Down the Shore (15 page)

Makenna, Megan and I had a few beers before heading into the club to meet the other girls. Megan had been the only one with a fake ID and had run into Somers Point before we all met up. I had one too many, but didn't care. The music pounded in my ears, the colored lights flashed everywhere. I felt my head spinning, and I needed to get out of the dance club. I had too much to drink and I knew it. For some reason, I found myself slipping into Megan's car for one more beer. I felt completely unrestrained. I felt no pain, I felt no sadness, it was just me and only me.

At some point in the evening, I found myself alone on the beach, just strolling along. I picked up a shell here and there, finished the beer I had taken. I didn't know how long I had been on my own, away from my friends. The moonlight lit up the beach, the waves crashing, the grasses blowing in the dunes. I lay down in the sand trying to recover from my head going around and around. I had never felt so dizzy. I suddenly heard voices approaching me, but I had no energy and didn't even look up. I hoped whoever it was strolling by wouldn't even notice me. The voices got closer, then they were next to me.

"Jesus Christ, Abigail. I've been looking all over for you. What are you doing, love?” Colin knelt on the sand beside me and pushed the hair out of my face.

He was here; he was with me, looking for me, worried about me. I opened my eyes and saw Colin and his friend Liam.

"Whadda want, Colin?” I was drunk and slurring my words.

I heard him sighing, talking to Liam, not sure what to do with me.

"Megan called me. She realized you disappeared over an hour ago and didn't know where you went.” He tried to pull me up to a sitting position.

"Why would she call you?"

"Cause I gave her my number just in case, that's why.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Apparently I was right.” he chuckled.

That was all I remembered.

I woke up, my head pounding. I could barely open my eyes to look around. The blankets felt different under my fingers, and I didn't know where I was. I sat straight up in bed as if I were in a horror movie. I glanced around the room and panicked. I had no idea how I had gotten there. I couldn't remember much. I remembered the dancing, I remembered drinking too much, then I remembered Colin had somehow appeared out of nowhere.

I looked down. I was fully dressed, although my shoes were missing. I got out of bed and walked around the room looking for clues to where I could be. It didn't take long. His wallet was on the desk in the corner of the room. I was in Colin's bedroom. I let out a long breath of relief.

I was so afraid of what I had done, and I couldn't remember. I couldn't believe I put myself in this situation. I was smarter than this. There was a small bathroom that joined his bedroom. I went in and smeared some toothpaste on the tip of my finger. My mouth was so dry and dirty, I felt like I could drink a gallon of water in one sitting. I wanted to leave and go home, but I had no idea where I was.

I peeked down at my watch and saw it was already ten in the morning. I had never been to Colin's place. I knew he shared it with about ten guys, but that's all I knew. I crept out to the living room. There were bodies all over the place. Girls lay half-naked on the floor, and music still played softly in the background. I should have known they lived like this. I looked all around for him, but couldn't find him. I decided leaving was the best option. I walked outside.

Colin was outside, lying with a blanket wrapped around him, on a chaise lounge, asleep. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful, so perfect. In that moment, I knew that I was in love with him. He was the one I wanted. I knew it was he all along, though I knew it could never last. I had to let him go, let him move on. If he hadn't been from Ireland, halfway across the world, things would be different, but they weren't, and the geography of our lives wasn't going to change.

The fireworks were slated to go off over the bay tonight, and I wanted to be there. I loved to see this display. People would be gathering on the streets or in their boats all waiting to celebrate the Fourth. I was one of the fortunate ones who'd had the day off and basked in the sun all day. I was tired and extremely hung over. I didn't want to see anyone, not even Makenna. My head still pounded, and I didn't feel like being interrogated. I grabbed a huge cup of coffee and walked the beach for what seemed like hours.

My cell phone rang at least ten times. Colin must have been eager to talk to me. I couldn't answer, and I couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I knew if I picked up the phone I would tell him to come find me, and to hold me and to forget about girls like Maddy. I couldn't do it. I let every message go to voicemail.

