DUBIOUS (11 page)

“
It?” I was getting frustrated. “Shakira, if you have something on your mind, I suggest you just say it. I’ve got a ton of work to do since I was off for a few weeks.”

She lowered her voice and closed the door. “Honey, I heard about your nasty divorce. I’m just so shocked, and it happened so suddenly.”

“
Actually it’s been going on sometime. I didn’t think it was anybody’s business, so I didn’t say anything.” I thought I had said enough to make her stop asking questions, but I was wrong about that big time.

“
Oh dear, I had no idea. No wonder you were being a little cranky.”

Cranky? She’s about to see the bitch in me!
My mood switched from unsure to pissed in zero point nine seconds. Shakira was cool with me, but she was way out of line right about now. “Shakira, you and I are cool, but I’m not inviting you or anyone else in this firm into my personal life.”

“
My bad, I didn’t mean to upset you. You’ve been through enough. I’ll just see myself out.”

“
Fine.” I looked back down to the papers piled on my desk, trying to forget this entire conversation.

“
Uh, Felicia, my brother just got divorced. Do you want me to try to hook you two up? You still look good for your age, and I’m sure y’all would hit it off.”

“
I’ll think about it.”

She closed the door as I was dialing Human Resources to find an immediate replacement for her. I can understand her feeling sorry for me about my relationship, but when she called me cranky, she was on shaky ground—not to mention her gall to offer me her spent-up, spit-out brother who probably didn’t finish college. Just who the hell did that heifer think she was? I didn’t know who her brother was, but I didn’t care.

I wasn’t ready to get into another relationship at this present time—at least not with another failure like Randy. I felt like the time had come for me to be with a man who could bring as much to the table as I could. I was over that phase of trying to mold a brother. I was ready for a bona fide man capable of handling his shit without my help.

Human Resources had her replaced within the hour. My new secretary was named Talisa. I asked her to come into my office as soon as she was settled. My plan was to set her straight from the beginning so I would not have to replace her like I had Shakira.

She knocked on my door fifteen minutes later. “You wanted to see me.” She stepped into my office with confidence.

“
Sure, come on in and close the door.” I took one look at her and knew right away we were going to be a perfect match. I saw a hunger in her eyes that matched mine. I also saw determination for perfection, which also suited me. She appeared to be a streetwise, no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is type of woman, and I appreciated that as well.

“
Thanks for joining my team.” I made eye contact with her and held my gaze. “When I say team, I mean it because we will be joined at the hip. My success is our success, and visa versa. I want us to work together as a cohesive unit. I will not attempt to steal your ideas or discredit you, and I will expect the same from you. I will do everything in my power to help you rise up if that is what you want to do.” She didn’t interrupt me, so I continued my little speech: “I would prefer that you never lie to me. I recently went through a divorce, which I do not want to discuss. There may be a time in my life that I will feel comfortable enough to discuss this with you, but today isn’t the day.”

“
I understand.”

“
Please don’t misunderstand me. I want us to have an open relationship. Meaning … if you see I’m lacking in an area, pull my coattail; however, for right now, my personal life is out of it.”

“
I feel ya. I ain’t into sharing my life with a bunch of females, either. I think I got your drift pretty good. I am all about working as a team, too, and I take great pride in my work. I like to shine, and together we can do this.”

I knew the good feeling I felt about her was on point. This was a lady of class, despite the fact she was ten years younger than I. I liked her. I just knew she would have my back and I would have hers. “Cool, I think we will get along fine. I’m easy to get along with. I’m not going to stand around the clock to make sure you’re at your desk at 8:30
am
on the dot because I know shit happens. But I do expect you to make every effort to do so. If you make it nine times out of ten, we don’t have a problem. However, if I have a consistent problem with your being on time, we will have one talk about it. If it doesn’t improve after that, changes will have to be made.”

“
No worries.” She flipped her hand as if punctuality was the least of her concerns. “I’m almost always here at least a half an hour before my start time. I use that time to study. I won’t be working, but at least I will be here.”

“
Study … Are you in school?”

“
Yes.”

“
Wow! I was right. I saw the hunger in your eyes when you came in the door. I like that. I support that one hundred percent.”

“
That’s good to know because there may be times that I will need to alter my schedule so I can make my deadlines.”

“
As I said before: I have your back if you have mine. If I’m in court and you’ve caught up on the work, feel free to use my office to complete your studies. I not trying to hold anyone down. As long as the work gets done, I’m happy.”

“
Then it sounds as if we are on the same page. I’m a hard worker and take pride in my work. As long as I feel like I can talk to you, we will work out fine. So if you don’t require anything further from me, I’ll go back to my desk and try to untangle the mess I inherited.”

“
Cool. Thanks, Talisa. And please call me Felicia, we are partners.”

“
Alright, Felicia, let’s do this.”

Talisa left the room, and I finally felt like I had a partner in the firm. As the only black partner, I knew they were waiting to get the skinny on me, so I never let my hair down. Until my divorce, they never had any ammunition. My job now was to do damage control. I knew Talisa would help me control this uncomfortable situation and rise above it, and I would reward her for her efforts.

CHAPTER 12

I was lying on the sofa, surfing TV channels when my boy Kelvin came home from work. I watched him out the corner of my eye, trying to gauge his mood. I’d been staying with him ever since I’d left Felicia, and I knew I was wearing out my welcome real fast.

He only had a one-bedroom apartment so his living room had become my room. My stuff was stacked neatly in the corner. I tried to keep it out of his way because if he put me out, I truly wouldn’t have anywhere to go. My mother was deceased, and I’d never known my father. I didn’t have any sisters or brothers, either.

