”

He'd tried to be patient, helping Josh and Magnolia with their problems. But now things were getting desperate. The board of directors' meeting was coming up quickly.

“If we don't think of something, I'm going to get kicked out of the chess club!”

“I thought you didn't want to be in the chess club anyway,” said Magnolia.

“Yeah, but I can't get kicked out for cheating! My dad would be so ashamed! He'd never live it down!”

The kitchen door swung open and Wang's dad came out. With a quick click, Wang closed the
Rapsheet
and switched to the chess association website. Wang's dad glanced at the computer screen, crossed the room and walked down the steps to the store.

“Whew! That was close!” Wang sighed. “I'm only allowed to use the computer on Sunday night for homework—or chess practice.”

Josh leaned over Wang and started scrolling down the chess association website.

“You know, I've been thinking about the Binkles,” Josh said. “I bet Wilmot's e-mail address is on here somewhere.”

Different pages flashed across the screen as Josh clicked through the links, until he got to a list of Association members.

“Here it is: wbinkle at chessassociation dot org.”

“I don't see how that's going to help,” Magnolia said. “What are you going to do, spam him?”

Wang felt a spark of hope. “Yeah! Something like, ‘Beware! Dire doom will befall the Binkles at the Board of Directors' Meeting Sunday! Stay away if you value your lives!'”

Magnolia frowned.

“I don't think they're going to fall for that.”

“You know,” said Josh, “Wilmot Binkle wasn't such a bad kid.”

“What do you mean, not a bad kid?” Wang protested. “He's trying to ruin my life!”

“I don't think he wants you to get kicked out of the chess club. I think it's his dad.” Josh turned to Magnolia. “Don't you think so?”

“Yeah,” Magnolia agreed. “Wilmot didn't mind losing the game. It was his dad who threw a hairy fit about it.”

“You know,” Josh continued, “I kind of felt sorry for Wilmot. His dad was really trying to run his life.”

“Josh, what are you talking about?” Wang broke in. Feeling sorry for Wilmot was not going to solve Wang's problem.

“Do you remember when we first started Dunces Anonymous?” said Josh. “That notice I put up on the bulletin board?”

“Sure,” said Wang. “A club for kids who aren't as good at stuff as their parents think they should be.”

“Well, that's Wilmot.”

“Are you saying we should invite him into the club?” Wang could hardly believe his ears.

“I think he needs our help.” Josh clicked on Wilmot's e-mail and started typing a message. “And you know what? If we get Wilmot on our side, I bet he'll help us too.”

The bell rang Monday morning just as Josh was setting foot in the schoolyard. The walk from his mom's condo had taken him longer than usual. He'd been dragging his feet, thinking hard about his plan to recruit Wilmot Binkle, beat the fraudulent-impersonation charge and save Wang from the disgrace of being kicked out of the chess club. He was still deep in thought as he entered the school building among the usual throng of kids. He dropped off his boots and jacket in his locker, climbed the main staircase to the second floor and turned left down the hallway toward Mr. Bogg's classroom. It didn't even cross his mind that this path would take him straight past Emmett Blackwell's locker. In fact, Josh was only a few steps from the locker when he raised his head and caught sight of Emmett. That sight stopped him dead in his tracks.

Emmett's dark hair straggled over his forehead. Black circles ringed his bloodshot eyes. He was standing at the open door of his locker, ripping down the notes from his secret admirer and throwing them in crumpled balls to the floor. Suddenly, he dove into the locker and hauled out the powder blue teddy bear that Wang had planted there, the love poem still pinned to its heart. Emmett clasped the bear's neck in a choke hold and shook it ferociously. Josh took a step backward. At that moment, Emmett turned his head and caught sight of him.

“You!” Emmett rasped. He flung the teddy bear to the ground and leaped toward Josh. Josh spun on his heel, dashed down the hall and dodged through the door into the stairwell.

The stairwell was clogged with a mass of kids heading slowly toward class. Josh spotted a hole in the stream of bodies and deked into it, zigzagging upward through the traffic. He was halfway to the landing when a shout rang out from below.

