Drive Me Sane (2 page)

It was still hard to watch his video and not think of the silly guy she used to date. The one who dressed up in drag one year for Halloween, the guy who toilet-papered the principal’s car as a prank their senior year, the guy who could make her laugh at the drop of a dime, who picked her up and brought her home nearly every day from school, whom she had spent almost every waking hour with. The man with a voice that could make grown men cry.

He was also the one who, on the brink of her deployment overseas three years into her service, decided his career was more important than having a girlfriend fighting a war.

With the bitterness from earlier in the day giving way to the curiosity of knowing how his life had been, when all was quiet, she said, “I’m sorry about your truck.”

• • •

Tyler looked up at the sound of the voice that had been echoing through his head for the last two hours. He could still picture her out in the yard, chucking rocks, horribly annoyed with the idea of him being there. Her temper had always run high; her feistiness was just one of the things that had attracted him to her all those years ago. Raised in inner-city Chicago, where life wasn’t nearly as laid back, she wasn’t anything like the mild-mannered girls he’d grown up with and he’d quickly found that he liked the company of someone who always pushed. Who never gave in just to save face. It was her softer side that had driven him wildly in love with her, though. A troubled childhood had brought out one of the most compassionate people he’d ever met, but it had also fed her insecurities and vulnerabilities, making her a hard one to understand at times.

Seeing that her mood had lightened, his lips curled up and he shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, it’s just a $60,000 truck.”

Sera moved to the couch, dropping down on the opposite end and folding her knees up under her. “Why do you need a $60,000 truck?”

“I don’t,” Tyler answered. “But I didn’t pay for it.”

“Of course you didn’t,” she said, mirroring his sarcasm. “I suppose part of becoming a rock star means you have a vast amount of vehicles at your disposal.”

He really didn’t like the presumption Sera was making. Of all people, she knew how hard he’d worked to get where he was at and it hadn’t stopped. He still busted ass every day to keep his career moving because he didn’t want to go down as a one-hit wonder like so many other artists did.

“It’s not my truck, Sera. I get to use it as a promotion. You know, I drive a new souped-up Silverado to promote my song that talks about driving a jacked-up truck. In exchange I mention the dealership that loaned it to me. I recommend them on occasion and they get to use my name in their ads—come buy your truck where Tyler Creech got his. That sort of thing.” He gave her a wink as if she should know how the music business went.

“So you sold out?”

“No. I like the truck. I like the owner of the dealership. We both get something out of the arrangement.”

She folded her arms over her chest. “Well, again, I’m sorry.”

Setting down his guitar, he settled into the corner of the couch. Gentleness had come out of the bedroom and he hoped to take the opportunity before her fury returned to request some civility between them, although he knew he deserved none. All the wrath that had come pouring out of her in their first few minutes of seeing each other was warranted. In fact, he’d always expected worse.

“Sera,” he began, then stopped when he glanced over and saw a strand of hair hanging down around her curious face. Resisting the urge to reach out and smooth it back behind her ear, he ran a frustrated palm overtop his own hair, annoyed with his inability to talk to the woman he’d once planned to marry.

Even after three years there were days he still couldn’t believe they were no longer together. He’d thought the twelve months she was deployed was difficult, but the two years since her return to the States hadn’t been much easier. He might have ended it, but it had never been his honest intention. Stressed with his career taking off and her imminent deployment, he’d lost his temper—which was so unlike him—and said things he didn’t mean. Instead of apologizing like he should of, he’d let it go when Sera had nothing to say in response. Why? He didn’t know, except that Sera always had something to say and when she didn’t, he was lost as to what to do.

He missed her like crazy, thought about her more than he knew he should. He hoped her life was going well, but he also didn’t want to know any specific details either. Especially if she’d been able to move on, because he hadn’t been able to. Thankfully, his mom seemed to understand that, because they rarely spoke about Sera. The only two things she’d ever told him were about the accident and that she’d arrived safely back home.

“Damn, this is awkward,” he said, unable to ask for the forgiveness he so desperately wanted.