I finally stumbled home after a few hours to relax and get ready for the fireworks. Nick waited on my deck fumbling with the change in his pocket. I had no idea how long he had been there. I saw he was nervous, anxious, upset. I didn't care; I was done with him.

"Nick, I don't know why you're here, but I'm busy tonight,” I snapped.

"Abby, c'mon, you misunderstood, really. It was nothing,” he promised.

I didn't answer, so he tried again.

"Where were you all night? I waited."

Guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know why, but I felt bad for him. In one brief moment, I gave in. Fine. God, what was I doing?

"Look, I'm going to watch the fireworks tonight. If you want to come, then meet me back here at nine, okay?” I whirled on my heels, and walked inside. I set my alarm to wake me in two hours. I needed to close my eyes.

Later, completely refreshed and thankful to have survived the night before, I took my time getting ready. I pulled on my cutest denim shorts, and my favorite white tank that showed off my tan, applied some lipgloss and was ready.

It was only seven when I heard the knock on the door. I was surprised Nick would come so early, only it wasn't Nick. I saw his face peeking through the window. I had to catch my breath. I walked over slowly, filled with anxiety. He was supposed to be at work. I was sure of it. I opened the door.

"Colin, hey, what are you doing here?” I was confused, but it was a pleasant surprise.

"Well, you left without saying goodbye, and you know me, I get a little nervous when it comes to you. Everything okay?” he asked me impatiently. His fingers tapped on the outside frame of the door as he peered behind me.

I laughed at him. He was so weirdly protective of me.

"I'm fine. Would you like to come in?” I asked as I opened the door wider.

"Love to.” He glided in. He was confident and I knew why—he assumed Nick and I were over.

"So, how's the head?” he asked, knocking on his own.

"Better, thanks. It was sweet of you to take care of me last night. I really appreciate it.” I tried to sound completely sincere. Seeing him here in front of me not only caught me off guard, but tied my stomach all up in knots. I cracked my knuckles, trying to stop myself from telling him everything I felt.

"My pleasure, trust me.” He grinned from ear to ear. He had a smile that made me quiver as I stood there, barefooted. It was devilish, but in the most handsome of ways. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

"Feel like dinner?” he asked.

I knew I had made plans with Nick, but something inside me said
who cares about Nick
. I didn't care if I hurt his feelings anymore. I answered him before I could think things through. I couldn't let him leave.

"Sure, what did you have in my mind?” I smiled.

He was happy with my response, I could tell. He lit the entire room up with his smile.

"I thought you had to work tonight, so what's up?” I asked.

"Switched, no worries,” he answered.

He grabbed my hand, kissed the tips of my fingers and pulled me out through the door. I worried a little that Nick would see me leave, but the rest of me didn't care at all. I let Colin take me to dinner. He had won for tonight, and we headed north on the Parkway.

"Whose car?” I asked, curious as to how he had gotten his hands on the Volkswagen we were sitting in.

"Friends, one of my roommates."

"It's nice. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. A little pub, actually. A home away from home kind of place.” He rubbed my upper thigh.

I saw Colin was excited to be with me. There was hope in his eyes for the first time in a long time.

"Where's Maddy?” I stupidly asked, then wished I could take it back.

He chuckled under his breath. “What do you want to know about Maddy?” he asked, pulling my hand to his mouth.

"I saw you kiss her the other day. I was just curious is all.” I pulled my hand away from his.

"You saw
her
kiss
me
. If you had paid attention, you would have seen that. I didn't kiss her back.” He pulled my hand back into his.

I bit on my lip hard. “Why not?"

"Abigail, please, don't do this, not now. I don't want to talk about Maddy.” He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand.

For some strange reason, I believed him, I trusted him. We turned onto the Atlantic City Expressway into the city. I had never been to A.C. my entire life.

"Atlantic City?” I looked at him curiously.

"There's a great Irish pub I want to take you to.” He spoke proudly.

I panicked. “I'm not twenty-one and I don't have ID..."

He stopped me. “Don't worry, it's fine. I know everyone there. It won't be a problem,” he assured me.