“Turn, Hellhound, turn!”

Josh turned. Emmett stood in the second-floor doorway, his fists raised in the air. His cry had cleared a path through the stunned students, and now Emmett bounded up the stairs toward Josh. Josh whipped around, but his way upward was blocked by a fat kid who had stopped to tie his shoelace. Josh tried to dart around the kid. Suddenly, he felt himself being tugged backward by a hand grabbing his backpack. Desperately, he slipped his arms out of the shoulder straps and let the backpack fall free. Emmett, caught off balance, stumbled backward into the crowd of kids on the stairs. Boys shouted. Girls screamed. The fat kid straightened up and twisted around to look at the commotion. Josh ducked down and slithered around the fat kid's legs. He sprinted up to the third floor, ran along the hallway, darted down a back staircase and made a dash to the safety of Mr. Bogg's classroom. He burst through the door and slid, panting, into his place in the third row.

Wang rushed over to his desk.

“Hey, Josh, what happened?”

“Emmett Blackwell…he's trying to kill me…,” Josh panted.

“Emmett Blackwell!” Wang slapped the desk. “He must have read the
Rapsheet
! He's mad at you for stealing Magnolia!”

“He called me…a Hellhound…”

“Cool! It's just like the Montagues and the Capulets!”

“Cool? Wang, he's crazy! He's a maniac!”

“Listen, Josh.” Wang lowered his voice. “You've just got to avoid him for the next couple of days. Just till the dress rehearsal.”

“How can I avoid him? He's after me!”

“You've got to go into hiding. Use the back stairways. The subterranean passages!”

“Subterranean passages?” Josh looked at Wang like he was crazy.

“Don't worry,” Wang hissed, sliding back to his place as Mr. Bogg appeared in the room. “This is gonna be awesome.”

Josh spent the rest of the week sneaking around while Emmett stalked the hallways, looking for revenge. Meanwhile, the gossip about Josh and Magnolia spread through the school like a bad case of chicken pox. Graffiti appeared in the bathroom:

Josh Johnson is a girl mauler
. Kids he didn't even know growled and clawed the air when he passed. He was so preoccupied with dodging Emmet and working out a plan with Wang and Wilmot that he nearly forgot about Stacey Hogarth.

Josh's last class on Friday afternoon was math with Mrs. Singh. It was a short sprint down the hallway from Mrs. Singh's classroom to the gymnasium. At the back of the gymnasium was a small door that opened on to the side of the schoolyard. Hardly anyone except kids who had phys ed last period ever used the door, and they were always late leaving because they had to change out of their gym clothes. It was through this door that Josh intended to make his escape, eluding Emmett Blackwell once and for all.

Two minutes before the end of class, he wriggled into his jacket. When the bell rang, he dumped his math books into his backpack, zipped it shut and raced out the classroom door. A quick dash took him to the door at the back of the gymnasium. He opened it and peeked out.

The coast was clear.

Josh bounded down the steps two at a time. He'd reached the bottom when he heard a voice behind him.

“Aha!”

Josh whirled around. “Stacey!” he exclaimed.

“Who else did you think it was?”

Stacey marched down the stairs and stood on the last step, glaring down at him. She seemed even taller than usual.

“I want to know what's going on,” she demanded.

Josh glanced around. The yard was beginning to fill with kids. Soon, Emmett Blackwell would be somewhere among them. Instinctively, Josh ducked into the alcove beside the stairway. Stacey followed him.

“You've been avoiding me all week!” she accused.

“No, I haven't,” Josh said. It was true; he'd been so busy avoiding Emmett that he hadn't given any thought to avoiding Stacey.

“Admit it! You didn't want to face up to the scandal that you caused by kissing Magnolia.”

“Oh, yeah, the scandal! It's huge!” Recovering himself, Josh decided to play up the moment. Now was his chance to get rid of Stacey. “I guess that means that you don't want to join the club anymore.”

Stacey guffawed.

“Of course I'm still joining the club, Josh!” she said. “You're the one that should be kicked out!”