“Yes, it is,” Sera finally let out with a dry laugh. “So, aside from it being weird, you want to tell me what’s on your mind?”

There it was. Her sweet, gentle side that was still so damn easy to love. She’d always known his moods and was never afraid to call him out when he was stuck in one like he was now. What was on his mind? Did she mean besides her?

“Trying to figure out what song should be released next.”

“It’s just a song, Tyler. It’s simple. Pick one.”

“Actually it’s the follow up to a hit, meaning it’s going to be held to a higher standard.”

“I’m sure no matter which one you pick, it’s going to do great.”

“I hope so,” Tyler answered with a heavy feeling inside. He didn’t quite have the same confidence. His track record had proven fifty-fifty. The first single he’d released had fallen flat. He was lucky his label had moved forward with the second, hoping that it did better. Apparently there was a hillbilly trend in country music and they liked hearing him sing about riding around in a big truck with a pretty girl by his side. He quickly wondered if Sera had heard any of the songs on the record, or more importantly if she knew he’d written every one of them. If the next song failed, he feared he may drop down on the promotion list and lose a lot of the backing he had. Unfortunately in the music business, it didn’t always matter if you could sing or not. Sometimes it came down to who was pushing to get your music out on the radio. “So what’s got you up so late?” he asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Couldn’t sleep.” She stood, giving him one last look as she said, “Go with your gut,” and turned back toward her room.

He watched her disappear back down the hall, admiring the hint of flesh that showed through the thin, white, calf-length cotton gown she wore. She dressed more like a woman his mother’s age rather than the stunning twenty-five-year-old she was, yet somehow she made it sexy.

When he heard her door close, he flung himself back against the couch and thought about what she had said about his gut. He knew it was in reference to his music and what song he was thinking about, but his gut was telling him it was time to make things right with her.

Sera looked at the clock. Almost one. Half the day was gone already. She wondered what time it had been when Tyler finally went to sleep the night before. For a long time after their short talk, she’d lain awake hearing him play the same tune over and over. Each time, she tried to put a name to the notes that sounded familiar, but nothing ever came to mind. The last time she looked it was almost three o’clock, but she honestly had no idea when she’d actually drifted off.

She had purposely staying camped out in her room this morning, hoping to avoid as much contact with Tyler as possible. But realizing she couldn’t stow away all day, she finally emerged, ate some toast, and showered before going outside to inspect his truck.

Bending down, she rubbed her hand over a nickel-sized dent and cringed with shame at how quickly she’d lost her temper the day before. More than that, she hated that Tyler had seen the unpleasant act. Of course, at the time, none of that had mattered. All that mattered was the one person she absolutely didn’t want to run into was exactly the one who’d shown up.

“Looks like we got a vandal running around.”

Startled, Sera jumped back, covering her hand over her chest. Her heart took off like a jackhammer, the irregular beats making her unsteady. Blowing out a few small puffs of air to rein in her pulse, she looked up to find Tyler standing a few feet away. His hair stuck up in all directions with a long piece swaying across his forehead. His long basketball shorts and a University of Kentucky T-shirt were the total opposite from the worn jeans from the day before. “Jesus, you scared me,” she said.

“You all right?” he asked.

With a nod of her head, she said, “Yeah.”

Straightening her shoulders, her eyes instinctively looked down as the fabric of his shirt stretched across the width of his chest when he crossed his arms behind his head. Then, realizing what she’d done, she pulled her face back up to meet his. Cupping her hand over her forehead to shield the sunlight, she tried not to obsess about how good he still looked or let his closeness get the best of her again.

“I thought you’d given up your delinquent ways.” Tyler gave a look down towards the spot where she’d seen the small dent.

Sera glanced away. Her short fuse had actually tamed the past few years. Extra duty and more pushups than she ever wanted to admit had cured her bad habit of speaking her mind and lashing out. Overall, she couldn’t deny her time spent in the army had been a good experience and the structure she needed; but it had also come with a price that she was still paying even though her time serving had come to an end. Unfortunately, the sight of Tyler had brought back the ugly side of her personality she’d thought had ended as well.