It was the perfect place. It was dark, mysterious and small, thick with smoke, but I didn't let on that it bothered me. We sat in a small booth in the back, and he sat comfortably close to me. He kept running his hand up and down my leg but it never made me nervous, like it would with Nick. He ordered a Guinness, one light beer for me and some food. He made me feel insanely comfortable with him in one instant. All the feelings I had before washed away. I didn't care how many times he touched me; I came to expect his hand feeling my leg or my arm. I was in heaven inside this tiny dark dump of a place.

We finished our fish fries and our beers. He insisted I try his, but it was quite possibly the grossest thing I've ever tasted. I had to force it down my throat. I could barely drink mine. I was so nervous being there underage. After we left, we walked onto the beach to watch the fireworks. It was nearly ten, and I knew they would be starting soon. The beach was somewhat crowded with people looking in different directions, not sure where the flickers of light would be coming from. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me away from the crowd gathered on the beach. We sat quietly for several minutes on the sand, taking in the entire night. I turned my head away so he could not see the tears trickle down my face. I didn't even know why or where they came from. I was happy, why was I crying?

"What's wrong? Are you upset, love?” he asked with concern in his voice.

I turned my face to meet his, and looked into his eyes. He carefully rubbed the tears away.

"Ah, Abby don't, you break a little piece of my heart when you do that.” He held my face between both of his hands.

I threw my arms around him and whispered in his ear.

"I want to be with you. I was wrong about everything.” I was unsure of what I was doing, but I just knew it felt right. I ran my hands over his shoulders, tracing my way down to his stomach. I could feel every muscle he had, as his body started to tremble.

It was so warm outside.

"Are you cold?” Why was he shivering? I couldn't stop touching him.

He chuckled again. “No, just happy."

He pulled me away from him. “Abby, you can't have it both ways, love. It's me and only me or nothing. I won't share you with anyone, especially not that arsehole.” He looked down at me, and wiped the tear that remained on my cheek.

"Abigail? I'm waiting for answer.” I stopped for only a minute, thinking of Nick. I knew that brief relationship was over. Nick wasn't what I was looking for. Somewhere deep in my heart I'd known it all along. I was looking for something so much more. I didn't speak. I took my arms and threw them over his neck, and crushed my lips to his. My knees started buckling underneath me. It was a kiss that was beyond compare.

I finally understood the feelings I had heard so much about. It was there sitting inside his kiss, I felt it the first time his lips touched mine, but before it had been so brief. It wasn't tonight. Colin's hands held the back of my neck, cupping my head gently. His breath consumed me, and I could only think of being with him. I felt happy, I felt safe.

He pulled me away abruptly, looking into my eyes. “Are you sure?” He sighed. “I don't think I could handle it if you ran back to your Nick."

I took his hands and placed them around my waist, as he studied my expression.

"That'll never happen, I promise. I know what I want now.” I pushed him down playfully into the sand, rolling over on top of him. He didn't stop me. Our hands were too busy discovering each other, our lips too busy to even worry. I had never let anyone go this far. The second I let myself think it, I pulled away.

He gave me a curious look.

"I'm so sorry!” I lay back down in the sand.

He just took my hand and held it.

"Colin, I want to be with you. I just never...I've never been with anyone before.” I paused. “I'm scared to death of what you're thinking right now.” I knew how Nick felt, but Colin somehow meant so much more to me. I didn't want to let him down, and I didn't want him to run to someone else. I didn't want him to think I was only a tease.

"Abigail, it's okay, love, there's no rush. I can wait for you. I
will
wait for you to be ready.” He brushed my hair behind my ears.

"Really?"

"Really.” He kissed the tip of my nose, chuckling softly.

There was complete silence between us for several minutes. He held my chin between his fingers, and stared into my eyes.

"Abby, I've been in love with you from the first moment you looked at me. I have all the time in the world for you to love me back."

As he kissed me gently, the fireworks started going off in the background. We turned to see the display of colors in the sky. He held me in his arms the entire time, kissing my neck and rubbing my back. It was a perfect evening—the fireworks, the dinner, the fact that he told me he loved me.