Josh took a step backward. His back touched the cold brick wall of the school building. To his right was the concrete staircase and to his left, the chain-link fence of the schoolyard. Looking on the bright side, it was unlikely that Emmet would find him here. On the down side, there was no way to escape Stacey.

“Kicked out of the club?” he gasped.

“It's time for a new president,” Stacey declared. “A scandal like this reflects badly on
everyone
in the club.”

“But Stacey,” said Josh, “you aren't even in the club!”

Stacey's jaw dropped open. “What do you mean, I'm not in the club? I wrote an application letter, just like you said. And besides, you have to let me in the club. It says so in the school rules!”

“I don't care about the rules,” Josh shot back. “Because…because it's not even a school club. It's a private club. Members only! And you're not a member!”

Stacey narrowed her eyes.

“If it's not a school club,” she said, “then how come your meetings are in Mr. Bogg's classroom?”

“They're not!” Josh retorted, improvising wildly. “Not anymore. Now, they're in…in our private clubhouse!”

“I don't believe you!” Stacey glared at him. “And even if it's true, you still have to let me in. Because if you don't, I'm telling the principal on Wang!”

“On Wang? What for?”

“For setting off the fire alarm. And I know because I saw him running across the teachers' parking lot!”

“You can't tell the principal on Wang!” Josh said. That would be a week's suspension. How could anyone be that mean?

“I can too tell the principal, and I will!” Stacey said. “Unless you let me in the club.”

Josh crossed his arms and glared at Stacey. He needed time to think. The situation seemed hopeless. He couldn't let Stacey tell on Wang—that much was certain. Wang already had to face the board of directors on Sunday. Sure, they had finally worked out a plan with Wilmot, but there was a chance the plan would fail and Wang would be kicked out of the chess club in disgrace. If he got suspended for setting off the fire alarm on top of that, his dad would ground him for life. No, there was no way Josh could let Stacey tell the principal on Wang.

But what choice did he have? To stop Stacey from telling, he had to let her join the club—
and
take over as president. That would be the end of Dunces Anonymous. Josh couldn't let that happen either.

Then Josh saw another possibility.

Sometimes when he was playing chess and he thought he was stumped, he'd suddenly notice a move that he hadn't seen at first. Sometimes the move meant sacrificing a piece, like a rook or a bishop, to protect a more important piece, like the king or the queen.

The move he was contemplating against Stacey would involve a sacrifice too. But it would be worth it to save Wang and the club.

Josh took a deep breath.

“You can't tell the principal on Wang,” he said, “because Wang didn't set off the fire alarm. I did.”

“You?” This time Stacey took a step backward.

“That's right,” Josh said.

“Then how come
he
was running across the parking lot?” said Stacey.

Josh's mind momentarily went blank. He recovered in the next instant.

“Wang's a sword-fighter in the school play,” Josh said. “Didn't you know? He's in training.”

“In training?” said Stacey.

“Yeah, he runs five miles, every day. So if you're going to tell on anyone,” Josh concluded, “you'd better tell on me.”

Stacey looked at Josh. He stared back at her, not blinking. Behind her, the schoolyard thronged with students.

“Fine!” she spat. “Then I'll tell on you, Josh!”

“Fine!” he retorted. “Go ahead!”

Stacey turned, her backpack nearly whacking Josh in the face. She marched a few paces and shouted back over her shoulder, “Just wait till Monday, Josh Johnson! You're gonna be in big trouble!”

Stacey whirled away from him again, and Josh watched her ponytail swinging back and forth as she strode into the crowd of kids in the schoolyard. Monday. He might not even survive until Monday. First he, Wang and Magnolia had to pull off Operation Free Juliet at the dress rehearsal on Saturday. Then on Sunday, they had to thwart Mr. Binkle's fraudulent-impersonation charge at the Chess Association board of directors' meeting. If either of those plans backfired, all three of them would be in the soup. Josh sighed, shouldered his backpack and—keeping an eye out for Emmett Blackwell—headed toward the schoolyard exit. It was strangely comforting to think that, by the time Monday rolled around, he might already be in so much trouble that if Stacey told the principal on him, it wouldn't really make any difference.