She knew he was joking by the way he kept smiling, but as the pace of her pulse rose and her palms moistened, she also knew she was on the verge of losing control again too. She could feel warmth rising out of her chest, although she wasn’t sure if it should be blamed on the heat from the bright rays bearing down or the way Tyler’s eyes fixated on her. How could he appear after almost three years and act as if all was all right? Every time she looked at him, she felt like a raving lunatic, with an array of emotions running wild. She wanted to scream and yell, then break down and cry for all the heartache he’d caused.

Tyler was the one constant in her life. Or had been, anyway. The one person besides Roy whom she’d been able to count on for anything and everything. The one who knew her better than she sometimes knew herself, who pushed her to be a better person. He had no idea how difficult her deployment had been, knowing she didn’t have him to come home to, and now after three years, he stood right in front of her, acting as if no time had passed.

Knowing that if she stood there much longer some sort of talk would ensue—and likely even more harsh feelings spew, or maybe even tears—she bit back the snappy reply she had lined up. “Like I said before, I’m sorry about the truck.”

She walked past him, back into the house.

• • •

Full of guilt, Tyler lay on the couch, more listening to the television than watching. In the six hours since Sera had disappeared back to her room, he’d more than once been tempted to pack up and head back to Nashville. Leaving now, though, would end any possibility of making the past right, which he’d already decided he wanted to do. But how to go about doing that was the problem. He couldn’t read Sera as well as he used to. Provoking her, as he’d done earlier in the day, used to break down her defenses. It hadn’t worked in his favor this time, and he wasn’t really sure how to reach out when she seemed so far away and different. There had been a time when he’d known everything there was to know about her. He could calculate her mood just by the way she walked. Now, though, when she spoke, she was reserved and cautious. He hated knowing that they had come to a point where they were no longer comfortable with one another.

The sound of her door opening jerked him up into a sitting position, but then he lay back quietly pretending to watch TV again when she walked through the living room into the kitchen and began looking through the cabinets. He considered offering to take her out to eat, thinking it might help ease some of the tension between them if they could sit down in a neutral place and actually have a full conversation, but then decided distance was probably best since she hadn’t so far shown any interest in being in a room with him for more than a few minutes at a time.

Besides, the view gave him the opportunity to admire what he’d only been able to see in the picture that he still carried around in his wallet. Her hair, a milky shade of brown, swung loosely around in a long ponytail as she moved around the room. He used to love to run his fingers through the soft strands and remembered how soothing Sera said it was for her as well. When she bent over to get a pan out of the lower cabinet, he couldn’t help but think just how perfectly his hands had wrapped around her slender hips. Pleasuring each other had always come naturally. Sera could work magic on his body, just as he knew exactly what turned her on. Then again, everything between them had come easily and simply, except for those few months before she deployed to Afghanistan. There had been nothing easy about that time.

• • •

“Are you hungry?” Sera yelled from the kitchen just as she heard Tyler’s phone start ringing.

“Yeah,” he answered back, before saying hello and taking the call out to the porch.

After spending the entire afternoon in her bedroom thinking about the situation, she’d decided she couldn’t take the constant strain. Tyler was there. For how long she didn’t know, but she couldn’t stay in her room for the next couple of days, much less weeks if that was the case. Besides, if she ever wanted to move forward in her life, she had to let go of the hostility she still held onto. After all, moving on was the reason she’d come back to Cobb City.

However, letting go proved harder than she’d imagined when the two of them sat across from each other at the table. She fidgeted with her napkin, trying to make small talk about her Uncle Roy and Tyler’s mom, Diana, but that ran dry and awkwardness took over, sinking them back into an annoying silence. In between bites, she stared off at the bland white walls, wondering how it was possible that she didn’t know what to say to someone that she’d once shared so much with. It was just a matter of time before the past crept up and an inevitable talk ensued. Their relationship hadn’t ended on a clear note; however, for now she was content to put it off for as long as possible. If she was lucky, maybe Tyler would soon be on his way and then they could get back to forgetting about each other all over again.