“
What’s up?” I said.

“
Everything is everything.”

I chuckled. It was obvious he had been listening to The Michael Baisden Show
on the radio again during his drive home. That was Michael’s trademark. Most callers used it when they called into the show.

Kelvin was sorting through the mail, which I had forgot to collect. Mentally I kicked myself. I tried to make myself as useful as possible. But truth be told, beyond cleaning up after myself, I was useless. I didn’t know how to cook, and I drew the line at washing another man’s drawers. I couldn’t even wash my own clothes without messing them up. I had to throw away three of my best shirts because I’d bleached them by accident.

“
Yo, dawg, you been sitting on the couch all day?” his tone was light.

Honestly, I didn’t know how to answer the question. Do I tell him the truth or lie? “I went out for a minute. Had some errands to run.”

He came into the living room and sat on the coffee table. My heart skipped a beat. I knew we were about to have the conversation that would change my living arrangements.

“
Oh yeah? Find a job yet?”

Damn, he didn’t pull any punches.
“Uh, not yet, but I’m looking, though.”

“
Look, dawg, you know you’re my boy and everything, but you are going to have to step up your game. I ain’t trying to keep a grown-ass man no matter how tight we are. You feel me?”

“
Yeah, I feel ya. I really appreciate your taking me in and all, and I’m not trying to outstay my welcome. I just need a little more time to find me something.”

“
What do you want to do?” his voice was coated with frustration.

“
Honestly?”

“
Yeah.”

“
I miss my dog business.”

“
I hear ya, but you can’t operate one in within two hundred miles of your ex’s.”

“
Don’t remind me.”

“
Do you have a backup plan?”

Shit, I didn’t want to admit that I didn’t. In fact, I could not force those words out my mouth even if I wanted to. Sadly, I shook my head no.

“
Have you considered sitting for your accountant’s test?”

“
Naw, man, I don’t want to be no pencil-pushing, number-crunching nerd.”

“
Well, do you have any other skills? What type of jobs are you applying for?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

His face was so close to mine we could have kissed with very little effort on either of our parts. I quickly erased that image from my head. Pushing up on Kelvin would have gotten me thrown out on my ass.

“
I … uh … haven’t put in any applications yet. I’m just doing research for now.”

“
Damn, man, you’ve been here seven weeks. I ain’t trying to get all up in your business, but you’ve got to do something.” He smoothed down his goatee.

I said, “I know.” As if I wasn’t feeling bad enough about the state of my affairs. Now my homeboy was coming down on me. Somehow having him come down on me was worse than when Felicia used to.

“
Look, hear me out: I know you don’t want to be an accountant. But right now that is your best bet to make enough money to get yourself on your feet. You could take a few weeks to study for the exam, take the test, and be ready just in time for tax season. This way you can make a little money while you make up your mind about what you want to do with the rest of your life. Once you’ve gotten on your feet, you can decide if you want to move out of town to open up your own business again.”

Move out of town? Why didn’t I think of that? I’d been spending so much of my time feeling sorry for myself, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Kelvin was right concerning the money. I wasn’t going to make the money I needed to make any other way. Since
my customers usually made purchases over the Internet, it didn’t matter where I set up shop. I could be back in business within several months if I worked it right
.
“Damn, man, I’ve had my head so far up my ass I didn’t see what was right in front of my face.”

“
Does that mean your going to take the exam?”

“
Yeah, I’ma take it. Last time I checked, McDonalds wasn’t laying out the kind of paper that I need.”

“
That’s my boy.” He held out his fist for some dap, and I gladly gave it to him.

For the first time since I’d lost Felicia and the kennel, I felt like someone had taken the shackles off my feet and given me a reason to live. Because I was feeling energized, I grabbed my keys off the table and headed to the door.

“
Yo, where you going?” The tone of his voice had changed.

“
My books are in storage. I want to get them before it gets dark so I can start studying.”

“
How ’bout I go with you and we stop and get something to eat before coming back here?” He gathered the mail knowing I wouldn’t object.

“
Sounds like a plan.” I waited while he changed out of the suit he had worn to the office into some blue jeans. The ironic thing about this whole conversation was that Felicia used to say the same thing to me, but I would get mad at her. The reality was that I had a good woman and had fucked it up.

Not many women would allow a man to “find himself” while she busted her ass trying to take care of the bills. I had a good woman, but I threw her away. Luckily, Kelvin came out of his room before I could have sunk too deeply into depression. I’d been holding on to depression like a long-lost friend, and it was time I take control of my life again.

“
You ready?” I said, holding on to the doorknob.

“
Let me grab my keys.” He did a final inspection of the apartment and activated the alarm.

* * *

“
Man, I’m glad you didn’t trip on me when I called you out,” he said from the passenger’s seat of my car.

“
Why should I trip? You were spitting the truth.”

“
I know, but I didn’t know how you would react. If I had known you would respond like this, nigga, I would have set your ass straight weeks ago.”

I laughed with him but my heart wasn’t really in it. I thought I was handling my misery well, but obviously the only person I was fooling was myself.

We drove the rest of the way to the storage lot in silence. I had a lot on my mind, and Kelvin seemed to respect that. Finding my text books was easier than I had thought it would be. I should have known better because Felicia actually packed my shit. She was so organized she had labeled each box. Once again, she demonstrated her class. Any other woman would have tossed my shit out on the lawn and set fire to the rest.